Body language: I have no radar!

[Moy]

Hi all,

 

I'm currently in the process of finding myself after a turbulent past few years which have robbed me of my self esteem and self worth. During that time I have built up a bad case of social anxiety (mainly due to the fear of being in public around women while being 'not good enough' to be worthy of being near them.)

 

However, recently I have been going out more and the ice is definitely melting.

 

However, I still feel that I need instructions with regards to the body language department. I'm giving off subconscious 'don't f*** with me' vibes as a protective shield due to my natural shyness.

 

What definite positive/friendly/attractive aspects of boy language should I be thinking about when out in public? At the moment it is small steps so yes I DO need to go through a mental checklist in order to not appear unapproachable.

 

Also, with regards to women, what are the obvious 'dos and donts' with regards to my body language, while also being able to pick up on hers?

 

I literally have no radar. A woman could like me and I'd have no idea, likewise I could look like I was ready to challenge the whole bar to a fight and also have no idea!!

[regine_phalange]

The simplest thing you can do is to concentrate on the environment and what's happening right now instead of yourself and how you feel. This will help you relax. People pick up on your anxiety, even when they don't realise it - they just feel uncomfortable. Acknowledging others with short eye contact is also good. You don't have to look cool, alpha or sexy, you only need to relax (I know, easier said than done). Body language is the direct outcome of your mood and thoughts after all.

[GemmaUK]

Some of the absolute simplest things are to make sure that you don't purse your lips when in company.

It's a sign of contempt - but is also something that people who are nervous do too.

 

 

A quick eyebrow raise upon acknowledging someone is a friendly sign.

 

 

As is a genuine smile (meaning your eyes wrinkle up) is also a friendly sign.

 

 

Staring or looking around with a resting face is not terribly approachable.

If you look in the mirror at your resting face and then put a little more engagement into it you will see the difference between a resting and an 'active' expression. Tweaking your facial muscles just a tiny bit makes you look more awake and less grumpy.

 

 

One of the most common things I see on here is that women playing with their hair is a sign she is interested - this has long been one of the signs - but be aware that women do tend to flick and play with their hair anyway.

There's much less use of hairspray and curl setting rollers these days and women's hair tends to be more natural - hence it is more playable with in general.

 

 

Your best bet is to read up on the subject.

Love Signals by David Givens is a good read, pretty in depth but good.

 

 

There's also lots of videos on youtube on the subject if you prefer to see visuals.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Let me tell you a little story.

 

I work with a woman who is cute and bubbly. When you first meet her, she is very friendly and introduces herself, etc, etc. She seems so personable and likeable, a homecoming queen type if you will. Well, when people get to know her, just about everybody in the office has something very negative to say about her because of her ACTIONS. The way she treats people at work is what really sways what people think about her. She is domineering and willing to throw people under the bus.

 

THAT is what is important. When you get to know a person. Once you have three or so conversations with a person, negative initial impressions are replaced by good qualities.

 

In terms of missing out on signals of the little cutie at the gym who might have been interested in you? Yea, who gives a sh*t. Did you even know her name?

 

Do you know how many women I've been attracted to who 'didn't know it'? Hundreds of thousands. I'm sure they're losing sleep over it.

Edited March 4, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Toodaloo]

Drop your shoulders down and back. Good for your posture anyway!

 

Smile. The best way to do this is to be thinking about silly things that made you grin from the day or a daft joke etc.

 

Look around you and notice your environment and what is going on. Do this slowly and steadily.

 

I know you love your weights but yoga may also help you learn to relax. Taking deep breaths and calming yourself if you feel nervous. Learning how to slowly remove yourself from those situations that make you feel uncomfortable and cause your panic attacks before you actually have one and become a "raging bull" to get the hell outta there!