Really frustrated with dating, think I need a long break

[Chris715]

This might be more of a vent than anything else...

 

I'm fed up with dating at this point. 24 year old college guy, never been in a super serious relationship (2 short ones in my past, both ended in bad break ups) and lately it's all just feeling pointless.

 

Part of the issue might be that I've exclusively relied on online dating for the past year, but that's because my options for meeting women in real life are limited and I deal with some serious social anxiety, so my social life has been pretty restricted in general. So Tinder and Okcupid have been the outlets for the last year. Now I get decent success on there, as in a good number of women respond to my messages and I get a lot of numbers when I ask for them, but my interest level in a lot of these women is low to be honest, and the ones where I think something might come of it all seem to be dead ends.

 

I deleted both accounts today after being completely fed up and I don't think I'm going to go back to them. I feel completely burnt out this point with talking to women and trying to get something going. I'm still texting with a few whose numbers I got from OLD but two of them I'm not super interested in and I don't want to lead them on, and the third I have a date set up with but I get the feeling she's not very interested at this point.

 

Tempted to just cut off contact with all 3 and take a break from all of this, because it's clearly causing more stress than it's worth. I don't feel attractive to women and it seems like I will never meet someone I'm interested in who returns the feeling.

 

Can we all just agree that dating ****ing sucks and stop doing it? Thanks.

[Chris715]

Maybe I'm being way too picky, although I don't want to settle for just anyone. Both of the girls who seem interested in me have a lot going for them: they have good jobs, good personalities, both are pretty. I feel like my interest level in them should be higher than it is, maybe another sign I've become jaded and burnt out?

 

The third girl is absolutely gorgeous and exactly my type looks wise. She's the one I have a date set up with and also the one that I feel has lost interest because our texting and communication has dropped off, even though our date is still set for Wednesday. Seems like I can't win.

Edited April 21, 2015 by Chris715

[neowulf]

Maybe I'm being way too picky, although I don't want to settle for just anyone. Both of the girls who seem interested in me have a lot going for them: they have good jobs, good personalities, both are pretty. I feel like my interest level in them should be higher than it is, maybe another sign I've become jaded and burnt out?

 

The third girl is absolutely gorgeous and exactly my type looks wise. She's the one I have a date set up with and also the one that I feel has lost interest because our texting and communication has dropped off, even though our date is still set for Wednesday. Seems like I can't win.

 

eh, normal to feel burnt out on occasion.

 

Attraction is what it is. I will say though, if you're bringing a jaded, frustrated attitude to the dating table, you're not going to achieve much success.

 

I found the easiest way to date has been to take the focus off the outcome.

The outcome of a date is meeting someone. That's it.

 

Not a relationship, not a hook up. You just go out, have a few laughs, hear some cool stories and come home. If something happens, Great!. If not, *shrug*. Life goes on. Not like you're any *more* single than you were when you showed up to the date.

[DoesntGetIt]

I agree the dating process sucks and it is easy to become jaded.

 

 

I enjoy relationships with someone I am into, but don't like all the bull**** dating, don't talk too much, don't talk too little, don't act too interested games that lead up to that point.

 

 

 

 

Taking a break is never a bad thing, and sometimes the best thing will show up when you're not looking for it at all. Take some time off from it all, relax, focus on yourself. And when you go to get back into it, just remember to keep it easy and not worry too much about the outcomes like the above poster mentioned.

 

 

You're still young, plenty of time for dating later.

[joseb]

If you want to take a break from dating, take a break.

There is no law that says you have to try to get un-single.

At 24, you have sooo much time.

 

Take the time to work on yourself. Are you seeing anyone about your social anxiety?

[Chris715]

I'm just sick and tired about stressing over girls who aren't that interested in me, want to be chased, are just looking for attention, or all of the above. For example texted the third girl I have a date set up with tonight with a question and I'm straight up ignored and I've let it ruin my night. I always get a serious case of "this is the one" even before I meet them, it's sad really. I'm done. Seriously. I have enough other things to stress about in my life right now I don't need this piling on.

[marigo]

I'm a girl and have been broken up with my ex for 5 years. Ever since then, it's number of guys that I would date for 2-3 months. Longest so far has been 6 months. None of these guys committed to me and gave me the whole i dont want to be in a relationship or im not ready for anything serious. Really it all goes down to them not being interested enough in me. It hurt my self esteem because I feel like I will never be good enough. This last one I dated hurt the most and it's one of the shortest and right now I am taking a break. Once and for all I am taking a break. It's draining!

