Worst First Date Stories

[Danda]

Okay so my dysfunctional, paranoid ass just might be going on a date pretty soon. You should all tell me your worst and/or funniest first date stories in the mean time so I can keep this **** in perspective. Much appreciated in advance to whoever shares.

[Danda]

Here I will share two:

 

1. This super nature-loving hippie dude asked me out on a date. He wanted to go hiking. I was super out of shape and a smoker, and I also had recently moved to the mountains. So I wasn't thinking straight and I was like sure sounds great. So we get there and start hiking this steep trail, and I am following behind him. And we're talking about politics and other horrible first date topics. And after a while I stop responding because I can't ****ing breathe. My face got all hot and tight feeling and I was like holy **** I'm going to die. I had to lay down on some rocks. I told him I was taking a break and after like 2 minutes he was ready to keep going. I had to tell him no I can't seriously I'm ****ing dying my head feels like it's going to explode. I was so embarrassed I was like, "Okay so I know we're not going to have a second date so you can go back if you want, I'm just going to lay here for a while," and he was like, "No I can't there could be mountain lions." So I just had to lay there on some rocks for like half an hour in awkward silence while this dude waited to escort me back down the mountains.

 

2. Evening date. Turned into a late night date because I guess he was nervous and got totally ****faced. I met him on the street in front of my apartment and he was this little, hairy man, looked like a drunk Ewok. I thought he was cute but he could barely walk. So we sat on the sidewalk for a while, and he started telling me about his parents and his tattoos and how his tattoos were his parents. Then he tried to kiss me but fell over and threw up in the snow. I couldn't just leave him there because it was Winter and I didn't want him to freeze to death. So I did this army carry thing I saw in a movie once except I'm sure I did it totally wrong. So we walked through the city like this with him hanging off half my body and to this day I'm not sure if that was really his apartment. The door was unlocked so I just put him in the entryway. He never texted me again, although months later I saw him in the grocery store and we pretended like we didn't recognize each other.

[kolleamm]

Here's mine.

 

Meet an Asian chick on OkCupid. Met up with her at Santa Monica. As soon as we met her smile dropped. Bought her sushi, took her on the roller coaster ride and drove her home.

 

I miss my $40.

[Danda]

Here's mine.

 

Meet an Asian chick on OkCupid. Met up with her at Santa Monica. As soon as we met her smile dropped. Bought her sushi, took her on the roller coaster ride and drove her home.

 

I miss my $40.

 

So what she had an awkwardly unhappy expression on a friggin roller coaster lol? Yeah that would be pretty awkward.

[Chris715]

Had a date with this girl from OKC a few years back, just going out during the day for coffee, figured it would be casual. We met up and she came completely dressed up and looked nothing like her profile pics, I barely recognized her. She asked me where I wanted to go and I said that Starbucks was fine for me. Her apparently being a coffee snob gave me a psssh and insisted we go somewhere else, so I rolled my eyes and went with it, already wanting the date to end.

 

Long story short she bored me to death with stories of her traveling Europe while we drank coffee, which you think would be interesting but weren't in the slightest and I did one of those fake takes of looking at my phone and pretending I was running late for class when in fact I didn't have to go for hours. Couldn't get out of there fast enough lol.

[kolleamm]

Had a date with this girl from OKC a few years back, just going out during the day for coffee, figured it would be casual. We met up and she came completely dressed up and looked nothing like her profile pics, I barely recognized her. She asked me where I wanted to go and I said that Starbucks was fine for me. Her apparently being a coffee snob gave me a psssh and insisted we go somewhere else, so I rolled my eyes and went with it, already wanting the date to end.

 

Long story short she bored me to death with stories of her traveling Europe while we drank coffee, which you think would be interesting but weren't in the slightest and I did one of those fake takes of looking at my phone and pretending I was running late for class when in fact I didn't have to go for hours. Couldn't get out of there fast enough lol.

