How do you respond?

[FinallyDating]

Needing advice on how to handle a Secret Admirer/Santa. How do men want the female to respond? If this admirer is my crush, I want to respond in the best way possible. If this admirer is a creepy guy from work, then I'll politely reject him. If this admirer is a group of bullies, then I'll have a hell of a story to tell you guys soon.

 

So men!!!! Or females who have experienced this before. What the **** should I do? I'm hoping they identify themselves tomorrow.

[kolleamm]

Use your poker face.

[FinallyDating]

Use your poker face.

 

Would you elaborate? Like, act like I don't care when he identifies themselves? Play coy?

 

This whole thing is driving me crazy! It's absolutely genius for the guy to do this. I can't stop thinking about the gift.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Well, every single one of those possibilities is one where, the best vibe you can give is being (or seeming) comfortable with yourself, and with their approach/effort/fear (of more traditional approaches).

 

Rehearse in your head the polite way you are going to reject (most candidates)... practice/commit-to eye contact and sincerity... and you may even use the (I don't date where I work) standby if you are pressed for an iron-clad reason for the rejection.

 

If strung-along to where they won't reveal themselves, then at some near point you basically demand that they get bold and let you know who it is, or that they shouldn't bother continuing the charade.

 

I think it rather pointless to go over how you might respond if it is the crush, as you will be tongue-tied, and helpless, and really excited all at the same time.

 

Just let yourself wing it, and yet cause yourself to give the same vibe of being comfortable with yourself on the small chance that it IS the crush.

 

 

I don't think it really likely that a group of bullies has coordinated this secret admirer at your expense.

 

Just be yourself... and it will go fairly well, no matter which outcome is revealed.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This changes everything:

 

Does he like me or does he not like me?

*paragraphs are the most important, if you don't want to read everything*

 

Alright, I'm new to this forum, and whole "dating" thing. I'm going to try my damnest to make this short. Back in January, I got out of a 7 year relationship with my bf. It's taken alot of soul searching, and self-improvement since then, but I feel like I'm ready to date (maybe not a serious relationship, though).

 

Sooo... there's this guy at work, I'm wondering about. I started this job about a year and 1/2 ago, while I was still in a relationship. He's the typical tall, good-looking, charming, flirtatious male in office. I swear, I have no idea what his job involves. I think he's only hired for the eye-candy. Anywho, when I first started, I noticed his good looks, and his flirtatious personality with all the females. I would roll my eyes, and not pay him attention. Mostly because I was in a relationship, but also because I know these men typically act this way for female attention. He wasn't about to get mine.

 

During the first month there, I would notice him staring at me during meetings, and also stare into my office (I have a glass door). It wasn't like he was gawking, but more like, he would come to my side of the hallway, and pass by my office. I once overheard, outside of my office, a female co-worker catching him do this. I heard, "What are you doing? Do you want her to smile at you or something" and giggles would erupt. Again, I paid him no attention. However, it was cute one day when he came to my office just to tell me a CORNY joke. He blushed so hard, as I gave him a confused look after the pun. Ngl, it was kinda cute. Again, he is so flirty with everyone that I just thought he was trying to add me as one of the many females who fawn over him.

 

Fast forward to January, when I became single. I was seriously a mess. I could not even think of dating anyone else, I just kept thinking how I could get my ex back. I was so pathetic. However, time heals all and by the following month, the daily tears and sporadic breakdowns had stopped. The hot guy from work stopped by my office around March with a lovely Starbucks Frappicino. His words, "I got you this. I never had this flavor, I hope you enjoy it." I was so stunned, like, why did he just do this. Again, I kept reminding myself that this guy just wanted female attention, so I brushed it off to that. He never had my attention before, and I could only imagine that this bugged him, since I was the only one who refused to fall for his charm. But the next week, I did dropped off a bottled water with a thank you note about the frap. My thoughts as expected, he just thanked me for the water, and didn't do anything else. I figured this guy wouldn't ask for my number or anything. The following months I still didn't fawn over him, as I thought that he was not genuinely interested, but just wants attention. I even later found out that he brought another young female coffee (not sure if it was a frap or every bought).

 

*This is already getting kind of long, so I'll trying to get to my point. Fast forward to last week. I recently had to quick my job as I was going back to school (Optometry School) and switched to a part time position in a different section of the building. On my last day, I figured, what the hell, let's make a move. So, I went by his office and exchanged pleasantries with him about random things. The conversation was very nice, it flowed and no awkward silences. As I gave him a hug goodbye, I leaned in and gave him a small peck on the lips. He smiled, kind of turned red (I was probably blushing harder) and said, "Okay." I left his office saying, "I always wanted to do that."

 

*The day was not over yet. This was around 3pm that this happened. Around 5pm, we bumped into each other in the hallway, and I did not make eye contact. He followed me to where I was going (break room) and asked if I wanted to say "goodbye" again. I agreed, and gave him a better peck on the lips this time. He told me, "I just felt like that needed to be done twice like in Europe." I giggled like an idiot, and started walking away. Not even 2 minutes later, we bumped into each other again going the opposite direction, and made eye contact. We both smiled, and as we were both pass each other, we both did the look back at the same time. He then asked if I could follow him. I followed him to his office and we proceeded to make out for a few minutes. OMG DID I NEED THAT.

