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EVERYONE is getting married but me [Updated]


Loveless77

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I am in my early 30's, I am successful, I am in my dream career, I own my own house (with no mortgage), I am a single mother, I am fun, loving and caring, but lonely.

I look around me and all of my friends and family are getting married. Some of them, honestly really don't much going on for themselves. I just can't figure it out.:(

I just recently got out of what I thought was a "perfect" relationship of two years, only to find out the guy was a married narcissist who had a wife and kids hours away from where we lived ( we did not live together, but we lived in the same city).

Im thinking, can my life get any worse at this point? I am very busy and do not have time to go out and date and furthermore, I have never been attracted to any man like I have my ex...I'm afraid that I will never find another that had some of his characteristics as far as being hardworking, successful, good-cook, sexually satisfying, he never got upset or angered (from what I saw), funny and handsome.

I know I should be happy for my family and friends, but its hard to be happy for them when I am so depressed.

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I am in my early 30's, I am successful, I am in my dream career, I own my own house (with no mortgage), I am a single mother, I am fun, loving and caring, but lonely.

 

Im thinking, can my life get any worse at this point?

 

 

Seriously?

 

Okay. Let's do this.

You could be 55, homeless, unemployed.

You could be 30 with 7 kid, raising them by yourself, working at McDonalds.

 

We can go on and on about this.

 

All of those people getting married... they may or may not be happy, but if you are equating your life's romantic successes to theirs, then that's YOUR issue.

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Seriously?

 

Okay. Let's do this.

You could be 55, homeless, unemployed.

You could be 30 with 7 kid, raising them by yourself, working at McDonalds.

 

We can go on and on about this.

 

All of those people getting married... they may or may not be happy, but if you are equating your life's romantic successes to theirs, then that's YOUR issue.

 

I'd go easy on OP. Diezel is right it could be a lot worse...but a little better too right?

 

So get yourself out there and try to meet people - clubs, sports, through friends, work. Give Online dating a go, but seriously take that very lightly (the words you don't know somebody until you meet them - spring to mind).

 

Don't worry about not being married, someone will come along when you least expect it (a rightful cliche) you just have to keep your eyes open for when opportunities arise and try not to let insecurity stand in the way :)

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To have the rug pulled out from underneath you regarding the guy you just found out was married has damaged your ego & made you question your own judgment.

 

When the world stops spinning you will remember that you do have all the pieces it takes to build a solid relationship & a good life.

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Look at the silver linings: Statistically, like half of them will get divorced anyway.

 

So it isn't so bad.

 

 

True...I guess that is another way of looking at it

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To have the rug pulled out from underneath you regarding the guy you just found out was married has damaged your ego & made you question your own judgment.

 

When the world stops spinning you will remember that you do have all the pieces it takes to build a solid relationship & a good life.

 

 

Yeah it has been 1 month ago since that happened and I am still grieving from that...Hopefully, it gets better.

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I am in my early 30's, I am successful, I am in my dream career, I own my own house (with no mortgage), I am a single mother, I am fun, loving and caring, but lonely.

I look around me and all of my friends and family are getting married. Some of them, honestly really don't much going on for themselves. I just can't figure it out.:(.

 

I think one BIG mistake you're making is thinking money and success make you more "worthy" of a good partner. It doesn't, so don't even list it.

 

Being a single mother is not a plus either. Fun, loving and caring are good qualities that should help you. Attractive is also important.

 

I do sense a whiff of entitlement in your post... like you think you just deserve to have a handsome, successful husband (more so than your friends/family who have nothing going for themselves).

 

One thing that really helped me in life was to stop thinking I deserve things or that people (or life) owes me something. What you get in life has more to do with the decisions you make, luck, timing and location and less to do with what you think you "deserve".

 

So the best thing to do is realistically ask what a handsome successful man is looking for in a woman (not what YOU think he should be looking for). Then honestly assess your market value (not what YOU think it should be).

 

This helped me a lot. Just coming to terms with my market value and accepting it. There is a lot of power in knowing where you stand and not wasting your time chasing things out of reach.

