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Where can I meet women who like shy/awkward guys?


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utilisateur

It seems like a lot of women like guys who are really self-confident and who can sweep a woman off her feet with how awesome he is. It seems like even the self-confident, assertive women I know also like guys who are even more self-confident and badass than they are. Where can I meet women who don't go for these guys and are attracted to shy/awkward guys?

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Harold of Andraste
It seems like a lot of women like guys who are really self-confident and who can sweep a woman off her feet with how awesome he is. It seems like even the self-confident, assertive women I know also like guys who are even more self-confident and badass than they are. Where can I meet women who don't go for these guys and are attracted to shy/awkward guys?

 

Most likely in heaven.

 

Though it may take a while to get there.

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Grilled_Salmon

Probably somewhere far, far~ away.

 

To date, I don't think I've known any women who are attracted to shy/awkward guys. I was one myself in school, after all.

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It seems like even the self-confident, assertive women I know also like guys who are even more self-confident and badass than they are.

 

Those women that you think are self-confident and assertive are probably awkward around some guys themselves.

 

Are you awkward around every girl? Or just the attractive ones? Are you awkward around other dudes? If you saw a guy that you are obviously better than and have no doubt you can handle....(hell...he even looks like he's afraid of you for some stupid ass reason), would you be awkward around him? If you saw a girl that you were completely unattracted to, but she seems to be head over heals in love with you, could you talk to her with confidence?

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utilisateur
Those women that you think are self-confident and assertive are probably awkward around some guys themselves.

 

Yeah there's a female friend of mine who acts self-confident and assertive but I know she has issues. She also has trouble getting dates, possibly because men are intimidated by assertive women.

 

Are you awkward around every girl?

 

Yes, except for my sister.

 

Or just the attractive ones?

 

All of them.

 

Are you awkward around other dudes?

 

Yes. If it's not a romantic/sexual scenario, I'm just as afraid of men as I am of women.

 

If you saw a guy that you are obviously better than and have no doubt you can handle....(hell...he even looks like he's afraid of you for some stupid ass reason), would you be awkward around him?

 

Yes

 

If you saw a girl that you were completely unattracted to, but she seems to be head over heals in love with you, could you talk to her with confidence?

 

No.

 

Like I said in another thread, I put everyone, men AND women on a pedestal. The only people I'm not intimidated by are people with autism who are even worse than me in dealing with people. This explains a lot of my social anxiety.

 

I think that a woman who would date me would have to be okay dealing with my super awkwardness and actually try to make me feel comfortable.

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Online where shy women might be lurking. Shy and awkward is endearing and i like quiet peopple, as long as they are not too shy to express themselves.

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Frank2thepoint
Where can I meet women who don't go for these guys and are attracted to shy/awkward guys?

 

GameStop!!! The girls that work there are the freakiest most awkward ones around.

 

Or comic book stores, or the fiction-fantasy section of a bookstore reading some vampire-related book.

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Butterflying

Online is a good place. But chances are, you may never meet each other off line because that's the disappointing thing about shy/ awkward people.

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Never-never land. As a rule, girls like confident and secure guys.

 

 

Not saying it will be impossible to find a girl that likes these qualities, just unlikely that one place/demographic will contain a higher ratio of girls that like shy and awkward guys.

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Here's the problem. You are scared of all women, but you're looking for a woman to "make me feel comfortable." A non-awkward woman isn't going to be interested, and a shy awkward woman isn't going to be able to fix anything because she'll probably just freeze and clam up like you do. Following your logic, then why can't you make a shy awkward woman "feel comfortable"? I have to ask. If you're this uncomfortable with all people, why do you even want to meet a woman??

 

My best suggestion is get in therapy and stay there until you get yourself whole enough to be social.

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utilisateur
I have to ask. If you're this uncomfortable with all people, why do you even want to meet a woman??

 

Being uncomfortable around people is different from not wanting to be around people. I really want to connect with the people I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of saying or doing something stupid that will make them abandon me.

 

My best suggestion is get in therapy and stay there until you get yourself whole enough to be social.

 

Been doing that for 16 years. Babies who sh** their diapers and cry their parents to sleep have grown up to meet and date women/men in such a long time period. I need experience NOW.

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It seems like in 16 years of therapy, your would have gotten to the bottom of your abandoment issues already. Maybe time to change therapists or medication or both.

 

The truth is first you have to learn to be social in general. You can't just skip being social and having friends and jump straight to meeting a woman to marry. You won't have the skills. Learn to be social in nonthreatening situations doing something you're confident that you're good at, whatever that is. Learn to talk to people and make friends first.

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Preraph's correct, especially the "learn to be social in general" part. Your shyness definitely seems extreme enough to fall solidly into "social anxiety" territory, as you mention. This degree of anxiety needs to be addressed and hopefully overcome or at least improved, since it can adversely affect all aspects of your life.

 

Most shy guys aren't scared of all women. At most they're just scared of the ones they're attracted to. That's pretty common, especially if the guy's still in his teens or early 20s. They're mildly shy but they don't have what I'd consider to be debilitating social anxiety. They usually have some friends. They may need a bit of "warm up" or "encouragement" in some social situations (such as approaching and talking to women they're interested in), but after a short time they're usually fine socially...at worst they show some nervousness or minor awkwardness in their speech and body language. For example, perhaps he's unconsciously fidgeting. Or perhaps he tried too hard to land a joke and make her laugh - causing it to come across forced and ill-timed, generating an awkward and forced "ha ha" from her instead of a genuine laugh.