 

He did try for a feel-sky, but I moved his hand. So, that was last week, and he has stopped by my new cubicle (that side of the building is the same as one of his bosses) and said a quick hi. On Friday, he did stop by for a quick chat but nothing major.

 

*NOW, my question is... is this guy into me? Did he just make out with me for good old adult fun? Will he ask me out? I'm so new to this, so I need help. I'm dying for him to ask for my number. To anyone who will say, "you should ask him out," I don't want to do that, since I already made the first move, and now just waiting for him to ask me out.

 

SOOOOO sorry this was so long, but any advice would be greatly appreciated! Even if he doesn't ask me out, I got to make out with a hot guy, but ever since he stopped by my office on Friday to be friendly, I can't help but be giddy. On a side note, I feel like he's way out of my league. He's so attractive, and I know girls throw himself at him all the time. I'm about 10lb overweight, but have a fun personality. I always made him laugh during meetings.

 

Thank you all! When I'm more comfortable, I'll tell my breakup story to those who are suffering from breakups. It gets better! Promise!

 

 

 

Now maybe the guy mostly wants sex with you, but it is still considerably likely that he is the secret Santa, especially if he misses having you in his area.

[FinallyDating]

Hahaha. Thank you, SincereOnlineGuy. I'm hoping it's him, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

 

If anyone is interested the gift was VS lotion, and this secret Santa decided to choose the lotions titled, "Love Spell" and "Pure Seduction." Ugh... This is killing me!!!!!

 

It if is my crush, I really hope he mans up and asks my number, and then on a date, and all that beautimous stuff. If he's after sex, then dammit. Not tryin to be FWB w someone from work. I already feel odd dating someone from work, but golly if this is him, then he sure as hell as my attention now.

[FinallyDating]

Son of a bitch... It was from my boss (he speaks Spanish and so do I). To be honest, I think this is inappropriate. There's tons of scents from VS, but he picked those. Also, he could have just gotten me a gift card or something, not a present from a store that drips of sex.

 

Maybe I'm overreacting bc I'm disappointed that it's not from my crush, but I don't feel comfortable about this.

[angel.eyes]

Yes. Highly inappropriate! You can ignore it, report him to HR, and/or look for another job. Whatever you choose to do, save the messages he sent you. You may need them down the road.

 

As for the other guy, if he were interested in dating you or a relationship, he would have asked you for a date, not for a second kiss with an attempt to cop a feel. His choice tells you were this is going.

 

Glad you've recovered from your break-up!

Edited December 23, 2014 by angel.eyes

[kolleamm]

Don't worry about it, that's just life.

[FinallyDating]

Yeah, I'm just going to ignore it. I didn't even tell him thank you, lol. Even if he didn't mean anything by it, still kind of weird.

 

As for my crush, he just stopped by my cube to chit chat. I gave him the cold shoulder but he kept trying to get something out of me. I think I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of flirting anymore. Last Friday, we all went out and he hit on me HARD. He even left when I left, leaving our friends behind. People pointed it out and I could tell by his mannerisms. Maybe it was the beers he had, but whatevs.

 

Maybe I'm just bitter, but I'm not getting my hopes up about this guy. Plus, I think he has a gf. He kept texting, and I remember someone telling me he used to have a side girl from work, before she quit. I'm not that type of girl

 

Oh well, that's life! maybe I'll try OLD.

[TouchedByViolet]

 

Maybe I'm just bitter, but I'm not getting my hopes up about this guy. Plus, I think he has a gf. He kept texting, and I remember someone telling me he used to have a side girl from work, before she quit. I'm not that type of girl

 

 

So you are/were interested in a guy who has a gf and has been know to cheat....

[FinallyDating]

This was before I found all this out. I didn't know about this yesterday. I am seeing him in a different light now. I would apologize to his gf (if he has one) if I could.

 

I don't know what to feel like more. A tramp, or a fool.

 

Men who flirt w everyone, please stop. I usually ignore you guys, and this one time I slipped. Never. Again. #LatinaFury

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm disappointed too - about the boss.

 

 

I just... think the boss/worker interaction is best left off-limits, particularly by the worker.

 

IF it was a BIG company, I think I'd even report the gifts (and show the specifics) to the HR people, just to have something on record in case.

 

 

For it's one thing if somebody juuuuuuuuuust got you lotion of some random sort... but quite another given the names you cited.

[preraph]

Gross. So sorry it's your boss. I wish I'd answered sooner, because secret gifts are nearly always a creeper of one sort or another. If they weren't creeping, they'd already have asked you out.

 

If it's something intimate that can't be regarded as a joke, tell him you can't accept it because your boyfriend would want to know where it came from.

[JuneJulySeptember]

That happens all the time.