Finally some hope? And what does this mean?

[NordicBlonde]

I'd appreciate anyone's feed back on each of these situations. I'm not aware if a guy is interested in me unless he is VERY OBVIOUS about it. I must have tunnel vision or I'm busy doing my thing and don't notice? Or else I just assume a guy is being nice, and not necessarily interested in me? I'm extremely social, outgoing, but I've been told by men that I'm aloof, so I'm really working on that. I used to be more flirty in the past, but it got me a lot of unwanted sexual attention and inappropriate advances. Sorry for the long post, but a lot has happened lately. Anyway, here are the latest situations:

 

I went to pick my brother up at the airport. As I was waiting, the guy at one of the airlines was making quick witted chat with me, smiling, asking about me, joking around with me. As I was leaving he said it was nice meeting me. He was very good looking, nice, great personality. Was this guy flirting/interested, or just being nice?

 

I went to a wine tasting event. People were handing me their biz cards. One guy approached me and said he'd love to meet a woman that he could share a bottle of wine with. I told him I really enjoy certain wines. As I was leaving he said, "Bye!" What was that all about?

 

I went to a fundraiser. A few guys were staring at me all night, and one guy was following me. I made sure to smile and say hi to everyone. Why do guys stare? Sometimes they stare and when I catch their gaze they look away.

 

I went to a Meetup singles party and arrived very late. A guy caught me at the entrance and followed me around all night, bought me drinks, wanted to take a selfie with me, complimented me like crazy, asked for my number, walked me to my car, and has been texting me poetry (he lives in another state and was just in town for that weekend...he had asked me to come over to his place the next day so he could cook for me, but I had to work that day). He said if I ever need him to brighten my day, he'd love to. He's still texting me romantic poetry, and I don't know what to do cause he lives in another state?

 

That same night, one guy came out of nowhere, complimented me, asked me to dance. I told him I'd be right back cause I was in line for the photo booth. Meanwhile, another guy I've already met at an earlier Meetup hugged me, said I looked good and smelled good (?), talked to me for a bit, then said he wanted to "work on me" on the dance floor (huh?), told me he's passionate, part Italian and part Spanish, and to take my pick (?) I was on my way out so I didn't dance with him, and the other guy kept following me. Was he just interested sexually?

 

I went to a Haunted House, Forest, and Hayride Meetup. As we were standing in line waiting for the hay ride, one of the zombie guys was following me. He asked me if I was with the other guy in our group. Then he asked me if I had a job (?!) He asked me what my name was, I didn't tell him, cause I thought he was going to tell the other people jumping out and scaring us. LOL So he called me "baby." I kept moving away from him cause I thought he was going to set me up and scare me. As we were getting on the ride, he said he isn't supposed to go, but he wanted to sit next to me (I'm jumpy and get scared easily). One of the girls in the group purposely sat between us and he was trying and trying to move next to me and getting frustrated. He wouldn't let up. So another girl in our Meetup told him my name and what Meetup we were in. He was asking her questions about me, but I couldn't hear. As we got off the ride, he held my hand and helped me off. Very nice! With all the zombie makeup, I couldn't tell what he looked like! LOL I have no clue what his intentions were? Was this guy flirting, or do they do this with everyone?

 

I took an REI class. As I was leaving, this guy ran after me and asked for my e-mail address (?) I was caught off guard, didn't know him, and didn't understand why he was asking for my e-mail address??

 

For those of you on Meetup, why do total strangers message you and ask you out? Some of these guys live far away. Are they scammers?

 

I went to a Meetup singles mixer several months ago, met a lot of people, left early. A few weeks ago I went to another Meetup party at a very nice venue. As soon as I sat down, this guy sat next to me, knew my name, and didn't leave my side all night. Apparently he met me months ago at the first singles Meetup (I don't even remember meeting him!) So all night he's ordering me drinks, he ordered me several plates of appetizers, asking all about me. He said he was traveling to Europe on business for a couple of weeks, we talked about that, and I told him I loved English toffee. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, asked for my number, gave me a hug. I didn't hear from him for weeks until today. He called me and said he's back from Europe and bought me the toffee I wanted! He also asked me out to dinner so he could give me the toffee. He asked for Saturday, which I normally would LOVE since it's date night, but this Saturday is slam full for me (it sucked turning him down for Saturday cause he's so nice!), so he asked for another day, and we are meeting this Thursday at a restaurant that I've been dying to go to! OMG I FINALLY HAVE A PROPER DATE!! I'm nervous! He's so kind, nice, and thoughtful, a really good guy, which is what I've been looking for. Any advice?

[Day.One]

Go on the date,

 

STOP over-analyzing (that post gave me a headache, you're putting way too much thought into "are they, aren't they interested" ),

 

RELAX

 

 

And have a great date.

[salparadise]

 

...a really good guy, which is what I've been looking for. Any advice?