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JuneJulySeptember
It seems like a lot of women like guys who are really self-confident and who can sweep a woman off her feet with how awesome he is. It seems like even the self-confident, assertive women I know also like guys who are even more self-confident and badass than they are. Where can I meet women who don't go for these guys and are attracted to shy/awkward guys?

 

As a general rule of thumb, laid back women do more laid back sort of things.

 

Hiking is a good example. Volunteering is another.

 

If you go to a fashion show, chances are they will be the exact opposite.

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organizedchaos
Or comic book stores, or the fiction-fantasy section of a bookstore reading some vampire-related book.

 

Or sci fi/comic book/anime conventions.

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utilisateur
Why not just work on becoming a more confident person?

 

I'm working on that too. I've gotten better in the past few months but I don't think I'm going to become a super charismatic man who walks around with an air of confidence that turns heads any time soon.

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loveweary11

Shy girls have the same (but different) problem shy guys do. People assume things about them.

 

Most often, people assume a shy girl is being a stuck up bitch.

 

As for shy guys, they think you are creepy There is a thread here where a daughter has a shy guy following her around, no doubt trying to work up some courage. College campus setting.. The advice of the peanut gallery? Call the cops on the kid.

 

So, being shy can have real consequences.

 

You'll need to break yourself of it.

 

What's the best way to overcome fear of public speaking? Sign up for a debate team and as many public speaking engagements as you possibly can.

 

Same holds true here.

 

Just do it. Don't care if you screw up, or what anyone thinks of you. Get out there feeling weird and awkward and just start having small conversations with strangers. Kerp at it like a game. Improve. Get to know what people like and don't like to talk about.

 

Talk to old ladies, old men, guys, hot chicks, people at the gas station or grocery store. Learn.

 

I was born like you and had to learn all this at one point. You can learn it too.

 

PS: Look at Satu's tagline above in bold. Apllies perfectly here. You are avoiding the most simple path. Finding people who want to hang out with awkward people is the most difficult path.

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I'm working on that too. I've gotten better in the past few months but *I don't think I'm going to become a super charismatic man who walks around with an air of confidence that turns heads any time soon.

 

*You don't have to. It's just a matter of learning to be at ease in company, and comfortable enough in your own skin.

 

It's not so hard if you set your mind to it.

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utilisateur
Shy girls have the same (but different) problem shy guys do. People assume things about them.

 

Most often, people assume a shy girl is being a stuck up bitch.

 

As for shy guys, they think you are creepy There is a thread here where a daughter has a shy guy following her around, no doubt trying to work up some courage. College campus setting.. The advice of the peanut gallery? Call the cops on the kid.

 

So, being shy can have real consequences.

 

Yeah I hate how being nervous because you're afraid of the other person's judgment, looks the same as being nervous because you're looking for the right moment to snatch them and lock them in your basement. But I've noticed that being shy and abused as a woman generally does not make it harder for her to get into relationships, but it does make her more likely to get into a bad one. I've talked to women who I really identify with in terms of childhood upbringing and psychology, but can't relate to them being a single mom, for example.

 

*You don't have to. It's just a matter of learning to be at ease in company, and comfortable enough in your own skin.

 

It's not so hard if you set your mind to it.

 

Unless you've been in someone with social anxiety's shoes, especially one with low self-esteem, you can't make such a blanket statement. It comes off as condescending, like saying that they just didn't try.

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normal person

I think you need to shake the idea that girls who like a certain type of guy all frequently convene in a certain area. Your ideas about girls, where they go, and the guys they like are not as strict as you might think they are. First of all, I've never heard of any girl who prefers insecure guys to confident ones. Even there were such a thing, I doubt they all hang out at the 3rd Street Bar every Friday because that's just where they all go. Things don't work like that. If you're looking for a specific location or type of venue to meet girls who have some sort of predisposition to insecure guys, I don't think you're going to have the best of luck because it's a non-starter from the beginning -- I don't think girls (or venues) like that exist.

 

If you want girls, you need to make yourself desirable to an extent, not just ask them to accept you as a spineless pushover.

 

 

As a general rule of thumb, laid back women do more laid back sort of things.

 

Hiking is a good example. Volunteering is another.

 

If you go to a fashion show, chances are they will be the exact opposite.

 

I'm not sure about this. I do volunteering and I know girls who both hike and volunteer and I've never noticed much of a correlation between those things and being laid back. They have the same range of personalities as everyone else. Also, I've never known a girl with a laid back attitude to be attracted to insecurity.

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JuneJulySeptember

 

I'm not sure about this. I do volunteering and I know girls who both hike and volunteer and I've never noticed much of a correlation between those things and being laid back. They have the same range of personalities as everyone else. Also, I've never known a girl with a laid back attitude to be attracted to insecurity.

 

I realize it's not absolute. But in a general sense.

 

I mean you are much more likely to find a laid back woman who would accept a guy with less charisma and masculinity at a soup kitchen on Friday night than at the Palms in Las Vegas.

 

Captain Obvious speaking here. ;)

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