Meetup events, but doing events as a non-member

[irc333]

Something I'm noticing recently. There's this Christian singles Meetup group a woman has gotten started. It's been up a couple of months. The female to male ratio is insane. Tons of women, a couple of men.

 

Tonight , this was interesting. The organizer and her best friend (asst. organizer) invited a few other people to join us. Non-members.

 

We were suppose to rendezvous in the front of city hall.

 

The "core" members of our group showed up, but she was busy texting the "others" as they were already in the crowd and out and about.

 

The 2 friends she invited walked passed us and they said hello to our organizer. One of them was anxious to go on ahead and the organizer said, "How about you join us?" and they were like "Nah, we'll be in there somewhere, I'm sure we'll bump into each other."

 

For those non-members that did join us, I asked one of them "So you new to the group?"

 

And she said, "I'm actually not a member, I just go to the organizer's Bible study" then I asked, "Why not join the group?"

 

She said, "Just not interested and I don't have time...been going to school full time for my PhD."

 

She's single/unattached, if you're going to COME to out events, be polite and actually become a member. lol

 

But I'm noticing how non-members of Meetups are attending events without the benefit of being a member. But I'm wondering if the women here are doing so deliberately to avoid men? Or they are methodically choosing their mates indirectly? Only "skirting" the outskirts of Meetup?

 

Only a theory though.

Edited October 12, 2014 by irc333

[MidwestUSA]

Is there some sort of meetup rule that these women are breaking? I'm not sure how you conclude they're avoiding meeting men, when it looks like all they're guilty of is being too lazy to actually formally join the group.

[irc333]

Is there some sort of meetup rule that these women are breaking? I'm not sure how you conclude they're avoiding meeting men, when it looks like all they're guilty of is being too lazy to actually formally join the group.

 

It's hard to explain, as I'm seeing this time and time again. That there are TONS of single women out there that are friends with their female MEMBER counterparts.

 

But either

 

1. The single Meetup member have to pull teeth to get them to come join her. It seems some of these single friends will avoid hanging out with their best friend if the event is somehow "singles" oriented or even a whiff as such. It's like the plague to them. lol

 

2. If they CAN get their friends to come, it's somehow on a conditional basis

a. Just stopping by and not hanging out for the duration.

b. Come with a friend that is easily just as anti-Meetup avoidance just to

*Sniff* around at the goods.

c. Just passin' through.

 

It's weird, when I try to chat up one of them, ask them if they are a member, they say they aren't and come up with an excuse as to why they are not.

[GemmaUK]

You've pretty much answered your own question here.

 

What is the benefit of a single woman who is looking to meet men joining a meet up group where the ratio of women in that group far outweighs the ratio of men?

 

Also, you said that the woman you spoke to is pretty much too busy to attend these meet ups regularly.

I recall another thread where you complained that meet up members rarely attend any meets and that was a problem for you.

 

Perhaps you need to suggest a rule that outsiders are not permitted to attend and that members must attend all events or they are evicted from the group?

[irc333]

 

Perhaps you need to suggest a rule that outsiders are not permitted to attend and that members must attend all events or they are evicted from the group?

 

Yes. I was thinking about that VERY thing when I was driving home. Or some kind of, "You can attend 3 functions as a +1, after that, you need to join".

 

This is a new group and the organizer tends to listen to my suggestions. When I set up events (as I'm an asst. organizer myself), I have that rule of thumb.

 

It was a movie event, someone wanted to attend without RSVP'ing. I said I would not prefer that and that they need to join the group and RSVP.

 

I see women tend to this more though, you see them show up out of the blue, they didn't RSVP "Yes". and you ask them, "I didn't now you were going to be here" and they'd say, "Yeah, I tend to do that sometimes, usually a last minute thing with me."

 

Of course these are actual members, but they aren't RSVP'ing Yes or No.

 

What is the benefit of a single woman who is looking to meet men joining a meet up group where the ratio of women in that group far outweighs the ratio of men?

 

Since it's a brand new meetup, perhaps this will change...but I am thinking some women aren't giving it enough time. It is kind of sad how the organizer knows single women from her church, but they refuse to join the Meetup. Plus, they may have to make due with them men that are available and attending.

 

That's the problem with people, they aren't patient enough to give it time.

Edited October 12, 2014 by irc333

[Art_Critic]

Yes. I was thinking about that VERY thing when I was driving home. Or some kind of, "You can attend 3 functions as a +1, after that, you need to join".

 

Why thin out your dating pool.. if you create a rule and less women show up aren't you shooting yourself in the foot ?

 

If your rule had been in effect you wouldn't have met the girl you spoke to..