 

 

Yea, don't be aloof! The guys are taking the initiative to get something going with you, but you need to get out of your own head, be open and relate as one human being to another if you want things to work. Don't let all of this attention you get turn into an attitude of entitlement. Have fun, good luck.

[HappyLove]

No offense but you remind me of a cluless male. You know that guy who is so hot yet cluless as to why girls always talk to him.

 

Ummm, clearly you're hot girl! You're probably a bit intimidating too so guys act kinda awkward around you. Good luck on the date try not to over analyze it.

[preraph]

They're all interested in having sex with you, but some of them will be interested in having you for a real girlfriend, and unfortunately so far no one has made those just wanting sex put that tattoo on their forehead. So the thing is you have to take it slow, only go places in public where they're taking your someplace decent and public for the first few dates, talk to them and assess if they're being impatient, being overly obsessed (talking about marriage on the 2nd date - not a good sign), or being a normal guy looking for a girl.

 

Accept any invitations you think you might enjoy, but just don't give them anything except public dates for at least a few times until you think you can tell. Guys are prepared to have to wait for 3 dates for sex, so that isn't long enough. You need to be kissing if you're interested but just take it slow and see what the guy is made of. Good luck. And throw a few of the "not so bad just not my type" rejects to your other girlfriends because they don't get all this attention like you do.

[NordicBlonde]

This is great feed back! I really appreciate it!

 

Just an FYI I don't feel any sense of entitlement. I also don't see that I'm getting "a lot of attention." No more than anyone else. And I agree that most men want sex and women have to pace things. My girlfriends would not want to date my "leftovers" because they are extremely picky. I'm not as much. I've been told that I need to be way pickier.

 

Last night I was overwhelmed because of the cryptic signals from these men I'm meeting, and I agree, I'm clueless, which is why I posted here for feed back. I realize I'm a bit OCD about what men say and do. I just don't want to miss an opportunity of meeting a great guy due to my confusion. LOL I've been working very hard at not being aloof. I'm not aloof on purpose, I just have tunnel vision (?) or am not aware.

 

I recently came out of a LTR so my date tomorrow night is making me super nervous. I don't want to blow it cause this guy is so nice and thoughtful. He called me today and gave me directions and confirmed. He printed out all his pictures from his biz trip to Europe for me to see. I love that. This guy has behaved like a total gentleman and has planned a proper date and is so respectful!

[shinobininja]

You sound a lot like me! I over analyze my interactions with girls constantly.

 

I can tell you one thing though, guys absolutely hate rejection! Sometimes guys have a hard time reading between the lines. You said you are aloof with guys, that might be the problem. Some guys are so afraid of rejection that if they sense even a hint of hesitation or disinterest, they move on.

 

Myself, I don't mind a bit of a challenge. However if the girl isn't giving me any sort of hints I simply won't ask her out. Also, if a girl is really hot, guys will get all kinds of nervous and probably somehow talk themselves out of asking you out. If you like a guy, try to subtly give hints.

 

For instance, it sounds like guy from the wine tasting event possibly wanted to get to know you, but maybe he took your comment about only liking particular wines as a sign you're not interested. He said "Bye" because he still liked you, but didn't know how to move forward.

[NordicBlonde]

Thanks for the feed back!

 

The date went well. This guy is so sweet, he brought me English toffee from London, put together a photo album from his trip, and took me to dinner and bought a ton of food. He kept asking me if I wanted to see him again, and I was very encouraging, which I normally don't do, but I'm working on being less aloof. So he called me a few days ago and is planning a Halloween party with his brother's night club (I hinted that I wanted to go! Geez) And I haven't heard from him since.

 

i don't like it when I only hear from a guy once a week or once every 2 weeks. It just kills attraction. I hate to friendzone this guy cause he's so sweet, but he's not romantic, he doesn't flirt with me, doesn't kiss me, it's like he's missing dating skills.

 

I feel like I have to give men A LOT of encouragement, and that's uncomfortable. I haven't figured out the delicate balance between encouragement and desperation and challenge?

 

Meanwhile, I have this other guy calling me and texting every day for 2 months now, who hints that he wants to take me to dinner, but so far we haven't met up. Geez. Frustrating.

[NordicBlonde]

I would give anything for a KISS from someone I'm attracted to, without being mauled and touched inappropriately. One guy called me "ridiculous and sad" because I just wanted kisses and nothing else (!)

 

A new boyfriend would be very nice right now. I can't keep going out and being propositioned, touched, getting hit on by creepers who just want sex. I'm so tired of that. I'm not meeting anyone lately who is serious about dating and developing a relationship. That's very unusual for me.

 

I've changed my approach and am less aloof and VERY encouraging. I had no attention for weeks. Now I'm getting a lot, but it's not what I want--pervs, guys who don't want a relationship, geezers, guys touching me inappropriately at events, guys wanting sex right away before even a date!!

 

I tried on-line dating, but the guys just wanted to talk and trade pictures.

 

I'm not used to this. I'm used to one man being laser-focused on me. I love that.

 

Not sure what I'm doing wrong?