Do you ever get so tired of trying?

[kolleamm]

I mean just trying to find someone or whatever it is we are meant to do,but it seems that no matter what plan I make that it always seems to somehow go terribly wrong.

 

I'm starting to really feel that I'm completely worthless and that whatever exists out there for me really has no point to it.

 

I have tried finding someone for quite a while now and even when I have found someone that doesn't shoot me down right away the end result always seems to be the same.

 

I look at other aspects of life such as getting a great career, collecting material things and all that other stuff and I just think to myself what's honestly the point in that? Is that really going to make me happy?

 

Great I buy a house, I become a lawyer/doctor/astronaut, I win $1000, will all of those material things really make me happy though?

 

So not having any luck with anyone special and not having that drive to become successful for whatever reason really makes me question where my life is headed.

 

How do I get myself out of this? What can I do to enjoy my life again? I really feel as if I've tried so much that I've practically learned my lesson already and gave up.

 

I hardly see any point in anything anymore.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yep whatever I try ends up going horribly wrong. I am not even talking about a relationship, more like it goes horribly wrong before it even gets to that stage. Either the guy I am interested in isn't interested or more likely isn't single. Or we get to a few dates and there seems to be no conversation flow and he loses interest, has more interest in someone else etc. Nothing even really gets off the ground.

 

If my relationships were all failing, I would look into my behaviour. But at the early stage, there is no bahaviour to correct and nothing that I do out of the ordinary. With the same behaviour I attract friends, do great at work and am generally well liked. I don't know WTF to put it down to.

[guest569]

Material things do make me happy, whether it is the house, car etc. or just the feeling of accomplishment and independence when i achieve goals. I'm totally content and happy on my own at the moment.

 

Yes, I got fed up with trying and learnt to be happy alone. I met enough bad matches to show myself that I am better off on my own.

[kolleamm]

Wow, well I can say I'm very happy I'm not alone in all this. Actually I'am, well you get the joke.

[juicygirl]

Maybe it's time to step back for the dating scene and try to build a life you love. That way you won't feel so hopeless and unhappy if you don't meet anyone.

[lino]

getting a great career, collecting material things and all that other stuff and I just think to myself what's honestly the point in that? Is that really going to make me happy?

 

Great I buy a house, I become a lawyer/doctor/astronaut, I win $1000, will all of those material things really make me happy though?

 

 

You should be doing all of those things for yourself and yourself only.

 

 

If you do any of those for a partner and not you then no, you won't be happy.

 

 

I agree with your title though, it does indeed get pretty tiring to try meet a woman.

Luck plays a big part I think if you aren't of the 'norm' that women chase after.

[normal person]

 

I look at other aspects of life such as getting a great career, collecting material things and all that other stuff and I just think to myself what's honestly the point in that? Is that really going to make me happy?

 

Get a career that will make you happy, not someone else. Have a purpose in life. It'll show in your personality and the right person will appreciate that about you. That will likely make you happy.

 

Great I buy a house, I become a lawyer/doctor/astronaut, I win $1000, will all of those material things really make me happy though?

 

I don't think anyone's saying material things will make you happy. Investing in trivial stuff is likely to be fruitless if it's just for bragging rights. I'd suggest investing what you make in your relationship. Take some trips. Buy/do things that you both can enjoy. Make some memories.

 

How do I get myself out of this? What can I do to enjoy my life again?

 

Do what you like and stop pinning all hopes of happiness on someone else.

[the tank]

enjoy your life , travel , make your new friend , discover new hobby , concentrate on school or work , develop new skill. Dating shouldnt be the most important thing in your life. By expanding your social circle you will met new girl and the one for you.

 

ps : I'm single since a year and it something I just realize in the last few week. It make my life way better since.

[newmoon]

sometimes. it's just 'the blues' and they pass. as someone suggested, give up (for a while) on the thing that is depressing you the most and regain some focus.

[OwMyEyeball]

Whenever dating shifts from being enjoyable to being miserable, it's time to hit the brakes and reassess priorities.

 

First and foremost you should be firmly grounded in the understanding of who you are and what you want. A big mistake we all make is confusing what we crave for what actually satisfies us.

