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Was once prepared to be in love, but now...no chemistry?


LookAtThisPOst

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LookAtThisPOst

I do recall a time where back in my college years a lot of my college/class mates were engaged or scheduling their marraige dates around the same time as their college graduation. Just a huge wave people meeting, falling in love, and getting married.

 

Some friends, even shortly thereafter college graduation got married.

 

I wasn't really dating anyone seriously while in college, but was more focused on finding a job right after graduation (in my field.)

 

Though once I did graduate, the dating pool fell like a rock, because as you know the dating pool is higher in college.

 

Even after that time, I was still ready to "fall in love" with the right woman. Did the online dating thing back in the dial up days or had taken some continuing education classes where most women were already married with children. Would even try to make nice with the store clerks during the slow days at the local mall. They usually had boyfriends, or so they claimed. lol

 

Anyhow, there came a point much later in my life where the whole "I was so prepared to fall in love" waned.

 

Romantic movies don't feel the same as they used to anymore. The warm fuzzies just aren't there anymore. I don't even react to co-workers daughters/sons getting married or when talks of wedding bells no longer depressed me. I would get sad seeing couples during the holidays together, snuggled up.

 

Now....as of a few years, I feel nothing of romance or getting misty. Not saying I'm jaded or bitter, but that feeling doesn't seem to be there anymore. I know I'm a man, but I don't get at that "awwww..." feeling anymore if even real life romantic stuff happens.

 

I'm saying, I used to be sappy, but hardly not so much anymore...and I think that's concerning when you stop "feeling".

 

Now, I'm not saying feeling for ANYTHING. I still feel things for friends and family, but a romantic partner....VERY little to none.

 

Anyhow, is this normal? It's as if I'm being pragmatic and I rather scoff at the idea of chemistry.

 

I think it happened during a time where I actually FELT something for a few woman that I had dated a couple of times or experienced things with. I opened myself up to them, even per their request when it came to intimate parts of my life. There was a time where I had thought someone actually would hear me out and relate to me as their experiences rather mirrored mine. We would have a connection based on significant situation.

 

I won't give examples yet, unless I need to, but there's nothing worse than opening yourself up to someone, when they weren't really interested in knowing about it in the first place. It's like they go from hot to cold. It's as if they've conveniently forgotten.

 

I don't like it when someone asks to know something more intimate about your life as if they were truly interested in your situation. I'll give an example, my father died recently. The woman I was speaking too, who I had known actually through a social circle for a while now, was feeling bad...apparently she was missing her father. She was a South American born woman, but had lived in America for a good while. we got to talking about our fathers, family and the good times we've had with our families.

 

We connected in a certain way, and she came up with the idea about me coming to her place to watch a movie. I actually really like her place, as she invited me to one of her house warming parties with a very close intimate group of friends. When I left the party, she said to feel free to stop by anytime to visit her.

 

Anyhow, we scheduled a day and time to get together, and decided on a day. I was really eager about going, then she cancelled at the last min. Said she was going to an after work event that night (it was a Friday). I said, "Oh okay, how you for Saturday?" and she said, "ehh...I got to do yard work, have my hair done, and take a nap...." I put on the bakes at "nap." She was blowing me off obviously.

 

That was just an example. May not have been a great one, but an example. So imagine a few of those happening, where you felt something, then the next day , they acted as if the intimate conversation or bonding experience you had didn't exist for them the day after. They were just living in the moment.

 

Hard to describe, but it's kind of like having sex with someone, and then they don't call you back. It's that way only mentally and spiritually.

 

After that, I began to dismiss the idea of the existence of "Chemistry" as I see it uttered so many times by people in their dating profiles, "Must have Chemistry" Must've derived from Hollywood as you hear about how actors have this "onscreen chemistry!"

 

Perhaps its an age thing, but I think one reaches a certain age where people start to take on a pragmatic and logical approach to dating. That "arranged marriage" thread almost made me think THAT was a good idea. lol (kind of joking though).

 

Anyhow, thoughts on this so-called chemistry? After having felt chemistry only to have it fizzle out and left you wondering WTF? Made you think to dismiss the idea of the whole butterflies in the stomach thing?

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"Anyhow, we scheduled a day and time to get together, and decided on a day. I was really eager about going, then she cancelled at the last min. Said she was going to an after work event that night (it was a Friday). I said, "Oh okay, how you for Saturday?" and she said, "ehh...I got to do yard work, have my hair done, and take a nap...." I put on the bakes at "nap." She was blowing me off obviously."

 

 

 

You know, it's really eerie, but there is another member here who was in this very situation, almost word for word. He has gained a lot of insight into dating, and navigating OLD, by posting here. I really think reading his threads would be helpful to you; you can do a member search for IRC333. He's also experienced the OLD profiles of the over adventurous women (African safaris and such), as well as the abbreviated versus novel length profiles.

 

It just goes to show a lot of men (and women) go through the exact same thing! lol

 

May you get 'hooked on a feeling' soon; the holidays are a great time to be out and about initiating conversations with women who are shopping and/or waiting in line at Starbucks, taking a break from it all.

 

 

Best of luck to you. Yes, chemistry and butterflies exist. :love:

Edited by MidwestUSA
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I agree, this was exactly what happened for IRC with someone too.

He hasn't been posting for a few days OP but most of his threads are within the 'In Search of' section so he should be easy to find.

 

 

Maybe it was the same lady? :laugh:

 

 

Chemistry is just either there or it's not.

I'm in my forties but still wouldn't date someone if I felt no chemistry with them.

 

 

There's two new guys at work - one is classically great looking and in shape - lovely guy too.

The other guy is the total opposite of that (except for he is a lovely guy also) but oooh errr...! There is 'something' about him that keeps making me notice him when he is close by.

 

 

I can't explain it but that feeling is just there and isn't shifting! :laugh:

Edited by GemmaUK
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Maybe it was the same lady? :laugh:

 

 

:laugh:

 

Maybe, but I'll admit I've used that same excuse. My order was different, however: yard work, nap, THEN hair. I would never nap after getting my hair done, I've got 24 hours to enjoy it the way only she can blow dry it. :)

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i think people get punch-drunk on the internet living in their head and project it into other people and then the lucky ones later realize they got a little carried away and how crazy it was.

 

Maybe you're just maturing to where the drive isn't as intense. Honestly, that may well be when you do find someone.

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Maybe, but I'll admit I've used that same excuse. My order was different, however: yard work, nap, THEN hair. I would never nap after getting my hair done, I've got 24 hours to enjoy it the way only she can blow dry it. :)

 

 

 

Yeah. I can see your point there - it doesn't make sense does it!

 

 

I don't let my HD dry my hair ...heck even I don't blow dry my hair! I don't even comb mine but I do let her comb it while she cuts but when it dries after being combed it goes frizzy. I always wash it when I get home from the HD to get my curls back - and I wouldn't nap either - soggy pillows are not nice! :)

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