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"Dating in your league"


endlessabyss

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......

 

 

Does anyone else cringe when they hear someone say this? "She's out of my/your league"; "Date in your league". I'm really addressing this to men, because I've never been around a chick that talked about dating in her league; it's usually guys.

 

 

I can understand that people are under the illusion, mostly men, that there is this "10" out there, and you won't be happy until you experience this mythical creature. But I submit to you this doesn't exist.

 

 

I work with a chick who is one of these mythical creatures. She appears to be this "10', all the guys slobber when they see her, treat her special. But, when you see her without make-up she is absolutely average. I often sit back and ask myself, "Is this what everyone is getting worked up about?". "Is this what some guys will tell themselves they aren't good enough to have?".

 

 

 

 

Why do people continuously lie to themselves, and say they aren't good enough, when most people are average like themselves? Why do people create these illusionary dating hierarchies?

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Of course leagues exist, would you date someone who was bent out of shape while you hit the gym 3 days a week and their wasting their life away? Of course not, leagues has nothing to do with seeking perfection, it's merely a method of evaluating what you are capable of getting. I highly doubt most people are seeking perfect, just someone good enough.

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We're all equal, except some people are more equal than others. Those people know who they are. The rest of us find out eventually. I called it the hard knocks of the 20's. Kinda funny looking back, thinking everyone was equal. Life can be like that sometimes.

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Of course leagues exist, would you date someone who was bent out of shape while you hit the gym 3 days a week and their wasting their life away? Of course not, leagues has nothing to do with seeking perfection, it's merely a method of evaluating what you are capable of getting. I highly doubt most people are seeking perfect, just someone good enough.

 

 

People that hit the gym 3 days a week will still have an average physique in my opinion. Only people who don't have average physiques are juice heads, and other sick types.

 

 

Can you elaborate on what is good enough? This usually is subjective, and covers a wide spectrum of meanings.

 

 

From my experiences, people are seeking perfection, or something close to it.

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People that hit the gym 3 days a week will still have an average physique in my opinion. Only people who don't have average physiques are juice heads, and other sick types.

 

 

Can you elaborate on what is good enough? This usually is subjective, and covers a wide spectrum of meanings.

 

 

From my experiences, people are seeking perfection, or something close to it.

 

By good enough I mean someone who would fall very closely within their ranks. Someone who will not feel as if they could have done better/worse than them. Someone to balance the scale.

 

Leagues exist so that people can basically get the most bang for their looks, the same way that when you go to the store you want to get the best food for your money.

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By good enough I mean someone who would fall very closely within their ranks. Someone who will not feel as if they could have done better/worse than them. Someone to balance the scale.

 

Leagues exist so that people can basically get the most bang for their looks, the same way that when you go to the store you want to get the best food for your money.

 

Pretty much this. Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, looks are severely important. If you're two or three notches below someone else realistically in looks than it's highly unlikely you will get with that person. It's unfair, but we can't change it since it's just human nature I suppose. Attractive people want to be with other attractive people. And attractive people even get treated better in general than ones who are seen as unattractive. You'd never see a good looking woman smile at an ugly guy, but she definitely would to someone who's handsome.

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From my experiences, people are seeking perfection, or something close to it.

 

Some people on LS are that doesn't mean its their reality I bet most of those who "act" like they have it all together and are Mr or Mrs catch of the year who like to look down on the realistic peasants are more girl next door then they lead on to..morel of the story is some are honest on here some aren't the internet is a great place to make ones self look better then one might be IRL..thats just if you were judging this off of things seen here on LS..

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if you can date out of your leage, then by all means. if you are having trouble because none of the people you like like you back, then you need to try and figure something out. girls are not as badly affected by league because sometimes, actually a lot of times they can get sex with more attractive men than them.

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girls are not as badly affected by league because sometimes, actually a lot of times they can get sex with more attractive men than them.

 

I'd think usually you're told "you're shooting out of your league" by friends, people you know or the girl you go up if they think you're trying for women much "better looking than you".

 

Considering women don't really approach, they don't actually hear this much as they are picking from what comes up to them so that kinda negates shooting out of their league.

