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OLD why some people never leave?


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OLD has gotten me thinking. Statistically speaking, online you would have all sorts of people. On the order of 1-10 look wise and all of the other qualities you might consider important.

 

So then why is it that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again? People who just spend years on those sites without luck.

 

If the variety of people online would be so great shouldn't they be paired up almost instantaneously with someone else?

 

Could OLD for the most part just be a big collection of unsatisfiable people?

(Yes you women lol)

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I would guess some just get addicted to OLD and some are never satisfied they turn down partner after partner, desperately seeking "the one".

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So then why is it that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again? People who just spend years on those sites without luck.

 

Various posters have raised this, some repeatedly. I'm guessing you'll find it mentioned in the collected wisdom of a poster called irc333, for example, if you want to find previous discussion.

 

Anyway, to your question:

 

I think there's some confirmation bias; some of those people aren't constantly on the site but are on and off (and doing some dating and having some relationships or just living their lives) but you don't notice them when they aren't there, only when you see them and recognise them.

 

I think there's some truth in it; there clearly are some repeat/serial online daters. It's hard to say if they are having success or what their measure of success is, though... and in particular I don't think you've demonstrated that they aren't having luck. Perhaps they do lots of dating, and that's why they are online!

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JuneJulySeptember
OLD has gotten me thinking. Statistically speaking, online you would have all sorts of people. On the order of 1-10 look wise and all of the other qualities you might consider important.

 

So then why is it that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again? People who just spend years on those sites without luck.

 

If the variety of people online would be so great shouldn't they be paired up almost instantaneously with someone else?

 

Could OLD for the most part just be a big collection of unsatisfiable people?

(Yes you women lol)

 

I can see how that is now too.

 

Women who are in it to find someone, do relatively quickly and get out. My sister actually did it for a little while. Then, others just use it to fill part of their social life and boost their confidence.

 

There are so many things that you just have to 'see for yourself' by actually manning up and posting your picture.

 

What and amazing tool to use if you are an average woman or above though, even a little below. All gain and no loss.

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OLD has gotten me thinking. Statistically speaking, online you would have all sorts of people. On the order of 1-10 look wise and all of the other qualities you might consider important.

 

So then why is it that I keep seeing the same faces over and over again? People who just spend years on those sites without luck.

 

If the variety of people online would be so great shouldn't they be paired up almost instantaneously with someone else?

 

Could OLD for the most part just be a big collection of unsatisfiable people?

(Yes you women lol)

 

All of the above answers are possible: people may be on and off the site, they may forget to delete their profiles. And they may just be unsatisfiable.

 

But since you're on there too, seeing them over and over again, it kind of begs the question: Are you unsatisfiable?

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All of the above answers are possible: people may be on and off the site, they may forget to delete their profiles. And they may just be unsatisfiable.

 

But since you're on there too, seeing them over and over again, it kind of begs the question: Are you unsatisfiable?

 

If by unsatisfiable you mean refusing to give into Moby dicks whale then yes.

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If by unsatisfiable you mean refusing to give into Moby dicks whale then yes.

 

I suppose I meant by it just what you did, since it was your word.

 

I have no idea what you were trying to say with the Moby Dick reference, but if it's a personal way of defining "unsatisfiable" then I'm happy to play along.

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I have a few accounts I leave up even when I'm not really interested in meeting anyone just for the winks/views and sometimes even when I'm dating people. I never log in or anything when I am, just too lazy to go through the deactivation process and nobody has felt insecure enough to snoop around and nag me about it so far.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eh, mine open up automatically when I start the browser along with around 30 other tabs...I sometimes go months without even reading any messages.

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LookAtThisPOst
Some people forget to delete their profiles.

 

True, but on POF you can see the repeats showing up active or "Online Now" when logged in.

There's a handful of rather attractive women that are surprisingly still there or keep coming back. Some even say, "Well, I'm giving this another shot."

 

Even after many years. Most notably they are single, never married, no children.

One of them, though well into her 40's her "longest relationship" was under 1 year.

Their profiles are seemingly rigid. They live in an area where most of their friends are married and they are the "Last of the Mohicans" so-to-speak. :laugh:

 

Some of their dating ventures had go beyond the borders of of at least 1 to 2 hrs of travel time which can be make them weary. Some prefer to stay online than go out to Meetups. In fact, another poster, I think it was "Insert_name" mentioned he saw the same faces on the Meetup site, but they rarely if ever attend the events. I'm guessing they are under the impression they think Meetup is just like POF or OKC. lol

 

I've known women to admittedly say that they've been on the site for a months, but never actually met ONE person for a quick meet.

 

My theory is that they do it more so for the attention or some kind of extension of Facebook. Another theory is that they could be on "the outs" with a current significant other, so they use it as some kind of refuge. I knew one that was going through the stress of a child custody re visitation in the courts and used the site to "get away from it all." As some kind of therapy of sorts from everyday life. Kind of sad.

Some use it as a cure for boredom, nothing more.

 

Eh, mine open up automatically when I start the browser along with around 30 other tabs...I sometimes go months without even reading any messages.

 

That would explain a lot (not a dig at you personalty, E.S., just women in online dating in general LOL

Edited by LookAtThisPOst
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If by unsatisfiable you mean refusing to give into Moby dicks whale then yes.

 

Moby dick had a whale? ...a baby whale? I'm pretty sure Moby dick WAS the whale.

 

...I'm so confused by your statement.

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LookAtThisPOst
Moby dick had a whale? ...a baby whale? I'm pretty sure Moby dick WAS the whale.

 

...I'm so confused by your statement.

 

Just taking a long shot guess. If he's referring to Moby Dick, I'm guessing it has something to do with the size of the whale in relation to the size of the women when it comes to online dating?

