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What do I do about guys who seem interested?


NordicBlonde

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Now that I'm working on being less aloof, I'm having way more attention from guys. That really works! :)

 

Last night I went to a fundraiser before my Meetup event. Guys were STARING and STARING again, LOL!

 

Would someone please tell me what the staring thing is all about, and why these guys don't walk up to me and ask for my number?! Are they expecting me to do the work? What am I supposed to do?!

 

The guy who volunteered to work the parking lot offered to give me a ride to my car (he was driving one of those golf carts and saw I was wearing very high heels). So he asks why I was leaving so early, and I said cause I have another event to go to. Then he says, " Do you need anything? Can I help you with anything? If you ever need anything, let me know" and he's giving me this huge flirty smile and checking me out. HUH? If I need something, does he expect me to telepathically connect with him in the future? LOL

 

I'm getting a lot of that lately and I'm not sure what to say or do. I don't want to be too forward and seem desperate, and I don't want to be the pursuer.

 

I can't imagine men are this shy and need so much encouragement? I smile, say hi, wink, flirt, and use body language. What more am I supposed to do?!

 

Any ideas?

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Last week a girlfriend of mine dragged me to this bar. A creeper kept hitting on me, and finally left. The guy sitting to my left was very handsome, nice, worldly, gentlemanly. We talked quite a bit. He told me about his education, job, world travels. We had a lot in common! He asked about me, what kind of food I like, where I like to hang out, etc. I could see him out of the corner of my eye staring at me and checking me out. He was giving me these heart-melting flirty smiles. He seemed interested, but maybe he was just being friendly? Anyway, as we were walking out he never asked for my number, didn't say goodbye, and I walked quickly to my car cause it was cold outside.

 

A couple of nights later, my girlfriend dragged me to another bar :confused: I'm not too thrilled going to bars cause there are creepers and drunks, but I've occasionally met really nice guys. So one guy is staring and staring at me all night, walking around where we were sitting. I smiled at him, waved, nodded to him to come over and sit by me. But he just kept staring. LOL!

 

It's frustrating. I really don't know what to do? These guys should at least meet me halfway...they flirt, I flirt back and encourage them, they ask for my number. What's so difficult about that?? LOL

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Aside from the creepers, it seems the majority of men have become super timid. I doubt even flashing a boob would work. Not that I recommend that, just saying.

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The sooner you drop these expectations and simply enjoy the conversations for what they are at that given time, the sooner you'll start getting what you want.

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Aside from the creepers, it seems the majority of men have become super timid. I doubt even flashing a boob would work. Not that I recommend that, just saying.

 

No no no...

 

 

 

 

 

 

That would totally work ;)

 

 

 

 

edit. Also no idea OP. I would have asked you out on either of these occasions you mention. Especially the waving thing would have been very funny and endearing to me :p

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Aside from the creepers, it seems the majority of men have become super timid. I doubt even flashing a boob would work. Not that I recommend that, just saying.

 

Very true!

 

I was told that I was aloof, even though I'm super outgoing, and guys think I'm not interested in them, so I've been working on being far less aloof--flirting, saying hello first, winking, doing the eye contact thing, smiling, waving, letting them know that I'm interested in whatever they've said (offering help, asking where I like to go to dinner, etc). OMG I don't know how much more I can do short of making my biz cards and just handing it to a nice guy who seems interested! That's so lame and unromantic. :(

 

If they're interested, I've been doing my part, so I wish they'd meet me halfway at the very least.

 

Maybe men are used to women throwing themselves at them, so when I don't, they assume I'm not interested? But I don't want to flash a boob or throw myself at a guy, who will then put me into a "category."

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The sooner you drop these expectations and simply enjoy the conversations for what they are at that given time, the sooner you'll start getting what you want.

 

What do you mean by this?

 

I was told that I have to read signals better, that I'm clueless, so I'm flirting back way more, and I'm still getting STARING and CRYPTIC HINTS from most guys.

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Very true!

 

I was told that I was aloof, even though I'm super outgoing, and guys think I'm not interested in them, so I've been working on being far less aloof--flirting, saying hello first, winking, doing the eye contact thing, smiling, waving, letting them know that I'm interested in whatever they've said (offering help, asking where I like to go to dinner, etc). OMG I don't know how much more I can do short of making my biz cards and just handing it to a nice guy who seems interested! That's so lame and unromantic. :(

 

If they're interested, I've been doing my part, so I wish they'd meet me halfway at the very least.

 

Maybe men are used to women throwing themselves at them, so when I don't, they assume I'm not interested? But I don't want to flash a boob or throw myself at a guy, who will then put me into a "category."

 

I wouldn't know, I've never had women throw themselves at me. I've always met women through body language, meaning prolonged eye contact, and that particular smile. I doubt I'm really that gifted in reading a woman's smile, but it seems obvious to me there's a big difference between a friendly smile and a flirtatious one. If I had to guess as to why I've succeeded, I'd say it really does just come down to "trusting the gut" when there's mutual attraction there's something instinctual that takes over.

