LookAtThisPOst Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Met a woman and had been speaking with her on OK Cupid a few times back and forth. Got to the "taking it to the next level" and asked for her #. She said, she'd be willing to meet in person, but doesn't give out her # unless she feels a reason to. Though, I figured the REASON is well...the most obvious...which is basically getting to know each other the traditional way. But, she IS willing to meet in person. Kind of unorthodox, yes? Though, I am not really aversed to doing it this way, as I prefer to hear who I'm talking with before meeting, but considering she's very local, practically right down the road from me, I'd be willing. Any thoughts? Do you have a "Meet in person, before giving out the digits" policy? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 if she meets you and doesn't want to continue contact, she'd prefer you don't have her number. Makes sense to me, and mimics real life interactions. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I don't personally understand it. To each her own. But if I've never even heard a man's voice and tried a voice conversation to see how we click in a real time voice way, I don't want to meet up. It would make meeting feel so strange to me. I don't go to meet any guy I've not felt out on the phone. Usually the phone conversation is what allows me to decide if I want to meet at all. If we can chat away on the phone and it flows and works and we can laugh and so on it puts me at ease and makes me excited about the face to face, it also makes it so that when we meet I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit. A person can text or write messages while doing anything and also can sit and think up the perfect answers, whereas on the phone there is little room for that and for me it gives a realer picture. If I don't want you to call me after I can ignore your calls or block you...but I've never had that problem really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Makes sense...but I've always had this, "I don't meet, until I talk to you on the phone" policy. Makes me feel they have something to hide. It's a bit weird for me too, but I don't want to get caught up in an argument about why she won't give me her phone #. When she said, "I need to have a reason" and my answer would be, "Well, isn't what we're doing right now reason enough? Boy meets girl, boy asks for girl's phone #, girl gives boy phone #, boy calls girl...date is arranged." Call me old-fashioned. I don't personally understand it. To each her own. But if I've never even heard a man's voice and tried a voice conversation to see how we click in a real time voice way, I don't want to meet up. It would make meeting feel so strange to me. I don't go to meet any guy I've not felt out on the phone. Usually the phone conversation is what allows me to decide if I want to meet at all. If we can chat away on the phone and it flows and works and we can laugh and so on it puts me at ease and makes me excited about the face to face, it also makes it so that when we meet I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit. A person can text or write messages while doing anything and also can sit and think up the perfect answers, whereas on the phone there is little room for that and for me it gives a realer picture. If I don't want you to call me after I can ignore your calls or block you...but I've never had that problem really. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Haven't encountered it yet, but truth told I'm not a fan of this policy. Imagine you both agreed to meet up for the first date at location X, at hour Y on a specified day, and for some reason the other party can't make it when you're already on your way to the place ? Nah, not for me. I prefer to have a way to contact the other person should something go south if I (or she) can't make it so I don't waste my time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Haven't encountered it yet, but truth told I'm not a fan of this policy. Imagine you both agreed to meet up for the first date at location X, at hour Y on a specified day, and for some reason the other party can't make it when you're already on your way to the place ? Nah, not for me. I prefer to have a way to contact the other person should something go south if I (or she) can't make it so I don't waste my time. Yeah, I was thinking of that too. I would think at LEAST by the time we make arrangements to meet in person, that I'd have their phone # in case things come up and we can't make it or if we DO show up, but let's say one person has a problem finding the you and/or the actual venue. They could be one block down from you and they won't be able to find you. I may have to urge her to at least be willing to do that. Usually I fear that they don't give out their #, that they'll likely, maybe even purposely stand me up. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 The thing is, before OLD, people usually did meet in person first. So you knew first if there was chemistry or attraction and then gave a number. It's one of the reasons I don't think I will ever do OLD, it would be hard for me to trust someone I've never met in person, even with a silly phone #. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I wouldn't go, she could be a sociopath guy and looking for prank victims. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's a sign that she's not all that invested in dating. Not just you, but anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 it's too simple to get a google number if you don't want to give out your personal number. I'm surprised she didn't offer that. I'd take a pass. She's not really interested and will probably stand you up. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I get protecting yourself. I don't let people know where I live initially for that very reason. However, you do need a way to contact each other if there's a snafu the day off. For example on my way to work this morning, there was an accident on the exit ramp I needed to take which made me 1/2 hour late. If I didn't have a phone I could not have alerted my team to my whereabouts. She's cutting off her nose despite her face. If she has such a short sighted attitude about these types of practical considerations, what other issues will you face should a relationship develop? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Makes sense...but I've always had this, "I don't meet, until I talk to you on the phone" policy. Makes me feel they have something to hide. So, surely if this is your policy - you stick by it? Don't meet her. Problem solved. Right from the outset you have different views. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) I get protecting yourself. I don't let people know where I live initially for that very reason. However, you do need a way to contact each other if there's a snafu the day off. For example on my way to work this morning, there was an accident on the exit ramp I needed to take which made me 1/2 hour late. If I didn't have a phone I could not have alerted my team to my whereabouts. She's cutting off her nose despite her face. If she has such a short sighted attitude about these types of practical considerations, what other issues will you face should a relationship develop? I agree. I think it's unnecessarily paranoid. Sure, I get not letting the person know where you live or work and things like that, even your home phone number that maybe is tied to your home address I get, but your cell number? There are so many ways now with apps and the rest to simply block them and prevent further contact. Surely, meeting this person you've never even spoken to voice to voice is more dangerous than them merely having your cell number. Before OLD and you met a guy somewhere, you wouldn't always be able to have a long conversation so if you gave him your number you'd still have to deal with him potentially being crazy later on, but you at least had to think okay you like him, you're interested a bit and you're gonna give him your number and see what happens. If you wanted to see him again you didn't have that many options besides giving him your home telephone number or cell and go from there....so I don't see the big deal now. The chance the guy is some crazed lunatic who will now be able to murder you because he has your cell phone number is slim to none. Your Google search results (if he Googles you ) may be more dangerous than your number. Edited March 3, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) What some of the others said. It's no mystery--she wants to gauge chemistry and connection in person first before she gives you a more permanent way of keeping in touch with her. FWIW, looks like this thread is a "rerun" in that this very topic has been covered before. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/411555-old-she-won-t-give-me-my-phone-until-we-meet-first The "Search" function is your friend! Edited March 4, 2015 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 What some of the others said. It's no mystery--she wants to gauge chemistry and connection in person first before she gives you a more permanent way of keeping in touch with her. FWIW, looks like this thread is a "rerun" in that this very topic has been covered before. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/411555-old-she-won-t-give-me-my-phone-until-we-meet-first The "Search" function is your friend! Funny how some here thinks she's paranoid while others think it's a perfectly legit reason for her doing this. But, opinions are opinions I suppose. I don't believe in the search function on message boards, only on search engines. lol. Plus that thread is like 2013, so it's long past the drum up something old. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 It sounds like she's just being cautious. From what I've read on this forum and heard from female friends, sometimes it's hard to get rid of a guy, so I can understand why they wouldn't want to give out a phone number to someone they haven't met before. Plus, it's easier to get a read on someone in person than over the phone. If I were interested, I would invite her to someplace casual that I would likely go to on my own anyway. That way if I was stood up, no harm no foul. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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