Severely Depressed & Held Back From The Past

[Copelandsanity]

I've been severely depressed in the past two weeks. I've barely slept or slept too much at the wrong times of the day, I've barely eaten, and I rarely go outside other than the bare minimum to survive or put up appearances that I'm okay. Activities that I used to be excited about no longer inspire me the same way they used to.

 

I have no blueprint for my life. When I was married, my blueprint was a happy marriage and eventually having kids. When I found out she was unfaithful, I divorced her and the blueprint was destroyed. She was no longer in my life, and the entire network of friends and family built up over 7 years was gone as well. Since then, I've only dated a couple of times - 1 1/2 to 2 years ago. I no longer think about my ex at all; I don't feel any sadness, hurt or anger over our divorce anymore, but generally speaking, I've had no desire to do any dating or enter any relationship whatsoever. I don't pay attention to the romantic/relationship aspect of my life at all.

 

Shortly after our divorce 2 years ago, I decided my new blueprint was go out, try new activities, and make new friends. Most of the friends that I used to hang out with were married and started having kids and I lost an entire network of people in my divorce. I chose to do Meetup, ended up making some friends and eventually got more intimately involved with a clique within one group after a few months. However, it was a lot of drama - organizer fighting with organizer, organizer creating new group and stealing old members, people having falling out with others over petty arguments. It never affected me directly, so I stuck it out, but eventually - after 7 months - it did. A girl within the clique - who was a primary event organizer - texted me one day out of the blue that she wanted me to leave. She never explained why - she said I didn't respect her, I wasn't nice enough to her - but my suspicion was that she was upset that I was spending less time with the group - once ever 10 days instead of 2-3x a week, which was a lot to me anyway. I had already told her why I was taking a "break" prior to doing so; I wanted some alone time to process my divorce. My best friend's theory was that she liked me. Anyway, I left, she apologized the next day with a promise that she would hash it out with me, but she never followed through and ended up blowing up at me again when I didn't come back to the group quick enough (end of that same week). Ultimately, I decided that enough was enough. I wanted peace and stability in my life and never went back. A couple of the members gave me some support, but I understood that she held clout as an organizer, and that they were not going to leave the comfort and security of the group dynamic.

 

Since the circumstances of my divorce were 100x more hellish than the Meetup experience, I was able to get through this "break-up" easier. But I'm now - over a year later - starting to feel the effects from it. During most of that year, I was dealing with a broken bone and damaged nerve from a cycling accident, and I focused all of my energy on healing, recovery and rehab to get myself back to 100%. Now that I'm recovered, my focus has shifted to how lonely and isolated I feel, and I've been severely depressed over it. Usually I can read some self-help to get a kick in my pants, but it's not working this time. What I'm finding is that my post-Meetup break-up is mirroring my post-divorce in that while I don't want to feel lonely, my desire to go out and meet new people in search of friendship has been destroyed and I don't know how to get it back. I tried a couple of tennis meetups when my partner wasn't available, and I didn't feel right. While I was nice to everyone, the enthusiasm and desire wasn't present. What I feel is that while I'm a good person - nice, positive, funny, cleans up well - I don't feel good enough anymore.

 

I understand that rejection is a part of life, but putting years of your life in a spouse and than months building up goodwill in a group of friends only to have it all yield nothing has caught up to me. I know the solution is just to buck up and get back out there, and I'm hoping some words of support and encouragement - or lecturing, lol - from the real people here - instead of self-help gurus - will help me move forward.

[Copelandsanity]

Something that I've been thinking about is creating my own tennis Meetup. Like I mentioned, I had attended a couple of recent tennis meetups, but they're at a location that's slightly more difficult to travel to than my regular one.

 

Pros:

1. There's an opening for this meetup at my location. There was one that operated for years, but the owner died, the regulars formed a team to play in leagues, and it died off. Someone tried forming a new one recently, but apparently gave up on it. This would be a project I could get excited about.

2. Since I have a lot of free time, I can schedule 1-2 weekday evening events and of course, events on weekends. It would provide me a way to fulfill a quota of having at least 3 social engagements a week to get me out of social isolation (Stephen Ilardi recommends at least 3 to get out of depression).

3. Since the outdoor season is coming to an end, I don't have to rush into it. I can execute planning and collect members over the winter and start running events in the springtime.

