single_dad Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 I'd like to start dating again, but I think I'm scared of getting my heartbroken. Does anybody have any pointers? Link to post Share on other sites
TheyCallMeOx Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 This is something I tell myself when I think about dating again: If you're scared to date, it's better to wait. From my experience, if there's doubt about pursuing relationships, you're really not ready. Some people think that it's good to "test the waters," but I think you're just wasting time, and pain, learning down the road that you're not ready. I went down the path of believing I was ready to start dating again, but feared getting heart broken. Went through a two month relationship with a woman I didn't give a shiz about, made some women cry, ruined potential opportunity, all to realize things that I'm telling you now. When you're ready to fall in love again, you'll be ready to take risks. Some people take longer to recover. I'm still heartbroken and it's been over a year, and I'm quite happy with being single. Finally deciding to stay single and not pursue woman has been one of the best decisions I've made in a while. I think pursuing women being scared is just limiting yourself as a partner. You can't be the best partner you can be to a worthy woman when you're too scared to express yourself. Do yourself a favor. If you know you aren't ready, regardless of why, it's always better to just wait a little longer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I'm in the same boat.. all I can say is if you want something sometimes you gotta take a risk. Think of it as the first time you got a shot/injection. It may suck or cause a terrible experience. But then you go and do it again at some point and on and on... you take that risk each time, but you also fight the fear each time. The fact is there will always be a risk of being heartbroken. The question is are you willing to take a risk for a happy relationship over a heart break. I got wondering too this week when I started talking a to girl. I got cheated on 2 yrs ago by my ex. So far I haven't dated much or if I have I've been VERY cautious. Part of me enjoys being single, I mean I met this girl a week ago and already it's been tough at times. Makes me re-consider being single, or that I just haven't found the right person. Either way you take the risk or you don't. But if you don't take the risk, then you can't find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I think that for the vast majority of people, dating seriously means you pretty much will get your heart broken at some point. So if that's not something you're ready to face in earnest, if it's not worth it to you, then you might want to reconsider. To put it in perspective, consider people like myself, who basically pretend we're too chill and realistic to get hurt, and then are too proud to admit it when it happens. (And all while believing that our honesty and humility are our best qualities!) Most people see right through us and roll their eyes. So do you really want to mimic that BS, or do you want to wait until you're genuinely ready to embrace both heartache and love, as they pretty much always come in the same package? Because asking for pointers on how to not be afraid of heartache.. Well the best you're gonna get is pointers on how to fake apathy. But when you're really ready, romance will be the worth the risk of heartache that comes with it. My 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I think since you're still scared, it's best to wait, but while waiting I strongly suggest you ramp up your non-dating social activities and pursue new and old interests to keep yourself social and nonstagnant and keep your confidence up and then when you do start feeling better, you have a built-in circle of interests and people, which will be useful for finding what might be a better match than random dating. Take it easy. Take care of yourself, but part of that is making yourself stay social and active. Let it happen naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Reframe your thoughts. The new person is not your EX. The 1st few people you have dinner with will not have the power to emotional destroy you the way your EX did. Go back & think about how much fun you had dating before you met EX. Link to post Share on other sites
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