Jump to content

Are my standards too high?


Recommended Posts

I'm an educated early twenties guy and I've never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss, a handful of dates that never went anywhere, and never had sex (no sex till marriage). Girls never seem to be interested in me.

 

My physical standards aren't all that high most girls my age meet them since I'm not really into particulars like height, race, etc. I'm just not attracted to obese women, deformed women, or very masculine looking women.

 

My personality standards can be argued to be kind of high since I'm looking for a girl that is mentally stable, interested in my nerdy hobbies (gaming, various sciences like programming, anime, scifi/fantasy), friendly/caring, highly intelligent, devoted Christian, and possibly with a sense of humor. This probably narrows things down quite a bit, but I'm not hardcore about my personality standards I just prefer they fit at least one or two criteria.

 

Now after doing some thinking I've realized while I'm always rejected by every girl I realize that there have been a few girls who have showed interest in me but I just never pursued it.

 

Unfortunately those girls were either morbidly obese or just highly unattractive looking so there was no interest but this was super rare.

 

More commonly the girls actually looked good physically but had obvious possible mental health issues so I may have been friends with them but never took it further than that even though I probably could have. I'm not a doctor but I can see some people are just way out there to the point you feel uncomfortable just being around them. Then again people with issues seem to be comfortable around me for some reason.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have been so judgmental.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember
I'm an educated early twenties guy and I've never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss, a handful of dates that never went anywhere, and never had sex (no sex till marriage). Girls never seem to be interested in me.

 

My physical standards aren't all that high most girls my age meet them since I'm not really into particulars like height, race, etc. I'm just not attracted to obese women, deformed women, or very masculine looking women.

 

My personality standards can be argued to be kind of high since I'm looking for a girl that is mentally stable, interested in my nerdy hobbies (gaming, various sciences like programming, anime, scifi/fantasy), friendly/caring, highly intelligent, devoted Christian, and possibly with a sense of humor. This probably narrows things down quite a bit, but I'm not hardcore about my personality standards I just prefer they fit at least one or two criteria.

 

Now after doing some thinking I've realized while I'm always rejected by every girl I realize that there have been a few girls who have showed interest in me but I just never pursued it.

 

Unfortunately those girls were either morbidly obese or just highly unattractive looking so there was no interest but this was super rare.

 

More commonly the girls actually looked good physically but had obvious possible mental health issues so I may have been friends with them but never took it further than that even though I probably could have. I'm not a doctor but I can see some people are just way out there to the point you feel uncomfortable just being around them. Then again people with issues seem to be comfortable around me for some reason.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have been so judgmental.

 

 

 

With women, you need to go for the ones who like the type of guy you are, and for a lot of guys, you're going to have a small pool of women to fish.

 

For me, foreign women and women of my same race have been it. That's pretty much been my whole pool. No other types of women have even touched me with a pole. I've never dated an American woman and I'm as American as can be. Born here, watch football, listen to Whitesnake, the whole shebang.

 

Aren't you a black guy who is kind of a nerdy sort?

 

I mean, I can see why that would be tough because black women probably more typically go for more masculine types and not all white women will date black guys.

 

Regardless, you need to find YOUR pool.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Regardless of your chances keep trying. If OLD doesn't work for you then look elsewhere as it would really just be a waste of time like it was for me.

 

Overall my luck was 1000 better in real life but finding a half decent girl who likes me is still a mission.

 

And most people complain that they never had a girlfriend or kiss etc... but come on, we can all get a girlfriend/kiss but we just wouldn't like who it would be coming from, so the real issue would be more that you've never been with someone you found attractive.

 

Whatever you do don't settle for someone. I tried settling and it ended up with me just breaking things off because what's the point in being weith someone you don't like?

 

Either way I think people take dating too seriously these days, there are many other ways to be happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
With women, you need to go for the ones who like the type of guy you are, and for a lot of guys, you're going to have a small pool of women to fish.

 

For me, foreign women and women of my same race have been it. That's pretty much been my whole pool. No other types of women have even touched me with a pole. I've never dated an American woman and I'm as American as can be. Born here, watch football, listen to Whitesnake, the whole shebang.