4. There are a couple of people I've met at the tennis meetups that would prefer playing at my location and I could ask them for help in organizing since they seem reliable and are active players.

5. Finally, I can use it as a platform for helping beginners improve. I can offer my free time to help feed them balls, do drills and work on their technique. It would be a way I could give back to others.

 

Cons:

1. I worry about getting over my head. I'm a simple person who highly dislikes drama and have seen it play out in other Meetups to the point that owners eventually gave up.

2. Since I'm depressed, I don't know if I'm in the right state of mind for a project like this. I've been strong enough to weather my dad's death - during my divorce - and my accident, so I do have resolve in me.

3. I'm not really that good of a player, lol. I'm an advanced beginner.

4. My tennis partner is my best friend and the only friend I hang out with on a regular basis (weekly). I am forever grateful to have him in my life and I treasure the chemistry and one-on-time time we have together. I'm going to ask him what he thinks of my idea, but part of why I wouldn't pursue the Meetup is because I don't want to negatively affect the thing we currently have.

[neowulf]

Firstly, I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced.

 

Secondly, the first order of business should be trying to get a handle on your depression.

 

Taking action is a great start, but getting some additional support might be what you need to get a foot hold.

 

Medication and counselling can offer some short term leverage to help get back on your feet. I'd highly encourage you to try. It sounds like your no stranger to picking yourself up and getting out there. All of us have moments of weakness were we need a bit of help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

 

Wish you the best.

[Copelandsanity]

Firstly, I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced.

 

Secondly, the first order of business should be trying to get a handle on your depression.

 

Taking action is a great start, but getting some additional support might be what you need to get a foot hold.

 

Medication and counselling can offer some short term leverage to help get back on your feet. I'd highly encourage you to try. It sounds like your no stranger to picking yourself up and getting out there. All of us have moments of weakness were we need a bit of help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

 

Wish you the best.

 

Thanks for the reply. I've done counseling in the past and it's very hit-or-miss. It's also really expensive, lol. I do recognize that I need to talk to someone face-to-face about this, and I will reach out to my best friend. He has family issues of his own, so I've been hesitant to do so because my problems seem so petty compared to his.

 

I definitely feel a little better venting out in the forum. It feels nice that someone out there listened.

[LuckyLady13]

Copelandsanity, sorry to hear about the divorce and your circumstances regarding that. It's not easy for anybody to go through that.

 

Now, about everything else, I'm going to be blunt because sugarcoating this will not help you at all.

 

In short, you got out there, didn't get close to many people, barely showed up, someone said something to you about it and you ran away.

 

I have a very strong feeling what you call drama was not. People are people and they will have disagreements, change of heart, severe boredom at times, tension, fun and laughter and everything in between. People will split up, groups will at times have a change of leadership (or 2 or 3) and things constantly change. People will gravitate in a group toward a certain few and sometimes find out those people aren't who they thought so they will change direction and gravitate toward other people. There's going to be arguments in life and the more people you get together, the more tension can exist in the air because of the multitude of different personality types and opinions trying to co-exist and mingle with each other.

 

If you can't stay and be part of it, you end up where you are right now. Not a fun place.

 

You said you wanted alone time to process your divorce and now look at what's happening. Alone time is the worst thing when it comes to a depressing situation like infidelity and divorce! You made a mistake there. You shouldn't have been showing up every 10 days. You should've stuck with it until you found a better group of people and learned to cope around people, not alone.

 

Even if you have a best friend with great chemistry, I do not think tennis lessons are a great idea because it's too one on one unless you plan to teach an entire class.

 

You're saying you're depressed (and severely, I might add) but do you see how you put everything in place to get to where you are now? Your divorce was 2 years ago and you had a few things going for you but you didn't show up when people wanted you to, blew this off and now you're alone and a hermit, from what you said. Being alone like this isn't good for you at all but you have to learn to deal with people. Be there, show up. Be part of things.

 

Your depression is severe enough to talk to your doctor about antidepressants until you get yourself together enough that you no longer need them. This is something to seriously consider because you sound like you are hardly living.

 

You made some mistakes so now it's time to clean them up. Get back out there again but around more than one person at a time, be part of things, show up every time you're supposed to and learn to deal with people instead of running away and hiding alone.

[kolleamm]

Hey don't worry about it we all been there. I have been struggling with depression all my life and I can tell you it's no fun. It does not control me though.