You poor soul lol

[todreaminblue]

i was really young, naive,and hadnt really had too much to do with alcohol.....went to a cocktail place with a guy.......every time i finished a drink one would magically appear in front of me, i went around hugging randoms.....and ended up projectiling pink vomit...bloody marys....he held my hair while i pewked and i told him i loved him.....many times..about as many as i apologised.....i thought i was a terrible date......he didnt though....we went out for a while...even though i nearly got hit by a tram and was a total lush....never heard a tram before.....yep i was blind...i dont drink anymore for obvious reasons...i was also in naval uniform...so got in a spot of trouble...lost my lid...stockings all ripped up...total disgrace.......deb

[Targetlock]

oh well here goes, i got one from earlier this year.

 

Ended up chatting to this nice girl online and arranged a date of a meal out at a local restaurant. i get there and wait and then get approached a man, who asks me I'm awaiting this girl, alarms bells go off. turns out he is her carer and she is autistic, didn't expect that at all. i decided to go through with it as i came out for a nice meal, and i had one of the most oddest dates ever, just her, me and on the next table over her two carers. nice meal, pleasant enough company but wasn't a date or anything. overall a strange experience but but now quite amusing in hindsight.

 

The irony being I now work as a care worker with people with learning disabilities.

[Frank2thepoint]

Years ago I went out with some pretty Dominicana. She liked Chinese food, so we went to one that had good food. Half of the date was her talking about her friends, other half was her texting her friends. At the end of the date she hugged me and she reeked of body odor, and said "let's do this again". Nope.

 

 

Here I will share two:

 

1. This super nature-loving hippie dude asked me out on a date. He wanted to go hiking. I was super out of shape and a smoker, and I also had recently moved to the mountains. So I wasn't thinking straight and I was like sure sounds great. So we get there and start hiking this steep trail, and I am following behind him. And we're talking about politics and other horrible first date topics. And after a while I stop responding because I can't ****ing breathe. My face got all hot and tight feeling and I was like holy **** I'm going to die. I had to lay down on some rocks. I told him I was taking a break and after like 2 minutes he was ready to keep going. I had to tell him no I can't seriously I'm ****ing dying my head feels like it's going to explode. I was so embarrassed I was like, "Okay so I know we're not going to have a second date so you can go back if you want, I'm just going to lay here for a while," and he was like, "No I can't there could be mountain lions." So I just had to lay there on some rocks for like half an hour in awkward silence while this dude waited to escort me back down the mountains.

 

2. Evening date. Turned into a late night date because I guess he was nervous and got totally ****faced. I met him on the street in front of my apartment and he was this little, hairy man, looked like a drunk Ewok. I thought he was cute but he could barely walk. So we sat on the sidewalk for a while, and he started telling me about his parents and his tattoos and how his tattoos were his parents. Then he tried to kiss me but fell over and threw up in the snow. I couldn't just leave him there because it was Winter and I didn't want him to freeze to death. So I did this army carry thing I saw in a movie once except I'm sure I did it totally wrong. So we walked through the city like this with him hanging off half my body and to this day I'm not sure if that was really his apartment. The door was unlocked so I just put him in the entryway. He never texted me again, although months later I saw him in the grocery store and we pretended like we didn't recognize each other.

 

Oh damn these were funny.

[writergal]

When I lived in China I went out with this Chinese guy and his friend who was the city's newspaper editor. We had met for lunch. It was a date because he asked me out on a date but he didn't tell me that this editor would be tagging a long. well the whole hour and a half that I was there at the restaurant with this Chinese guy in the City newspaper editor, they both spoke Mandarin the whole time and occasionally he would translate with some English. after 2 hours of this I had finished my lunch and was just sitting there listening to them talk to each other in Mandarin and it was horrible. So I just got up put down my money on the table and left and took the bus back to the University where I lived. Later that night the newspaper editor called to apologize and explained that they were having a meeting. Yes she was bilingual which infuriated me even more, because all they had to do was talk to me in English or have their meeting another time or after lunch.

[LisaSmith_1970]

Well, I don't know if this is considered as a worst date story, but I started talking to this guy from okcupid awhile back, he seemed cool. We exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for a few nights and had plans on meeting up. I was looking forward to it, until he brought up the topic of MARRIAGE AND KIDS. I was like wth? He kept going on how bad he wanted a baby and how he wanted to make his mother proud with a grandbaby. Also, he lived like 2 hours away and he was "hinting" on me moving in with him-like he was referencing this movie that he saw-how this girl that lived in New York sacrificed her life by moving in with her boyfriend who lived in Las Vegas. That was a major turn-off. We haven't even met and he's talking about this ****? I'm like give it one step at a time. Anyway, I didn't want to meet up with him and I blocked his number.

