LooperDooper Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) Although I just broke up a few months ago, I'm the type of person to never get into a relationship very easily. In fact, I avoid it because I hate to feel hurt the way I've felt before and recently, especially when you are taken advantage of. Now, I've done well so far and have now grown comfortable at being alone (this is probably the biggest step in my recoveries) which means I'm slowly getting better. However, I have like 0 attraction to any girl I meet. I started getting to know one girl and she is totally into me, but I'm not feeling it. We have hooked up (I made it very clear I didn't nor want something serious for a while, and well she feels the same). Anyways, that's not the point. I just want to rant and say why can't the girl of my dreams just appear in front of my eyes tomorrow and then I can get to know her and fall in love and let her be the last girl I'll ever be with. Is that too much to ask? Simply asking for THE perfect girl for me. I'm fine being alone, but I know it's going to take a lot of me to get into a new relationship, so why doesn't life make it easy for me so that I don't doubt myself or prevent being hurt by finding me the last girl I will date and the one who won't break my trust, won't cheat, won't doubt and the one who will be there for me to pick me up, show me the strength I have when I can't see it, etc etc etc. I have an incredibly big heart who has been taken advantage of. But heck, I've endured some people who deserved only 1/10 of what I give that the girl I fall in love with is waiting to be the luckiest person in this world. But I need the world to bring her now. Now. Now. Edited May 5, 2015 by LooperDooper Link to post Share on other sites
90s kid Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I've felt the same way for quite some time. The guys that approach me, I'm either not attracted to or they're not my personality type. I can't wait for the universe to bring me "the one." I look at other people who found their significant others at an early age, and I can't help but be envious. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwwm123 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I am at that phase man, I know how it feels, for example, why cant I just go to a restaurant and meet a waitress that completely blows my mind and I start to get to know her and maybe one day have a relationship. It is not happening now. I have to admit I have seen plenty of girls, maybe 1-2 a day, that I find like girlfriend material, the problem is that I am driving and I cant do anything but just think to myself "tough luck kid". Why can't I meet one of those girls through a mutual friend or something? Again tough luck, but you have to be on the look for it. Not even girls you see on the streets make you feel maybe if I meet her I would certainly hit on her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LooperDooper Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Ya I feel you guys, not sure if it's a "lost faith in love" kind of thing or if I'm just tired of meeting crappy people. I hope it's the latter. I'm also very busy, so it's not easy for me to go and do things that will help me meet completely different people, hence I need the world to work in my favour. Don't know how, don't know when but that girl needs to appear before me soon before I lose all hope. Now the only problem is, does she exist? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) 1. There is no such thing as 'The One.' Every relationship holds the possibility of happiness. 2. 'The Girl Of Your Dreams' exists only in your dreams, but there are lots of nice girls out there. Your choice is: a. Be with an ordinary girl, or b. Be on your own. Throw out the pedestal. Edited May 5, 2015 by Satu 8 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 ^ What he said. Plus if you want to find the right person, it's important to do social things outside the house that you enjoy and make an effort to follow your interests and stay social and accessible so you can meet someone who has anything in common with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I want to win the lottery. Ain't gonna happen so better find another way to make money. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 The older you get the more you understand the definition of compromise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LooperDooper Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Lol I think a lot of you misinterpreted my statement. I'm not putting anybody on a pedestal and I've been and met enough people to know what compromise is. I meant the one as in the person who I will be for a long time if not the person I marry. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely 0 expectations on somebody I meet, hence I don't have a dream girl. I understand we fall in love with what we find, not what we look for, at least for me. I don't have a set woman on my mind nor do I ask for anything specifically in a woman. All I'm saying is I'm the type of person that is tired of instability and is looking for something serious and long-lasting. My "dream girl" is not what you think I mean, my "dream girl" is simply the next person I meet for whom I fall for and this time I'll make sure she's on the right page before I foolishly fall in love. Thanks anyways I guess, but I'm mature enough to know perfection is simply a social construct and pure fantasy, something I'm not looking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thesun Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) I understand what you mean. Up until recently, I didn't have any faith or recognition - like you - that I'd ever find someone appealing or 'perfect' for me - not that I knew what I wanted - I just wanted that right connection. I've found it incredibly frustrating as I also want to move on and get settled into that stage. I still haven't found that person, however I have recognised what that person needs to be. I've met someone with all the qualities that appeal to me, that I know isn't quite right for me at this point. However, I'm at peace that at least I know exactly what qualities work with me, and the changes I need to make in my life for things to then fall into place. I've a few obstacles I need to overcome first. They're all about me, tbh. I wonder whether maybe there are some things in your own life that you need to resolve or finalise before truly being ready to accept someone? just a thought.... Hope it works out for you sooner than later.. Edited May 10, 2015 by Thesun Link to post Share on other sites