 

Anyways, sounds like your meetup group was just a bunch of drama to me and that you should look for another group that does not have so many problems associated with it, I'm part of a fitness meetup and although it does have it's downsides the overall experience has been great and I have also met some great women as well while there.

 

It sounds like you are already doing a lot to fight your depression and that you are not letting it control you, so high five on that.

 

What I realized while suffering with depression is that you can either sit there and do the same thing or you can do something to change your life for the better, in my case start working out and meeting new people, and it worked for the most part in relieving it and though it does come back from time to time it's not exactly much of a problem anymore.

 

As for your rough past, remember there has always been someone out there who has been worse off than you ever have.

 

Remember, stuff happens, that's just life, nothing is granted.

[Hope Shimmers]

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. As someone who also divorced after years of marriage, I understand how you feel about that.

 

I'm also sorry to hear about your meetup group experience. In contrast to the previous poster, I think it does sound like a lot of high drama and junior high school kind of behavior to me. It may just have been the dynamics of that particular group though, so I commend you for thinking about a tennis meetup group. After my divorce several years ago I attended a meetup group in my area for awhile - sort of a generically-focused one of people looking to meet others for friendships/maybe more - and found that I was about 20 years younger than almost everyone else in the group (I'm in my 40's). Not sure why, but it just didn't work out, wasn't a good fit, and I haven't tried it again since. I wish you better luck than I had!

[Copelandsanity]

Copelandsanity, sorry to hear about the divorce and your circumstances regarding that. It's not easy for anybody to go through that.

 

Now, about everything else, I'm going to be blunt because sugarcoating this will not help you at all.

 

In short, you got out there, didn't get close to many people, barely showed up, someone said something to you about it and you ran away.

I don't know how you came to this conclusion. I consistently attended events 2-3x/week for 6 consecutive months, which included off-Meetup events (ex. birthdays) organized by the smaller clique. For a working adult who has additional hobbies, that was what I considered a solid commitment. I was probably the most active member during that time and was continually invited to private events without any issues whatsoever.

 

Running away would have been blowing it off, but I went into detail about my divorce with that organizer and a couple of members and why I needed a break. I got involved right after my divorce, which coincided with my dad's passing after a lengthy fight with cancer. I just wanted some alone time to experience a mourning process for both events. I honestly didn't think it was a big deal. I know if someone had come to me with these challenges, I would do nothing but show warm support for them.

 

I have a very strong feeling what you call drama was not. People are people and they will have disagreements, change of heart, severe boredom at times, tension, fun and laughter and everything in between. People will split up, groups will at times have a change of leadership (or 2 or 3) and things constantly change. People will gravitate in a group toward a certain few and sometimes find out those people aren't who they thought so they will change direction and gravitate toward other people. There's going to be arguments in life and the more people you get together, the more tension can exist in the air because of the multitude of different personality types and opinions trying to co-exist and mingle with each other.

 

Perhaps it's something I need to get used to with regards to Meetup. I have personally never experienced any of these behaviors when hanging out with friends or larger groups with friends of friends in the past. Even if I don't end up being close to someone, everyone is nice to each other and has fun, and that's that. I know that's generally my approach when it came to Meetup. I try my best to be nice and positive to everyone.

 

I had spent 8 months doing activities with the girl in question with no issues. Just 4 days prior to the incident, we had a long chat where we were laughing it up. It just came out of left field and she would not explain to me anything. One of the members told me that she has personal issues of her own; that's basically all I know.

 

If you can't stay and be part of it, you end up where you are right now. Not a fun place.

 

You said you wanted alone time to process your divorce and now look at what's happening. Alone time is the worst thing when it comes to a depressing situation like infidelity and divorce! You made a mistake there. You shouldn't have been showing up every 10 days. You should've stuck with it until you found a better group of people and learned to cope around people, not alone.

 

I have a right to have alone time to process a divorce, which also includes my dad's death which was simultaneous. Mourning is a process and I cannot distract it away from my life with constant Meetup events.

 

I'm also not the first person to take a "break." People take breaks because of life, because they're tired of going out every night of the week, etc., etc.

 

There is no "better group of people." This was a small clique that was made up of active members who got close during that particular period and were privately invited. If I wasn't going to be part of that clique, it essentially meant I would have to leave the Meetup altogether since they essentially led the group.

