That's it. Online dating has proven to be useless

[RuKiddingme]

I've been on all the sites. OKC, POF, you name it. What a joke. This isn't for a lack of trying either. It has been over a year of non-stop silliness. I understand it is a process but being 38, it is one out of my element. I cannot take the silliness any longer. This is not supposed to be some aggravating trek through insanity. I have been on multiple dates now and instead of improvements, it has become so bad my self-esteem is ready to jump ship. I'm not a bad looking guy. I have great qualities. I'm not a cheat. Why is it every single person I have encountered has been:

 

Someone who constantly complains about their ex?

 

Someone who tells you they are looking for a relationship, only to tell you a month later "I don't know what i want"?

 

Someone who can't seem to go beyond being a text buddy?

 

Someone who tells you they like you, wants to meet, etc., only to not do so and end up back online the day after?

 

Someone who claims to take things seriously, only to not take anything seriously?

 

Not to mention just getting a date through online is an accomplishment itself. I should consider myself lucky I guess. I don't know how many generic profiles I read claiming they are "looking for real" or "not into games". Oh yeah? Then why do you blow off genuine messages and play games?

 

This has been the unforgiving loop. My longest relationship lasted 12 years. It wasn't THAT hard. We met in person. There was none of this pretense nonsense. What I wouldn't do for a complete cyberspace shutdown in these situations. I hear "go out and meet people". That's a great idea, until you realize you're in a room by yourself and everyone is on their phone. It's over. The 90's will never return. My last hope is that I moving back to my hometown where friends and family are. At least there I will have a chance.

 

I have deleted all profiles. I have had enough. Sorry this is my first post but I figure this would be the place to post it. I KNOW I cannot be the only one who feels this way.

[BluEyeL]

Maybe try to join meetup groups, find one that you can go to regularly, and get to know women the old fashioned way, build up interest/friendship in time.

[Satu]

I've never done ODL, but from what I understand it changed from being a means to an end, to being an end in itself.

 

You'll probably have more success in the real world.

 

Good luck.

[Jessie1231]

This made me laugh out loud. Not laughing at you I swear, but you said so many things that I think. I'm your age and have been doing online dating for maybe two years now. The guys are no easier to deal with than the girls. I don't even know if it's because you meet online or because of this age. Guys I meet seem to either be attempting to relive their glory days by sleeping with anything they can find, or their biological clock has become a time bomb and they want to plan a wedding by date two.

 

I've had maybe six that I dated for more than one or two dates - the longest was four or five months. And I'm glad I was able to have those relationships even if they did turn into train wrecks. But I swear it was hell trying to find anyone to go out with on a regular basis. One guy actually drugged me on our first date - I had NO idea stuff like that really happened. Luckily I realized quickly that I didn't feel right and was able to leave on my own. One guy told me after two dates that he didn't like the idea of my ex-husband talking to me too much (my ex husband I was married to for twelve years and who fathers my kids - two date guy is feeling threatened by that relationship).

 

I'm still on these sites, still weeding through so many guys who just shouldn't be allowed in public. Unfortunately I live in a small town, and the easiest way to meet people without going out to a larger town an hour away is online. So I'll keep trying and hopefully find someone who will stick.

[Gaeta]

You cannot be online for a year without having breaks. I have done it 3 years and met + 100 men and my self esteem is intact. I do it a couple of weeks, take a break, go back for another couple of weeks, take a break. I have been off of it for 3 months now and if I go back it will be when the weather is not so cold like March.

 

When it's not fun you stop. People on there can tell when you're fed up and it's not a good vibe to give out.

[RuKiddingme]

This made me laugh out loud. Not laughing at you I swear, but you said so many things that I think. I'm your age and have been doing online dating for maybe two years now. The guys are no easier to deal with than the girls. I don't even know if it's because you meet online or because of this age. Guys I meet seem to either be attempting to relive their glory days by sleeping with anything they can find, or their biological clock has become a time bomb and they want to plan a wedding by date two.

 

I've had maybe six that I dated for more than one or two dates - the longest was four or five months. And I'm glad I was able to have those relationships even if they did turn into train wrecks. But I swear it was hell trying to find anyone to go out with on a regular basis. One guy actually drugged me on our first date - I had NO idea stuff like that really happened. Luckily I realized quickly that I didn't feel right and was able to leave on my own. One guy told me after two dates that he didn't like the idea of my ex-husband talking to me too much (my ex husband I was married to for twelve years and who fathers my kids - two date guy is feeling threatened by that relationship).

