Finding a GF is tough for me. Any suggestions?

[velen11]

I'm in my late 30s. There are a lot of challenges for me in finding a GF/partner. My country of origin is Pakistan which competes with Iran and North Korea for the title of the most hated country in the world so that doesn't help.

 

Girls in my culture are Muslim and that's a problem for me since I have long abandoned the religion and I consider myself a humanist now so I cannot be with a Muslim.

I live in the US now so I'm not around Muslims anymore but if anyone sees me they think I'm a Muslim so I'm judged and ruled out. Being the generally religiously conservative country the US is, I am even judged for being a humanist/non-religious person so I get hit from all sides.

People are people, flesh and blood, irrespective of their backgrounds or skin color but many people dont see it like that and they are happy to judge and put people in boxes. Some people might say that these issues are only a problem if I let them be but the fact is that people from minority backgrounds have to do more to compensate and my feeling about that is: Why should I have to? I want to make the same effort that Mr. Regular guy does. He does it in his little sail boat and why should I need a big yatch all because I'm not part of the group? Anyway. Where there's a will there's a way so I'm determined in any case.

 

It would help if I was handsome and I have NO idea if I am or not. I'm a slim guy so I know that doesn't help. There are some possibilities though. I'm a US citizen and I know many girls want to come to the US but of course I don't want to be only their ticket to this country because they would change colors and leave me when they've gotten the US citizenship that they wanted. I want someone who genuinely likes me and shares important things with me (being a humanist, not wanting kids, cat person and few other things). They could be a humanist from a Muslim majority country too.

How do I find these people?

 

I have done many difficult things in life that required me to think for myself and execute plans and bring about radical change and I'm ready for this project too. I'll do what it takes.

 

What do I do? I've recently gotten a subscription on match.com. POF sucks and I had no luck on it. I got my American friends to take pictures of me for dating websites so I got that done. I've thought of going to dating websites for these other countries of Muslim background and hope to find a pretty and nice humanist girl from countries like Lebanon, Jordan, Iran or even Pakistan etc but again the challenge is to find someone who wants me for me and not for my passport.

 

We all want attractive partners and even women judge by looks all the time. Looking at it realistically, seeing how much dating 'money' I have in my pocket (which means, things I have that women are looking for) I could find a woman who is in the US but average looking or less (I could not attract pretty American girls as they're not interested), or someone outside the US and more pretty. That sounds like a good option but there again the risk is they may just want to use someone to come here. It seems like an impossible task but there you go. If any of you people living in own native country think you have a difficult time dating, think about me and know that you have it relatively easy.

 

Adding to the problems is a problem I have which is poor sleep and that means I feel exhausted most of the time. My mind stays in some kind of haze but that's one thing I have become used to for now.

 

I was part of some meetup/activity groups and I've approached/been approached by a few handful of girls including American girls but it didn't work out because they were either too forward/crazy or too shy and kept me friendzoned and like me had no clue what to do and how to take it to the next level.

 

My hair is thinning and time is running out. My situation is unique so it needs unique/bold strategies. Just looking for ideas on what I could do.

[preraph]

Your biggest issue is people will assume you're Muslim. I had to look up what a humanist was, so it's not a religion that many Americans are familiar with, and appears more a philosophy than a religion. And I don't know where there are organized Humanists, but not many here, so do not limit your dating pool to that. On your profile put one word, "nonMuslim" and that takes care of that. Hopefully, Muslims won't apply. If they do, just say no.

 

When I looked up definition of Humanists, it was people who are humanitarian by nature. "Humanitarian" is a word American people are familiar with. So maybe instead of speaking specifically about religion except for saying "nonMuslim," instead just say that you consider yourself a humanitarian. As a nonChristian, I have found it sooths people when I truthfully tell them I do abide by many of the core ethical beliefs taught by Christianity.

 

Slim is fine in the U.S. If you get very bald, best to just shave it off than hang do the combover, I think most men and women will agree. But if it's just a spot in the back, no worries.

 

You need to be digging for cultural meetup groups. Like even though you're not Christian, maybe you find a meetup group for Christian people from your country because there will be some of those. Or anything that is a hobby, at least go meet people and try making more friends, which can lead to something occasionally. Good luck.

[BlueIris]

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I want someone who genuinely likes me and shares important things with me (being a humanist, not wanting kids, cat person and few other things). They could be a humanist from a Muslim majority country too.

How do I find these people?

 

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This is the core of it. Focus on what you want and then go about finding people who are like this too. Think more about what makes you a humanist, then find organizations that fit your values and perspective, then join them.