 

Aren't you a black guy who is kind of a nerdy sort?

 

I mean, I can see why that would be tough because black women probably more typically go for more masculine types and not all white women will date black guys.

 

Regardless, you need to find YOUR pool.

 

Yes, I can be described as black and nerdy, but what if I don't have a pool at all, except for the rare few times someone who acts crazy seems interested.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't see anything wrong at all with holding out for someone whose personality is compatible with yours - settling isn't fair to BOTH of you, because you won't have the motivation to put effort into a R with someone you're not really into, and it'll just crumble into dust pretty soon anyway.

 

But while you're holding out, you still need to be moving your life forward, working on self-improvement, your career, and meeting people. You can't sit around and expect a girl whom you like to drop into your lap.

 

Do you think you might actually project yourself IRL the same way the women you think are 'mentally out there' do? There might be a reason why these women always feel comfortable with you when others don't. Do you have someone you can trust to get feedback about this?

Link to post
Share on other sites
IThere might be a reason why these women always feel comfortable with you when others don't. Do you have someone you can trust to get feedback about this?

 

This is an interesting point, in theory its a great idea HOWEVER I doubt most people would give true honest feedback, there is an overwhelming sense in society to sugar coat things rather than tell them how they are.

 

I myself think your idea is a really good one, its something I thought about a lot but asking people to give this feedback is perhaps more than a little odd because ladies don't feel the need to justify their rejection of guys.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

 

Do you think you might actually project yourself IRL the same way the women you think are 'mentally out there' do? There might be a reason why these women always feel comfortable with you when others don't. Do you have someone you can trust to get feedback about this?

 

Technically I myself am a little crazy seeing as how I went to a psychiatrist and he was saying I have OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and believed I need to be on meds.

 

But I always try to act normal, but I guess people can see through me. But I don't really have anybody to give me much feedback.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a whole horde of anime nerdy sci-fi women out there. Since, like anime nerdy sci-fi men, they're mostly to be found in front of their computers or xBoxes, they may not be that easy to meet. And as a group, they are not widely regarded as the most attractive women on the planet, or they'd be getting out of the house more. But there are a lot of them out there, so look for local meetup groups for those special interests and you might strike gold. Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
empresario
There's a whole horde of anime nerdy sci-fi women out there. Since, like anime nerdy sci-fi men, they're mostly to be found in front of their computers or xBoxes, they may not be that easy to meet. And as a group, they are not widely regarded as the most attractive women on the planet, or they'd be getting out of the house more. But there are a lot of them out there, so look for local meetup groups for those special interests and you might strike gold. Good luck.

 

 

 

QFT

 

 

I have dated some very attractive gaming girls in my day. If you get involved in an online game or community...eventually you will meet someone relatively close with whom you mesh with (personality). It is almost inevitable if you are trying.

 

 

Get off this forum and go join GameSpot or start an MMORPG. It may not be traditional, but hey, if it works...

 

 

One of my friends recently moved to CA to marry a guy she met on WoW.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember
Yes, I can be described as black and nerdy, but what if I don't have a pool at all, except for the rare few times someone who acts crazy seems interested.

 

Once you hit on enough women, you will come to see which types of women go for you. For a good amount of men, there is a fairly distinct pool.

 

Most women get hit on by a good number of different types of men, so they develop a pretty specific type early on.

 

Some guys do too, but there are a lot like you and I, who find most types attractive. Therefore, you need to sift.

 

It took me until I was well over 30 to figure out what type of pool I had to work with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
d0nnivain

I don't think your standards are too high but I think you may have a tough time finding a cute Christian girl who likes anime / gaming. If you can find somebody who fits the other criteria -- especially the values -- and can tolerate gaming, I think you may be able to make that work.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was totally on board with your list of requirements, until I reached devoted Christian...

 

that's definitely gonna throw a wrench in.

 

I'm sure they're out there, but I've never known a devoted christian girl who was interested in the other things you mentioned.

 

I fit all the other aspects you mentioned, but am not religious. Other women I know who also fit into those same interests, are also not religious, or if they are, are not particularly devout. They may believe in God, but don't go to church or do anything in particular that is religious.