 

I am saying all these things because I want you know that I understand your frustration. However, you are still so young and you've got so much ahead of you. Maybe it's time to focus on yourself for now. Enjoy college because it will be over before you know it. I wish I can go back to college and did a lot more than I did. Meet people, join clubs, go to events, join study groups. It's the best time of your life to meet people. It's okay to take a break.

 

Your frustration with dating could be why you have not met somebody that you completely "click" with because maybe the negativity shines through. I honestly think that's the case for me too. And that's why I'm taking a break also.

[Chris715]

I'm a girl and have been broken up with my ex for 5 years. Ever since then, it's number of guys that I would date for 2-3 months. Longest so far has been 6 months. None of these guys committed to me and gave me the whole i dont want to be in a relationship or im not ready for anything serious. Really it all goes down to them not being interested enough in me. It hurt my self esteem because I feel like I will never be good enough. This last one I dated hurt the most and it's one of the shortest and right now I am taking a break. Once and for all I am taking a break. It's draining!

 

I am saying all these things because I want you know that I understand your frustration. However, you are still so young and you've got so much ahead of you. Maybe it's time to focus on yourself for now. Enjoy college because it will be over before you know it. I wish I can go back to college and did a lot more than I did. Meet people, join clubs, go to events, join study groups. It's the best time of your life to meet people. It's okay to take a break.

 

Your frustration with dating could be why you have not met somebody that you completely "click" with because maybe the negativity shines through. I honestly think that's the case for me too. And that's why I'm taking a break also.

 

Exactly, draining is a good word for it. And after so many negative experiences with dating I definitely think I have a constant air of negativity and desperation about me when it comes to meeting new girls, another sign that I think I need a break. It's just hard to resign yourself to a break when it seems like everyone around you is meeting significant others and having a fine time dating.

[marigo]

Exactly, draining is a good word for it. And after so many negative experiences with dating I definitely think I have a constant air of negativity and desperation about me when it comes to meeting new girls, another sign that I think I need a break. It's just hard to resign yourself to a break when it seems like everyone around you is meeting significant others and having a fine time dating.

 

Yep! I completely know what you mean. There's an added pressure of finding that person. It def gets frustrating when everybody around you seem to have a significant other. And things really are easier said than done. Yes I am telling you that it's okay to take a break but I know it's not completely easy to do. It's going to take great self control to just really be by yourself and do what you love without getting distracted or wish that you have that person to share it with. Im not that much older than you, I work at a place where everyone around me are married and having babies! But I told myself I cant force it. If you force something, you will end up settling. In the end, you're still not going to be happy.

 

That's why I suggest to just really take sometime and figure out what you want. Get to know YOU.

[SawtoothMars]

I'm just sick and tired about stressing over girls who aren't that interested in me, want to be chased, are just looking for attention, or all of the above. For example texted the third girl I have a date set up with tonight with a question and I'm straight up ignored and I've let it ruin my night. I always get a serious case of "this is the one" even before I meet them, it's sad really. I'm done. Seriously. I have enough other things to stress about in my life right now I don't need this piling on.

 

... but you have some successes. Stop focusing on the negative and enjoy what you've got.

 

On some level I just don't get this. Maybe it's because I never took this stuff too serious. I mean if some lady decided I'm not the guy for her, then I just move on.

[neowulf]

... but you have some successes. Stop focusing on the negative and enjoy what you've got.

 

On some level I just don't get this. Maybe it's because I never took this stuff too serious. I mean if some lady decided I'm not the guy for her, then I just move on.

 

Yep, the mistake of getting too caught up in the outcome.

 

It's not the end of the world if a date goes no where.

 

It just requires you to maintain a very strong sense of your own value.

 

Just because a bunch of people don't want a romantic relationship with you, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Most people are picky about who they risk their heart with.

 

You just shrug, take a deep breath and jog on.

[Chris715]

So I canceled the date with the third girl today. Kinda regretting it but whatever. I don't think she was that interested and she didn't seem too disappointed. And I had building dread/anxiety from it today, imagine what I would be like tomorrow...

[neowulf]

So I canceled the date with the third girl today. Kinda regretting it but whatever. I don't think she was that interested and she didn't seem too disappointed. And I had building dread/anxiety from it today, imagine what I would be like tomorrow...

 

If you reach the point where you just can't bring yourself to show up on a date... then yeah, time for a break

 

Enjoy!