 

I'm still on these sites, still weeding through so many guys who just shouldn't be allowed in public. Unfortunately I live in a small town, and the easiest way to meet people without going out to a larger town an hour away is online. So I'll keep trying and hopefully find someone who will stick.

 

I think the experiences on both ends is so ridiculous, it causes a stalemate. And I don't ever see that improving.

[BluEyeL]

You cannot be online for a year without having breaks. I have done it 3 years and met + 100 men and my self esteem is intact. I do it a couple of weeks, take a break, go back for another couple of weeks, take a break. I have been off of it for 3 months now and if I go back it will be when the weather is not so cold like March.

 

When it's not fun you stop. People on there can tell when you're fed up and it's not a good vibe to give out.

Yeah, she's right, you need breaks.

 

I also did online dating for 18 months, but had breaks...and still was about to give up in the end and hated it!!! Men do all the things you listed there, same things as women do.

 

I did OLD first for 5 months, took a 4 month break, was online for another month, then off for another month, then on for one month, off for three more, finally on for two months and found my current boyfriend. We've been together 7 months. I met about 30 men before meeting him.

[Frank2thepoint]

Someone who tells you they are looking for a relationship, only to tell you a month later "I don't know what i want"?

 

I feel your pain bro. I've had my share of the confused gal giving off this classic move of not knowing what they want, or they aren't ready for anything serious. And these are women I meet offline too. I haven't been on OLD in over five years.

 

 

It wasn't THAT hard. We met in person.

 

I hear "go out and meet people". That's a great idea, until you realize you're in a room by yourself and everyone is on their phone.

 

It has become a bit more challenging for a man to approach a woman, especially when the woman has her face buried in her mobile device. Funny thing is, I'm sure the same women will complain why men don't approach them at all. Regardless, I think you should try to go back to your roots and meet women in-person. You can try some quip to get a woman's attention and get her to look up from her phone. It's a long shot attempt, but at least you can have fun with it. You may even get one to bite and actually look you in the eyes.

[Imported]

You can try getting food to-go at trendy places. Met a few girls just going in, ordering food and then waiting. It's pretty low pressure, but wildly open to chance. Although the chances seem pretty good, at least in my area and where I go.

 

Lots of times they are looking at their phone, but I know they always notice me as well. I just say hi, smile and say something stupid like...'waiting on some food?' or ask them what they ordered and then play off that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yep...I have to laugh at the same faces I keep seeing over & over again in the past few years. Of course, I've already emailed them in the past, with no response of course. Pretty much goes to show how unrealistic their expectations are.

 

In this rural community, they really can't afford to be shallow.

 

Regardless, I think you should try to go back to your roots and meet women in-person.

 

Yep, that's what I did recently at a Meetup. The woman I started seeing now met me at a picnic Meetup, she actually kind of made the first move in getting to show real interest.

Edited January 26, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Toodaloo]

I really can't help but sit and giggle to myself.

 

Women face exactly the same problems as the men.

 

This whole dating lark sucks. When you hit middle age you have a whole quagmire of folk who have been hurt, are wary or just shagging their way around because they can. Some are married, some have multiple girl friends, some are eternal batchelors being bullied by their friends to get a woman, some are so desperate they will take anything going no matter how badly she treats them...

 

Then every now and then you meet an absolute gem.

 

As for not knowing what they want. They may be in the position I am - they know the basics but the rest? It obviously hasn't worked in the past so they are all trying something new in the hope that will work out better than the last one!

 

Ask about the apps they are using etc... Use the phone as a conversation starter.

[Otter2569]

What is OKC?

 

I have used POF and it is definitely hit or miss. Luckily I have met several good woman and have met my current GF on there (8+ months). Prior to that I was with someone I met on POF for almost two years so it does work.

 

You just have to ride out the waves and take breaks like others have said.

 

I find it ironic how everyone is supposedly on there for the same reasons but it is so difficult to meet anyone good. Also do not lower your standards (assuming they are reasonable). I did that and opened up the floodgate for all kids of wierdos. I was litterally at the point of giving up when I met my GF and love of my life.

[kendahke]

I've been on all the sites. OKC, POF, you name it. What a joke. This isn't for a lack of trying either. It has been over a year of non-stop silliness. I understand it is a process but being 38, it is one out of my element. I cannot take the silliness any longer. This is not supposed to be some aggravating trek through insanity. I have been on multiple dates now and instead of improvements, it has become so bad my self-esteem is ready to jump ship. I'm not a bad looking guy. I have great qualities. I'm not a cheat. Why is it every single person I have encountered has been:

 

Someone who constantly complains about their ex?

