Bobbi7 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 My only dates that I get are from online dating. I don't have a social circle of friends to go out with. I prefer to go out to clubs and bars to meet guys, but have no one to go with. I don't want to do activities-because I want to date someone immediately -not have something drag on for weeks and do that "get to know you" phase. I don't know---the cold approach sounds impossible..shows, festivals...I've been to many of those and about half of the time don't get approached.. Once in awhile I do get a guy that just "flirts" with me, but nothing more. I just let it stay there. I let the guys do all the work, because I can be very aggressive, and clingy at times-which people don't like. If a guy is interested in me-I'm not just going to be with him for the heck of it, I mean I have to LIKE the guy to date him and just date him because I'm some single woman who really wants a boyfriend.. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't want to do activities-because I want to date someone immediately -not have something drag on for weeks and do that "get to know you" phase. Once in a while I do get a guy that just "flirts" with me, but nothing more. I just let it stay there. I let the guys do all the work, because I can be very aggressive, and clingy at times-which people don't like. If a guy is interested in me I'm not just going to be with him for the heck of it, I mean I have to LIKE the guy to date him and just date him because I'm some single woman who really wants a boyfriend.. And this is where your problem is... your attitude. Tell me if you expect random men to just "be" what you want them to be with out bothering to get to know them how do any of them actually stand a chance. With this attitude I actually question WHY you actually want a boy friend... 1. Your not prepared to get to know people to see if you like them 2. Your not prepared to do anything other than get drunk to meet "suitable" men 3. You refuse to say hello 4. You don't want to have anything in common with them 5. You just want a boyfriend... To be honest I would be running a mile from you too! Sorry to knock you off your pedestal princess but being in a relationship takes work. Hard work and constant work. You have to go and meet loads of people, you have to get to know them, you have to actually appreciate them for more than the fact they have a penis... You are clearly not prepared to put in any of that work so really do you deserve a relationship? Also if this is your attitude, damn me, you must be as boring as hell. No wonder you don't have friends either. Get a grip, get a life then start thinking about getting a guy. In answer to your question - should you go back on line dating? No - leave the poor bastards alone until you are actually going to treat them (as well as yourself) with a bit of dignity and respect. They get enough hassle from women with entitlement complexes as it is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I let the guys do all the work Well there's your issue. If I felt I had to do all the work it would be an immediate turn-off and I'd be unlikely to see you again. Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Well there's your issue. If I felt I had to do all the work it would be an immediate turn-off and I'd be unlikely to see you again. Ditto, this is the case with online dating too. If all I get is one word answers and I have to drive the conversation and everything I usually drop it. Don't be paranoid about being too aggressive, but it does take a balance to get right. Having said all this, I think there is nothing wrong with online dating. The best relationship i ever had was a girl I met online, and before that I met a bunch of fantastic ladies as well. We didn't end up together, but it easily could have. I find I have most success with online dating too, mainly because my interests and friend circles are very male centric so I don't meet too many new women otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't want to do activities-because I want to date someone immediately -not have something drag on for weeks and do that "get to know you" phase. Bobbi, how would you define dating? What exactly are you expecting? I ask because what you describe above is also a critical part of dating to me. For me, what makes dating so exciting and so much fun is slowly discovering who the other person is through the activities we plan and share together. So, I'm curious. If you don't want to do things together and you want to skip the whole getting to know you process, what does dating entail for you and why do you date? What's your relationship history? I don't know---the cold approach sounds impossible..shows, festivals...I've been to many of those and about half of the time don't get approached.. Once in awhile I do get a guy that just "flirts" with me, but nothing more. I just let it stay there. Well, you're being occasionally approached. If it always dies out without the guy asking you out, then your interactions are being perceived negatively. Perhaps he learns enough about you to realize you wouldn't be a good match together. That's expected sometimes. Then again, perhaps it's your attitude or negativity. Or perhaps you aren't effectively conveying your interest after he's made the first move. We aren't there, but reflect on your interactions and think hard about what might be going wrong each time. I let the guys do all the work, because I can be very aggressive, and clingy at times-which people don't like. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Find a happy medium that feels right and works for you. I let the guy take the lead, but I won't leave him out to flap in the wind alone. Conversations and interactions are two-way streets. Are you encouraging him to continue? Or are you a brick wall, where he's getting nothing...no feedback? If a guy is interested in me-I'm not just going to be with him for the heck of it, I mean I have to LIKE the guy to date him and just date him because I'm some single woman who really wants a boyfriend.. Agreed! Neither gender should date someone they don't like just because the other person expresses interest. All in all, you sound frustrated. It's probably time to take a break from dating/attempting to date. Breaks can be very beneficial. During a break, you can examine your approach to dating and give some thought to what works and doesn't work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I prefer to go out to clubs and bars to meet guys, but have no one to go with. I don't want to do activities-because I want to date someone immediately -not have something drag on for weeks and do that "get to know you" phase. .. The title of your thread says you have no options. The body of your thread indicates you have options but you are choosing not to exercise them. Big difference. If you go to places where you can meet people, who is to say you won't get a date that night. . . just like at a bar or club. Try it. Attend a singles event. Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 To be honest I would be running a mile from you too!... Get a grip, get a life then start thinking about getting a guy. The only thing I would change in this otherwise excellent post is: STOP thinking about getting a guy. Work on YOURSELF first, to figure out why you really don't want to "get to know" someone before you can call them "boyfriend status." Seriously, OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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