 

Even if you have a best friend with great chemistry, I do not think tennis lessons are a great idea because it's too one on one unless you plan to teach an entire class.

 

My best friend is already my current tennis partner. I play with him almost every single week of my life. The idea would be to start a Meetup to invite other players who want to play at that park, but may not have others to do it with, which is a common occurrence in tennis. The one I recently attended has 12-14 players come out on both Saturday and Sunday to play together. The idea would be to socialize my interest by holding 2-3 events there a week.

 

You're saying you're depressed (and severely, I might add) but do you see how you put everything in place to get to where you are now? Your divorce was 2 years ago and you had a few things going for you but you didn't show up when people wanted you to, blew this off and now you're alone and a hermit, from what you said. Being alone like this isn't good for you at all but you have to learn to deal with people. Be there, show up. Be part of things.

 

If someone kicks me out without any explanation, then says she wants me back but shuts me out, then blows up at me again, there's really not much else to do. I told her everything about my divorce and my dad's death and there was an understanding that I just wanted some time to myself. I just didn't think it was a big deal. There are times I don't see friends for months, and there's no huge blow up. Life happens.

 

Your depression is severe enough to talk to your doctor about antidepressants until you get yourself together enough that you no longer need them. This is something to seriously consider because you sound like you are hardly living.

 

You made some mistakes so now it's time to clean them up. Get back out there again but around more than one person at a time, be part of things, show up every time you're supposed to and learn to deal with people instead of running away and hiding alone.

 

See above, thank you.

[Copelandsanity]

Hey don't worry about it we all been there. I have been struggling with depression all my life and I can tell you it's no fun. It does not control me though.

 

Anyways, sounds like your meetup group was just a bunch of drama to me and that you should look for another group that does not have so many problems associated with it, I'm part of a fitness meetup and although it does have it's downsides the overall experience has been great and I have also met some great women as well while there.

 

It sounds like you are already doing a lot to fight your depression and that you are not letting it control you, so high five on that.

 

What I realized while suffering with depression is that you can either sit there and do the same thing or you can do something to change your life for the better, in my case start working out and meeting new people, and it worked for the most part in relieving it and though it does come back from time to time it's not exactly much of a problem anymore.

 

As for your rough past, remember there has always been someone out there who has been worse off than you ever have.

 

Remember, stuff happens, that's just life, nothing is granted.

 

Thanks, kolleamm. One good book I've discovered is The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi. It promotes an anti-depressant lifestyle, which includes 6 aspects:

 

1) 3 high-quality fish oil capsules a day

2) 60 minutes of natural sunlight or light from light therapy box

3) 8+ hours of sleep

4) Avoiding rumination by keeping mentally engaged throughout the day

5) 60 minutes of exercise a day

6) At least 3 social engagements a week, preferably everyday

 

The above is my go-to whenever I feel depressed. Certainly in the past couple of weeks, I've been lazy about all aspects, and I need to get back to being on point. Thinking about the last part tripped me up, though; it just brought back past trauma, and I needed to vent instead of just keeping it inside and thinking about it all the time.

 

I also agree about recognizing that others have it much worse than I do. Another exercise I like to do is gratitude training, which I got from Tim Ferriss. Just another thing I have to push myself to do so I can grow out of this.

Edited October 22, 2014 by Copelandsanity

[kolleamm]

I definitely agree with avoiding rumination that's a must. Also consider starting a huge project that will take you many years and a reasonable amount of money to complete. That's exactly what I'm trying to do right now and I gotta tell you it does keep the symptoms at bay since my mind is so actively engaged on something else rather than just worrying about women and whether or not they they like me, those kind of worries should just be kept on the side in order to allow you to purse a higher goal in life involving yourself.

 

If you meet a someone along the way, which many do, even better, let it all come naturally, and of course do put yourself out there in the meantime. The problem usually arises when that's our only focus to find someone to make us happy.

 

Truth is you can make yourself happy too, and you surely do matter to someone out there that you will come across when the time is right.

[LuckyLady13]

I've been severely depressed in the past two weeks. I've barely slept or slept too much at the wrong times of the day, I've barely eaten, and I rarely go outside other than the bare minimum to survive

 

I've had no desire to do any dating or enter any relationship whatsoever. I don't pay attention to the romantic/relationship aspect of my life at all.