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No no no...

 

 

 

 

 

 

That would totally work ;)

 

 

 

 

edit. Also no idea OP. I would have asked you out on either of these occasions you mention. Especially the waving thing would have been very funny and endearing to me :p

 

Well, that's good to know :) I will try this more often. ;)

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First, realize that just because a guy is staring at you doesn't mean he isn't married and can't act on it. Guys stare at pretty girls whether they intend to do anything or not.

 

If you thought you might like that guy who wanted to do something for you, you could have given him your number just as easy as him giving you his. He was just looking for some encouragement. You should say "Well, not sure I need anything in particular, but why don't you give me a call sometime if you want."

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First, realize that just because a guy is staring at you doesn't mean he isn't married and can't act on it. Guys stare at pretty girls whether they intend to do anything or not.

 

If you thought you might like that guy who wanted to do something for you, you could have given him your number just as easy as him giving you his. He was just looking for some encouragement. You should say "Well, not sure I need anything in particular, but why don't you give me a call sometime if you want."

 

True, many of these men may be married or attached.

 

Ohhh I like that answer! It's encouraging but not desperate. :)

 

Would you mind looking at my post today from my Meetup event last night? Curious what you would recommend? Thanks!

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What do you mean by this?

 

I was told that I have to read signals better, that I'm clueless, so I'm flirting back way more, and I'm still getting STARING and CRYPTIC HINTS from most guys.

What I'm driving at is the idea that holding expectations on how these men should behave is causing you needless frustration.

 

From what you've described, you're doing it right as far as the traditional approach to attraction goes and you're not willing to push the envelope further. Fair enough - you've got your boundaries.

 

So now, instead of seeing a good conversation for what it could be or have been, just enjoy it for what it is, in that moment in time.

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Since you are trying to be less aloof, perhaps you haven't achieved your goal yet. Do you look approachable. When you catch them staring, do you at least smile? A better option, assuming you like them, would be to walk over & say hello.

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Since you are trying to be less aloof, perhaps you haven't achieved your goal yet. Do you look approachable. When you catch them staring, do you at least smile? A better option, assuming you like them, would be to walk over & say hello.

 

Yes, I look approachable, and yes, I smile (and do the other flirting techniques I mentioned). I'm getting better at it. I try to catch myself when I feel my guard going up, and try to relax. And most of the time I do say hello first, just to break the ice.

 

I do have a little trouble with reading guys' signals, though. I can't always tell if they're genuinely interested and flirting, or just being friendly, or it's part of their job, or they're married or attached?

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They could be married or attached & still flirting. I'm in the camp that doesn't think harmless, PG rated arm's length flirting is a bad thing.

 

Just keep practicing. It gets easier.

 

Remember. Everybody is nervous so if you can make somebody's approach more comfortable by saying hello first, you are doing a nice thing.

 

Not every guy you flirt with will ask you out.

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Hi Nordic,

 

Sorry to hear that you are having trouble out there. I can totally relate, trust me. After seeing a few of your posts I have almost the same issues, only I'm a guy. I have women approach me and tell their friends "how hot I am" but would fall off the face of the earth after the first encounter. Im in no way conceited but understand I possess certain qualities. The only thing I have learned is that you never get anything in life without asking. By that I mean, as much as we think we are putting out friendly vibes, we can never assume people read minds and know what we are thinking. This is also why communication is so important in relationships. To cut to the point, maybe the next time ask for their number. That way you make your intentions known and also gain the prospect of talking to someone new. It's better than sitting at a bar, getting looked at and going home feeling as if we are doing something wrong.

 

Anyway, if you ever want someone to offer advice, please let me know as I would be happy to help. I said it before, but I fit your exact situation 100%.

 

Take care, from NYC.

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Hi Nordic,

 

Sorry to hear that you are having trouble out there. I can totally relate, trust me. After seeing a few of your posts I have almost the same issues, only I'm a guy. I have women approach me and tell their friends "how hot I am" but would fall off the face of the earth after the first encounter. Im in no way conceited but understand I possess certain qualities. The only thing I have learned is that you never get anything in life without asking. By that I mean, as much as we think we are putting out friendly vibes, we can never assume people read minds and know what we are thinking. This is also why communication is so important in relationships. To cut to the point, maybe the next time ask for their number. That way you make your intentions known and also gain the prospect of talking to someone new. It's better than sitting at a bar, getting looked at and going home feeling as if we are doing something wrong.

 

Anyway, if you ever want someone to offer advice, please let me know as I would be happy to help. I said it before, but I fit your exact situation 100%.

 

Take care, from NYC.

 

That's strange. I replied to your post and it didn't go through, so I'm replying again. :)

 

Thanks, I'd really appreciate your feed back. I'm frustrated and there are some days where it wears me out and I want to give up. LOL

 

I just posted another situation if you'd like to check it out and let me know what you think?

 

I guess if a guy acts interested or flirts, I will just flat out offer my number and ask him to call me? That may be too forward, but nothing else seems to be working. LOL

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