 

Life is much easier when you just date people in your league. Its more fun, less stressful, etc.

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fortyninethousand322

I know a lot of people who are getting married too. Difference of course is that I'm not single parent. I'm a 26 year old guy who has never kissed a girl. I imagine the desire to meet and find someone is still the same though.

 

For what it's worth OP, I think you have a better chance than I do...

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HereAndThenGone
I am in my early 30's, I am successful, I am in my dream career, I own my own house (with no mortgage), I am a single mother, I am fun, loving and caring, but lonely.

I look around me and all of my friends and family are getting married. Some of them, honestly really don't much going on for themselves. I just can't figure it out.:(

I just recently got out of what I thought was a "perfect" relationship of two years, only to find out the guy was a married narcissist who had a wife and kids hours away from where we lived ( we did not live together, but we lived in the same city).

Im thinking, can my life get any worse at this point? I am very busy and do not have time to go out and date and furthermore, I have never been attracted to any man like I have my ex...I'm afraid that I will never find another that had some of his characteristics as far as being hardworking, successful, good-cook, sexually satisfying, he never got upset or angered (from what I saw), funny and handsome.

I know I should be happy for my family and friends, but its hard to be happy for them when I am so depressed.

 

Hey OP, I'm kind of in the same boat.

I'm 30 next year, I have a great job, I support myself, I'm attractive enough, but I'm a single mom as well.

I used to think being a single mom wasn't a big deal, but after the run-through of dating guys I'm beginning to realize it's a deal breaker for a lot of them.

Even though they won't come out and actually say it. They'll just disappear after a month or 2 of sleeping with you because they would never let themselves get that involved with a single mom.

This is of course just my opinion of events lately and I know this is a tad pessimistic of a few.

 

On the other side of the coin. Maybe there's a guy out there that would love a family. I've heard men say this.

There are guys out there that are mature and can fully understand our situation.

 

It's just finding the spark with one of those men that's tricky.

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I have never been attracted to any man like I have my ex...I'm afraid that I will never find another that had some of his characteristics as far as being hardworking, successful, good-cook, sexually satisfying, he never got upset or angered (from what I saw), funny and handsome.

 

You forgot being a well versed pathological liar with a double life in that list. No amount of good cooking is going to fix that ;)

 

 

You just broke up and you still have feelings for him. Once that dies down, the feelings of loneliness, depression, and hopelessness die with it. Sounds like beside this you have it all quite together. You'll bounce back in no time :)

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I used to think being a single mom wasn't a big deal, but after the run-through of dating guys I'm beginning to realize it's a deal breaker for a lot of them.

 

Maybe try finding a single dad? Logic tells me for every single mother there is a single father. Aren't there meetups/specialized sites for singles with children? Maybe worth a look.

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Hey OP, I'm kind of in the same boat.

I'm 30 next year, I have a great job, I support myself, I'm attractive enough, but I'm a single mom as well.

I used to think being a single mom wasn't a big deal, but after the run-through of dating guys I'm beginning to realize it's a deal breaker for a lot of them.

Even though they won't come out and actually say it. They'll just disappear after a month or 2 of sleeping with you because they would never let themselves get that involved with a single mom.

This is of course just my opinion of events lately and I know this is a tad pessimistic of a few.

 

On the other side of the coin. Maybe there's a guy out there that would love a family. I've heard men say this.

There are guys out there that are mature and can fully understand our situation.

 

It's just finding the spark with one of those men that's tricky.

 

 

Yes, I am hoping the best for both you and I. I feel like I deserve it.

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I think one BIG mistake you're making is thinking money and success make you more "worthy" of a good partner. It doesn't, so don't even list it.

 

Being a single mother is not a plus either. Fun, loving and caring are good qualities that should help you. Attractive is also important.

 

I do sense a whiff of entitlement in your post... like you think you just deserve to have a handsome, successful husband (more so than your friends/family who have nothing going for themselves).

 

One thing that really helped me in life was to stop thinking I deserve things or that people (or life) owes me something. What you get in life has more to do with the decisions you make, luck, timing and location and less to do with what you think you "deserve".