 

Generally a guy "out of her league" can just ignore interest from women they have no interest in and usually that is the end of that. No muss, no fuss. The guys involved in it usually aren't going to cry about it and the women usually want to pretend it never happened.

 

 

If you're two or three notches below someone else realistically in looks than it's highly unlikely you will get with that person. It's unfair, but we can't change it since it's just human nature I suppose.

 

Unfair to whom? The person 3 notches above you on "attractiveness" or the person three notches below?

 

It's like that music vid by Meghan Trainor, "All about that bass". She has a fat guy dancing gaily for comic relief and the guy eating diner with her as her romantic interest is a fit guy. But beauty is from within. :)

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I'd think usually you're told "you're shooting out of your league" by friends, people you know or the girl you go up if they think you're trying for women much "better looking than you".

 

Considering women don't really approach, they don't actually hear this much as they are picking from what comes up to them so that kinda negates shooting out of their league.

 

Generally a guy "out of her league" can just ignore interest from women they have no interest in and usually that is the end of that. No muss, no fuss. The guys involved in it usually aren't going to cry about it and the women usually want to pretend it never happened.

 

 

 

 

Unfair to whom? The person 3 notches above you on "attractiveness" or the person three notches below?

 

It's like that music vid by Meghan Trainor, "All about that bass". She has a fat guy dancing gaily for comic relief and the guy eating diner with her as her romantic interest is a fit guy. But beauty is from within. :)

 

It's unfair to the person 3 notches below, because obviously they want to be with the really attractive man/woman & likely can't due to their looks. But like I said, it's just the way humans operate. A woman who's a legit 9 or 10 in looks will highly likely not want to be with a guy who's a 5 or 6. It definitely happens of course, but it's very rare to see it unless the guy is really wealthy. Why would she settle for a guy who's way below her in looks, when she could easily get with any attractive guy that's within her "league" in terms of looks.

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How about the girl that is a 2 or 3 when she wants the guy that is a 5 or a 6?

How about the 2 that ends up with the 8? evey one likes to ingore it but it happens..I mean if were going to work off of this silly system anyways..

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How about the girl that is a 2 or 3 when she wants the guy that is a 5 or a 6?

 

Well, it would be unfair to the woman then. But since he's really average himself, it's more likely he'd settle for someone that's not really attractive compared to some supermodel looking woman settling for some average/unattractive guy.

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Couples pair up consistently who match up in the following characteristics:

 

1. Physical attractiveness (i.e. looks).

2. IQ

3. Socioeconomic status.

 

Consistently. Very robust evidence to support it (Google "matching phenomenon").

 

Leagues exist.

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I don't look at leagues as some specifically quantifiable thing, but moreso it's just an expansive range of who would date me. People who would not date me are out of my league, but it's simply because they are not attainable and therefore not in my thoughts. Those who would date me, are in my league, simply because they are attainable, therefore that's what I date. Simple.

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Determining your rank is not exactly easy either.

 

OLD drags men down a few points, and brings women up probably the same amount, even though IRL your points would return back to normal. The problem is that men begin to think too lowly of themselves and women too highly.

 

I speak from personal experience. I've had women in their 7s like me, however when it comes to OLD the best I could probably get would be a 2, and I'm talking women that would nowhere near spark any attraction in my mind. Women that would have nothing to offer me. There's a certain point of no return where there's simply no more attraction regardless of whether you are in their league or not.

 

Anyways, I would strongly advise all of the men to continue pursing women in real life as you will get ripped off big time online.

 

To put it bluntly OLD distorts the league system. Negatively for men positively for women.

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Couples pair up consistently who match up in the following characteristics:

 

1. Physical attractiveness (i.e. looks).

2. IQ

3. Socioeconomic status.

 

Consistently. Very robust evidence to support it (Google "matching phenomenon").

 

Leagues exist.

Anyone ever also consider people tend to pair up based off of their personal interests? its not always soley looks based hence the 3 falling for the 8 who just happens to be into the same kinda hobby they are it makes sense to me..