 

I say the more the merrier as long as they aren't married, who cares how they get there as long as they are there.

[GemmaUK]

Yes. I was thinking about that VERY thing when I was driving home. Or some kind of, "You can attend 3 functions as a +1, after that, you need to join".

 

This is a new group and the organizer tends to listen to my suggestions. When I set up events (as I'm an asst. organizer myself), I have that rule of thumb.

 

It was a movie event, someone wanted to attend without RSVP'ing. I said I would not prefer that and that they need to join the group and RSVP.

 

I see women tend to this more though, you see them show up out of the blue, they didn't RSVP "Yes". and you ask them, "I didn't now you were going to be here" and they'd say, "Yeah, I tend to do that sometimes, usually a last minute thing with me."

 

Of course these are actual members, but they aren't RSVP'ing Yes or No.

 

I was actually kidding when I said that maybe there should be rules that only members attend and an eviction happens if someone doesn't attend all of the meets.

I wouldn't want to join up to a group like that where I felt obligated to go to events I didn't want to attend.

 

Plus, they may have to make due with them men that are available and attending.

I'm thinking you mean 'make do with the men that are available'?

So, they should go along to the meet up and then date the men in the meet up group simply because they are the only men in the meet up group and are available?

Is that what you're saying?

[irc333]

I was actually kidding when I said that maybe there should be rules that only members attend and an eviction happens if someone doesn't attend all of the meets.

I wouldn't want to join up to a group like that where I felt obligated to go to events I didn't want to attend.

 

Well, then why not just join the Meetup, but don't RSVP to the event or RSVP "No".

 

I'm thinking you mean 'make do with the men that are available'?

So, they should go along to the meet up and then date the men in the meet up group simply because they are the only men in the meet up group and are available?

Is that what you're saying?

 

No, I'm not saying that, I'm saying they need to continue to be more patient. Not saying that they have to actually DATE the men that are attending the functions. (Even though it's sometimes only me that's attending, lol...not that I don't mind the odds being in my favor, lol)

 

But perhaps wait it out to see what other men join up, but they don't have patience to do so. Perhaps enjoy making friends with the other females.

 

The organizer is making it a mission for to even have a support group for singles when they feel lonely, esp. with the upcoming holidays. Which is really nice of her. The organizer has been divorced for 3 years, and all her friends are married, so her friendships with them aren't really all "there" anymore and she's very much open to single female friends.

[xxoo]

No, I'm not saying that, I'm saying they need to continue to be more patient.

 

Why?

 

Especially if they are busy and not lonely and not particularly needy for a relationship, why would they need to invest more time and commitment to this meetup?

[irc333]

Why?

 

Especially if they are busy and not lonely and not particularly needy for a relationship, why would they need to invest more time and commitment to this meetup?

 

Actually, they are desiring of a relationship, just not interested in the Meeutp attendees that appeal to them, that's all.

 

 

"Scans the room, nope, bunch of short guys" "Hm, no lawyers or doctors here, time to move on to the next Meetup"

 

Heck, if they stuck around long enough, they might find what they are attracted to, right?

 

They are actually doing themselves a disservice if their agenda is to find someone only to not stick it out long enough that someone of their liking might show up to an event.

[sillyanswer]

It's weird, when I try to chat up one of them, ask them if they are a member, they say they aren't and come up with an excuse as to why they are not.

 

Next time just avoid that question. If there's a woman you find attractive then talk to her... and if she finds you attractive perhaps the conversation will lead to swapping phone numbers or whatever comes next. You got to meet her... does it really matter if she's in the club?

[irc333]

Next time just avoid that question. If there's a woman you find attractive then talk to her... and if she finds you attractive perhaps the conversation will lead to swapping phone numbers or whatever comes next. You got to meet her... does it really matter if she's in the club?

 

Thing is, they don't stick around long enough to build enough rapport. She left with her friend rather early from the scheduled event. She was only doing a "flyby".

 

Hopefully we'll see her again, *shrug* but I don't know. The group is just getting its start, and there is only 3 regulars (me, the organizer, and her friend) that's been faithfully attending up to this point. Quite a few others were just one-shots, but that's it.

[guest569]

Who cares what other people do? If they register, stay, leave.. who...cares..?

[Imported]

 

I'm thinking you mean 'make do with the men that are available'?

So, they should go along to the meet up and then date the men in the meet up group simply because they are the only men in the meet up group and are available?

Is that what you're saying?

 

I am pretty sure that is exactly what he'd like. That is what I read between the lines on many of his postings about meet-up's.