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Some people forget to delete their profiles.

 

Most girls I dated at the beginning of the summer were still active when I deleted my account . I believe some of them are just way too picky or addict to the web site . They go out with someone, they like him but someone new will always write to them.

Edited by the tank
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Could OLD for the most part just be a big collection of unsatisfiable people? (Yes you women lol)

 

I think there are two main things, which apply to dating and mate selection generally, not just online. It's just that online is where it gets noticed... where they're all lined up with product photos and feature descriptions.

 

1. Mate selection has always been serious business, especially for females; it's the business of optimizing their genetic potential. There is nothing casual about it, there is no altruism or sympathy, and of course it's reinforced by the societal mantra, "never settle." This obsession for optimization is in their DNA, to a greater degree in some, of course, and for some it reaches dysfunctional proportions... the "I'd never marry anyone who'd be interested in me" syndrome.

 

2. Everyone is wounded. Some people do pretty well at healing, becoming open again emotionally, and some just cannot. The ones who cannot are essentially dealing with too much fear to take a chance, to allow their heart to be vulnerable again. And of course the ability to love is directly proportionate to the ability to be vulnerable. They don't realize what they're doing, it's subconscious. They have complex defense mechanisms, layers protecting layers. They find fault with everyone who is a potential mate... they dump people because they fear being dumped, they make up stories in their heads (worst case scenarios) and then act in such a way as to preclude even the potential for something like that to come true. Unresolved pain and fear equals high, thick walls... and there is a lot of that going around. So these people usually have a strong desire for connection, but unless it comes with a guarantee (which it never does) they just can't expose that soft core to the possibility of another rejection or heartbreak.

 

So, when I meet someone new online, these are the two things I try and assess... emotional health and where they are in the optimization process. If a woman indicates that she's willing and able to open her heart be vulnerable, and if she has already dated around a bit, done enough optimizing that she's not going to feel like she's settling for the first guy to come along, then perhaps she is ready for a real, lasting relationship.

 

A small percentage will meet both criteria. That's my theory at least.

Edited by salparadise
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LookAtThisPOst
Most girls I dated at the beginning of the summer were still active when I deleted my account . I believe some of them are just way too picky or addict to the web site . They go out with someone, they like him but someone new will always write to them.

 

Just Google " The Husband Store" and yhat would tie into your post.

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Im one of those women.

 

I might go months without logging on to pof. Im not looking for a relationship. When I go to delete my profile I start getting messages. *shrug*

 

I think Ive gone 8 mos without a date. Honestly, sometimes I dont think about or notice men.

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Some people just want to serial date. They like the thrill of the new and different, and are not interested in "settling" down with just one - unless they (perhaps) encounter someone extraordinary.

 

 

Or maybe some are in relationships and looking for something extra.

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Could OLD for the most part just be a big collection of unsatisfiable people?

(Yes you women lol)

 

Sometimes men really do need to up their game. Its not always the woman being unsatisfiable.

 

I guess you could call me picky because I dont want to date some who is morbidly obese or very out of shape, like most of the men on pof in my area. Just for kicks, I looked up men in Cali and Washington state. The men were completely different!

 

I like to workout. Im not going to date someone morbidly obese for the sake of being with someone or for the sake of not being picky.

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LookAtThisPOst

I'm reminded of a woman on POF who has been active on the site for a while.

 

It's a rather unincorporated part of the area that's quite remote. Holds a Masters Degree. I think a recent empty nester.

 

She said something about how she enjoyed living in her small town and enjoys being her family who are also in the area and said she never plans on relrelocating.

 

I'm thinking " Well good luck with that because the only way one can increase their selection is to relocate to a larger city."

 

She's only a mid-40s secretary living the simple country life.

 

This post does make us aware there's only a finite amount of single people left and if one lives in a sole township where only single men are hangin out a dive bars with an alcohol problem and a jail record one is pretty much screwed.

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LisaSmith_1970

People are too damn picky on OLD! Guys never want to settle for less. I think OLD is the problem, they feel they can just click on the next profile to find the next hot chick with bigger boobs. Guys that have never used dating sites aren't as picky and are pleased to find the right girl just by meeting them in the real world.

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JuneJulySeptember
People are too damn picky on OLD! Guys never want to settle for less. I think OLD is the problem, they feel they can just click on the next profile to find the next hot chick with bigger boobs. Guys that have never used dating sites aren't as picky and are pleased to find the right girl just by meeting them in the real world.

 

That cannot be accurate. If both men and women were too picky, then nobody would be sending each other messages.

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That cannot be accurate. If both men and women were too picky, then nobody would be sending each other messages.

 

People just tend to overestimate their worth dating wise.

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LookAtThisPOst
People just tend to overestimate their worth dating wise.

 

Exactly, I mean...I've grown sick of seeing the same faces of women I've already emailed. Sometimes even a year or so later. Figured with the pickings around here, they'd at least be willing to give a shot. lol.

 

I heard one woman say in her profile that she deliberately blocks men that had contacted her, not because they harass her, but because she gets tired of seeing them appear in the "People who have recently viewed you" on top of the POF site.

 

Apparently, if you block those people, you won't even see them again.

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Exactly, I mean...I've grown sick of seeing the same faces of women I've already emailed. Sometimes even a year or so later. Figured with the pickings around here, they'd at least be willing to give a shot. lol.

 

I heard one woman say in her profile that she deliberately blocks men that had contacted her, not because they harass her, but because she gets tired of seeing them appear in the "People who have recently viewed you" on top of the POF site.

 

Apparently, if you block those people, you won't even see them again.

 

The ability to "hide" profiles you no longer wish to see is one of the biggest missing features of that site. OKCupid has a great Hide feature that I use a lot.

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