ExtraSpice Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So I have always had this weird contradiction in my head that bothers me quite a lot. I don't have many friends, maybe one or two but they are busy with their own lives so we don't hang out much. I have liked the idea of having a big social circle so you have more options regarding people to hang out with, but I have never had one. My personality just does not seem to fit into that type of a situation. I am more of a reserved person and I am not big on small talk and such things. But I realize that you need to do it in the beginning to make friends. Sometimes I say to myself that I shouldn't be this bothered because that is just who I am and that I should accept it. But then I wonder if I am making an excuse by saying that and avoiding the difficulty of going through it. So its like a constant tug of war between accept yourself and not making excuses. Does anybody feel the contradiction as well? The simple answer would be to do go out and just do it. To be honest I don't even know if I am asking a question or advice but some input would be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I quite understand what you are trying to say and this may or may not be any helpful, however you should know this. You might actually be Ambivert, which is someone showing traits of both introversion and extroversion. I'm an ambivert myself, I love time to recharge alone but I also don't mind the company of others, it very much depends on the person I'm with. As peaceful and quiet I can love things to be, just as much I can be a fun and silly person to be around. I much prefer smaller groups (prefer actually just being with one other person), as I feel it gives me the most quality out of any situation. Throughout my life I've experienced and had many sorts of friendships, I've never found it hard to make friends, but I believe anyone is capable of making friends. The "type" of friendship you may prefer or really want, as in feeling the most comfortable in, can be a bit of journey to find. Ideally you want to find someone whom can understand your needs, someone whom can both listen and talk, and be able to connect with you on a deeper level. No matter how strong the introverted side of you are, know that it's totally possible to find another friend, possibly even more introverted than you, whom very much would value your company. Introverts are in general known for needing time alone to recharge, but it's totally possible to find someone like that, whom also very much would like to be "alone" while still having you near, as in being in the same room. That may not sound super attractive to many people, but sometimes the presence of someone else can do wonders for the mind of another person. I could most certainly write a lot more about this and probably end up rambling a good bit, but I'd very much ask you to go with how you feel, don't force yourself to be or think something, just because it's the most accepted "standard" by society. There's honestly everything wrong with just blindly following whatever society has accepted as standard behavior and expectations, but some people are the most comfortable with doing that, and that's fine too. I just know my pull is so very different from most things, because I actually love to think and act my own way, without that ever puts others at harm or makes you a socially awkward person. Have a good day, and hopefully you'll feel a bit more at peace with yourself, there's nothing wrong with anything you feel or think 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Look, as long as you don't end up in a log cabin far way plotting the destruction of others (i.e. a "Unibomber") then I think that your level of comfort with social interaction is whatever works for you. Besides, who has the energy to keep up with a ton of "friends"? And, actually, I think there are different levels of friendship. You have acquaintances (i.e. people you meet here and there), friends you hang with, and friends you actually do a deeper level of things with (i.e. a gf you share some personal stuff with). I think your "actual" friends are gonna be small in number. I mean, you can't tell every person you know your personal stuff. Also, for all of those "social butterflies", how much depth is actually shared in these "friendships" they have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Thank you for the input. It def helps to know how or what other people feel. I know I should be blindly bothered by a standard set by society. And that I should not measure myself based on the people I can attract socially. I guess it is a journey of accepting who you are and finding what works best for you. I'll try my best to make it so. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
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