Resident1fan Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Although I just broke up a few months ago, I'm the type of person to never get into a relationship very easily. In fact, I avoid it because I hate to feel hurt the way I've felt before and recently, especially when you are taken advantage of. Now, I've done well so far and have now grown comfortable at being alone (this is probably the biggest step in my recoveries) which means I'm slowly getting better. However, I have like 0 attraction to any girl I meet. I started getting to know one girl and she is totally into me, but I'm not feeling it. We have hooked up (I made it very clear I didn't nor want something serious for a while, and well she feels the same). Anyways, that's not the point. I just want to rant and say why can't the girl of my dreams just appear in front of my eyes tomorrow and then I can get to know her and fall in love and let her be the last girl I'll ever be with. Is that too much to ask? Simply asking for THE perfect girl for me. I'm fine being alone, but I know it's going to take a lot of me to get into a new relationship, so why doesn't life make it easy for me so that I don't doubt myself or prevent being hurt by finding me the last girl I will date and the one who won't break my trust, won't cheat, won't doubt and the one who will be there for me to pick me up, show me the strength I have when I can't see it, etc etc etc. I have an incredibly big heart who has been taken advantage of. But heck, I've endured some people who deserved only 1/10 of what I give that the girl I fall in love with is waiting to be the luckiest person in this world. But I need the world to bring her now. Now. Now. Alright Ted Mosby Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I have an Aunt in her 50's who just got married recently for the first time ever in her life to a man whose the same age as her, he has a daughter from a previous relationship, my Aunt has never had any kids, and her new husband, who she had been dating for 6 years now, Vince is his name, and he said to her that he wishes he met her 20 years ago, that's the cruel unfair part of life, we can't have things we want to happen when we want them to happen Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I have an Aunt in her 50's who just got married recently for the first time ever in her life to a man whose the same age as her, he has a daughter from a previous relationship, my Aunt has never had any kids, and her new husband, who she had been dating for 6 years now, Vince is his name, and he said to her that he wishes he met her 20 years ago, that's the cruel unfair part of life, we can't have things we want to happen when we want them to happen Because God knows when we're ready... My fav podcaster was talking about how before you decide to have kids, you have to mature and get all of the "selfishness" out of you that we have in our 20's.... She had her son at late/mid 30's and she admits that if she had him earlier she would have been a terrible parent...I mean she considers herself a "feminist in recovery". Shoot, even when she first had the kid she still would try to be all "we will share the kid equally" nonsense going on in her head and would "sneak" more time to spend with her son. I feel the same way. Thank God I didn't marry and/or have kids cuz, I am also a Femenazi in recovery and I would have ripped the poor guy to shreds. And, probably would have dumped my kids off in daycare to continue my "career". Even though I still don't want kids and the whole "white picket fence" thing, I believe I have more to offer a man than I did back in the day. So, again, God presents to us what we need when God knows we're ready. Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Neo will come and free us from the matrix when he's good and ready. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I feel I'll be past my prime if and when I ever do meet the right girl Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I feel I'll be past my prime if and when I ever do meet the right girl Join the club.... I feel like my last years of passion and fun are gonna go by before I meet "the one".... Ho hum... I'm working on my collection of doggies so I can be the Krazy Dog Lady of the hood!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 i will admit, it gets annoying, irritating, makes me even enraged at times, whenever people say, "you have plenty of time, it's never too late, better late than never, blah blah blah" Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 If "the one" showed up right now, you wouldn't know it. It takes many months - maybe a few years - to learn and know that someone is a great match. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Nothing and no one of such value will just appear randomly. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Nothing and no one of such value will just appear randomly. Yup, because the world owes us nothing Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I say enjoy your life and live it without trying to find the one. I also think our society puts too much pressure on this for people under 50 or so. I think that we are way to hard on ourselves. The way I see my life is like this. I have a good job. I have great family/friends. I work out. I have a spiritual practice. I get to see a lot rock/jazz/soul bands in my city. Travel every second year. The only thing I am trying to add is to play the electric guitar. A woman will come into my life, when I least expect it. Its better if she makes the moves on me. As looking back at all the women I have been with. The ones that came towards me. I had a better time with, than the ones I went after. For all my friends to be married off or partnered off I see most will be by the time we reach 60. Its not like I have done nothing. Its time to let the universe bring her to me and vice versa, without really trying to make that effort. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 1. There is no such thing as 'The One.' Every relationship holds the possibility of happiness. 2. 'The Girl Of Your Dreams' exists only in your dreams, but there are lots of nice girls out there. Your choice is: a. Be with an ordinary girl, or b. Be on your own. Throw out the pedestal. Great advice and hugely encouraging. Not To the OP I would suggest you totally ignore the above, find what is special to you but definitely don't settle for someone who doesn't wow you. Mostly I think you need to hang onto hope, its a powerful thing but you do need to hang onto it. Have some belief its going to happen, again hang onto that. If dating isn't bringing positive into your life DO NOT let it cloud your whole life, I speak from experience here, getting into that space is not a good place to be and getting out of it is very hard. Best of luck, I hope you do find someone "wow" soon. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Sounds like you're a little confused on how life works. Link to post Share on other sites
fardaxel Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Because men and women are not cabs? Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 and I hate it when people say us guys, men have it easier because since we are dealt with the card of having to do the pursuing, be the initiators, it means we are literally going after what we want and when we want, but I honestly feel if us guys we allowed to make going after what we want and when we want with women, then we should be allowed to be needy and desperate about it, now i'm not saying that women should just accept and take the first guy off the street, what I mean is there are no damn mind-games involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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