 

Your depression is severe and spending too much time alone is...what you've been doing.

 

I don't know how you came to this conclusion.

 

I was spending less time with the group - once ever 10 days instead of 2-3x a week

 

never went back.

 

You may have started off okay but that's not how you ended things. You're a part of a group or you aren't. You weren't spending time with these people too much anymore and I can see people having a problem with a "part-timer" like you became. When others were putting in the effort and you weren't, that's insulting to them.

 

Even if I don't end up being close to someone, everyone is nice to each other and has fun, and that's that.

 

That's not your life currently though. You said yourself you aren't going outside, gave up on a group long before anybody gave up on you and besides that, the bigger groups of even close friends I've spent years of time with would have some type of problems here and there and sometimes they were big and kind of scary. You make it sound as if being close to people is so nice and everybody has fun and there is nothing else. There's plenty else and it's not always rosey. But you can't get to good times without weathering the bad WITH PEOPLE.

 

I have a right to have alone time to process a divorce

 

I never heard anybody ever say the best thing for someone after a divorce is being alone! Never! It's always been the exact opposite. To not be alone so you don't sink into a depression.

 

Look, you're saying your life is in bad shape, you're mentally falling apart but until you admit that your approach is the wrong one and open your mind to fresh, new ideas, you're seriously dooming yourself to the exact life you're living. I was under the impression you wanted help and wanted to change things but was I wrong?

[Thegreatestthing]

I use to have coma like depression for years I haven't had it for three years now and I never took medication ,I think the reason I no longer have it is because my life is so full of meaning now there's purpose and wisdom that comes out of the experience,you can skip this if you want and take the pills,lower the hills and raise the valleys.

 

In my depressions I couldn't cope with break ups I would just go suicidal,wanting someone else's life that sort of thing so I do understand,alot of it is just having too much time on your hands to ponder and focus it,this is why you don't see people in Africa who are eAting locusts for breakfast in great depressions.they are too busy surviving,

Edited October 22, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[Copelandsanity]

Your depression is severe and spending too much time alone is...what you've been doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You may have started off okay but that's not how you ended things. You're a part of a group or you aren't. You weren't spending time with these people too much anymore and I can see people having a problem with a "part-timer" like you became. When others were putting in the effort and you weren't, that's insulting to them.

 

 

That's not your life currently though. You said yourself you aren't going outside, gave up on a group long before anybody gave up on you and besides that, the bigger groups of even close friends I've spent years of time with would have some type of problems here and there and sometimes they were big and kind of scary. You make it sound as if being close to people is so nice and everybody has fun and there is nothing else. There's plenty else and it's not always rosey. But you can't get to good times without weathering the bad WITH PEOPLE.

 

 

I never heard anybody ever say the best thing for someone after a divorce is being alone! Never! It's always been the exact opposite. To not be alone so you don't sink into a depression.

 

Look, you're saying your life is in bad shape, you're mentally falling apart but until you admit that your approach is the wrong one and open your mind to fresh, new ideas, you're seriously dooming yourself to the exact life you're living. I was under the impression you wanted help and wanted to change things but was I wrong?

 

I guess we'll agree to disagree. There's no storm to weather; I didn't even have an argument with her. She just threw a tirade of hostility at me for a week long without any explanation whatsoever. Nobody else agreed with her, but as an event organizer, she has all the clout in the situation, I don't. Four of the members currently are no longer regulars anymore, and I have little doubt it's due to the drama. I don't treat anyone that way, and I personally don't know anyone that would even come close to that sort of reaction. I know if I acted that way towards anyone I knew, I would not expect that person to be friends with me anymore. Do you advocate that I blow up at friends of mine that are married with kids and don't have the time to go hang out anymore because they're "part-timers?" No, I am happy for them and understand their situation. The same if someone I knew preferred space if their parent died or they went through a terrible break-up.

 

My approach definitely needs to change. What I needed help with is getting that push to start from real people.

[salparadise]

I'm going to be blunt because sugarcoating this will not help you at all.

 

Whoa LLady, where did this therapy by blunt object method come from? I doubt that he is the one that blunt is intended to help.

 

My approach definitely needs to change. What I needed help with is getting that push to start from real people.

