LookAtThisPOst Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I was wondering, my recent success with getting dates with rather attractive women (from Meetup or social activities) in real life, has got me thinking. Had these women been online and I had emailed them, chances are they would have hit the "delete" key. lol. But in person, a different story. I find it quite ironic. BUT...the ones I had success with were rather ANTI-Online Dating or logged in once, saw a lot of riff-raff, signed off, and never looked back...which had made them "anti-online dating" lol Anyone here who had dated someone whom they've met in person that were likely shorter than the man you would have preferred in your "stats preferences" online? Men, too? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 is this another height thing.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 is this another height thing.....deb No, I was just using the height as an example. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I think this one is fairly easy to explain. In OLD you go for the ideal. You list all the things you would rather have in a partner. If someone who messages you isn't up to scratch, you next them. You don't waste time meeting people that, off the bat, don't match what you're looking for. Whereas in person, you're already meeting. There is no effort. You don't have to set up a date and worry about it. You're there. Most likely in a group situation that takes some of the pressure off. That way people can make their first impressions on you and vice versa. And maybe that short, slightly chubby guy you wouldnt have looked twice on the street (or OLD) is actually really fun to be around and you find youself drawn to him, for whatever reason, and wouldn't mind getting to know him better. (replace the guy for woman and it's the same thing). Why is this difficult to understand?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'm rather open minded and don't have a particular set of ideals. So, regardless whether it's OLD or real life, I think and act the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 People are entitled to have their preferences, deal breakers and ideals. It's their choice/problem. This whole thread is based on your assumption that these women would not have been interested in you through online dating. Do you have evidence for this? Did you see these women specifically reject you online? How many? Come on, bring on the stats. And how the hell is that ironic? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think this one is fairly easy to explain. In OLD you go for the ideal. You list all the things you would rather have in a partner. If someone who messages you isn't up to scratch, you next them. You don't waste time meeting people that, off the bat, don't match what you're looking for. Whereas in person, you're already meeting. There is no effort. You don't have to set up a date and worry about it. You're there. Most likely in a group situation that takes some of the pressure off. That way people can make their first impressions on you and vice versa. And maybe that short, slightly chubby guy you wouldnt have looked twice on the street (or OLD) is actually really fun to be around and you find youself drawn to him, for whatever reason, and wouldn't mind getting to know him better. (replace the guy for woman and it's the same thing). Why is this difficult to understand?? Never said it was difficult to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 People are entitled to have their preferences, deal breakers and ideals. It's their choice/problem. This whole thread is based on your assumption that these women would not have been interested in you through online dating. Do you have evidence for this? Did you see these women specifically reject you online? How many? Come on, bring on the stats. And how the hell is that ironic? Well, the closest I can get is the fact how I knew of a man that contacted a woman on POF in his area...rather smallish city...she ignore it of course...then saw her out in public somewhere and approached her the old-fashioned way. He woo'ed her and he got her number....they dated and became a couple. Perhaps around the 3rd or 4th date he mentioned he had contacted her online, but never responded to him. She said something like, "Wow, if I had known you like I do now, I wouldn't have ignored you!" Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Oh, my apologies! You knew of a man..... the facts are there. Yep, all these silly fussy little women ignoring the men online and then falling for them in person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think this one is fairly easy to explain. In OLD you go for the ideal. You list all the things you would rather have in a partner. If someone who messages you isn't up to scratch, you next them. You don't waste time meeting people that, off the bat, don't match what you're looking for. Whereas in person, you're already meeting. There is no effort. You don't have to set up a date and worry about it. You're there. Most likely in a group situation that takes some of the pressure off. That way people can make their first impressions on you and vice versa. And maybe that short, slightly chubby guy you wouldnt have looked twice on the street (or OLD) is actually really fun to be around and you find youself drawn to him, for whatever reason, and wouldn't mind getting to know him better. (replace the guy for woman and it's the same thing). Why is this difficult to understand?? Pretty much. It's not ironic, it makes perfect sense. Even with online shopping for items, unless it's an item I've previously owned, the process of deciding on it is a lot different than when I'm in person at a store seeing it in the flesh. Nothing about online dating is organic so a lot of it has to account for the nature of it, but in person, the dynamics are different. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Well, the closest I can get is the fact how I knew of a man that contacted a woman on POF in his area...rather smallish city...she ignore it of course...then saw her out in public somewhere and approached her the old-fashioned way. He woo'ed her and he got her number....they dated and became a couple. Perhaps around the 3rd or 4th date he mentioned he had contacted her online, but never responded to him. She said something like, "Wow, if I had known you like I do now, I wouldn't have ignored you!" I'd have next her out of revenge!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Never said it was difficult to understand. Well... it seems like you did... you made a thread about it. The guy I'm currently seeing... if it had been an OLD situation I would not have replied to him, not in a million years. He's so far from my type it's unreal! Not to mention the wrong age! But we didn't meet in OLD. We met through work. So things happened very differently. It's not rocket science. It's not even ironic. It just is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thats the thing though. OLD its just masses of pictures and brief descriptions of a person. People are complex beings. You are not going to describe a person in 250 words. When you meet someone in person you get to see facial expressions, you can feel how "warm and kind" a person is. You can gauge them by their smiles and interactions... none of this is possible over the internet or via text etc. Mostly people do not even look like their pictures! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I've found basically all the men I've met to be exactly how I imagined, they look the same as their photos, or even hotter. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I think that you might get all you need to know from a profile when it would take you a few hours of getting to know a person irl before rejecting them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 To be honest I quit OLD due to having a CBA attitude over the weeding process. I went on a few first dates and did not recognise the guy..at all. Usually because he was a lot heavier than in his photos. I had a few first dates where some of the things they talked about were..just..well..they made me want to run a mile. Those I did date looked like their pics but were not hot in any way at all. No woman would pick them out as hot. We talked OK though so I gave it a shot. The issue ended up being that they were not the person they made themselves out to be. They were lovely, relaxed and charming initially. Really lovely and easy to talk to. Then, I got to know the REAL them... These were bitter men, needy men, misogynistic men and men who thought I should act and behave like any other women he has known because we are apparently 'all the same'. They also all had ex's and women they had a big old problem with for reason after reason and they would question women a whole lot. I became aware after a while I was there as a trophy. If you look good at my age (40's) men my age will go to lengths to persue. Thing is, I want the real guy..not a fake. Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Hi LookAtThisPost, IMO, it's just harder to be "rude" in person, as in "nexting" someone. A guy is in front of her & they're talking so it's hard to say "well, it was nice talking to you but you're not _____ (fill in physical/emotional/mental requirement) so I'm gonna go now" LOL!! IRL a woman who openly verbally rejects the man in front of her runs the risk of an aggressive response. Online: she's sitting by herself safe at home in pj's looking for the "ideal" one that has all of the specs. she put in her profile...very easy to keep clicking/swiping/deleting - no actual feelings involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Hi LookAtThisPost, IMO, it's just harder to be "rude" in person, as in "nexting" someone. A guy is in front of her & they're talking so it's hard to say "well, it was nice talking to you but you're not _____ (fill in physical/emotional/mental requirement) so I'm gonna go now" LOL!! IRL a woman who openly verbally rejects the man in front of her runs the risk of an aggressive response. Online: she's sitting by herself safe at home in pj's looking for the "ideal" one that has all of the specs. she put in her profile...very easy to keep clicking/swiping/deleting - no actual feelings involved. Exactly, with all the so-called advice given on tweaking your profile and none of it working, they simply just look at the pictures, profession, height stats, and that's pretty much it as their eyes just scan the profile for certain keywords/phrases...making it as impersonal to form any kind of bond between one another as one would in real life Link to post Share on other sites
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