kolleamm Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 So pretty much everyone is busy with their own lives and I have no one to talk to. How do you make new friends from scratch? I'm not depressed or anything about this it's just one of those things that happens every now and then. Then again this makes me wonder why we get into relationships...could it be to assure ourselves someone to support us since friends are really much more temporary? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Some friends are temporary, and a few last for years or all your life. Best way to make new friends is hit up a venue that supports your interest or hobby. That could be through Meetup or through hobbyist message boards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 ^Ditto, I have some friends I've known since I was 4 years old, others I was friends with only for a year or two. I moved to a new country in 2013 and knew absolutely nobody here apart from one person who was a casual acquaintance at the time and was only here for about 4 months, so I know what it's like to make friends from 'scratch'. I found a lot through my first job, which was part-time when I first got here. I understand you might be working full time or studying, but getting a part time shift or volunteer work or something would be a good way to meet new people (and make some extra money if you're not doing anything else!). Also, and more fun like Frank2thePoint said, is finding a group for your hobbies. I have made some very close friends over the last five years through video games. Sounds odd, but I found out about Fighting game communities, people that meet up regularly to play games like Street Fighter and Tekken and the like. Never have met such a nice and outgoing group of people, and I've made great friends in both countries I've lived in through it (even some international visitors). Not sure what you enjoy, but even if you wanted to take up something new you'd be able to meet new people through it (thinking learning chess, learning a sport like fencing/archery etc and taking lessons). Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Watch this - - How To Make Friends As An Adult 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 You find activities you enjoy & participate in groups that do those things. You join clubs & organizations. You make the first move with somebody from work or a neighbor. You reach out to friends of friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 People change. I literally have two friends that would come to me if I had an emergency. I just started joining organizations and going out to social events once or twice a week. Also, I told a friend I was depressed about not seeming to meet any good friends. She's invited me to a bunch of social stuff. I also cut out things that were toxic. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 This is an interesting question that I've thought about quite a bit as well. Making new friends is easier for some than it is for others, obviously. Men and women do it differently––women share their feelings naturally, men talk mostly about stuff with motors, how to build, repair or kill stuff, or brag about conquests in various endeavors. I don't happen to be one of those extraverts who draw people like bees to honey. I tend to have a small number of really good friends and a lot of acquaintances. Having male friends that you can share your feelings and frustrations with is a rarity for most men, but that's actually the benefit you need most. Men are raised to be stoic and not express feelings, so you have to be really careful about emoting too much too soon or men will distance themselves. True friends are made by first identifying people who are predisposed to letting you inside their personal space, their hula hoop as it's sometimes called, and then each person progressively sharing more (being open, vulnerable, taking some risk) and building trust by demonstrating that the other person's vulnerability will always be respected. It takes time and a certain amount successful, safe interaction. With men, there will usually come a point where one of the two will signal, enough––that's as much intimacy as I can tolerate with another man. But sometimes the personalties sync in such a way that they can allow a deeper, more meaningful friendship. I've had a small handful of these in my lifetime. Most male friends are people I know I can rely on and have bonded with, but we just talk about stuff. These friendships are still valuable, but they don't quite satisfy the need to be fully understood and valued at the deeper level. Friendship are often hierarchical. People tend to value others who are in a position to help them in some way, or to elevate their standing socially. This is human nature––sociology 101. So a lower status person needs to bring something to the table that's either valuable or endearing to the higher status person. Some higher status people are more altruistic and some are climbers, and some don't seem to subscribe to hierarchal considerations (rare); so it pays to be aware of these things, and to be more altruistic yourself by being willing to befriend people who don't have much to offer beyond good character and loyalty. In any case, when you find yourself needing to build a larger social circle you have to be proactive like the guy says in the video that elaine567 linked to. And learn to identify people with good character who are open. It won't always develop the way you wish, but you have to be willing to take some risk and not take it too personally when it doesn't work out. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 When in that situation, I opened a meetup group and made a couple of new friends through that. Now I hang out with them outside of the group. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 When in that situation, I opened a meetup group and made a couple of new friends through that. Now I hang out with them outside of the group. So when you made the new meetup and got new friends. ..ddo you still run or participate in the meetup? Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 So when you made the new meetup and got new friends. ..ddo you still run or participate in the meetup? Yes, I still run it. It's small, we live in a small town, I only have 35 members and only about 10 are active. I generally do a get together once a month, that's the most I can do. I am currently trying to get others to organize some events too. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I need to meet good people to make them my friends.. However. I met some friends just a couple of years ago that are now my closest friends. I'm coming up 46. I am who I am with them and they are with me. We are a strong team. We are all there for each other when needed but equally we don't live in each others pockets. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Watch this - - How To Make Friends As An Adult Great advice! Thanks for that. He has lots of YouTubes and it's all good so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts