SJC2008 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) It seems like I'm always the backup friend or the forgettable guy. My biggest pet peeve is that sometimes when I try to make plans they say I'll let you and they don't. Are most people like this? I should say that these plans I'm talking about are activity related that has to do with the weather so if it's obvious that the weathers gonna suck I can somewhat understand but that wasn't always the case. I cut a friend loose about a year ago because if he has to cancel plans his way of letting us know was radio silence. I put up with that long enough and I finally cut ties. Im not perfect of the greatest friend in the world but I'm either boring trash that nobody wants to hang out with, my people picker sucks or people in general suck. I try to make new friends sometimes too. I found a former coworker on fb and fronded him. He accepted the request but when I told him we should get together some time in a message he didn't reply. Another friend of mine is back on the scene after breaking up with his girl, he talks crap like he wants to hang out and he's invited me out once but I had plans and I've invited him out twice and he cancelled once and said he couldn't make it on the other but he hasn't invited me out agaian and I see him partying on fb. I guess I'm trash... Edited December 27, 2014 by SJC2008 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 I've dealt with the same exact thing. It just seemed to be really hard to make guy friends and after a couple of them not being able to follow through with the plans we made, or telling me that they will let me know, I just gave up. Link to post Share on other sites
lauren13 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 I've dealt with this when I just moved to my current city. It's unbelievably difficult to make new friends when you're out if Uni. and new ..it seems like most ppl are very cliquish and won't let you in.. I've been living here for 2.5 years now and I managed to make 5 close friends and some acquaintances - with A LOT of hard work & taking initiatives. Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 The average person is flaky. No worries because you want friends that are above average. Honestly, I haven't dealt with this much, but, even if I did, I don't sweat it. Don't take it as a reflection on you. If you want to make friends in a new city, you have to be pretty outgoing and aggressive about (almost to the point of being rude). It works and can be fun. But you can't care what anybody thinks because you will offend some people by doing this (which is fine because they're probably lame anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 The average person is flaky. No worries because you want friends that are above average. Honestly, I haven't dealt with this much, but, even if I did, I don't sweat it. Don't take it as a reflection on you. If you want to make friends in a new city, you have to be pretty outgoing and aggressive about (almost to the point of being rude). It works and can be fun. But you can't care what anybody thinks because you will offend some people by doing this (which is fine because they're probably lame anyway). That's a big part of the problem, I take it as a reflection on me and it gets me down. We all have our friends on a natural totem pole IMO but if you make plans with someone you shouldn't ditch them if your first choice pops up. Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 That's a big part of the problem, I take it as a reflection on me and it gets me down. We all have our friends on a natural totem pole IMO but if you make plans with someone you shouldn't ditch them if your first choice pops up. If your friends are doing this regularly, find better friends. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Are you someone 'different' trying to befriend everyday people? Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Have you tried join some kind of club or sport? When I was doing martial arts, there was a real bonding with a lot of the people there and we would sometimes hang out after at a bar or have events that was setup by the dojo. Great way to meet people with common interests. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 This was a big issue for me in my 20s. Seemed everyone was flaky and trying to be friends with some was like trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. I think a lot of it is because the 20s are years of transition and finding out who you really are. Some people are going to just naturally drift apart and lose interest. Now that I'm in my 30s things are better. There's still some flakeage going on but I've learned to take things less personally. I've also realized, looking back, that 1) I too could be flaky and 2) having a few very good friends that happened organically is a lot better than trying to force a friendship with lukewarm people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) Most folks' people-pickers naturally improve with age and life experiences. It's part of gaining wisdom. Plenty of people also tend to become more cynical as they get older. Once you get past your college years, you have to take a stronger initiative to get out there and meet new people. Join common-interest clubs, play a sport, something. But let things unfold organically...others can tell when you're trying too hard. Keep in mind that once most people reach their mid-20s, they will already (a) have well-established social circles, (b) be full-time employed and be focused/engaged in getting their careers off the ground, and © be in a serious relationship. Therefore for them, meeting new people is a low priority (professional networking aside). Also, quality >> quantity. That goes for both friends and dating. Edited December 28, 2014 by GravityMan grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Are you someone 'different' trying to befriend everyday people? I'm shy so I guess I'm different in that sense. I'd say I'm a little more than an even split between someone who doesn't like to leave the house and an everyday person. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 It seems like I'm always the backup friend or the forgettable guy. My biggest pet peeve is that sometimes when I try to make plans they say I'll let you and they don't. Are most people like this? It depends how busy they are with their own personal lives and interests. I have a friend that rarely reaches out to me, but his thing is going to bars and trying to pickup girls. That's not my cup of tea. I have another friend who is busy with martial arts and dating Polish or Asian girls. I've reached out to each of them, make plans, and most of the time plans fall through. Now, I just relegate them to rare hangouts. Trying to make friends after your school days of youth is a challenging endeavor. As people progress into jobs/careers, starting a family, they become less available. And there's the people on the other side of the spectrum that have no motivation for anything. So finding new friends that are balanced is almost a crap shoot. The best method is to join groups that share your interests. At least you'll be able to have fun and be around some people. Link to post Share on other sites
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