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Anyone ever also consider people tend to pair up based off of their personal interests? its not always soley looks based hence the 3 falling for the 8 who just happens to be into the same kinda hobby they are it makes sense to me..

 

Common interests has always been the biggest factor for me. I consider myself a 7, but my exes are in the 4/5 range in looks (at least according to "society"). It always was about a personality that I liked, common interests, things to do together and talk about together. Generally getting along.

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The concept of leagues, as a generalization, holds weight. There are exceptions, but as another poster pointed out many people tend to gravitate more towards those of similar appearance, intelligence and socioeconomic background.

 

I think people start getting into trouble when they confuse generalizations with immutable laws of nature.

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Determining your rank is not exactly easy either.

 

OLD drags men down a few points, and brings women up probably the same amount, even though IRL your points would return back to normal. The problem is that men begin to think too lowly of themselves and women too highly.

 

I speak from personal experience. I've had women in their 7s like me, however when it comes to OLD the best I could probably get would be a 2, and I'm talking women that would nowhere near spark any attraction in my mind. Women that would have nothing to offer me. There's a certain point of no return where there's simply no more attraction regardless of whether you are in their league or not.

 

Anyways, I would strongly advise all of the men to continue pursing women in real life as you will get ripped off big time online.

 

To put it bluntly OLD distorts the league system. Negatively for men positively for women.

 

Thats because the market forces of supply and demand control all interactions on OLD. Quality women are in short supply and high demand so guys soon start hitting on anything with a pulse which further distorts things: Women get more selective, men get less.

 

Totally agree with you, that for most men the only way to win is not to play at all rather than further distort the market. Get out there and build relationships in real life where you won't be judged as harshly for every flaw, no matter how trivial.

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The issue I have is those people that base leagues solely on looks. That's asinine. While it's true that most couples are similar looks-wise, I don't think any confident person refuses to date or approach someone just because he or she's too "good-looking". Key word here is "confident". Why defeat yourself before you even try?

 

Leagues are more firmly rooted in socioeconomic status as well as culture. However, the only reasons that's the case is:

 

a) most of us are more accustomed to and comfortable with people with similar cultural backgrounds. Just more likely to "get" each other. That is why many doctors tend to date people in the medical field, why many people of a specific ethnicity/religion/politics end up with those with the same characteristics, why intellectuals usually date other intellectuals and so on.

 

b) chances are the yuppie investment banker's social circle is completely distinct from the school teacher that lives in the ghetto. That probably dates all the way back to their respective childhoods. Different social classes. They're unlikely to ever cross each other's paths...and even if they do, their values, perspectives and life experiences may be so different that they just can't relate to each other.

 

Another mistake is associating leagues with rank, as if that person is somehow superior to you solely because he's taller or whatever. Just because rank makes sense in sports doesn't mean it should apply to dating. Different leagues are merely different, that's all. "Leagues" is a terrible word to use in dating anyway.

 

I suspect that most people give very little, if any, thought to leagues. They just talk to those that seem interesting and/or attractive and see where it goes. They understand that attraction isn't rational nor an exact science. Only the very insecure think "she's out of my league". In reality, leagues are more implicit, involuntary, even natural. Chances are, you simply won't connect or mesh well with those people who have very different worldviews than you. And significant variations in looks often means significant variations in lifestyles.

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Anyone ever also consider people tend to pair up based off of their personal interests? its not always soley looks based hence the 3 falling for the 8 who just happens to be into the same kinda hobby they are it makes sense to me..

 

Sure....okay that happens....but as an exception to the other things...

 

 

So a beautiful, rich, intelligent woman, marries an ugly, poor, stupid man, because they both enjoy tennis? Sure - it can happen. But it doesn't. At least according to actual evidence (as opposed to random thoughts in people's heads).

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Sure....okay that happens....but as an exception to the other things...

 

 

So a beautiful, rich, intelligent woman, marries an ugly, poor, stupid man, because they both enjoy tennis? Sure - it can happen. But it doesn't. At least according to actual evidence (as opposed to random thoughts in people's heads).

There seems to be a lot of that on this site. People will find a 1 in 100 exception and crack it like a car sterio.

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