 

 

So the best thing to do is realistically ask what a handsome successful man is looking for in a woman (not what YOU think he should be looking for). Then honestly assess your market value (not what YOU think it should be).

 

This helped me a lot. Just coming to terms with my market value and accepting it. There is a lot of power in knowing where you stand and not wasting your time chasing things out of reach.

 

 

Life is much easier when you just date people in your league. Its more fun, less stressful, etc.

 

 

Im sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I know my value and my worth and that's what I am aiming and in hope for..

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Versacehottie

ok, i know this may be unsolicited but part of the way you can help yourself is to change your outlook, ie start by changing your screen name. It sounds silly but it gives great insight into how you view yourself. For example if you think of yourself as "loveless" it is gonna color the interactions you have. You want to put every advantage possible in your court. So start by thinking of yourself as capable of love and just in a period where you haven't run into someone who meets your standards yet. Most people of quality have these periods of time--you just need to remind yourself of it. I know it's not easy.

 

Meanwhile while you are doing everything inwardly to readjust your outlook that you are lovable (and that your past guy was perfect--first of all he wasn't, second of all there ARE others), make sure that you are doing whatever you can to put yourself out there for dating. Try activities, friends, be social, be 'ready" by looking good and being positive and open just while you are doing regular errands etc. You can do it! Good luck!

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ok, i know this may be unsolicited but part of the way you can help yourself is to change your outlook, ie start by changing your screen name. It sounds silly but it gives great insight into how you view yourself. For example if you think of yourself as "loveless" it is gonna color the interactions you have. You want to put every advantage possible in your court. So start by thinking of yourself as capable of love and just in a period where you haven't run into someone who meets your standards yet. Most people of quality have these periods of time--you just need to remind yourself of it. I know it's not easy.

 

Meanwhile while you are doing everything inwardly to readjust your outlook that you are lovable (and that your past guy was perfect--first of all he wasn't, second of all there ARE others), make sure that you are doing whatever you can to put yourself out there for dating. Try activities, friends, be social, be 'ready" by looking good and being positive and open just while you are doing regular errands etc. You can do it! Good luck!

 

I agree, point well taken. Thanks

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Last date I had was back in July. Met her from a dating site. One and done.

 

I go on a date maybe once a year, give or take. I do Meetup, but otherwise i really don't meet any women, and when I do I never get any dates or anything. Online dating has been a disaster for me.

 

I just recently got on the dating sites and all I have gotten so far are persons that I would not want or have undesirable traits that are a deal breaker. I throw myself into my work and have so many job commitments that I don't have time and to be honest I am scared after what I just went through...

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Ninjainpajamas
I just recently got on the dating sites and all I have gotten so far are persons that I would not want or have undesirable traits that are a deal breaker. I throw myself into my work and have so many job commitments that I don't have time and to be honest I am scared after what I just went through...

 

You should PM me your OLD profile so I could tell you how you're presenting yourself and what kind of men you may attract.

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KeepCalmCarryOn
Look at the silver linings: Statistically, like half of them will get divorced anyway.

 

So it isn't so bad.

 

That's what keeps me going every day

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Most men don't want another man's "baggage." They're afraid they'll get stuck paying for those kids. As you've said yourself, you don't really have time for a man. Men like attention. One reason why divorces increase with the birth of a child.

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Im sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I know my value and my worth and that's what I am aiming and in hope for..

 

If you know your value and worth, then why are you attracted to a married man? Seems like you don't value yourself that much at all.

 

Your value and worth has nothing to do with how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, what career you're in. All that means is a means of financial security. That's all it'll ever be. It has nothing to do with feelings of love or a healthy relationship. The people that have told you otherwise value money over love. If that is WHAT you value, that is fine. It's your life.

 

But if you're looking for security, you need to rule out that you're going to strike out in love more often if money and status is what you desire.

 

Sorry sister, but just because you're making money doesn't automatically mean you'll get a relationship of your dreams. Your worth has nothing to do with looks or status, those can fade or change with time. Your friends are in a relationship because someone out there thought they were worth the time.