[shet]

A few.

 

The girl I met at work at 19 who was Pakistani who clearly had a crush on me, but during our first actual date literally grabbed me and hid behind a barrier while we were at a tapas bar because some other brown family acquaintance was passing by outside and turned out if she was seen by anyone from her local ethnic enclave, with a white man, her family would punish her. Hardly grounds for a continuing relationship.

 

There was the girl I met at 20 who set up a date at an address in the city that turned out to be a "glamour shoot" with a girlfriend of hers (porn, no I wasn't involved) and she thought this was a good way to introduce what she did for a living. I was weirdly OK with it at the time and we did go for a meal after but within the week I recoiled in horror at the whole thing.

 

There was the girl I met at about 22 at a bonfire who glommed onto me, hard, and begged for a lift home, and took my number and arranged a date, and when I figured why not, agreed, and took her out, she reveals she's 14. I honestly thought I was going to be arrested or was in a police honeytrap.

 

At 25 there was the woman who I met in my neighbourhood who, within 5 minutes of a very casual first coffee date, just asked if I wanted to **** her on an ongoing basis. Maybe that's some guys idea of the perfect first date and I might handle it differently now but it felt like bad taste and, frankly, slutty to me.

 

Just about 6 weeks ago I had a first date with a Muslim woman who, because I'm apparently so easy to talk to and attentive, just shoved everything out there about her mental breakdown earlier this year, distrust of men and how I was the first man she's engaged with in some years, how she shaved her hair off under the hijab because nobody could see, etcetera, which just upset me greatly and made the rest of the date about me trying to comfort her. Saddest part is it was her that squashed any second date, not me. I would've been up for it.

 

The only problem with these stories is, these are the majority of my dates. Ever. I've maybe dated 8 or 9 times in my life and this kind of gong show is most often the experience.

[Mirages]

Shet, sounds like your region has mercury in the water, maybe lead. Bad streak there.

[PinkElephants]

Went to dinner with a guy I was set up with. He was wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and this wasn't during the holidays. Then he spent the whole meal talking about sheer craziness like how the government is run by cartoons and he wanted to discuss whether or not the moon landing actually happened.

 

After dinner, he invited me to drinks at a nearby jazz bar which I declined. He said it was just as well and then started crouching down under the shop windows and slinking along the wall while he explained that jazz bars aren't safe because there's always that one crack head in the back that's waiting to jump out and stab you.

 

Never saw him again and I'm happy to report that all jazz bars that I've been to since then have been free of stabby crack heads.

[D.Mc.]

Hi Danda,

 

 

Not a 1st date but I think this one is the thing that happens to 9 out of 10 people doing their 1st "meet up" from OLD:

 

I walked into the meeting place, saw only 1 guy who could possibly be there waiting for someone & immediately thought "please let that not be him, please let that not be him, please let that not be him"...it was him LOL!

 

He actually looked over once as I was standing inside the doorway, didn't see me or at least recognize me even though he'd texted me 10 minutes ago to ask what I would be wearing so he'd recognize me & I gave him a complete outfit description, so I missed my chance to just turn around & run!

 

Lesson learned: pics from OLD can BE "OLD" (like over a decade "old")...

[AVarma]

Here I will share two:

 

1. This super nature-loving hippie dude asked me out on a date. He wanted to go hiking. I was super out of shape and a smoker, and I also had recently moved to the mountains. So I wasn't thinking straight and I was like sure sounds great. So we get there and start hiking this steep trail, and I am following behind him. And we're talking about politics and other horrible first date topics. And after a while I stop responding because I can't ****ing breathe. My face got all hot and tight feeling and I was like holy **** I'm going to die. I had to lay down on some rocks. I told him I was taking a break and after like 2 minutes he was ready to keep going. I had to tell him no I can't seriously I'm ****ing dying my head feels like it's going to explode. I was so embarrassed I was like, "Okay so I know we're not going to have a second date so you can go back if you want, I'm just going to lay here for a while," and he was like, "No I can't there could be mountain lions." So I just had to lay there on some rocks for like half an hour in awkward silence while this dude waited to escort me back down the mountains.

