LookAtThisPOst Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I was wondering, with tips given on improving dating profiles, I've seen a lot of profiles that are more a shortened, to the point version. For instance, an example: Looking for a nice gentleman for a cool friendship, someone who like to have a good time whether it's bowling, beach, weekend trip and just enjoys life...lookingto build that friendship into something meaningful..but only time will tell. She does sound intelligent, yet straight and to the point as opposed to the novels some people do tend to write which pretty much gives everything away. The above may be very vanilla at best, but would you advise a person that this is "good enough" or do you think the profile should be a bit more descriptive than the above? Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I was wondering, with tips given on improving dating profiles, I've seen a lot of profiles that are more a shortened, to the point version. For instance, an example: Looking for a nice gentleman for a cool friendship, someone who like to have a good time whether it's bowling, beach, weekend trip and just enjoys life...lookingto build that friendship into something meaningful..but only time will tell. She does sound intelligent, yet straight and to the point as opposed to the novels some people do tend to write which pretty much gives everything away. The above may be very vanilla at best, but would you advise a person that this is "good enough" or do you think the profile should be a bit more descriptive than the above? I would struggle to write to her because of the vanilla content and because I don't have anything to say about bowling or the beach. Someone who likes bowling or the beach would at least be able to talk about that. Perhaps I'm not her target audience. Longer isn't always better, but a larger list of things to talk about might make it easier for someone to write something that isn't just "Hi" or "I like your photos" but then some people are comfortable with the idea that a dating profile is basically a case of being judged on their pics. Shorter profiles probably work well for people who primarily use the site via their mobile phones. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I would not advice anyone that this short, generic paragraph is "good enough". There are generally 2 types of guys on dating sites. Those looking for a relationship, and those looking to get laid. The ones looking for a relationship will be looking for common ground, shared interests, interesting personality, a good compatible match. Those looking to get laid won't even read the profile anyway so it doesn't matter what you write. So if you don't show your interests, personality, common ground, message hooks, conversation starters... then who are you gonna get messages from? Yeah you guessed it, the guys who just want to get laid. Many people say "it doesn't matter what you write, guys just go by the pics" - but this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes if you have a bad, generic and undescriptive profile then you will only get messages form guys who go by the pics alone. If you want messages from the guys looking for a relationship, you have to give them something to work with. Writing a novel is not necessary, but showing your personality, interests and conversation starters is essential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I will not write to a woman whose profile does not present a hook that I can talk about- like a shared interest. Short profiles usually dont present any hooks- ie I would have to write a very generic "hey, how are you?" message to initiate conversation and that seems like starting off on the back foot straight away. Conversely though, is there the same need for a guys profile to be as detailed? I seem to be stuck in a cycle where my message is read and my profile is viewed but no reply. Ive tried short and witty (not much detail, mostly joking around) and long and sincere (list a few music and tv shows and talk about interests interspersed with a few jokes) and neither have really stood out as being clearly the right choice. My suspicion is that its women who need the detailed profile as the onus is on men to message so they are the ones that need to present the 'hook'. Long and sincere might be a hinderance to a man- taking it seriously/no mystery etc. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I was banging my head on my keyboard today because I kept reading profiles that said, "I have many talents," "I have many interests," "I like most things." What talents? What interests? What things? WHAT ARE THEY?!! Is there some recent article online that tells men to be as vague and boring as possible? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Find a profile template online then fill it in with your own content. I avoid men's profiles that are half-assed and full of mis-spelled words. I mean, it's online dating so all you have to go on are words and photos, so you have to sell yourself. If you put zero effort into how you present yourself, why would I want to date you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Is there some recent article online that tells men to be as vague and boring as possible? Yeaaaahhh, cos guys really follow advice about how to write dating profiles!!! I've given advice til I'm blue in the face to some guys, but they simply refuse to listen even when told directly. So I doubt they'd go looking it up on their own... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) Find a profile template online then fill it in with your own content. I avoid men's profiles that are half-assed and full of mis-spelled words. I mean, it's online dating so all you have to go on are words and photos, so you have to sell yourself. If you put zero effort into how you present yourself, why would I want to date you? Funny you say this. There was this one woman on OK Cupid that stated at the bottom, "Please do not send me a prefabricated cut and paste email, I will know and not respond." I seem to be stuck in a cycle where my message is read and my profile is viewed but no reply. Ive tried short and witty (not much detail, mostly joking around) and long and sincere (list a few music and tv shows and talk about interests interspersed with a few jokes) and neither have really stood out as being clearly the right choice. My suspicion is that its women who need the detailed profile as the onus is on men to message so they are the ones that need to present the 'hook'. Long and sincere might be a hinderance to a man- taking it seriously/no mystery etc. Yeah, I've done the sincere, genuine email, pointing out certain common interests and such to even the point of getting specific details