 

Someone who tells you they are looking for a relationship, only to tell you a month later "I don't know what i want"?

 

Someone who can't seem to go beyond being a text buddy?

 

Someone who tells you they like you, wants to meet, etc., only to not do so and end up back online the day after?

 

Someone who claims to take things seriously, only to not take anything seriously?

 

Not to mention just getting a date through online is an accomplishment itself. I should consider myself lucky I guess. I don't know how many generic profiles I read claiming they are "looking for real" or "not into games". Oh yeah? Then why do you blow off genuine messages and play games?

 

This has been the unforgiving loop. My longest relationship lasted 12 years. It wasn't THAT hard. We met in person. There was none of this pretense nonsense. What I wouldn't do for a complete cyberspace shutdown in these situations. I hear "go out and meet people". That's a great idea, until you realize you're in a room by yourself and everyone is on their phone. It's over. The 90's will never return. My last hope is that I moving back to my hometown where friends and family are. At least there I will have a chance.

 

I have deleted all profiles. I have had enough. Sorry this is my first post but I figure this would be the place to post it. I KNOW I cannot be the only one who feels this way.

 

My experiences have been exactly the same and I'm a mixed race 55 yr old woman. You at least have the advantage of youth on your side. Men my age, by and large, are looking for women in their 40's.

[kendahke]

What is OKC?

 

That's OK Cupid.

[spanishchick00]

That's a good idea to take breaks. I deleted my okcupid profile back in December. I was thinking about going back on it in May. I just don't want to see the see the same damn guys on there!!!! Half of the freaking time-they have the nerve to message me saying- oh you're back on here? Ugh.

[RuKiddingme]

Its so funny because isn't the point of online dating is getting off online dating?

[Toodaloo]

Its so funny because isn't the point of online dating is getting off online dating?

 

You would have thought!

 

I could swear many use it as an ego boost or like internet shopping sites!

 

I sometimes think that others sit there thinking I'll take 2 blondes, 3 brunettes and handful of red heads, damn not enough red heads will have to go to another site and pick up some more... and while I am at it I need some more loo rolls and another loaf of bread and some milk... ooooh look sausages are on offer... oh hang on I was shopping for a partner...

 

I am lucky as I am very "happy go lucky" in day to day life, I am happy, confident and secure in myself and I have a fun, active group of friends and family around me so none of it bothers me all that much and I just laugh everything off or shrug it off. I also meet lots of people outside of OLD, most I don't chat much to, but I talk to plenty of people and have a short giggle with them. At the end of the day none of these men know me. None of them have spent time with me so they don't know what they are missing. Hence their opinion of me simply does not matter. It is that simple. The only people that matter are the ones who are in my life every day. Those are a pretty special bunch. So a partner for me, while nice is not an essential (like butter and milk!).

 

I do know some who are not as lucky as me, who are not as secure in themselves and it really does really hurt and upset them. One young chap I know had arranged to meet a girl, she kept flaking and then told him that he didn't seem as cool any more... How on earth is she going to know when she hasn't even met the poor devil??? It was just messages and text so she didn't even know what his voice sounded like!

[SycamoreCircle]

You recognize that people who are "plugged-in" to their iPhones all day are missing something. That same logic applies to people who expect all the naturalness and stability of old fashioned meet-and-greet with OLD.

 

Nescafe does not taste the same as slow roasted coffee.

 

People are choosing a more instant means of connection. With that cut-through-the-bullsh;t ethos comes a greater propensity towards the EJECT button, in all its variations. Social responsibility is reliant on social interaction. Tribal communities had more social indebtedness than exploded communities. The infinity of internet erases social responsibility. LS can read my post here, stand up and call me a windbag. But not this weekend at the Town Hall Meeting.

 

It is what it is. You want ease of connection. You are angry. Your anger is at yourself.

[Otter2569]

That is too funny! I will occasionally browse POF when I get their monthly email and tend to see the same faces iv'e seen on there for years.

 

The best was a woman I chatted with when I first joined. She dropped off for a while and I was off for almost two years. She shows up again with the exact same pictures and profile. I'd call that false advertising!

[RuKiddingme]

That is too funny! I will occasionally browse POF when I get their monthly email and tend to see the same faces iv'e seen on there for years.

 

The best was a woman I chatted with when I first joined. She dropped off for a while and I was off for almost two years. She shows up again with the exact same pictures and profile. I'd call that false advertising!

 

 

And those are the same type who don't respond.

 

 

Online dating is such a joke.