 

I think you will have to be more lenient on one of them. Which is more important to you, the religion, or the common interests?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I was totally on board with your list of requirements, until I reached devoted Christian...

 

that's definitely gonna throw a wrench in.

 

I'm sure they're out there, but I've never known a devoted christian girl who was interested in the other things you mentioned.

 

I fit all the other aspects you mentioned, but am not religious. Other women I know who also fit into those same interests, are also not religious, or if they are, are not particularly devout. They may believe in God, but don't go to church or do anything in particular that is religious.

 

I think you will have to be more lenient on one of them. Which is more important to you, the religion, or the common interests?

 

Those aren't really requirements but more of a wish list, hitting at least two I should be good.

 

But religion and common interests are the same for dating I don't really care but I do want to be able to talk to someone about something. When you have no common interests conversation becomes difficult.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
QFT

 

 

I have dated some very attractive gaming girls in my day. If you get involved in an online game or community...eventually you will meet someone relatively close with whom you mesh with (personality). It is almost inevitable if you are trying.

 

 

Get off this forum and go join GameSpot or start an MMORPG. It may not be traditional, but hey, if it works...

 

 

One of my friends recently moved to CA to marry a guy she met on WoW.

 

But but I play games all the time and never get anywhere near close to a girl, super male dominated environment, plus these are people on the internet you don't know.

 

Which reminds me once I decided to troll around as a girl, I created a girl character gave her a girly name and with just that alone had guys giving me random gifts (the thirst was unreal), trying to ask me out, etc, and I'm like dude I'm a guy.

 

Also I'm on several forums but I'm not there to pick up girls but if I were they are super male dominated environments as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember

Sign up for Match.com and try your luck.

 

It may be the case that you are underrating yourself and you'll do well on there.

 

Or maybe you'll be like me and face dozens upon dozens of rejections. But at least I got a date out of it. And she was pretty nice too.

 

The one thing you don't want to do is just be on here like a broken record posting the same thread, and having the same people telling you to do stuff, and you never do it.

 

I have a female friend on my Facebook and all she ever does is complain about how she can't find a guy despite a number of (undesirable to her) men being after her. Either date one of them or be happy alone and stop airing it publicly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
d0nnivain
Sign up for Match.com and try your luck.

 

Match won't help the OP. Christian Mingle might but I think finding a devout Christian on Match or any other big OLD site is improbable.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember
Match won't help the OP. Christian Mingle might but I think finding a devout Christian on Match or any other big OLD site is improbable.

 

Whatever online website. I'm sure they're all just as brutal.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
salparadise
Match won't help the OP. Christian Mingle might but I think finding a devout Christian on Match or any other big OLD site is improbable.

 

I'm in the mid-Atlantic, on the edge of the Bible belt, and it seems like three-fourths of the women identify as Christian, and probably half of those list it as mandatory criteria. I think OP may be fishing the wrong side of the pond. Adding things like mentally stable, friendly/caring, intelligent, sense of humor... man, hope you believe in miracles.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Technically I myself am a little crazy seeing as how I went to a psychiatrist and he was saying I have OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and believed I need to be on meds.

 

But I always try to act normal, but I guess people can see through me. But I don't really have anybody to give me much feedback.

 

Do you have close friends in real life whom you can talk to about this? Also, do you agree with your psychiatrist's assessment? If you don't, get a second opinion.

 

I agree that meeting a girl through online gaming has fairly low odds due to the gender distribution - it's a lot more balanced for MMORPGs and anime, but for some reason there ARE lots of guys pretending to be girls. Heck I've met several - they usually fess up to me pretty soon when they know I'm not a guy. :laugh:

 

What I actually think you should do is attend several gaming cons and comic cons. That gives you some practice interacting with new people IRL in an environment that is relatively comfortable to you, and you can make yourself part of the community.

 

Or, if you want Christians, go to church. There isn't likely to be much overlap though...

Link to post
Share on other sites
I_Squared_R

I know someone who met a very pretty girl on World of Warcraft. I wouldn't say that shes normal by any stretch. Personally I would avoid her like the plague.

