M_Theory Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I've been having absolutely no success in the dating world. I've been on and off dating sites, and have even tried mingling a bit in public. Whenever I'm out in public, I see all the couples or married people, and wonder how and where they met up, and what was said to get the ball rolling towards going on a date. I cant get any bites on dating sites, actually cant even get any nibbles. The only interaction I ever get is once in awhile women will reply to me saying something like "Youre a good looking guy, dont give up". WTF is that supposed to mean? If women keep telling me I'm good looking, than why in the world am I getting ignored by everyone?? What annoys me about all of this is the fact that I cant even get my foot in the door. Cant women at least converse with me? I know a lot of other guys that get dates via online dating, and even though it doesnt work out 95% of the time, at least they are interacting with women! Thats all I ask for..is a chance. If I went on only 1 date a month, and it didnt work out, I would be totally fine with that. I just dont understand what everyone else is doing that allows them to go on dates, and I cant even get anyone that wants to talk to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Well, you haven't given us much to go off of... I mean, we don't know if it's your looks, personality, where you live, they OLD sites...get my drift? And, IMO, dating is so difficult now a days cuz of a lot of things... When it comes to women, I think that cuz women have so many options and are independent (in other words, no rush to marry cuz they can pay their own bills and have priorities like education/career over having kids immediately) - women are more picky. But, I think they are so picky that they often have unrealistic expectations. Years ago I was watching some sorta real-live/reality TV type of 'dating in the big city' type thing and this good looking guy with his stuff together was ready to commit to X chick, but she knew that with her being in the big city, she had sooooo many options and told him 'thanks, but no thanks'. Then, there's that Millionaire Matchmaker show where this rich woman with her own business was being set up with this - gosh darn - handsome, in-shape, accomplished, rich, business guy too. He was also soooooo handsome and well kept for his age. Well, she thought "she could do better" and was such an idiot that she made a scene and ran out of the restaurant without even finishing the date. And, you know what the ironic thing is here? These women are soo picky, but are ready to drop there drawers so casually to "express their sexuality" and even shack-up with some guy instead of holding out for a decent RL...go figure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 With all due respect, why should someone pick you to date over the next guy? What makes you dateable, do you think? Can you answer that question? That's really the crux of whether folks want a first date with you, especially online. With real life approaches, finding a connection/chemistry also plays a part. So how you interact with the person comes into play. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 I agree and understand both of your replies above. I'm not saying I should have women knocking my door down, but as I said before, I do expect a few nibbles of interest here and there. I think the "many options" factor is a huge part of it nowadays. Women have sooo many options with the whirlwind of social media and all that goes along with it. I forgot to mention that I do not have any kids, and I'm in my 40's. A few women I know have said that theres a huge chunk of the female population that wont even think about giving a guy like me a chance. They automatically assume one of the following..... -I never settled down, never had kids and still a player -Unworthy of dating a single mom because I never had my own kids -Something just "wrong" with a guy in his 40's that never had kids Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 You've totally sidestepped the question. Why should someone date you? If you can't come up with an answer, expect to struggle until you do something about it. Don't expect any nibbles just because. Daters aren't charity workers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 You've totally sidestepped the question. Why should someone date you? If you can't come up with an answer, expect to struggle until you do something about it. Don't expect any nibbles just because. Daters aren't charity workers. I'm fun and open minded, Ive never cheated and never will. I'm independent and financially stable, and I treat women with respect rather than like an object. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Now we're getting somewhere! Have you had any long-term relationships? What are you looking for when you date? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Now we're getting somewhere! Have you had any long-term relationships? What are you looking for when you date? All my relationships have been long-term. I'm not a "fling" type of guy that just dates someone for sex, money, or companionship. I look for women that are my equal. Someone that is independent, seems to have her sh*t together, without any noticeable drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Blue Box Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 With all due respect, why should someone pick you to date over the next guy? What makes you dateable, do you think? Can you answer that question? That's really the crux of whether folks want a first date with you, especially online. With real life approaches, finding a connection/chemistry also plays a part. So how you interact with the person comes into play. That is a very good question and it is one that we should ask ourselves that before even trying to date. We need to think of what we have to offer another person while seeing what makes us unique rather than just a carbon-copy of everyone else. In fact people are trying to nag me back into dating and I ask them the same thing. What they tell me is I am a hard worker, a good man, I would be faithful, and I am good looking. Although I have lost 150 pounds since I have started my weight loss journey (from roughly 400 pounds down to 245 pounds) I don't see that I have the looks that women would find attractive, I never had a relationship let alone a LTR, I am 40, I am still a virgin, and I have no interest in dating because I am so busy with work and trying to get my career started. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 What did your messages say when a woman replied with, "You're a good looking guy, don't give up,"? That is a bit odd, yes, so it makes me suspect that the messages you're sending are saturated with low self-esteem and desperation, enough to elicit the occasional pity response from exceptionally empathetic women. Is there any truth to this theory? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 What did your messages say when a woman replied with, "You're a good looking guy, don't give up,"? That is a bit odd, yes, so it makes me suspect that the messages you're sending are saturated with low self-esteem and desperation, enough to elicit the occasional pity response from exceptionally empathetic women. Is there any truth to this theory? No. I'm not stupid enough to send a message like that even if I had low self esteem or was desperate. I am very analytical about this whole dating situation, but not desperate. Women tell me I'm good looking in all aspects, not just when in the dating world, so thats why getting no replies makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 No. I'm not stupid enough to send a message like that even if I had low self esteem or was desperate. I am very analytical about this whole dating situation, but not desperate. Women tell me I'm good looking in all aspects, not just when in the dating world, so thats why getting no replies makes no sense. Would you feel comfortable sharing an example of a message you sent that received a response like that? I've seen more than a few examples of guys who don't think their messages seem desperate and downtrodden, but then they totally do. You don't have to actually BE something to accidentally come across that way. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 All my relationships have been long-term. I'm not a "fling" type of guy that just dates someone for sex, money, or companionship. I look for women that are my equal. Someone that is independent, seems to have her sh*t together, without any noticeable drama. All good stuff! Not to put you on the defensive, but if you've had long-term relationships, why haven't you married? It's a question that will come up at some point. Where are you looking for women? Are these places that are populated with the type of women you seek? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 All good stuff! Not to put you on the defensive, but if you've had long-term relationships, why haven't you married? It's a question that will come up at some point. Where are you looking for women? Are these places that are populated with the type of women you seek? I have been married once....that relationship lasted around 8 years. She had kids of her own, thats why we never had kids. But of course many women will just assume I'm a waste, and couldnt possibly grasp the concept of what its like raising kids. Thats my point....nobody even takes the time to ask me questions, talk, or get to know me...they all automatically assume and judge right from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 So out of the blue, a woman said You're a good looking guy, don't give up? Were you telling her you couldn't get any dates? Why would she bring that up? Did you message her and she said no, but don't give up or what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 So out of the blue, a woman said You're a good looking guy, don't give up? Were you telling her you couldn't get any dates? Why would she bring that up? Did you message her and she said no, but don't give up or what? When I have emailed women on dating sites, I have had some of them reply to me with phrases like that. Maybe not word for word each time, but close enough. I'd send a message, comment on their profile, include a shared topic we both had, and they would reply with a few sentences, basically telling me they werent interested, but telling me I'm good looking, or cute...stuff like that. Believe me, it doesnt make any sense to me either. Theres always been random comments at work or out in social situations as well. Someone will be talking about something, or some situation, and they would tell a story about a guy, and throw in some comment like "He was OK looking, but not as good looking as you are". Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I have been married once....that relationship lasted around 8 years. She had kids of her own, thats why we never had kids. But of course many women will just assume I'm a waste, and couldnt possibly grasp the concept of what its like raising kids. Thats my point....nobody even takes the time to ask me questions, talk, or get to know me...they all automatically assume and judge right from the start. Oh, so you have been married! Not having kids seems to be a very sore point for you. Why is that. Do you wish you had kids or something? Why the sensitivity? You seem incredibly insecure about this. Why? So where are you looking for women? Are these places populated with the type of women you seek? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Oh, so you have been married! Not having kids seems to be a very sore point for you. Why is that. Do you wish you had kids or something? Why the sensitivity? You seem incredibly insecure about this. Why? I am happy I never had kids of my own, I like my independence. The reason its a sore point with me is because single moms prejudge me, assuming that any guy that got a woman pregnant is automatically a better candidate than I am. So where are you looking for women? Are these places populated with the type of women you seek? Dating sites, thats about it. I dont go "looking" for women when I go out. Thats not a priority. If a conversation starts up naturally then so be it. But I dont frequent locations specifically trying to get a date. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'm fun and open minded, Ive never cheated and never will. I'm independent and financially stable, and I treat women with respect rather than like an object. This is useless in the dating world. It all comes down to looks, being nice doesn't cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 This is useless in the dating world. It all comes down to looks, being nice doesn't cut it. True for the most part.....thats why it doesnt make any sense when women reply to me, telling me I'm good looking and not to give up. If they think I'm good looking why are they passing me by?????? Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 True for the most part.....thats why it doesnt make any sense when women reply to me, telling me I'm good looking and not to give up. If they think I'm good looking why are they passing me by?????? They don't think your good looking, their lying so you don't lose hope with other women, but remember it's online dating, been there done that for 5 years no success. Just focus on yourself and do things that make you happy besides seeking out women, and if your lucky along the way you'll meet one. That's your best bet, same goes for me. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I am happy I never had kids of my own, I like my independence. The reason its a sore point with me is because single moms prejudge me, assuming that any guy that got a woman pregnant is automatically a better candidate than I am. Are they telling you they won't date you because you don't have kids? Where are you getting this belief of yours? Also, why are you limiting yourself to mothers with children? Read your own responses in this thread. It's chock full of defensiveness and bitterness about not having children. We had to drag out a few positives from you, and then you immediately reverted back to your negativity and defensiveness about being childless. It's a huge turn-off. Honestly, if McDonald's, Coca Cola, or Frito Lays took your approach they would have gone bankrupt a long, long time ago. Thankfully for them, you don't handle their marketing strategy. Dating sites, thats about it. I dont go "looking" for women when I go out. Thats not a priority. If a conversation starts up naturally then so be it. But I dont frequent locations specifically trying to get a date. Why not? If you're serious about finding someone, why aren't you using all possible avenues to find someone? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 True for the most part.....thats why it doesnt make any sense when women reply to me, telling me I'm good looking and not to give up. If they think I'm good looking why are they passing me by?????? Why are they telling you you're good-looking when they reject you? That is so strange. What are you saying just before they say this? FWIW, most women are not looking for Ken dolls. You need some substance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Honestly, I don't think the kid thing is holding you back, but attitude about it could be. I really don't think a woman is looking for a guy with kids and don't expect guys to have a lot of aptitude for it. Anyway, there's plenty on both sides on that issue, so it shouldn't be the problem. I think you may need a profile overhaul. Be only positive and say what you love and are passionate about and state the good qualities about yourself and put a couple but not many limitations or dealbreakers. Remember if you state the positive things it can imply you wouldn't like the opposite of that. For example: I am only an occasional drinker, like to spend cozy nights at home watching movies and go to a good restaurant and go do something special on the weekends. That is all positive but tells them probably if you're an addict of any kind, need not apply. Also tells them you're not someone who wants to go out every night but that you aren't a stay-at-home fuddyduddy either. Just put some thought into changing your profile. Do not put anything self-deprecating. Some people think that's a good quality, but it isn't. Say only nice things about yourself and the woman you'd like to meet, and be truthful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Are they telling you they won't date you because you don't have kids? Where are you getting this belief of yours? I've heard it from women. I never assume things like that, or conjure up thoughts out of thin air. I always get it straight from the source. Many single moms have told me that they wont even entertain the idea of dating a guy without kids, because he "Couldnt possibly understand what having kids is all about". Its the same as women telling me they wont date guys without a college degree, or wont date guys that arent at least 6in taller so they can still wear their heels. Also, why are you limiting yourself to mothers with children? I dont. I approach a wide spectrum of women. But the results are the same...shot down no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
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