Co-worker: Interested or not (mixed signals)?

[dl02]

Recently I posted a thread regarding a female co-worker. I've created a new one purely because I 'think' things have developed since.

 

Previous post:

Quote:

There is a woman who I work with who recently has been acting odd near me. We work in opposite ends of the building (so I haven't seen much of her, as I have only worked there 4 months) but do occasionally have to work together.

 

Firstly, around 3 months ago when we first met she passed me and smiled. I of course thought nothing of it. This occurred a few times.

 

However, recently we've been seeing more of each other. I saw her looking at me from behind (reflection) and when I looked around, she quickly stopped looking and started playing with her hair, nervously looking away and avoiding eye contact.

 

The largest give away was when I walked past her, said 'hello' (knowing she would look away) and tried to make eye contact. She blatantly looked away, staring at the wall and after a two second pause said 'hi' in an excited voice. Almost falling over.

 

Yesterday, I almost walked into her and said sorry. She looked away, said nothing and started having a laughing fit. She then avoided entering the same room I was going in. I was also talking to the cleaner and she joined in but refused to look at or speak to me (is this a sign if disinterest as she didn't even acknowledge me)?

 

Today, I was talking to her. She seemed fine briefly, smiled and looked down. I then (later) had another conversation. She smiled looked down and had an awkward look on her face (not smiling). Why was this?

 

The thing is, she seems fine with everybody else (or at least better, as she is a nervous person). I know I could be intimidating her but I don't know why. I always smile and act friendly. Is this a sign of attraction? Why does she glance, look away and almost never make eye contact?

__________________________________________________ ________________________

Now:

Recently we've been working more closely with each other. Partially down to me wanting to get to know her better. The idea was to work on something with her, but we spent most of the time talking. 2 weeks ago I told her I wouldn't make it but she was adamant it could go ahead and moved the time back.

 

Throughout the past 2 weeks these meetings have been common. She turned and asked where I lived (found out we live in the same town) and we got deep into a personal conversation. I was briefly talking to the cleaner in the same room, and said (it was relevant at the time) that I wasn't on Facebook. She turned and looked disappointed. She also asked me to the workplace Christmas party and looked sad when I told her I was unable to make it. She talks to me openly about her family (I explained my epilepsy and she stated her brother suffers). We also act happy together, smile and joke. She also seems to be going out of her way to see me more (*I could be wrong about this, but I am being phoned in the workplace by her 2x more often). She crashed her car (minor) and couldn't wait to tell me. She swears near me only and generally seems relaxed. She even told me that everyday I'm dressed smart and she dresses badly (Why would she say this?). She also offered me a lift to work every morning and joked 'she isn't stalking me' When passing her office I see her staring and glancing at a distance. I walked in a couple of days ago and was given a huge smile. She asks me if I have any plans for Christmas (this conversation lasted 30 minutes). She called me a 'nice guy' and always smiles and jokes with me. We sit and eat and talk about work and day to day life. She gets no work done and neither do I. She joked, "When this is finished, we're going to find something else because nobody talks to me!". She even got worried I was leaving.

 

Here come the mixed signals - today I walked in to her office (she was busy) and told her I could make it and would be there. She didn't look overjoyed, but smiled and said great. I walked in and got the usual warm response. She also didn't reply to my email (though admittedly I didn't leave much room for a response). Occasionally, she seems in a rush to leave and said she was tired and in a rush to go home. She also mentioned a work meeting and said while it would be great to have me there, she'd rather I didn't go as I would be bored too (she laughed). Again, she asked me if I had Christmas plans and we chatted as per usual. In fact, we both walked out together laughing and joking. More than usual. It was almost like she wanted to continue it.

 

She does still occasionally act shy but now makes full eye contact. Whenever she see's me she looks happy and shouts 'hello!'. Even when passing me. We laugh a lot together. Recently, I've been more 'playful' rather than just a 'nice guy' by challenging her and making light jokes. She has also been doing the same back again. She jokingly said 'I see why people call you miserable now' and winked.

 

Can anybody make sense of this. I've given you a recollection of the events (a lot went on, so It's mostly what I can remember). Why would she act in this way or say the things she says?

[JuneJulySeptember]

You shouldn't try and do this man.

 

You should just ask and get your rejection, or maybe she does like you. And you should have done it a long time ago.

 

Playing the slow game like this and trying to read minds is going to end up with you falling for her, her rejecting you, and you being messed up for quite some time.

[Rydo]

I agree, nobody knows why she does what she does except her. So man up and ask her.

[melodicintention]

Go for it, then when things go bad have fun dealing with the fallout at work, potential visits to HR, uncomfortable environment, the whole office place knowing there's a rift between you all on a personal level. Office place dating, I'd prefer to die single than to ever date a coworker again.

[D.Mc.]

Go for it, then when things go bad have fun dealing with the fallout at work, potential visits to HR, uncomfortable environment, the whole office place knowing there's a rift between you all on a personal level.

 

 

YES to the above! Offices are for work, even if there is a socializing w/co-workers after work, it still never ends well, unless it does end in marriage LOL! Think about the stories told (or whispered) the day after office Xmas parties when people get "too" relaxed & forget they have to see these same people on Monday morning. The woman sounds a bit socially awkward & depending on your respective positions in the hierarchy of the business, she may very well understand in her own mind the inappropriateness of flirting with you or trying to go out with you. Yes, she may be attracted to you & not know what to do to further it while knowing all along it should not be furthered.

 

 

The real question on all office attractions is: can outside activity be pursued without ANY repercussions in the workplace & the answer is always NO. Even if 2 people who are married are starting a business together there is always some kind of boundary line they agree on both within & without the business & marriage b/c if it gets crossed things go bad in both arenas & fast.

 

 

Co-workers in an office face the uphill battle of: office gossip/jealous co-workers/distraction/impaired work performance & finally potential loss of job voluntarily or involuntarily. Let it go unless one or the other of you gets a new job.

[dl02]

I know. I wanted to know why she almost encouraged me not to go.

 

There does seem to be a connection.

[dl02]

I know. I wanted to know why she almost encouraged me not to go.

 

There does seem to be a connection.

 

Any advice?

[JuneJulySeptember]

All of the above BTW is untrue. There are two people around my age in my office who date and live together and there are no ill consequences.

 

There are only consequences if you are an uptight social/corporate climber who needs to get in everybody's business and are more concerned with where you fall in the hierarchy at work then meeting someone who might make you happy.

 

If you just mind your own business, there is nothing wrong with it.

 

That said, you're approach on the dating side is weak. Just ask and get your rejection or leave it alone. Forever.

[dl02]

All of the above BTW is untrue. There are two people around my age in my office who date and live together and there are no ill consequences.

 

There are only consequences if you are an uptight social/corporate climber who needs to get in everybody's business and are more concerned with where you fall in the hierarchy at work then meeting someone who might make you happy.

 

If you just mind your own business, there is nothing wrong with it.

 

That said, you're approach on the dating side is weak. Just ask and get your rejection or leave it alone. Forever.

 

She did state she has a boyfriend.