What constitutes a good date to you?

[insert_name]

So, tonight was depressing. I've pretty much been through all the women I would consider dating on the OLD site I am on, which weren't many to begin with once whittled down from those i found attractive to those who weren't a good match based on profile to those who didn't respond.

 

I went on a date a few weeks back with a girl I fell for big time via messaging only to find she was quite overweight IRL. In a real turn up for the books I tried to make the best out of it and still felt like seeing her again as i thought we got on really well...but she then rejected me.

 

Then tonight, my last 'iron in the fire' probably for a while given the size of the area I live in and the slow turnover on OLD. I didn't have high hopes but ended up pleasantly surprised and I got the impression that we were both having fun and enjoying each others company. However when wrapping up I tried to firm up another meeting and got a yeah okay which was quickly deflected into a conversation on something totally different. When we parted she said 'nice to meet you, see you soon' which my intuition tells me is roughly translated as 'I had a great time but don't see this going anywhere'.

 

So it made me wonder what people expect from a first date. I tend to come away thinking I've had a really positive time, I find them attractive in some way, they have made me laugh, we have stuff in common -- to me that's grounds for a second date. Maybe I am setting my standards too low because it seems the women want so much more than this. I am pretty confident that my date tonight was at one point heavily invested and lost interest, I'm really not sure how.

 

Maybe I am looking for a scapegoat when I bemoan that so many women have options on OLD so they can disqualify for the slightest thing whereas I have to make the best of the occasional hand I'm dealt?

 

So yeah, am I too naive here in what a connection constitutes? What are people looking for from a first date?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Depends what kind of person you are and who is being pursued.

 

I am the type of person who goes into a party and enjoys talking to anybody as long as they are pleasant, friendly and open. I'm the same way on a date. Nobody would really be that boring to me. I would probably need at least two or three dates to find out that person wasn't right for me.

 

However, most people are WAY more picky than that, especially when it comes to dating. Like try 5 or 10 minutes and they'll already nix you. And this does not even consider what you had to go through just to GET that first date.

 

In addition to that, I am almost always the pursuer. I am always the pursuer, so mentally you are trying to 'win that person' a bit.

 

In other words, I haven't had very many bad dates, but in the other person's eyes, it was probably horrible.

[d0nnivain]

I thought a good OLD 1st date was something where the conversation flowed, I thought the other person was attractive & interesting & we had a few laughs.

 

For a 1st date that came from something IRL, a good 1st date was all that with a little more heat / attraction & maybe a bit of PDA.

[fortyninethousand322]

A good date is one where things were enjoyable, I liked the other person enough to see them again, and eventually it led to something.

 

Still looking for that...

[insert_name]

Thanks for the responses, it's reassuring to hear that a first date is not about having a religious experience. I'd like to think that the girl last night just had ridiculous expectations.