 

 

"Scans the room, nope, bunch of short guys" "Hm, no lawyers or doctors here, time to move on to the next Meetup"

 

Heck, if they stuck around long enough, they might find what they are attracted to, right?

Of the guys that are there? They didn't see anyone they were physically attracted to....any...doctors and lawyers. You don't need much time to figure that out. There is no reason to stay. Edited October 13, 2014 by Imported

[sillyanswer]

Thing is, they don't stick around long enough to build enough rapport. She left with her friend rather early from the scheduled event. She was only doing a "flyby".

 

Oh well. That means she didn't fancy you. Better luck next week.

[irc333]

Oh well. That means she didn't fancy you. Better luck next week.

Lol.... Unfortunately I seem to be the ONLY male regular that's been in attendance. Though there several women.

 

Not that I don't mind the ratio. Lol. At one of the restaurant events I was the ONLY man that showed up. Probably about 10 women. Sadly none of them were return members. :-P

[irc333]

What's with the strike thru on the physical attraction part?

 

 

 

I am pretty sure that is exactly what he'd like. That is what I read between the lines on many of his postings about meet-up's.

 

 

Of the guys that are there? They didn't see anyone they were physically attracted to....any...doctors and lawyers. You don't need much time to figure that out. There is no reason to stay.

[sillyanswer]

Lol.... Unfortunately I seem to be the ONLY male regular that's been in attendance. Though there several women.

 

Not that I don't mind the ratio. Lol. At one of the restaurant events I was the ONLY man that showed up. Probably about 10 women. Sadly none of them were return members. :-P

 

If they're single and looking for a man, perhaps they're searching for groups with more men.

[irc333]

Well. If they could wait it out for more than only one Meet up. ...then some men to their liking could show up.

 

Just demonstratea a "gotta have it now" mentality these days.

 

It can't happen overnight.

 

 

If they're single and looking for a man, perhaps they're searching for groups with more men.

[GemmaUK]

I am pretty sure that is exactly what he'd like. That is what I read between the lines on many of his postings about meet-up's.

 

 

Of the guys that are there? They didn't see anyone they were physically attracted to....any...doctors and lawyers. You don't need much time to figure that out. There is no reason to stay.

 

I agree.

 

IRC, the strike through is because people are initially attracted to or not attracted to people physically.

Without physical attraction people are only ever going to be friends or acquaintances.

 

You said that they don't stick around long enough to build rapport but if, as you say these women are looking for men they are interested in dating then what is the point in keeping attending if they are not at all attracted to the members?

They may as well do other things and look elsewhere.

 

They could well have lots of friends outside of the group and strangely enough friends whom they have met 'organically' rather than being obliged to keep attending a meet up group where they don't actually gel with the people in the group.

Even just making 'friends' is something that cannot be forced and it either happens or it doesn't.

 

With friends you still need to 'click' otherwise they are only really acquaintances.

With a potential date you need to 'click' and also want to take that person to bed at some point.

Women generally know within 30 seconds to about 3 minutes whether or not they would ever possibly want to take a man to bed.

[irc333]

I agree.

 

IRC, the strike through is because people are initially attracted to or not attracted to people physically.

Without physical attraction people are only ever going to be friends or acquaintances.

 

Well, if that's the case, then you should not have done the strike through.

 

You said that they don't stick around long enough to build rapport but if, as you say these women are looking for men they are interested in dating then what is the point in keeping attending if they are not at all attracted to the members?

They may as well do other things and look elsewhere.

 

I'm glad you asked that, it's called building social capital. They are simply shooting themselves in the foot by "Ducking out" early and/or never coming back. If they gave a few Meetups a try, eventually someone they like will come around.

 

They could well have lots of friends outside of the group and strangely enough friends whom they have met 'organically' rather than being obliged to keep attending a meet up group where they don't actually gel with the people in the group.

 

They don't give it time to "gel" that's the point I'm coming across. They are so shallow they aren't willing to stick around past ONE meetup or even leave unexpectedly EARLY. "Sorry, gotta go! I gotta.......thing."

 

Chances are these "friends" are someone they aren't really all that tight with. More so acquaintances. They typically have kind of personality/behavior type where they are like "humming birds" they just buzz in and out from social events and they can never commit to anything because they are "waiting for something better to come along".

 

Or if they do commit half-heartedly to something, then something better comes up the same night, they'll cancel their plans with their friends and go do that event.

 

These personality types typically do not value their own friendships much either. Even if they DO find someone they are attracted to, chances are they won't value the relationship either.

 

With friends you still need to 'click' otherwise they are only really acquaintances.

With a potential date you need to 'click' and also want to take that person to bed at some point.

