cookiemonster26 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 So I have tried this whole dating thing, online and all that and it makes me absolutely depressed. I only ever meet guys who just want to hook up or string me along and have no interest in me what so ever. Online dating has s made me feel really insecure and bad about myself. I really want to take a break and just focus on myself and getting self confidence back, but I'm scared if I stop actively looking for someone I will be forever alone. I'm going to be 25 soon and apparently men aren't interested in older women so I'm really scared to stop looking and be alone forever. But at the same time dating makes me miserable and I only ever meet jerks. But I'm so scared about being an alone and miserable cat lady. Any advice would be much appreciated because I have been feeling absolutely miserable. Also all my friends have boyfriends and if they break up with them they find a new guy right away. That doesn't work for me and it makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me Link to post Share on other sites
dj572 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sorry you have had bad luck. Unfortunately there are a lot of jerks online and elsewhere. Don't give up and don't worry about your age. You are still very young. I know it can get frustrating seeing everyone around you in a serious relationship or getting married but your time will come. If you need to take a break from dating to clear your head there is nothing wrong with that. Take some time and figure out what you want. Hang in there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Yeah, hang in there...you're young. In the meantime, just get out there and enjoy people's company...build your social circle, the more people you meet you never know one day you might be introduced to a nice person to date... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm going to be 25 soon and apparently men aren't interested in older women Who told you that? Maybe BOYS aren't interested in "older" women (since when did 25 become "older" anyway!!!) but MEN are attracted to women regardless of their age. It sounds like you need to adjust your people picker. Date MEN, not BOYS. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cookiemonster26 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 There are a bunch of stupid articles saying this I've read online. Anyways if only I knew where to find men because no matter how hard I try I only ever attract boys and jerks Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm scared if I stop actively looking for someone I will be forever alone. I'm going to be 25 soon and apparently men aren't interested in older women so I'm really scared to stop looking and be alone forever. That's your problem right there. Men can sense desperation a mile off and in my experience, they not only find it off-putting but are more likely to take advantage because they know how hungry you are for a relationship. If you want a relationship, you can help yourself by being independent and happy within yourself, whether you're single or not. It's good to be proactive and date, but don't take it so seriously. I'm your age and I too hope to be in a relationship one day. But my approach is different. I will happily date guys, and yes the majority of them turn out to be disappointing losers. Dating sucks. But I know I'm worth more than that and I know when to cut these guys loose before I've gotten emotionally invested. My point is, you have to stop placing so much emphasis on someone else being the source of your happiness. When you have the self-confidence of viewing a relationship as a nice addition to your life, but not your entire life, you are more likely to attract a half-decent guy. Having said that, my friend was in some race to get to the altar...she approached it as a numbers game, and would literally have like 3 dates a week. I think the 50th guy she met up with, she sparked with and they got married earlier this year after a year of dating. So you never know lol sometimes the blitz approach works. Link to post Share on other sites
Evening Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 So I have tried this whole dating thing, online and all that and it makes me absolutely depressed. I only ever meet guys who just want to hook up or string me along and have no interest in me what so ever. Online dating has s made me feel really insecure and bad about myself. I really want to take a break and just focus on myself and getting self confidence back, but I'm scared if I stop actively looking for someone I will be forever alone. I'm going to be 25 soon and apparently men aren't interested in older women so I'm really scared to stop looking and be alone forever. But at the same time dating makes me miserable and I only ever meet jerks. But I'm so scared about being an alone and miserable cat lady. Any advice would be much appreciated because I have been feeling absolutely miserable. Also all my friends have boyfriends and if they break up with them they find a new guy right away. That doesn't work for me and it makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me Have you ever thought that when you fully concentrating on your life that would give you attraction you need? That would make you more attractive? Right now you are desperately trying to find that person who would make you happy and who to share your life with. And you are not so old. 25 is a normal age. I think there is nothing wrong with you. Just because all of your friends are in relationship does not mean that you have to be in one because of it. Yeah, it can be lonely from time to time, but as you said, you should really focus on yourself. The right person will come along. Its the moment when you finally let go of the thought that you need to be immediately with someone, you free yourself from this thought and you start focusing on yourself. Take this pressure of you. Widen your social circle! Be active. I hope you find what you need! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 CookieMonster -- I am old enough to be your mom. You are not an older woman. Years ago when I was on OLD it made me depressed too. I felt like I got rejected constantly which wasn't my experience with dating IRL so it really threw me for a loop & I didn't like. OLD is a tool & it should not be the only way you try to meet people. Get involved. Do things you enjoy & you may have better luck finding somebody. As for only meeting boys & jerks, remember you are the common denominator. Look at your own behavior & dating history. Do you see any patterns? Can you break them? Doing so may help you find a more mature guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 CookieMonster -- I am old enough to be your mom. You are not an older woman. As for only meeting boys & jerks, remember you are the common denominator. Look at your own behavior & dating history. Do you see any patterns? Can you break them? Doing so may help you find a more mature guy. Another old enough to be your Mum here...! This week I am going Ice Skating and Tree Running... I don't think those are "old folk" activities... actually I am tempted to take my grand mother ice skating as she would love it... I digress... Still single, but happier than I have ever been! Break the pattern, concentrate on doing the things you enjoy and it will come. