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Irritated when meeting people and they ask this question...


venusinlibra

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venusinlibra

I am transitioning, and spend more time having initial encounters with people (ex: first dates, speed dating, singles events, etc.) than building relationships. One reason is because I am beyond annoyed when a particular question is asked. I almost always quickly excuse myself after this question, having decided not to pursue anything further with them. Here is the question that makes my blood boil:

 

"What do you do?"

 

Four little words. That's it. But here is why it bothers me to be asked that up front. I am very non-materialistic, bargain shopper, couponer, avoid debt as much as possible, and care more about personality than looks. I'd rather spend time discussing hobbies, current events, or get to know WHO the person is inside. I generally don't discuss career and industry until several meetings later.

 

Furthermore, people change jobs and industries several times throughout life. Today's janitor might be in school part-time and be a doctor in five years or so. A female may be a teacher, but secretly dream of being a stay-at-home mom. So many people just have a "job", but it may not be their passion. Therefore, why does it matter what they "do" at the moment you meet them? Also, I intend on keeping my career whether I marry or not, but am very put-off when men ask me the above question. The same men often complain about females being "gold-diggers". SMH.

 

Would this question bother anyone else? How do you respond to it? How could I re-frame my thinking so I am not so turned off by the question? Or perhaps I should move away from this metro area, which has a reputation for being focused on money, status, and appearance? Thanks.

Edited by venusinlibra
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"What do you do?"

 

 

An artist friend of mine once once replied to that question with this:

 

"To the untrained eye, I appear to be doing little, but in reality I am changing the world you live in."

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venusinlibra
An artist friend of mine once once replied to that question with this:

 

"To the untrained eye, I appear to be doing little, but in reality I am changing the world you live in."

 

 

Love it! I might have to borrow this line!

 

I've thought about responding with "What do YOU do beside ask everyone what they do?":laugh:

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When you're unemployed or doing something you hate just to get by, it just isn't a pleasant subject, but you really can't blame a person for asking this fundamental question. What I suggest is if you find yourself in work you don't like, you begin to find something else you do like, even if it's on a volunteer basis. That way when someone asks what you do, say, if you're unemployed, you can say you're currently doing some volunteer work for whatever it is, while looking for a better job.

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One thing you need to realize is that most people are not expert conversationalists. Being an artful conservationist takes a lot of skill and effort and most people just don't have that. This is not a knock on people but just something that you should know what you're dealing with. Knowing the "base line" so to speak.

 

That said, most of the time this question is asked, it is asked just as a way to start a conversation. They don't know what else to say. AND, on top of that, they are interested in learning about you and it SEEMS like a perfectly normal thing to ask a person. Basically, they just want to get to know you and will use the typical questions like "What do you do?" and "What do you do for fun?" or "Tell me about you" as a way to achieve that and make a connection. You shouldn't take it personally because they probably could care less about the actual answer!

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I think it's kinda ridiculous that this question bothers you and it's just a projection of your insecurity. Everyone asks this question in any setting, and you can get mad all you want, everyone will still ask it and you'll walk away. Then, you just make yourself look weird. I would say get over it and work on yourself until this benign question doesn't bother you anymore.

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It's a throw away conventional get to know you Question. It's not meant as an attack on your beliefs. It doesn't always have to be about work. In response tell somebody what you do for a hobby.

 

But if you go through life getting this P.O.'d at a simple question that you will be faced with forever, you will be swimming up stream best & raising your own blood pressure. Come up with a quirky answer -- see above -- but calm down.

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seekingpeaceinlove

A question is just that...a question. You being offended by a question has everything to do with you and your insecurities and nothing to do with the person who asked it..

 

Any question can be "offensive."

 

Do you work out? Do you have kids? Are you married?

 

If you're secure with yourself, no question would offend you.

 

Food for thought.

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loveweary11

I don't like the question either. It's too hrd to explain to people because I'm so damn weird and do so many things. lol:lmao:

 

I prefer to hang around with people who are not defined by their careers and get to know them for who they are, not for what they do to generate money

 

Basically, I drop it down to, "I own a couple small businesses." and steer the conversation to more personal topics.