 

I would gather a Meetup where people can spend a few hours with each other on a hike or kayaking or some excursion would determine if people "click"

 

Women generally know within 30 seconds to about 3 minutes whether or not they would ever possibly want to take a man to bed.

 

Not ALL women, depends on the woman. Of course, this is a Christian singles group...so hopefully getting laid isn't their priority.

 

I had recently found out though that these non-members singles women from the organizer's Bible study are simply frustrated with men as of late *shrug*, so maybe that's why are a bit reluctant.

[MissBee]

The woman said she isn't interested and doesn't have time...not sure how that translates to avoiding men. Huh?! Why does it even have to be about men??? That would be the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, I wouldn't have even pressed on why she wasn't a member. Seems like she was doing her friend a favor.

 

Being a member of something and just passing through once in a while require different levels of commitment.

 

I don't do Meetups, but there are things which I choose not to be a member of because I know I can't commit to it consistently or just am not interested in it regularly but may go to particular events or go once in a while. The avoidance of men never factors into that decision.

[xxoo]

It comes down to interest and using time efficiently when they are not at that meetup (which didn't interest them), they have more time for things that hold more interest and promise for them. They can meet people they like anywhere.

[GemmaUK]

Well, if that's the case, then you should not have done the strike through.

 

I didn't post it.

I just quoted it.

Why should it not have been posted/quoted?

 

 

I'm glad you asked that, it's called building social capital. They are simply shooting themselves in the foot by "Ducking out" early and/or never coming back. If they gave a few Meetups a try, eventually someone they like will come around.

 

They're not if they are not interested though. They're off doing other things that they are more interested in.

 

They don't give it time to "gel" that's the point I'm coming across. They are so shallow they aren't willing to stick around past ONE meetup or even leave unexpectedly EARLY. "Sorry, gotta go! I gotta.......thing."

They are under no obligation to 'gel' with people whom they don't want to gel with.

 

Chances are these "friends" are someone they aren't really all that tight with. More so acquaintances. They typically have kind of personality/behavior type where they are like "humming birds" they just buzz in and out from social events and they can never commit to anything because they are "waiting for something better to come along".

 

Or if they do commit half-heartedly to something, then something better comes up the same night, they'll cancel their plans with their friends and go do that event.

 

These personality types typically do not value their own friendships much either. Even if they DO find someone they are attracted to, chances are they won't value the relationship either.

So surely if you think this way you wouldn't want to gel with them or date them either and they are better off not in the group.

 

 

[quote[

I would gather a Meetup where people can spend a few hours with each other on a hike or kayaking or some excursion would determine if people "click"

Yes, but if not then why bother attending again if they have determined they don't click?

 

 

Not ALL women, depends on the woman. Of course, this is a Christian singles group...so hopefully getting laid isn't their priority.

It doesn't need to be a priority but unless they abstain from sex in relationships then knowing whether they are attracted enough or not to ever want to sleep with that person will be a factor.

 

I had recently found out though that these non-members singles women from the organizer's Bible study are simply frustrated with men as of late *shrug*, so maybe that's why are a bit reluctant.

 

Maybe they are, it really doesn't matter.What matters to them is trying out the meet, seeing if there are any men they might be interested in dating or anyone they might be interested in becoming friends with.

 

People are entitled to a choice and if they don't want to join the group, keep attending to see if a great guy joins the group or keep attending to 'try' to become friends with the people in the group then they don't have to.

[irc333]

The woman said she isn't interested and doesn't have time...not sure how that translates to avoiding men. Huh?! Why does it even have to be about men??? That would be the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, I wouldn't have even pressed on why she wasn't a member. Seems like she was doing her friend a favor.

 

Being a member of something and just passing through once in a while require different levels of commitment.

 

I don't do Meetups, but there are things which I choose not to be a member of because I know I can't commit to it consistently or just am not interested in it regularly but may go to particular events or go once in a while. The avoidance of men never factors into that decision.

 

Believe you me, the gender does have something to do with these peoples' agendas. May not be with you, but I have even heard of people checking out the RSVP list prior to even attending to see if there are any "cute guys" going before even going. If not, then they don't go.

 

They can meet people they like anywhere.

 

If it weren't for Meetup, I would not have had a social life.

 

Few years back, I did have a small circle of friends I was hanging with until they all got married or hooked up with someone, and I was the last man standing.

 

So I sought out "Things to do in <city>" and found Meetup...the rest was history.

 

I am guessing some can't say the same as some may have a HUGE circle of friends outside of Meetup....I can't say the same really. *shrug* Unless you count co-workers?