about a hobby or the the name of a particular venue (ie state park, outdoor equipment, obscure movie quotes, etc.) we like to explore. Nada, zilch, nothing. Starting to think I look like quazi-modo to these women. Edited November 26, 2014 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah, I've done the sincere, genuine email, pointing out certain common interests and such to even the point of getting specific details about a hobby or the the name of a particular venue (ie state park, outdoor equipment, obscure movie quotes, etc.) we like to explore. Nada, zilch, nothing. Starting to think I look like quazi-modo to these women. If you're in decent shape and have even average looks you can get a reply. The problem with that approach is it's boring to a woman, probably been done 1,000 times before and it reeks of passive behavior. You're centering the conversation around her and what she wrote. The bedroom equivalent would be a guy who just licks her out all night. That's not what they're looking for. =/ You have to find something somewhat unique that she'll find interesting to talk about, while not letting her run the conversation per se. And let your own masculine personality shine through. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 If you're in decent shape and have even average looks you can get a reply. The problem with that approach is it's boring to a woman, probably been done 1,000 times before and it reeks of passive behavior. You're centering the conversation around her and what she wrote. The bedroom equivalent would be a guy who just licks her out all night. That's not what they're looking for. =/ You have to find something somewhat unique that she'll find interesting to talk about, while not letting her run the conversation per se. And let your own masculine personality shine through. There are people on here who have had success with a copy and paste template where they fill in blanks appropriate to the woman's profile, commenting on shared interests. Taken in conjunction with your advice it suggests to me that it really doesn't matter what you say in your opening message, its all about your pics and your profile. My message and pic seem to be enough to generate a profile view 99% of the time- but no response. Its annoying as there is no way to learn how to improve the profile apart from random trial and error edits. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Its annoying as there is no way to learn how to improve the profile apart from random trial and error edits. On the contrary, there is a wealth of information out there. I give out LOADS but very few people seem to listen. Hence my sig. You can also post in the forums of your OLD site, under the profile review section. Lots of very helpful people there. Yes in my experience the initial message matters very little. In fact studies have shown that women will usually read your profile before even opening the message. If the profile and photos are good, the message has to simply not suck. Most of mine were 2-3 sentences long, reference something in their profile, and ask a simple question on an interesting topic that is not a yes/no answer. Adding humour helps but is not essential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 For instance, an example: Looking for a nice gentleman for a cool friendship, someone who like to have a good time whether it's bowling, beach, weekend trip and just enjoys life...lookingto build that friendship into something meaningful..but only time will tell. She does sound intelligent, yet straight and to the point as opposed to the novels some people do tend to write which pretty much gives everything away. The above may be very vanilla at best, but would you advise a person that this is "good enough" or do you think the profile should be a bit more descriptive than the above? I disagree that she sounds intelligent. Her profile is extremely bland. Doesn't stand out, doesn't offer a glimpse of her personality, but only offers a few typically common interests. Also, she mentions "friendship" twice. She isn't looking for anything romantic, just a friend to hang out with, probably to listen to her complain why men don't approach her or she doesn't understand why she's not being asked out on dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yes in my experience the initial message matters very little. In fact studies have shown that women will usually read your profile before even opening the message. If the profile and photos are good, the message has to simply not suck. Most of mine were 2-3 sentences long, reference something in their profile, and ask a simple question on an interesting topic that is not a yes/no answer. Adding humour helps but is not essential. Could you back link a source to this research please. I tend to question that women don't even read the well thought out initial email. Anyhow, I find most women's profiles typically basic in nature and that some have even admitted IN their profile that they prefer not to provide too much information as it will leave nothing to conversation in the future. The "Too much, too soon" rule. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I think there are hooks: bowling, beach & weekend trips. I agree that the use of the word "friendship" twice in such a short profile makes it seem like there will be no to limited physical contact / romance, although the weekend trip suggestion says sex. After all the advice we give men about avoiding the friendzone, I think many men would not respond to an add like this. How about this instead: Classy lady i/s/o a nice gentleman who enjoys having a good time whether it's bowling, heading to the beach, or eventually taking weekend trips. If you love life & have a positive perspective, let's see if we can gradually build something meaningful together. Only time will tell but you have to be willing to try by sending me an upbeat message. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 On the contrary, there is a wealth of information out there. I give out LOADS but very few people seem to listen. Hence my sig. You can also post in the forums of your OLD site, under the profile review section. Lots of very helpful people there. Yes in my experience the initial message matters very little. In fact studies have shown that women will usually read your profile before even opening the message. If the profile and photos are good, the message has to simply not suck. Most of mine were 2-3 sentences long, reference something in their profile, and ask a simple question on an interesting topic that is not a yes/no answer. Adding humour helps but is not essential. I agree that the actual message matters fairly little and just needs to not suck! The photos and profile matter to me much more. If I am interested in a man on OLD I am interested and will reply or send a mail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 I think there are hooks: bowling, beach & weekend trips. I agree that the use of the word "friendship" twice in such a short profile makes it seem like there will be no to limited physical contact / romance, although the weekend trip suggestion says sex. After all the advice we give men about avoiding the friendzone, I think many men would not respond to an add like this. I actually dismiss the mention of the word "seeking friendship" in the profile, because they don't want to come off as desperate for seeking "love" on a dating website. It actually translate to, "seeking friendship....