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It is a loaded question.

 

"What do I do" to pay my rent and bills has *never* defined who I am so it could be a leading question to a further discussion.

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Totally agree with OP. As my counselor said you are a human being, doing good in this world. The other question asked off the cuff and over abused is : How are you today? .... Its really not an inquiry nor is it meant sincerely. So save your words and don't ask. I distain false sincerity. So much time can be saved with genuine thought and gestures. So OP, its okay to be unnerved by this. It shows that your values and time are better served elsewhere. I'd recommend reading "games people play" by eric berne. He speaks about social language/inter action and how ppl convey, so long as you play by the rules! Fascinating read!

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LookAtThisPOst

If something like this bothers you? It's your problem, not the one who is asking. Sounds like you have issues if something this minuscule bothers you. People that get that irritated at something so minor sounds like they have an axe to grind.

 

 

I am transitioning, and spend more time having initial encounters with people (ex: first dates, speed dating, singles events, etc.) than building relationships. One reason is because I am beyond annoyed when a particular question is asked. I almost always quickly excuse myself after this question, having decided not to pursue anything further with them. Here is the question that makes my blood boil:

 

"What do you do?"

 

Four little words. That's it. But here is why it bothers me to be asked that up front. I am very non-materialistic, bargain shopper, couponer, avoid debt as much as possible, and care more about personality than looks. I'd rather spend time discussing hobbies, current events, or get to know WHO the person is inside. I generally don't discuss career and industry until several meetings later.

 

Furthermore, people change jobs and industries several times throughout life. Today's janitor might be in school part-time and be a doctor in five years or so. A female may be a teacher, but secretly dream of being a stay-at-home mom. So many people just have a "job", but it may not be their passion. Therefore, why does it matter what they "do" at the moment you meet them? Also, I intend on keeping my career whether I marry or not, but am very put-off when men ask me the above question. The same men often complain about females being "gold-diggers". SMH.

 

Would this question bother anyone else? How do you respond to it? How could I re-frame my thinking so I am not so turned off by the question? Or perhaps I should move away from this metro area, which has a reputation for being focused on money, status, and appearance? Thanks.

 

 

 

You being offended by a question has everything to do with you and your insecurities and nothing to do with the person who asked it..

 

Bingo, you hit the nail on the head...I recall coming across a woman that told me that the "What do you like to do for fun? question irritated them. I was like "WTF is wrong with you?" LOL

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LookAtThisPOst
How are you today? Seriously? It's just a greeting. Lighten up, people!

 

Agreed. Ligthen up! Now I'm figuring out why people are single. :laugh::laugh:

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Absolutely nothing wrong with the question. Then again, I am proud of my job. I dont have an inferiority complex

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PegNosePete

It's just a conversation starter. I don't get why you're so upset by it. As you've found out many people ask it, so it's clearly you that has the problem here, not the rest of the world.

 

If you really don't like the question then I wouldn't recommend the ridiculously passive aggressive or a nasty attitudes that you've given. Simply say "I wait tables but that's not an interesting topic, have you even been bungy jumping?"

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SycamoreCircle

Your intolerance for this question is not as unique as you think.

 

As someone who is not career driven, I can totally identify with your sentiments. However, when I was younger and ambitious and there were brief adventures into success(I was a theatre actor), I had no problem answering the question.

 

Here's the thing, though: whether I've been down on my luck or doing something that was really cool, the reaction is always the same.

 

So, now when people ask me, I just tell them, "I don't know." Because I literally don't know what I'm doing. Living, I guess. That answer is about as mind blowing as all the other answers. I've even found on a few occasions that people given this naked, lackluster answer attempt to mirror it with their own lackluster answer. Do they tell the next person they're colonizing the moon? I have no idea.

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If you don't think what you do for a living is what defines you, than just say that. How hard can this be? The fact you take it as some kinda insult is very telling of you though.

 

 

Some people like talking about their work, some people don't. I'm not a ****ing mind reader. If that is such a big deal, thank you for leaving, but please let me know that you are because I actually try to be polite and stick around...just to be nice. Don't need to be around people that turn non-issues into problems.

