The "always on the go" type and the loveless relationship

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was browsing through the posts here online and I had read some that were so eloquently put.

 

It was in the stickied, "Consolidated Online Dating" section and near the end was mentioned the women this guy kept seeing online about "hugging a drugged tiger/lion"

 

Also, it was stated: "I'm not trying to trash people who love that lifestyle, sure I would do it if I had the money and lack of accountability, my lament is that the only girls with decent profiles seem to be these YOLO types. I can only surmise that there is something about this type of girl that actually inhibits their ability to get dates IRL because the ones who are not into 24/7 adventure and are more about stability and a career seem to meet people IRL and are not to be found on OLD."

 

How about a woman on OK Cupid crouching down and having a man with a UNICEF T-Shirt feeding a Hyena as it perches upon her back.

 

Pictures of her are from all around the world and touts twice in her profile on how she can lift more weights without hurting herself. From looking at her she doesn't seem that much of a gym buff, but says she works out 5 to 6 days a week and mentions, "If I miss a day of gym, I get grouchy. Beware!"

 

She is 30 years old. Doesn't have kids, doesn't want any either. Which I suppose would be a bonus for me as I am in the same boat.

 

Her screen name, without saying it here is prefixed with "Busy-----" She's a veterinarian and most noticably says hardly ANYTHING about what she's looking for in a man. Nothing entailing what she's actually LOOKING for in a guy, except for one thing. "A stable guy who is equally passionate and dedicated to his career."

 

Now as the old saying goes, the one thing you DON'T want to be remembered by is, "How so much into his / her work they were." This profile reflects nothing beyond that, but I find it curious as to if she's actually seeking ANYTHING romantic. Of course, it may have been left unsaid and could be saved at a later conversation.

 

That's it, nothing more.

 

But at the bottom of her OK Cupid profile is the "You should contact me if..."

 

She says" You think you can handle a girl like me. I am independent, head-strong, and on a mission. Either you come along and pull your own weight, or adios amigo."

 

Wow, I mean, the "It's my way or the highway" attitude gives me so much of the warm fuzzies, really it does.

 

Basically saying, there's nothing at all romantic about the profile nor really anything remotely relationship oriented. The ironic thing is for "Relationship type" she wants "Strictly Monogamous". Personally, I think a male player loves this kind of woman because of her lack of availability.

 

Thoughts on this? Some may say, "Well, just don't date them" but it makes me wonder if these "adrenaline/passport wielding" types are really capable of any kind of relationship other than just a fling in a Safari tent?

[Coe]

She sounds like a great girl to me. I prefer profiles that are about how much they enjoy their life as it is currently rather than how they need someone to make their life whole.

[GemmaUK]

Whilst her wording comes over as fairly harsh she is being clear that she has time constraints.

 

 

I'm in my forties and sometimes work long hours during the week and also have no children. When on OLD I get a lot of mail from men who are retired or say they work for themselves so can pick and choose their hours.

They usually always state that they have a lot of free time to give to a relationship.

 

 

That's not going to be a match. To me it screams of incompatibility right from the start.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She sounds like a great girl to me. I prefer profiles that are about how much they enjoy their life as it is currently rather than how they need someone to make their life whole.

 

Well, you just like to sleep around. (No offense). So that would probably work out for you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Whilst her wording comes over as fairly harsh she is being clear that she has time constraints.

 

 

I'm in my forties and sometimes work long hours during the week and also have no children. When on OLD I get a lot of mail from men who are retired or say they work for themselves so can pick and choose their hours.

They usually always state that they have a lot of free time to give to a relationship.

 

 

That's not going to be a match. To me it screams of incompatibility right from the start.

 

You probably wouldn't be a match for anyone until you adjust your overtime to compensate for a social life later down the road or just quit it altogether after getting sick of the overtime.

 

Seen people reach a point in their life where they mentioned "Enough is enough!" Eventually they get sick of it, and that's when they'd be good enough to be in a relationship. Otherwise it's just best to stay unattached, unless you want a friends with benefits situation.

That they've had been the driven working girl in the big city and decided to finally settle down in a career change where 40 hours a week enough for them and a weekend out on the lake is and out with friends after work is gets more appealing.

Do you work long hours voluntarily or do you do so out per the boss's request. How frequent is your overtime?