 

As others have suggested, broadening your experiences could go a long way towards helping you identify your passions. It's tricky, because we typically don't feel a direct desire for our passions until we discover them through experience - by actually doing that which fulfills us. We may be told by others what they think will inspire us and be quick to reject such ideas because they don't tickle our desires. Since we are quick to assume what is undesired is unwanted, we don't bother trying.

 

But that's where you lose out and can start feeling trapped in old habits.

 

Break those habits. Try something that you've never tried before. Dancing, painting, theater, improv, singing, playing musical instruments, magic tricks, different sports, surfing, cooking (various cuisines!), volunteering (tons of variation), hiking, camping, survival school, meditation, climbing, TRAVELING ... sample life a bit. Put more into what you find really enjoyable and say "no thank" to what doesn't resonate.

 

And try to keep in mind that even for those activities that really speak to your spirit ... the will and drive for pursuing them take practice and effort to develop. It's a lot different than our primal desires for sex, companionship, food, security, etc. that surge our consciousness and make it feel sometimes as though there's nothing else in life that matters. They come about seemingly without will and can grow into mountains in the landscape of our mind. When we keep focusing on those cravings and grow attached to them, it doesn't take long before we lose sight of what nourishes the soul. We forget that behind the mountains is a bountiful land of endless wonder, joy and fulfillment.

 

As another poster pointed out, the blue can and do pass. If you can muster the motivation now to start branching out, do so. If not, waiting for the slump to take its inevitable upswing - then leverage that to the hilt in pursuit of your self.

[endlessabyss]

I can relate to you, OP!

 

 

I also find myself not motivated by material things. Granted, I want the essentials, but I have no desire to be rich.

 

 

I also feel that I have no idea what I am doing with my life half the time lol; essentially being a leaf in the wind.

 

 

Life's hard

[Leegh]

Sometimes we meet people when we aren't looking, and it will happen that you will meet someone, it's not if, but when.

[kolleamm]

Thanks everyone, I have read all if your posts and I should really start focusing more on myself. I'm starting to believe that my issue has been me investing too much effort into finding someone to make me happy rather than focusing on myself and my hobbies. I have had hobbies before that I had been really passionate about but getting back into them is the longest drive. I'm really gonna put the brakes on dating for a while, in business terms the oppurtunity cost is just not worth it.

[lino]

You can and should pursue your passions and hobbies while trying to date.

 

You don't need to stop trying to date to do those things.

A man's passions are what will help get him through any point in his life and he should never have to alter his life for them with the exception of urgent attention for his children. I know they have been for me.

 

Women will leave you at the drop of a hat for the silliest of reasons so your life shouldn't have its foundations built on them.

[irc333]

At this point, I feel like Bart Simpson in that scene where he's writing on the chalk board numerous times the same sentence when it comes to sending out messages to women online.

 

It's become a chore.

 

Women will leave you at the drop of a hat for the silliest of reasons so your life shouldn't have its foundations built on them.

 

Amen to that, brother. *Draws a box* if you fall ANYWHERE outside of said box, she'll disqualify you. Seems they are looking for a reason to give ya the heave ho!

[insert_name]

At this point, I feel like Bart Simpson in that scene where he's writing on the chalk board numerous times the same sentence when it comes to sending out messages to women online.

 

It's become a chore.

 

 

 

Amen to that, brother. *Draws a box* if you fall ANYWHERE outside of said box, she'll disqualify you. Seems they are looking for a reason to give ya the heave ho!

 

Good analogy.

 

What frustrates me is that potentially there is no happy ending. No amount of 'work on yourself', 'help old women across the road' etc is going to guarantee that you will ever meet the partner of your dreams. Its quite literally the one thing that money can't buy. You cant just save up, 2k, 5k, 10k, all the time knowing there is an end point if you graft hard enough like there often is in other aspects of life.

 

I got lulled in my 20s by the people who would always tell me 'it will happen eventually' and its only now that I am starti g to realise that life doesnt guarantee or owe you anything. I may end up forever alone, meanwhile in the world around me life will go on and pay my frustration no mind.

