DRStone Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Bit of background 19/M/UK, never been in a relationship, never been on a date I've gotten to a point where I just feel really lonely and want to meet someone, even if we don't end up together, just being able to go on a date with someone and make any kind of connection would be great. I've tried online dating (If you can call it that for my age group), trying to meet people in bars, in town.. you name it, I've probably tried it. The only problem is, I'm just not getting anywhere and it's dragging down my confidence and making me feel even more lonely. I was out with some friends the other night and whilst waiting at the bar to buy drinks a really cute girl came and stood next to me and after a minute or so I finally plucked up the courage to talk to her. We spoke for maybe 2/3 minutes and when the barman asked what I wanted I offered to buy her a drink, she said yes. We then continued speaking for a few more minutes. She seemed really nice, smiled, kept a conversion flowing well (which is difficult for me to do so this really helped), I made her laugh, which is something I haven't been able to do on many occasions. Just before he gave us our drinks I said "I'm here with some friends but I'd like to get your number and maybe we could meet up for a drink sometime?" She said yes and put her number in my phone.. I went to call her the next evening and some bloke answered... YES! She gave me a fake number... I finally thought I had broken the barrier, finally managed to do something... but no, she was just being polite and instead of being honest just gave me a fake number! I feel like I'm never going to get anywhere with anyone and the more I get rejected the more I sink deeper into depression and loneliness and the harder everything is going to become! Anyone out there got any advice? I really don't know what else to do! Link to post Share on other sites
sadsoymilk Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I know that this probably feels like a huge setback - if you were already feeling low, a rejection can really make it worse. I know how it is. But, look at it this way - you went out, you took a chance, and although it didn't work out exactly.. the important thing here is that you did take that chance! As impossible as it seems and feels right now, all you can do is brush yourself off and keep going back out there. It'll be easier this time around, and if you keep trying, you will find some success, I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRStone Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I know that this probably feels like a huge setback - if you were already feeling low, a rejection can really make it worse. I know how it is. But, look at it this way - you went out, you took a chance, and although it didn't work out exactly.. the important thing here is that you did take that chance! As impossible as it seems and feels right now, all you can do is brush yourself off and keep going back out there. It'll be easier this time around, and if you keep trying, you will find some success, I promise. It gets harder and harder every time.. it no way has it ever gotten easier. If you take a read of my previous threads it might make it a little bit clearer. I'm just tired of always being second best and no one taking the time to get to know me.. I've tried, I've really tried. I've gone out purposely to meet people, I've got out just with friends and happen to meet people but every time it all ends in rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Keep your chin up man. I've never been fake numbered but I have had girls give me their numbers and say they are "busy" or basically keep delaying and making excuses. The way I look at it is at least I got the courage to try. One day I'll hit my target! Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Well done for plucking up the courage to talk to her, some guys won't even do that. I don't know where you hang out in London but I find people in Shoreditch very cool, trendy and easy going x Link to post Share on other sites
sadsoymilk Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It gets harder and harder every time.. it no way has it ever gotten easier. If you take a read of my previous threads it might make it a little bit clearer. I'm just tired of always being second best and no one taking the time to get to know me.. I've tried, I've really tried. I've gone out purposely to meet people, I've got out just with friends and happen to meet people but every time it all ends in rejection. Hmm.. I just read through your other threads. I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I can totally understand how it has gotten harder, especially if your last rejection is fresh in your mind. And I can relate to the way you are feeling. I'm the same age as you, about as introverted as you can get, and I also have little to no luck in relationships.. When things like this happen to us (the constant rejections, the feelings of being second-best) it naturally hits our self-esteem and brings it way down. (Especially if it wasn't that high to begin with!) I've felt that sense of inadequacy, or that something was wrong with me. But what I've learned is that it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you carry that doubt and negativity around with you, people can feel it, even if you think you're hiding it well. And confidence is so important to life, especially with dating. It may seem impossible, and it certainly feels that way, but all you can do is accept the pain, wallow in it for a bit.. and then get back out there. I know that you're trying, and that you've tried. And that's great! Most people never even make that first step. That's all you can do right now. And since it hasn't worked yet, you've gotta try something new.. try working on yourself. Do everything you can to build that self-esteem. I don't know if you work out, but exercise works wonders. Do the things you enjoy. Try some new ones, especially those that get you out around other people - and try your best to keep your head up! It's certainly a tough journey and it might not feel like it now, but you're a great person who is worth getting to know, and a girl is going to realize that someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Destined2B Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I was out with some friends the other night and whilst waiting at the bar to buy drinks a really cute girl came and stood next to me and after a minute or so I finally plucked up the courage to talk to her. We spoke for maybe 2/3 minutes and when the barman asked what I wanted I offered to buy her a drink, she said yes. We then continued speaking for a few more minutes. She seemed really nice, smiled, kept a conversion flowing well (which is difficult for me to do so this really helped), I made her laugh, which is something I haven't been able to do on many occasions. Anyone out there got any advice? I really don't know what else to do! Well, for one, don't take people at the bar seriously, cause they sure aren't taking you seriously. You are going through a learning process right now, and it's best to accept that you will stumble along the way. Last thing you want to do is base your self-confidence on the actions of others. Link to post Share on other sites
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