I recall most people only doing over time due to a quarterly event, and is only temporary. (Lasting a week.)

 

I purposely avoid jobs that require constant overtime. Unless it's like a few times a year project where I have to work a Saturday.

[Coe]

Well, you just like to sleep around. (No offense). So that would probably work out for you.

 

Haha no offence taken. However I don't "just" like to sleep around. I date around too and when the right person comes along I will stick with them.

 

I just don't think I should feel ashamed for enjoying sex and I'm not judgemental towards women that enjoy sex.

 

Just to be clear I generally sleep with girls I've dated a bit. Very few one night stands.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Haha no offence taken. However I don't "just" like to sleep around. I date around too and when the right person comes along I will stick with them.

 

I just don't think I should feel ashamed for enjoying sex and I'm not judgmental towards women that enjoy sex.

 

Just to be clear I generally sleep with girls I've dated a bit. Very few one night stands.

 

Hey, that's fine if you're enjoying sex. As long as you and the other party is on the same page when it comes to that. ;-) Believe me I considered kind of havin' a little fun with the young ladies at the vocational school up the road here between girlfriends. lol A lot of cute student hair stylists. ;-)

[GemmaUK]

You probably wouldn't be a match for anyone until you adjust your overtime to compensate for a social life later down the road or just quit it altogether after getting sick of the overtime.

 

Seen people reach a point in their life where they mentioned "Enough is enough!" Eventually they get sick of it, and that's when they'd be good enough to be in a relationship. Otherwise it's just best to stay unattached, unless you want a friends with benefits situation.

That they've had been the driven working girl in the big city and decided to finally settle down in a career change where 40 hours a week enough for them and a weekend out on the lake is and out with friends after work is gets more appealing.

Do you work long hours voluntarily or do you do so out per the boss's request. How frequent is your overtime?

I recall most people only doing over time due to a quarterly event, and is only temporary. (Lasting a week.)

 

I purposely avoid jobs that require constant overtime. Unless it's like a few times a year project where I have to work a Saturday.

 

 

 

Overtime is part of the nature of my job and always has been - it goes with the territory.

The issue of working hours only ever came up once in a RS for me as in all previous relationships we were pretty evenly matched but they were also secure enough in themselves to not need constant attention.

In the RS where it was an issue various other things were an issue also.

Eating, cooking, housework etc were all things I had to justify to the guy.

 

 

Luckily I got away from him. He was an insecure control freak.

 

 

Most men are not like that and have working lives and responsibilities of their own.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Overtime is part of the nature of my job and always has been - it goes with the territory.

The issue of working hours only ever came up once in a RS for me as in all previous relationships we were pretty evenly matched but they were also secure enough in themselves to not need constant attention.

In the RS where it was an issue various other things were an issue also.

Eating, cooking, housework etc were all things I had to justify to the guy.

 

 

Luckily I got away from him. He was an insecure control freak.

 

 

Most men are not like that and have working lives and responsibilities of their own.

 

How frequent is your overtime? Every day or once every quarter?

 

So you're saying those that may desire, not need as I don't think that's an appropriate word in this case as it suggests there's a personality flaw in the person desiring you to be around more.

 

 

Most men are not like that and have working lives and responsibilities of their own.

....it's hardly "Most".

 

I know couples, even married ones, that are pretty much obligated to their spouses with an occasional time apart. Usually it's kids that keep them joined at the hip on the weekends. lol

 

When most of my friends started getting married, I had to pretty much find NEW friends as they were too busy with their new spouses to do anything much really. I couldn't even catch a movie with any of them because "Well, I have to see what the wife has planned for that weekend. She might want to take me and the kids out to do some shopping for the house."

 

Couples without kids have more freedom typically, but they are still pretty much off doing stuff together. You'll rarely see them spend time hanging around their single friends as they

 

I am just not sure if the aforementioned post about the "on the go, Passport wielding, etc working girl is good for any relationship beyond a FWB arrangement.

[GemmaUK]

How frequent is your overtime? Every day or once every quarter?

It varies depending on projects and deadlines.

 

 

So you're saying those that may desire, not need as I don't think that's an appropriate word in this case as it suggests there's a personality flaw in the person desiring you to be around more.

If a guy expresses it as a need then that is how I will express it when discussing it.

