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How many singles over 40 are here?


happyjessi

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I am now 55 years old. I was married for 30 years, divorced amicably, 6 years ago. A couple of years after my divorce, I became engaged and was so for 2 years. My fiance passed away about a year and a half ago. I took some time to grieve and focus on my own life. Got back into hobbies and making new friends/reconnecting with old friends. I started dating again about 9 months ago and have been having the time of my life.

 

Don't think about dating for a while. Do things to make yourself happy. If you don't have hobbies or interests, find some. Bowling leagues are great fun and great social environments.

 

Moving forward means not getting stuck in the past. It takes time and patience, but it can be done. Step outside of your comfort zone too sometimes. You will know when you are ready to date. When you are truly ready, it will come out in you naturally. By that I mean, people will notice a "new" you, although probably couldn't put a finger on it :) Be happy in yourself and your life, the rest will happen naturally, whatever that may be.

All the best to you.

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I'm 42, I got divorced at 37, only started dating at 41. It took about 18 months of actively dating (went on dates with maybe 30 men, had a 3 month summer fling, and other men I've dated for a couple of months without being intimate), until I found my current BF of 4 months. Things are going very well now and I'm happy.

 

I didn't really enjoy dating, it provoked me anxiety, but I approached it as a project and I also continuously had to work at building my self confidence and living in the moment. I still don't enjoy it though and I don't want to go back there.

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49 here. Married at 20 and it lasted 15 years. Then common law with someone for 4 years. I have been single for 10 years. I started dating again 3 years ago and it's been a roller coaster with tons and tons of dates and a great amount of learning about myself and men.

 

Moving on for me meant spending a good 7 years not dating and building myself. I used that time to build a career, support my teenage daughter, get closer the people that really matters my parents, my siblings, my child. I spent it defining what I want in a relationship and in a companion and I also spent it building a life in which I am fully happy before getting back out there shopping for a new man.

 

I look at dating with a complete different outlook now. At my age I don't need a man to support me or a life style, I don't need a man to father my children, I don't need a man for social status, or to give me self value. I want a man to complement my life, not complete it. It's already complete.

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DivorcedDad123

43 and life is great! Married 20 years,seperated for 6 months before I filed. Went on a few dates,some one nighters,and then started dating a sweet lady 1 year after filing. Divorce took 2 years(2.5 if you include seperation) and we've been dating for 1 and 1/2 years,so technically I'm not single.

Spend a little time on yourself,by yourself. Only you know how much time that will take. When you get comfortable being on your own,doing your own thing, then you're ready to look for a relationship. You get to rewrite your future and enjoy things you like to do. If I want to go out,I go out. If I want to stay home,I stay home. Don't like the color of the kitchen? Repaint it.

The biggest thing I learned was,not all women are like my ex ;) There are some great people in the world and it's fun getting to know them.

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I am 50 but am weighing in because I was single from age 24 until just last year when I got married for the second time.

 

My brief 20-something marriage ended when my husband came out of the closet. I had 24 years of dating and three long-term relationships (2 1/2 years, 10 years, and 2 1/2 years). None of those relationships were ever "the one" that should have produced a marriage and I knew they were not going to last.

 

My best dating years were my late 40s, truthfully. Up until then, I found the 30-somethings into fast and easy hook-ups and few commitments. I liked dating in my 40s because - at that point - people really were settled in who they were and what they wanted (with obvious exceptions; usually guys coming out of 20+ year, sexless marriages who wanted to regain their youth by becoming late-blooming players).

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I'm 42, I got divorced at 37, only started dating at 41. It took about 18 months of actively dating (went on dates with maybe 30 men, had a 3 month summer fling, and other men I've dated for a couple of months without being intimate), until I found my current BF of 4 months. Things are going very well now and I'm happy.

 

I didn't really enjoy dating, it provoked me anxiety, but I approached it as a project and I also continuously had to work at building my self confidence and living in the moment. I still don't enjoy it though and I don't want to go back there.

 

I have always liked your posts, so good for you. How did you meet your guy?

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I'm 40 turning 41 this November. Been divorced for 3 years now, met my now bf 15 months ago. Started dating a year after divorce, met about 20 guys, 1 rebound relationship that lasted 6 months before I met my boyfriend. Dating was fun, and it was a part of my process of regaining confidence and self esteem after my divorce. I wasn't seriously looking but just open to finding someone. I'm glad I found my boyfriend, we both want a long term relationship, but we're taking our time just enjoying each other. It's by far my best relationship ever, we're both mature and just know what we want. I'm happy and feel that our relationship has been progressing steadily.

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I have always liked your posts, so good for you. How did you meet your guy?

Thanks a lot!

 

I met him on match. He came at the right time, because maybe earlier I wouldn't have been ready for him. Only after I dated a few people I got good at dating, I learned what is most important to me in a partner, and how to recognize good men.

 

Another thing that I learned through actively dating is that even if this relationship doesn't work out (hope it does), it is very likely that I'll find love again, given enough time and effort. So staying in a relationship just because you're afraid to look again, you think you're too old, or too something is also harmful. If you go out there with confidence, and expect things to work out, they eventually will.

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I've never been married and I only even had any thoughts about it with one guy. I have been autonomous and independent ever since I was a child, so I don't have the fear of being alone and in fact can't even imagine living with someone. I tried to imagine it a few years ago, in my 50s, and though the idealized version I had of it in my head was tempting, I really don't want to adjust to having someone around. Plus we didn't want to live in the same place (he is originally from my town but been in NY for years and likes it there, and it's the last place i'd want to be) He didn't want to come back here because of old work stuff where he was sort of publicly disgraced. Any place we could have agreed on would have put me away from my friends/family. I work a lot and mostly at home and it's hard enough to keep from being distracted just from the cat staring at me.

 

I always said and knew I wasn't the domestic type and the older I got, the more I realized I was never meant to marry. I feel kind of privileged to be from that first generation of women for whom marriage was a choice rather than a necessity, and also feel like if we have any control over our future lives, if there are future lives, then I probably chose this era for myself before I was ever born. When I was in my teens, I used to think I was born in the wrong century because of my strong affinity for things from the late 1800s England, but as an adult, I know this was the best time for me to be born into and evolved and thrived as a person, and the first point in time I'd have been able to do so.

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I am 45 (almost 46). Married just shy of 10 years...was a joke. Divorced since 40. Have had three relationships since then. I personally don't like the dating process (the weed out part) and I am at the point based on pain from previous breakups that I really have no interest and have no plans to actively pursue over the next couple of years.

 

There are good guys out there (though they break hearts too) so when you are ready to put your toe in that water it'll be a matter of meeting your quals just like dating at any other age...except of course wants in a mate when you are 40 can be a great deal different then what you want at 20 or heck even 5 years ago. Many people dig dating just as an opportunity to meet new folks and build confidence. I'm Ms. Negative but I don't think I am representative of all in our age bracket by any stretch. Biggest thing is to keep your sense of humor about everything!

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