[Chris715]

If you reach the point where you just can't bring yourself to show up on a date... then yeah, time for a break

 

Enjoy!

 

I think it was more my social anxiety stressing me out than anything else but still that's probably a good indication I need some time off to work my issues out.

[Jame22]

I don't think you need to stop dating. Just be more selective and wait for the girls to initiate. You'll get way less dates but at least you know they're interested in you. On top of that you'll have more time to work on yourself.

 

Don't delete tinder!

 

I'm like you in the fact that I can never get past a month or two with anyone but with that being said, the best relationship I've ever had started on tinder. And she initiated. I'd at least keep it and check it periodically. It's rare, but woman will send you messages. Even attractive ones.

[sportygirl89]

I've been officially single since July of 2013. My ex treated me well when we were together so I look for that which is probably why I don't have a guy at the moment. However, the after math has sucked majorly since my ex walked out when I was sick (not so good to me then). I tried to date consistently like casually date and I feel like I'm the steady relationship person. I'd rather be single until I meet someone who meets what I want in a person. I'm in my mid 20's and don't want to date just to date. I have gone out on dates through out this year but everything ended up in disappointment. So I'm not dealing with dating anymore until I get a job offer at least (in a master's program). Too many games, and my ex who left me when I was sick is almost 30 and he's been through 3 girls since me (and can't keep them). I'm happy being single and I think that's when good things start happening to you. Just have to be happy by yourself . I get to spend time with my dog and my two cats, I don't need a man .

[Chris715]

So I think I'm definitely done with OLD, and maybe dating for awhile. Met up yesterday with the 3rd girl that I had originally canceled on. I offered to go out to dinner, she didn't want to go out in public which I thought was a little odd and instead offered to watch a movie at her place, which I was fine with. We met at her apartment, I thought everything was going well. Good conversation while the movie was going, I put my arm around her and we cuddled for a little bit. About 90 minutes into the movie she started talking about how she was tired and I offered to cut the movie short, which she agreed too, definitely took that as a bad sign.

 

I texted her saying it was nice to meet her when I got home and again today but no response so far, so I'm assuming that's the end of that. I thought this girl was awesome, and thought we got along really well in person but clearly she wasn't thinking the same thing. Feeling really depressed today even though I know I shouldn't let it get to me. Couldn't sleep much last night, stayed awake and thought about anything and everything that might be wrong with me. Dating is a huge blow to my self esteem, I don't think I have the mindset for it.

[fardaxel]

I think if it's taking you a while to meet someone you like, and you're getting plenty of interest, that's just how it should be. You don't want to settle for someone too quickly, and you don't want to have absolutely no attention. I think you should keep at it. Don't rush the process, just let it evolve naturally.

[DoesntGetIt]

So I think I'm definitely done with OLD, and maybe dating for awhile. Met up yesterday with the 3rd girl that I had originally canceled on. I offered to go out to dinner, she didn't want to go out in public which I thought was a little odd and instead offered to watch a movie at her place, which I was fine with. We met at her apartment, I thought everything was going well. Good conversation while the movie was going, I put my arm around her and we cuddled for a little bit. About 90 minutes into the movie she started talking about how she was tired and I offered to cut the movie short, which she agreed too, definitely took that as a bad sign.

 

I texted her saying it was nice to meet her when I got home and again today but no response so far, so I'm assuming that's the end of that. I thought this girl was awesome, and thought we got along really well in person but clearly she wasn't thinking the same thing. Feeling really depressed today even though I know I shouldn't let it get to me. Couldn't sleep much last night, stayed awake and thought about anything and everything that might be wrong with me. Dating is a huge blow to my self esteem, I don't think I have the mindset for it.

 

Dating is a blow to everyone's self esteem, it hurts to get blown off, dumped, dropped, etc.

 

 

Truth is, it isn't necessarily you. Sometimes you and the other person simply aren't compatible. Sometimes the other person has issues, or relationship fears. Sometimes the timing is just off.

 

 

Yes, there may be things you can do differently, or new approaches you could try. After all, nobody is perfect. But you do have to focus on yourself first. Find happiness in yourself, before looking for it with others. That will help when those blows do come, because you will love yourself, and be proud of yourself which makes it easier to shake it all off.

 

 

It is probably time to take that break. Take the time to relax, get your mind straight again, enjoy time with family and friends. And when you're feeling good about yourself and life, go back out there and try again.

 

 

I feel you, just don't let it get to you too much. I have had that sleepless night due to dating more than once myself.