 

Maybe your self-entited attitude towards marriage based on a consensus that those with security are better for marriage may be one of your detriments towards finding a mate.

 

Gotta agree with Zen here, there's nothing wrong with aiming high, but don't get too down when you realize that your options aren't as plentiful as you'd like them to be. If you're insistent on staying the way you are, I'd suggest you prepare yourself to be single.

 

Once you see that being single is not a terrible thing at all, and learn to love yourself in an everchanging world, you'll be happier with what men come your way instead of seeming like you NEED a man of certain credentials to make you happen.

 

A partner becomes a part of you, hence a "partner" but it's up to you to fulfill yourself, as partners, as with many things in life, come and go.

 

I wouldn't suggest online dating in a large city. Try being more social, going to events, clubs(not bars, clubs with common interests, like a book club or a nerd club) you'll network, make friends, and maybe find a decent man.

 

Till then, OP, learn to appreciate life for more than just having a man. :D I quit online dating a while ago, I was homeless for a while, been that way 3 times, and girls still like me. I'm not your definition of successful but I still am a likeable guy.

 

You are secure. Be happy knowing that if a relationship goes South, you'll be all right. Nothing is sexier than a woman who doesn't NEED a man. Trust me when I say this.

 

Most men on here will agree with me. Good luck, OP. Natsu21.

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Because they found a partner who they want to marry?

 

Because they fell madly in love?

 

Because they enjoy each others company and, while not in love, they want a family and to build a relationship with a stable partner; they have chosen to skimp out on the passion in favour of comfort and stability.

 

Maybe some are desperate to get married for the social status irrespective of their true feelings towards one another?

 

Perhaps they are getting married because they just feel that it is something that they are supposed to do?

 

Their parents may be pressuring them?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not many people marry because they are madly in love and are filled with passion for another person, who also happens to be a compatible life partner for them:lmao:

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I just recently got on the dating sites and all I have gotten so far are persons that I would not want or have undesirable traits that are a deal breaker. I throw myself into my work and have so many job commitments that I don't have time and to be honest I am scared after what I just went through...

 

If you are very busy with work + busy at home as a single mom, then it seems any guy could well be priority #3 in your life. Also are you prepared to have another child with a guy? I knew guys who were prepared to settle down with a single mom, but they :

A. wanted a women that was a bit more attractive/sexier than the equivalent foot loose fancy free single woman.

B. wanted a women that was prepared to have more children with them

How does that fit with you?

I don't think all your friends getting married should be any worse than all your friends being loved up in relationships, but maybe from a female's perspective it is worse. Hopefully they don't all abandon you.

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You guys are very mean to the OP.

 

Yes, in my view, having your life together with a career and financial security says something about a person's values: hard work, good attitude, good head on their shoulders. Convenient to dismiss someone's achievements, but they do tell a lot.

 

Also, OP, you are just out of a relationship that ended painfully, just one month ago. So you cannot say "everyone is getting married" like you embarked in a long dating journey and not getting dates or finding a relationship. The reason why everyone is getting married but you is that you weren't available for a relationship, being locked in with that man that proved to be married.

 

First, you need to heal from the terrible experience that you had. You should go into therapy and read a lot of self help, regain your confidence and self esteem. This will take a while.

 

Then, once you feel strong, you can start dating, but do not expect results in 1-3 months. It can take 1-2 years to find a relationship. Don't listen to the people who make you feel bad about being a single mom. I'm a single mom and have no trouble finding dates. It's true that many men don't want a single mom, but there are plenty of others who will be OK with that. Don't think of it as a handicap, or you'll make it be a handicap. The man that will be your match will accept you as you are, including your child.

 

When dating, what you need to make sure you have is high high high confidence and self esteem, and make sure you do not waste your time with people who string you along and don't want a relationship. You have a lot to learn about dating and it is emotionally taxing. You need to be very strong. Most of all, you need to have FAITH that your match is out there and you'll find each other. Let go quickly of people who are not interested enough, don't have their sh*t together, players, and time wasters, and you'll be fine. Give yourself 2-3 years for this process. Good luck!

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