(with possibility of more if things go well)." If they were looking for friendships, they would respond to anyone pretty much no matter how unattractive they were. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I disagree with you. If you want friendship go out & make friends. If you are on a dating website, I don't think it's desperate to say you are looking for romance / love. To say you want "friendship" is misleading & confusing. You are probably right that the person who used the word in that context most likely was trying to convey don't pressure me for sex but because IMO they are playing games & can't express themselves in a confident straightforward manner, it would be a huge turn off for me. If a person an't be clear about what they want in a non-stressful situation I would assume that person is a poor communicator & I would be in a for a world of guessing games where I got punished for not be psychic. No thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 How about this for a pop culture aficionado? You like tea and cake with your death. You'd tumble for me when you get hungry like a wolf. An iron man who can support the accomplishments of a bionic woman. You value honesty and trust, and therefore don't require the lasso of truth. You didn't get your college degree at Hogwarts, yet the force is strong with you. You are the top gun of your own life, and a maverick when it comes to romancing the stone that is my heart, which is seeking the never ending story of a romantic relationship. It's something I'm working on...don't steal it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 How about this for a pop culture aficionado? You like tea and cake with your death. You'd tumble for me when you get hungry like a wolf. An iron man who can support the accomplishments of a bionic woman. You value honesty and trust, and therefore don't require the lasso of truth. You didn't get your college degree at Hogwarts, yet the force is strong with you. You are the top gun of your own life, and a maverick when it comes to romancing the stone that is my heart, which is seeking the never ending story of a romantic relationship. It's something I'm working on...don't steal it! I love it when you talk nerdy to me, Writergal ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) Could you back link a source to this research please. I tend to question that women don't even read the well thought out initial email. I don't have the URL any more, it was one of those OKCupid aggregate things that they do. Analyze 100,000 messages and see whether the recipient read the message first or viewed the profile first. In the cast majority of cases the recipient read the profile before the message. You can probably google it if you really need the source data. Not saying they didn't read the message afterwards... but if they didn't like the profile, chances are they won't reply to the message, no matter how well thought out it is. And if they do reply it would probably be a "thanks but no thanks". Anyhow, I find most women's profiles typically basic in nature and that some have even admitted IN their profile that they prefer not to provide too much information as it will leave nothing to conversation in the future. Yes it's very common. I always just hit "next" when I encountered this kind of profile. I do not enjoy getting blood out of a stone, especially when there are plenty of others who make a 2-way conversation much easier. I agree with donnie re: the friendship thing. Most guys hate being friend-zoned. Why would they sign up for that right from the start? Edited November 26, 2014 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Anyhow, I find most women's profiles typically basic in nature and that some have even admitted IN their profile that they prefer not to provide too much information as it will leave nothing to conversation in the future. The "Too much, too soon" rule. I saw one today that just says "Ask me out and I will tell you little bit about me over a glass of champagne :-)" so I just assume she's happy being judged on her photos (and her desire for champagne). It's not a stumbling block unless the photos are also boring, which would probably tell me that I'm not the target audience of her profile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 I saw one today that just says "Ask me out and I will tell you little bit about me over a glass of champagne :-)" so I just assume she's happy being judged on her photos (and her desire for champagne). It's not a stumbling block unless the photos are also boring, which would probably tell me that I'm not the target audience of her profile. Right, sure she'll speak to her general audience in such a fashion, but won't mention how selective she is in choosing who decides to have champagne with. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Right, sure she'll speak to her general audience in such a fashion, but won't mention how selective she is in choosing who decides to have champagne with. Well that's fine. I chose to not write to her. I'm sure we're both winners. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I actually dismiss the mention of the word "seeking friendship" in the profile, because they don't want to come off as desperate for seeking "love" on a dating website. It actually translate to, "seeking friendship....(with possibility of more if things go well)." You must be kidding. Seeking friendship on a dating site? That's not what a dating site is for. She's not going to be taken seriously at all with such a profile. If they were looking for friendships, they would respond to anyone pretty much no matter how unattractive they were. LOL, oh wow. You went down the rabbit hole and ended up in another dimension. Thanks for the laugh Thanos (referring to your avatar). Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 You sound like someone else here. I cannot remember the poster. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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