In his case there was yes.

Personally, I would not feel I was behaving healthily in a RS if I expressed a need for constant contact and reassurance.

A man isn't there to make me happy, that's my responsibility. Same in reverse.

Healthy RSs are in balance and that means that there is time as a couple, time for responsibilities, time for friends and time away from a partner or to just do your own thing too.

 

....it's hardly "Most".

So are you saying that most men are insecure, need constant attention and don't have working lives and responsibilities of their own?

 

I know couples, even married ones, that are pretty much obligated to their spouses with an occasional time apart. Usually it's kids that keep them joined at the hip on the weekends. lol

 

When most of my friends started getting married, I had to pretty much find NEW friends as they were too busy with their new spouses to do anything much really. I couldn't even catch a movie with any of them because "Well, I have to see what the wife has planned for that weekend. She might want to take me and the kids out to do some shopping for the house."

 

Couples without kids have more freedom typically, but they are still pretty much off doing stuff together. You'll rarely see them spend time hanging around their single friends as they

 

I am just not sure if the aforementioned post about the "on the go, Passport wielding, etc working girl is good for any relationship beyond a FWB arrangement.

 

The woman your post was about is on an OLD site so I would suspect she isn't married. Married people and those in relationships (and with children}will likely have different priorities and responsibilities.

 

 

She may not be a perfect fit for you more than FWB but that doesn't mean she won't be for the rest of the male gender.

[elaine567]

How about a woman on OK Cupid crouching down and having a man with a UNICEF T-Shirt feeding a Hyena as it perches upon her back.

 

Pictures of her are from all around the world and touts twice in her profile on how she can lift more weights without hurting herself. From looking at her she doesn't seem that much of a gym buff, but says she works out 5 to 6 days a week and mentions, "If I miss a day of gym, I get grouchy. Beware!"

 

She is 30 years old. Doesn't have kids, doesn't want any either. Which I suppose would be a bonus for me as I am in the same boat.

 

Her screen name, without saying it here is prefixed with "Busy-----" She's a veterinarian and most noticably says hardly ANYTHING about what she's looking for in a man. Nothing entailing what she's actually LOOKING for in a guy, except for one thing. "A stable guy who is equally passionate and dedicated to his career."

 

Now as the old saying goes, the one thing you DON'T want to be remembered by is, "How so much into his / her work they were." This profile reflects nothing beyond that, but I find it curious as to if she's actually seeking ANYTHING romantic. Of course, it may have been left unsaid and could be saved at a later conversation.

 

That's it, nothing more.

 

But at the bottom of her OK Cupid profile is the "You should contact me if..."

 

She says" You think you can handle a girl like me. I am independent, head-strong, and on a mission. Either you come along and pull your own weight, or adios amigo."

 

Wow, I mean, the "It's my way or the highway" attitude gives me so much of the warm fuzzies, really it does.

 

Basically saying, there's nothing at all romantic about the profile nor really anything remotely relationship oriented. The ironic thing is for "Relationship type" she wants "Strictly Monogamous". Personally, I think a male player loves this kind of woman because of her lack of availability.

 

Thoughts on this? Some may say, "Well, just don't date them" but it makes me wonder if these "adrenaline/passport wielding" types are really capable of any kind of relationship other than just a fling in a Safari tent?

 

I guess she is fed up of guys that do not match up with what she wants, so is putting her lifestyle on the line to attract a certain type of man.

She doesn't need to date the world, she has her wish list and some man somewhere will go, "YES! that is the woman for me."

She is not going to care about not attracting soppy romantic types, or players, or some guy more interested in hair gel or his pecs than her, she doesn't want some guy who sees her as a free ticket to some fun.

She is being deadly serious here, and is looking for a partner that matches her lifestyle and will share her goals. She is an educated woman who knows her own mind.

What is wrong with that?

[LookAtThisPOst]

What is wrong with that?

 

What's wrong? She sounds unemotional, cold and calculating, and impersonal. None of which a good relationship makes.

[GemmaUK]

What's wrong? She sounds unemotional, cold and calculating, and impersonal. None of which a good relationship makes.

 

So, don't mail her if that is how you feel.

 

 

She is entitled to love her life and be happy and want certain things just the same as everyone else is, yourself included.