Link to post
Share on other sites
d0nnivain
I'm in the mid-Atlantic, on the edge of the Bible belt, and it seems like three-fourths of the women identify as Christian, and probably half of those list it as mandatory criteria.

 

There's Christian as in I'm not Jewish, Muslim, Buddist or atheist & we celebrate Christmas & Easter in my house, not other holidays.

 

Then there is what I think the OP is looking for: devote, daily Bible study, dresses for Church every Sunday & stays for fellowship afterwards.

 

Identifying as Christian is a far cry from practicing it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
salparadise
Identifying as Christian is a far cry from practicing it.

 

Oh believe me, I know about that! I dated a someone for quite awhile who practiced. There were issues at every turn; there is no reasoning or negotiating with religion. Won't make that mistake again.

 

So what I'm saying is that down here I'd estimate that a third to half of the women are devout, practicing Christians who take it all very seriously. And they're looking for good, devout Christian men to marry. Like shooting fish in a barrel if you're that kind of guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember
I think what your asking for is admirable. Honestly we all have a picture in our mind of the perfect person. Unfortunately looking for a size 8 blonde bombshell around 19-20 years of age might be pushing your luck. This has more to do with the % of "bombshells" in the world ;) and what your dream girl is.

 

Ok, firstly most women in general are all looking for the same thing. A guy who is confident (is happy with his lot in life and portrays that in everything he does), driven (has goals in life and wants to achieve them), fit (a couch potato is not a good quality) romantic (I'm not saying you have to buy her flowers each week, just caring, respectful and charming - you know...manners) and is happy and outgoing.

 

If you have been getting "over looked" maybe you are looking at the wrong girls. Your kind hearted? Maybe your girls are not? Most younger girls are a tad promiscuous these days, I think the average age a girl looses her virginity is 16???? google it :) If they know your holding back and they are sexually active, this might be an issue for them. Don't however change your beliefs etc, your still young.....you will find the right girl...:)

 

Ask your friends (if you have good, understanding friends) what they think.

 

My Romance Addiction - Blog

 

Perfect person?

 

Are you the blonde in the pics? If so, then YOU are the blonde bombshell!

 

Not to beat a dead horse, but women need a little more than that. Especially online. Having a job, college degree, and being a presumably nice honest well spoken fella just puts you among a pack of mules who are all competing for the same carrot.

 

If that is you, I can't even imagine how many messages you would get if you did OLD. It'd probably be a full time job if you wanted to respond to each message you got.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
Link to post
Share on other sites
calvincline47
I'm an educated early twenties guy and I've never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss, a handful of dates that never went anywhere, and never had sex (no sex till marriage). Girls never seem to be interested in me.

 

My physical standards aren't all that high most girls my age meet them since I'm not really into particulars like height, race, etc. I'm just not attracted to obese women, deformed women, or very masculine looking women.

 

My personality standards can be argued to be kind of high since I'm looking for a girl that is mentally stable, interested in my nerdy hobbies (gaming, various sciences like programming, anime, scifi/fantasy), friendly/caring, highly intelligent, devoted Christian, and possibly with a sense of humor. This probably narrows things down quite a bit, but I'm not hardcore about my personality standards I just prefer they fit at least one or two criteria.

 

Now after doing some thinking I've realized while I'm always rejected by every girl I realize that there have been a few girls who have showed interest in me but I just never pursued it.

 

Unfortunately those girls were either morbidly obese or just highly unattractive looking so there was no interest but this was super rare.

 

More commonly the girls actually looked good physically but had obvious possible mental health issues so I may have been friends with them but never took it further than that even though I probably could have. I'm not a doctor but I can see some people are just way out there to the point you feel uncomfortable just being around them. Then again people with issues seem to be comfortable around me for some reason.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have been so judgmental.

 

So you're a short black guy with nerdy hobbies that's a devout Christian.

 

Yeah, you will likely have to lower your standards. Women will not date shorter than them so that eliminates many options right there. Also, this country is becoming less religious. The devout Christians tend to be white and conservative (meaning that they likely won't date out of their race).

 

In my opinion, it's very clear why you are having a tough time dating.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...