[OwMyEyeball]

Good analogy.

 

What frustrates me is that potentially there is no happy ending. No amount of 'work on yourself', 'help old women across the road' etc is going to guarantee that you will ever meet the partner of your dreams. Its quite literally the one thing that money can't buy. You cant just save up, 2k, 5k, 10k, all the time knowing there is an end point if you graft hard enough like there often is in other aspects of life.

 

I got lulled in my 20s by the people who would always tell me 'it will happen eventually' and its only now that I am starti g to realise that life doesnt guarantee or owe you anything. I may end up forever alone, meanwhile in the world around me life will go on and pay my frustration no mind.

As terrifying as that realization may seem as it slowly dawns on people, it can also be incredibly liberating as you begin to shed away the expectations foisted onto you by biological cravings and societal pressures.

 

Even in the example you use on saving up your cash there is always the possibility in life that you will have to divert those funds for another unexpected cause (e.g. medical emergency, bailing out a family member, etc.) or that the funds will simply vanish (as they often did up ... it's only in our very recent history that banks have been as stable as they are; or appear).

 

There are no guarantees in life. Except for one. Death.

 

Some people come about to this realization in the most brutal and heart-wrenching ways. The Angel of Death pays a visit that almost immediately makes abundantly clear to the person - you are mortal. There are those who collapse under the weight of that truth, yet there are others who finally recognize the preciousness of what they have and live each moment as though it were their last.

 

Many don't come to terms until laying on their deathbed. Here are their 5 regrets. Note how not a single one has to do with "finding a partner".

 

It's a tragic irony that we can only come to realize the error of our ways only moments before we no longer have the means to carry them on.

[Ruby Slippers]

Now that I'm in my late 30s with another failed relationship behind me, I'm starting to think I just might not meet the right guy for me, and trying to get used to that possibility. I still want to meet him, but I feel I'm reaching that point where I have to consider seriously that it might not happen.

 

I've had 5 serious relationships, and while I could have made do with some of those guys, each of those relationships had some significant problem. Maybe my mistake is that I've expected too much, and should have just learned to live with those problems.

 

The idea of not meeting the right partner can be scary and sad. But lately what I'm doing is reflecting on how I could make the best of it, if it were to come to that.

 

Whether I meet Mr. Right next month or stay single forever, the best thing I can do is make the most of my life. That makes it more enjoyable to go through on my own, and it makes me more magnetic to potential partners.

 

I think that as long as you never give up on yourself, you're never really giving up on the possibility of finding love.

Edited November 13, 2014 by Ruby Slippers

[writergal]

At 43 and still not married I refuse to accept that my life has less value, less meaning because I am not married with children. I feel like society is more family friendly than single-friendly. If I never meet "the one" I have decided that I can't let that deter me from living a life that makes me happy.

 

Also, my inner nihilist knows that life has no real meaning other than being alive and having experiences until the bell tolls for me, and shuffles me off this mortal coil into that Interstellar galaxy that even Patrick Swayze's Ghost has yet to make an appearance from.

[insert_name]

As terrifying as that realization may seem as it slowly dawns on people, it can also be incredibly liberating as you begin to shed away the expectations foisted onto you by biological cravings and societal pressures.

 

Even in the example you use on saving up your cash there is always the possibility in life that you will have to divert those funds for another unexpected cause (e.g. medical emergency, bailing out a family member, etc.) or that the funds will simply vanish (as they often did up ... it's only in our very recent history that banks have been as stable as they are; or appear).

 

There are no guarantees in life. Except for one. Death.

 

Some people come about to this realization in the most brutal and heart-wrenching ways. The Angel of Death pays a visit that almost immediately makes abundantly clear to the person - you are mortal. There are those who collapse under the weight of that truth, yet there are others who finally recognize the preciousness of what they have and live each moment as though it were their last.

 

Many don't come to terms until laying on their deathbed. Here are their 5 regrets. Note how not a single one has to do with "finding a partner".

 

It's a tragic irony that we can only come to realize the error of our ways only moments before we no longer have the means to carry them on.

 

Wise words, as my posting history shows I was in that place a few months ago- I was genuinely happy and felt like I had a weight lifted from my shoulders as I had pretty much forgotten what it was like to share a connection with a girl. I was blissful in ignorance and it was great.

 

Then a friend at work had a bit of success at OLD and i thought i would give it a go as it couldnt hurtwhen im not invested in the outcome....worst move ever. I end up getting into a long conversation with a girl and we really clicked. For the first time in an age I could almost taste whst it was like to have that spark that peoplein love take for granted. Needless to say it didnt pan out and now I feel so cheated after being given a taste of it that I cant find my previous sense of perspective and feel very much luck a gambler chasing his losses by trawling OLD sites in vain trying to find someone that I can connect with in the same way. Sigh.

 

I can only echo what you said, you have to find that sweet spot where you are just living for yourself and have no real investment in meeting a partner. Take it from me, its so easy to slip and once you do and you become aware of whst you are missing out on its hard, very hard to get back.

[kolleamm]

Sometimes I just like to imagine I'm in the "The Matrix". I'm Neo, and no matter how many times those agents knock me down I just get right back up, even if it has no point, their not going to get the satisfaction of breaking me.

[irc333]

Good analogy.

 

What frustrates me is that potentially there is no happy ending. No amount of 'work on yourself', 'help old women across the road' etc is going to guarantee that you will ever meet the partner of your dreams. Its quite literally the one thing that money can't buy. You cant just save up, 2k, 5k, 10k, all the time knowing there is an end point if you graft hard enough like there often is in other aspects of life.

 

I got lulled in my 20s by the people who would always tell me 'it will happen eventually' and its only now that I am starti g to realise that life doesnt guarantee or owe you anything. I may end up forever alone, meanwhile in the world around me life will go on and pay my frustration no mind.

 

What's been most disappointing with online dating lately, is that there was a time and occasionally now where I would see a well written articulate profile of a woman who is pretty much EXACTLY what I'm looking for.

 

Same belief systems, morals, and of course the bonus of her being an over 40s Geeky Girl.

 

Only to not get a response. I would touch on the most obscure things that only a geek would understand or if it's not some other thing where I would think she'd actually my email was thoughtful enough to touch on certain components of her write-up.

 

I recall a woman saying, "If you think Disney is for little kids, then move on, because I love it!"

 

And I responded in an email with, "Hey, I'm okay with Disney, as long as you're okay with Marvel, lol" and made an inference on how Disney bought Marvel. lol It wasn't a literal statement, but one only TRUE geeks "get".

 

I mentioned I was both a Marvel/Disney geek, so that was that.

 

What was kind of sad was she said in her profile that men never "Follow through", which is EXACTLY the problem I have with women online. Apparenty, men she's been emailing never are actually willing to meet in person.

 

Being that we both even shared THAT quandry, I thought I was assured a date with her.

 

Nope..no response...nothing. Just emailed her now with a follow-up using the, "Women get so many emails its easy to get over looked so I'm just following up" ice breaker. lol

[irc333]

Now that I'm in my late 30s with another failed relationship behind me.. I've had 5 serious relationships, and while I could have made do with some of those guys, each of those relationships had some significant problem. Maybe my mistake is that I've expected too much, and should have just learned to live with those problems.

 

Hey, at least you had a relationship, some of us guys here have to pull teeth to get a half hour meet. ALso seeing the constant barrage of people with an axe to grind IN their profiles that make me wonder how miserable THEY are.

Edited November 13, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

I also grow tired of seeing profiles that say the cliche'd, "tired of the games!" When I'm the kind of man that doesn't play games, but yet they won't reply to a man who won't play games.

 

There is a certain amount of irony when someone publicly display their dating woes IN their profile only to keep pursuing the personalities of the people they scream from the rooftops they despise.

[guest569]

Oh dear, Being bitter and blaming the women who reject you wont get you far.

 

"I like Disney too, I'm a geek" doesn't mean a match made in heaven, sorry. There is a lot more to it than having a common interest. Just because you see a perfect match, doesn't mean its mutual. Why don't you understand that?