 

2. Evening date. Turned into a late night date because I guess he was nervous and got totally ****faced. I met him on the street in front of my apartment and he was this little, hairy man, looked like a drunk Ewok. I thought he was cute but he could barely walk. So we sat on the sidewalk for a while, and he started telling me about his parents and his tattoos and how his tattoos were his parents. Then he tried to kiss me but fell over and threw up in the snow. I couldn't just leave him there because it was Winter and I didn't want him to freeze to death. So I did this army carry thing I saw in a movie once except I'm sure I did it totally wrong. So we walked through the city like this with him hanging off half my body and to this day I'm not sure if that was really his apartment. The door was unlocked so I just put him in the entryway. He never texted me again, although months later I saw him in the grocery store and we pretended like we didn't recognize each other.

 

These sound horrible. Is it wrong that they both made me laugh?

[MissBee]

There was a similar thread recently which I posted my long elaborate bad date stories. I was queen of those when I was younger and was exploring online dating. Here's a link to the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/458810-most-bizarre-worst-first-dates-2.html

 

Those were several years ago and I cringe even thinking I allowed myself to be in those situations. But at least now I can laugh about it.

[welshbambi]

Went on a date with a guy I met at a club, he was one of the managers. He seemed nice and funny and there was obviously a bit of a spark between us.

 

He was wearing these jeans that had all these rips in them.

 

So we'd been chatting and flirting, but nothing really sexual, and then he grabbed my hand and put it at the top of his thigh. He was hard and the tip of his penis was peeping out of one of the rips. He put my hand right on it. There was A LOT of pre cum, either that or he'd actually ejaculated.

 

I left. Quickly.

[MissBee]

Went on a date with a guy I met at a club, he was one of the managers. He seemed nice and funny and there was obviously a bit of a spark between us.

 

He was wearing these jeans that had all these rips in them.

 

So we'd been chatting and flirting, but nothing really sexual, and then he grabbed my hand and put it at the top of his thigh. He was hard and the tip of his penis was peeping out of one of the rips. He put my hand right on it. There was A LOT of pre cum, either that or he'd actually ejaculated.

 

I left. Quickly.

 

 

OMG! How disgusting!

[Danda]

These sound horrible. Is it wrong that they both made me laugh?

 

No they made me laugh, too. At least once that raging headache was gone.

[TigerLilly78]

My worst I got ditched met a guy on line we talked for a few weeks exchanged current photos I was honest he knew what I looked like. I met him up in town as we had agreed to go to a ice skating rink like 30 mins from my home. I didn't drive so stupidly I got in the car with this guy and off to the rink we go as were waiting for the open skate to start I had to go use the bathroom when I came back he was gone never herd from the loser again and had to figure a way home on my own..

[candie13]

My worst I got ditched met a guy on line we talked for a few weeks exchanged current photos I was honest he knew what I looked like. I met him up in town as we had agreed to go to a ice skating rink like 30 mins from my home. I didn't drive so stupidly I got in the car with this guy and off to the rink we go as were waiting for the open skate to start I had to go use the bathroom when I came back he was gone never herd from the loser again and had to figure a way home on my own..

 

I don't believe you...

[TigerLilly78]

I don't believe you...

Why not? I wish it hadn't happened but sadly it did..

[candie13]

like... for real? he just disappeared ? Man, I would have tracked him down and kicked his arse soooo hard ! that's insane, I swear, some people !

[TigerLilly78]

like... for real? he just disappeared ? Man, I would have tracked him down and kicked his arse soooo hard ! that's insane, I swear, some people !

Yep I walked out thought I just couldn't find him in the crowed until I went out to were I knew his car had been parked and it was gone oh believe me I called and emailed but to avail..

 

I was kinda young and this was pretty much my 1st real "dating" experience so it really hurt looking back he was older and should have knowen better but thats ok ..what comes around goes around karma is a bitch at times so I figure the odds are he got his at some point..