[elaine567]

So, don't mail her if that is how you feel.

 

 

She is entitled to love her life and be happy and want certain things just the same as everyone else is, yourself included.

 

Agreed. Too many go into relationships with the fog of romance, they end up with fundamentally unsuitable partners in marriages and long term relationships, and end up frustrated and unhappy.

This girl is cutting out the crap, she is telling it as it is.

She is a vet, a profession that needs a fair bit of commitment, anyone who has designs on chaining her to the kitchen sink, has no hope, anyone who wants to latch onto her lifestyle for a free ride will be gone.

I am sure she has been there, got the Tshirt, and doesn't want to mess around anymore in relationships that are going nowhere long term.

Edited November 23, 2014 by elaine567

[LookAtThisPOst]

Agreed. Too many go into relationships with the fog of romance, they end up with fundamentally unsuitable partners in marriages and long term relationships, and end up frustrated and unhappy.

This girl is cutting out the crap, she is telling it as it is.

She is a vet, a profession that needs a fair bit of commitment, anyone who has designs on chaining her to the kitchen sink, has no hope, anyone who wants to latch onto her lifestyle for a free ride will be gone.

I am sure she has been there, got the Tshirt, and doesn't want to mess around anymore in relationships that are going nowhere long term.

 

Not sure what you mean by "free ride"? Explain please.

 

I could mirror what you said by saying that this lifestyle is likely to "go nowhere long term" as well. So it's moot either way.

To be honest, people with these kinds of lifestyles cannot expect long term monogamy. I can tell you that right now.

[Coe]

Tbh this is the only type of person I could see myself being long term monogamous with. Everyone else gets boring eventually.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Tbh this is the only type of person I could see myself being long term monogamous with. Everyone else gets boring eventually.

 

The kind of person that bores easily is the kind of person not suitable for something long term.

 

What I'm trying to say here is people with these lifestyles of incapable of any kind of long term relationship. The only thing they get out of it is an occasional piece of a** when you get h*8rny, hang out with each other only because you're bored, and that's pretty much it.

 

Players LOVE women like this. They can likely get away with cheating while she's out traveling the world.

[Coe]

Then I guess I'm not suitable for long term. Tbh if life long monogamy was natural for humans we would just do it, like lobsters or penguins. They do it out of instint without the need for working on it or will power.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Then I guess I'm not suitable for long term..

 

Hey at least you admit to it. ;-) Some want it both ways. You cannot expect long term monogamy AND have such a lifestyle.

[Coe]

Hey at least you admit to it. ;-) Some want it both ways. You cannot expect long term monogamy AND have such a lifestyle.

 

Like I said this is the type of lifestyle I look for in a long term partner. It might not be for you but you don't speak for all mankind.

[GemmaUK]

To be honest I know many couples who have long term monogamy and busy lifestyles who are also very happy together.

 

 

It depends upon compatibility and values.

[elaine567]

Hey at least you admit to it. ;-) Some want it both ways. You cannot expect long term monogamy AND have such a lifestyle.

 

What sort of lifestyle can you expect long term monogamy from?

[elaine567]

To be honest I know many couples who have long term monogamy and busy lifestyles who are also very happy together.

 

 

It depends upon compatibility and values.

 

...and the degree of commitment to the partnership, some with a great commitment to the relationship, may regularly spend 6 months apart with no cheating, whilst others may find it difficult to get to 6 hours.

[GemmaUK]

What sort of lifestyle can you expect long term monogamy from?

 

And what do you, OP, expect from a relationship in terms of regularity of contact with each other and regularity and length of time you spend together when dating?

[SpiralOut]

Sounds to me that she knows what she wants and she's not looking to put up with BS. Maybe she's had a few men try to change her, so that's why she's putting out the "my way or the highway" vibe. She's looking for a man who accepts her for who she is.

 

 

Kudos to her for being straightup and honest. I don't think it's fair to call her unromantic based purely on her profile. She may be the type who opens up more once she gets to know you. However, I WILL say that when I see a man with this attitude in his profile, I don't message him. There is too much defensiveness, as if they are worried about certain things happening and will run away or dump you the instant you do something wrong.

 

 

Anyway, it's her own business if her relationships work or not.

Edited November 23, 2014 by SpiralOut