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Who told you that? Maybe BOYS aren't interested in "older" women (since when did 25 become "older" anyway!!!) but MEN are attracted to women regardless of their age. It sounds like you need to adjust your people picker. Date MEN, not BOYS. Exactly, this. For instance, I'm 23 and usually target the 18-30 range with a slight preference for the upper (25+) range. Personally, I tend to do this because those women have (usually) had enough with the bad boys phase. Yet, EVERY time that I tend to go for a higher age woman, I'm ALWAYS generalised because of age or given me the 'you're too young' bs argument. Just because they experienced immature dudes of their age doesn't give them the right to generalise me and instantly assume I'm the same... Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 So I have tried this whole dating thing, online and all that and it makes me absolutely depressed. I only ever meet guys who just want to hook up or string me along and have no interest in me what so ever. Online dating has s made me feel really insecure and bad about myself. I really want to take a break and just focus on myself and getting self confidence back, but I'm scared if I stop actively looking for someone I will be forever alone. I'm going to be 25 soon and apparently men aren't interested in older women so I'm really scared to stop looking and be alone forever. But at the same time dating makes me miserable and I only ever meet jerks. But I'm so scared about being an alone and miserable cat lady. Any advice would be much appreciated because I have been feeling absolutely miserable. Also all my friends have boyfriends and if they break up with them they find a new guy right away. That doesn't work for me and it makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me Well dating hasn't worked for me either. I'm 26 and I held hands with a girl for the first time this weekend. She texted me the next day to tell me she wasn't interested in seeing me again. That's my romantic life. My signature sums it up perfectly. I'm sure you're a lovely person, wish I could have a better answer for you. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 It sounds like you need to adjust your people picker. Date MEN, not BOYS. Blar. And even when you date "men" they are still little boys in mentality. OP I'm 30, and not to be a debbie downer, but it really doesn't get that much better as you get older. I've dated 30, 32, 34... I honestly don't think most men ever grow up. I too, only seem to find myself in the company of liars, stringer-alonger's, commitment phobes, perpetual playboy's, those who talk well but whose actions never follow suit. The world is just full of sadly broken, damaged people. I've been single over two and a half years now. I haven't met one person who is worth my time. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Blar. And even when you date "men" they are still little boys in mentality. OP I'm 30, and not to be a debbie downer, but it really doesn't get that much better as you get older. I've dated 30, 32, 34... I honestly don't think most men ever grow up. I too, only seem to find myself in the company of liars, stringer-alonger's, commitment phobes, perpetual playboy's, those who talk well but whose actions never follow suit. The world is just full of sadly broken, damaged people. I've been single over two and a half years now. I haven't met one person who is worth my time. Don't forget the 30/40 year old virgin types. They're extremely fun I'm sure. But you know, the opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You shouldn't let online dating affect how you feel about yourself. It's not the real world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Blar. And even when you date "men" they are still little boys in mentality. OP I'm 30, and not to be a debbie downer, but it really doesn't get that much better as you get older. I've dated 30, 32, 34... I honestly don't think most men ever grow up. I too, only seem to find myself in the company of liars, stringer-alonger's, commitment phobes, perpetual playboy's, those who talk well but whose actions never follow suit. The world is just full of sadly broken, damaged people. I've been single over two and a half years now. I haven't met one person who is worth my time. Yup, yup, and yup. I wish I could say dating gets better as one ages, but I dont think I can. Many men prefer younger women no matter how old they are. Lets face the facts. The best I can tell you is to go on a lot of dates and meet a lot new people (men and women). I know all that dating can be soul sucking, but it helps. In theory if you go on a date with a different guy every week for 30 weeks, youll meet someone you like. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Stop worrying; what you read about guys not being interested in older women has been garbage in my experience. When I was 28/29 I found myself being seriously pursued by 25 year-olds. The wanted to be with me because of my age, not despite it. They had their lives together and wanted to settle down and were extremely turned off by women their own age because they were flakes or desperate to have a groom, any groom, stand next to them in the wedding they'd already planned. All 3 of them were attracted to the fact that I had interesting stories, I'd been single for a couple years and used the time to actually live and do things, and they liked the fact that I didn't need them. One of them told me he liked that I could take him or leave him. My advice would be to stop dragging yourself through online dating because it's a self-esteem killer and cool it on dating for a while. I've never had a relationship start from a traditional date and they happened when I was happy and not looking. If I were you I'd embrace my youth instead of stressing; go travel, learn a language, jump out of a plane, do awesome stuff so when you're settled down there are no regrets. Plus, the stories will be interesting for a guy to hear and you'll have a sense of accomplishment. I also agree with enigma. If the good ones are avoiding you it might be something you're projecting or they can tell that you don't value yourself and they want a woman who knows her worth. Also, consider who you're avoiding. I never wanted to date a younger guy and if I'd stuck to that silly rule I would have cheated myself out of the best boyfriend I could ask for. Link to post Share on other sites
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