 

 

When I talk about my work, I talk about the places I have been and things I did that were fun because of my work. I don't really talk that much about the actual work.

 

 

Most times I hear someone vocalize "work does not define me.." and they keep going on about that ****, it's because "work" is a dead end **** job. Most people that enjoy their work, but also don't think "work define me.." don't harp on it. It's just work.

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JuneJulySeptember
I am transitioning, and spend more time having initial encounters with people (ex: first dates, speed dating, singles events, etc.) than building relationships. One reason is because I am beyond annoyed when a particular question is asked. I almost always quickly excuse myself after this question, having decided not to pursue anything further with them. Here is the question that makes my blood boil:

 

"What do you do?"

 

Four little words. That's it. But here is why it bothers me to be asked that up front. I am very non-materialistic, bargain shopper, couponer, avoid debt as much as possible, and care more about personality than looks. I'd rather spend time discussing hobbies, current events, or get to know WHO the person is inside. I generally don't discuss career and industry until several meetings later.

 

Furthermore, people change jobs and industries several times throughout life. Today's janitor might be in school part-time and be a doctor in five years or so. A female may be a teacher, but secretly dream of being a stay-at-home mom. So many people just have a "job", but it may not be their passion. Therefore, why does it matter what they "do" at the moment you meet them? Also, I intend on keeping my career whether I marry or not, but am very put-off when men ask me the above question. The same men often complain about females being "gold-diggers". SMH.

 

Would this question bother anyone else? How do you respond to it? How could I re-frame my thinking so I am not so turned off by the question? Or perhaps I should move away from this metro area, which has a reputation for being focused on money, status, and appearance? Thanks.

 

I do agree with you, but people are extremely narrow visioned when it come to romance.

 

How much money you make, how much of a difference you make at your job, and how passionate you are about your job all will be grounds for immediate rejection by many if not most.

 

Just how it is.

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Funny topic, lol....kind of along the lines of "what nationality are you"? Um, American? I got that once, and I corrected them saying, "If you're asking what nationality I am, I am American. If you are, I suspect, asking me from what ethnic heritage I spring, that's pretty much need-to-know, and you don't need to know." I am not especially sensitive, but DO sense when a question is not a sincere one, and this response was given to one of those people.

 

What do you do? Can be rude, can be merely conversational, can be superficial. Sometimes I ignore (primarily out of boredom), sometimes I justify my existence with a response, sometimes it leads to really interesting conversation.

 

:)

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It's generally a question asked by women to see if you have enough money.

Yes it's materialistic but such is the world we live in.

 

I've not asked that question as such a crucial question like the way women do and if I do it's purely out of interest and to make conversation.. I care not how much a woman makes. Show me how sexy you can be, I don't care what's in your purse. :cool:

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It's generally a question asked by women to see if you have enough money.

Yes it's materialistic but such is the world we live in.

 

I've not asked that question as such a crucial question like the way women do and if I do it's purely out of interest and to make conversation.. I care not how much a woman makes. Show me how sexy you can be, I don't care what's in your purse. :cool:

 

Hmm I don't think so. Most people ask it, it's not about dating or women being gold diggers (we earn our own money these days!)

 

If someone was outraged by my asking it, I wouldn't see them again. I think it's very strange to have a huge angry reaction. One guy told me what he does, quickly followed by how he hates telling people because they will judge him and put him into a box. I find that comment insulting to my intelligence. It's a damn simple question, and if I ask it's because I am INTERESTED in the person and want to LEARN about them!! If you don't want me to know anything about you and are too uptight, farewell.

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aussietigerwolf

I was always asked that question by guys. "So what do you do?" "I'm an artist" "OK, so what do you do for money?" "I'm a stripper and I work part time at hooters" the last bit is what I should have said but I was always getting asked what I did for money after I already answered the job question.

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LookAtThisPOst
Funny topic, lol....kind of along the lines of "what nationality are you"?

 

Chances are, if he was someone you were actually attracted to, such a question wouldn't bother you.

 

It seems the OP is annoyed by certain normal "getting to know you" questions, when chances are the REAL answer is, in fact, you're NOT attracted.

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