 

I hope you will consider getting back into therapy/counseling, and then consider whether medication is appropriate. Wellbutrin often works wonders without the side effects of SSRIs. My opinion is that you seem too low, lack resilience, and it has gone on too long for you to try and just tough it out on your own.*

 

I can't figure out what kind of meetup group you're talking about, but 2-3 times a week sound a huge commitment. If you're really enjoying it and genuinely connecting with new people it's one thing... but if it's a contrived little micro-society with an impulsive, autocratic leader who is prone to excising people on a whim, then it's not the same as relating to real people who actually know and care about you.

 

I say reach out to your tennis friend, try and think of other genuine friendships that you might be able to reinvigorate. I'd bet there are some guys that you knew when your were married that would like to get together for a drink or activity.

 

Besides the suggestion in the first paragraph, accomplishing things, making successes happen, and then building on them will help. Apply your own discipline, set small, easy goals that when combined will contribute to improving your life, then schedule your time and stick to it. Even something as simple as organizing drawers and cabinets feels like an accomplishment.

 

Also consider volunteering. Getting outside of yourself, believing in and working toward a cause that is larger than you is uplifting and motivating.

 

Wishing you the best-

 

 

 

*Yes, it can be expensive, but if it helps you break this cycle it will be worth it. If you don't have insurance to cover most of it, ask about sliding scale fee.

[todreaminblue]

the difference i have seen in many people who live with depression and the time it takes to get back to feeling stable is....support...a strong support network also with caring professionals and or therapy groups make a huge difference....it is good to know others are going through similar and you arent alone facing it by yourself......discussing strategies and having a network around you who are invested in seeing you up and atom really does help....depression isnt something you just get over by yoruself...you dotn have to tough it out.........

 

as another poster said having a handle on depression first is a must before you consider any type of lasting relationship......when you are down its a struggle to get up, the fatigue during the day and then often insomnia at night.......throws your whole body clock out and leaves you unsure of even daily functions you normally would breeze through......the only way to move forward is to face the day one at a time.......don't make long term decisions when you are down and take on too much.....says me.....i still struggle knowing when to say no i just am not up to that.....i wil try and hide my depression for as long as i can then i burn out

 

how can you op though, possibly look ahead if you cant see your way through a day.....without feeling exhausted.....take it easy on you ...you have to heal first...as any wound would heal sometimes you need professional treatment and to be monitored that you have support and comfort when you need it adn space when you need time out...it is quite possible to sink really fast and that is dangerous to you.......please seek help to cope....doesnt make you less of a person to admit its on top of you right now...wont always be that way........i wish you well ...i hope your days and nights improve...one day at a time...best wishes..deb

[GoBlue]

Thanks for sharing Copelandsanity- I understand exactly what you are talking about. I went through a divorce 5 years ago and I still have not recovered. I was married for 16 years and have two children. The heart-wrenching loneliness has subsided but it still rears its ugly head from time-to-time. The one thing I have learned is that isolation is a killer. Finding a strong support group meets two needs: social interaction and unconditional acceptance. There are two groups that helped me immensely - Divorce Recovery and Celebrate Recovery.

 

I have never participated in a "Meet-Up" group but it has been recommended to me. The thing that I have come to expect is that people will act like people. Human nature is selfish at its core, though there are certainly different levels of how that selfishness is expressed, it never shocks me when people come into conflict with each other. What sets the groups that I mentioned apart is that the main purpose of their existence is to minister to someone who is hurting. Everyone who shows up has their own experience with pain and suffering.

 

Everyone who experiences loss also experiences depression. This is normal and is usually just a season in life. Clinical Depression, however, is altogether different because treatment is usually required for change to take place. Has clinical depression been ruled out by a professional? In any event, you are alive and you have purpose. Although your "blue print" has been altered your life can be full of meaning and joy. Mine came from a renewed relationship with God and I count my blessings every day for His mercy and grace. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be blessed!

[kolleamm]

From my experience of having depression, the more you acknowledge it exists and the more you struggle to find a way to "beat it" the worse it becomes. If you want a relationship then go for it! I don't see depression as a fence to our goals I see it as speed bump and nothing more. I'm still driving towards my goals no matter what the terrain.

 

I have never really been a fan of medication or therapists, my greatest aid so far has been just expanding my horizons and always keeping things fresh in my life, in other words, exploration and creativety with our without someone being my girlfriend. Being alone isn't all bad.