The long first date vs. the short first date

[irc333]

Seen this woman on POF, no kids, doesn't have kids, doesn't want kids and in her mid 40's. Perfect set up.

 

But in her "First Date" section she elaborates how meeting at a theme park would be an ideal "first date" for her, as meeting for dinner or drinks to be rather cliche'd or you won't "stand out" amongst the crowed of suitors she intends on dating.

 

She's talking of the local Florida theme parks here and how a seasons pass is cheap. Even quoted prices.

 

When initially contacted her, I made mention that when put into practice, ESP. for online dating, that if you don't particulary care for each other or "click" then your stuck waiting in lines and riding rides with someone you don't like. And that, can be quite unpleasant and suggested it as a 2nd date venture.

 

Agree, disagree?

[Imajerk17]

I think your bringing up how you disagree w her choice of an ideal first date on your first email, which I will assume was unsolicited, was uncool on your part. On at least a few different levels. If the two of you got to talking then when it came time to plan something--that's when you state your preferences to do something else.

 

I actually agree w her by the way. A rollercoaster ride together is a much better first date than dinner or drinks or coffee. There are actual studies to back it up I believe.

Edited October 11, 2014 by Imajerk17

[guest569]

You're pretty much saying you doubt the chances of you being compatible before she has even said a word haha

[Imported]

Getting to know someone can be a series of;

 

Liking them.

 

Not like them.

 

Liking them.

 

Not liking them.

 

And then you really know them and think even with all the things this person does that irritates me, I still like her and want her around.

 

Wouldn't it be funny if some of the best possible chances of you having a truly loving relation with someone in your life was the people you disliked on the first date?

 

I wouldn't ask a girl out online like how I would in person. In person, I can get a feel for them. I know what they actually look like. We will probably have fun and I wouldn't mind dedicating a whole day secluded away with her.

 

Online, I'd be too worried pics are not representative of the person. Call it shallow, but looks are important to me and a total show stopper. I don't want to waste my time pursuing romantic relations with someone I am not even physically attracted to. Coffee date it is.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't understand why you contacted her. Just to show your disapproval of her preference, or to actually try to make a connection?

 

Do you do this to every woman whose profile you don't like?

[GemmaUK]

I think your bringing up how you disagree w her choice of an ideal first date on your first email, which I will assume was unsolicited, was uncool on your part. On at least a few different levels. If the two of you got to talking then when it came time to plan something--that's when you state your preferences to do something else.

 

I actually agree w her by the way. A rollercoaster ride together is a much better first date than dinner or drinks or coffee. There are actual studies to back it up I believe.

 

I agree also that it's a great first date idea. (for the record I am mid forties no kids too).

 

I don't understand why you mailed her though if you didn't agree. What is in a profile is part of a weed out process so if you didn't like her idea then just move on to the next profile.

Kinda sounds like you wanted to call her out and tell her she was wrong in her opinion. Why do that?

[LoneIsland]

You should not disagree with a woman's preference before you even got started. She stated her preference because that is what she finds most comfortable, or maybe she even had practice.

 

If you are that concerned with not clicking with someone, you can always walk off in the middle of it. If walking off is too awkward, tell her you are going to the bathroom then never to return. But personally, I'd be kinder than that and thank her for a good time before exiting.

[irc333]

If you are that concerned with not clicking with someone, you can always walk off in the middle of it. If walking off is too awkward, tell her you are going to the bathroom then never to return.

 

Your joking or being facetious, right?

[LoneIsland]

Your joking or being facetious, right?

 

I was being serious. I'd walk if someone turns me off that much. I was pointing out 3 different levels of exit strategies. I can add a 4th level. Make an exit after 1 ride in the theme park saying you ate something earlier that's giving you discomfort and you have to go now.

 

In fact I deployed the 4th level in the past, though not in a dating situations. I was asked to do something I disliked in work, so out I wheeled out the 4th level. I blamed it on a fish dinner.

Edited October 12, 2014 by LoneIsland

[irc333]

I was being serious. I'd walk if someone turns me off that much. I was pointing out 3 different levels of exit strategies. I can add a 4th level. Make an exit after 1 ride in the theme park saying you ate something earlier that's giving you discomfort and you have to go now.

 

Well, I'd see the date until the end and shake their hand and say, "Sorry, but I don't think this is a good match" I wouldn't leave IN the middle of the date. It's rude. Plus you're throwing your money away.

 

Though, I would not attend an all day affair at a theme park either as a first date.

[LoneIsland]

Dating is throwing money away. I usually see it as expected loss, and in my misfortune, the women always picked the most expensive options.

 

Rudeness, throwing a woman's well laid out plan out can also be rude. Some of them would get rather upset. I had a case of that anyway.

[irc333]

Dating is throwing money away. I usually see it as expected loss, and in my misfortune, the women always picked the most expensive options.

 

Rudeness, throwing a woman's well laid out plan out can also be rude. Some of them would get rather upset. I had a case of that anyway.

 

Oh really? What happened?

[LoneIsland]

Oh really? What happened?

 

I had an earful and had to agree to her terms.

[Priv]

A themepark as a first date is great. I don't see how this can go wrong. You are practically guaranteed to like each other after.

 

As a second date (not first) I once took someone to a monkey zoo. Petting the ummm... skeleton monkeys, watching a chimp show, a little bit of hinting at the Bonobo monkeys, and acting like kids at the photo booth. And ofcourse I brought some of Priv's famous selfmade bagels which is Cupid's food. Carefree fun and after that date it was practically a relationship.

 

But in her "First Date" section she elaborates how meeting at a theme park would be an ideal "first date" for her, as meeting for dinner or drinks to be rather cliche'd or you won't "stand out" amongst the crowed of suitors she intends on dating.

 

But I wouldn't write a woman that says she intends to date a crowd of suitors. But somehow I doubt that is what it actually says in her profile

[sillyanswer]

Seen this woman on POF, no kids, doesn't have kids, doesn't want kids and in her mid 40's. Perfect set up.

 

But in her "First Date" section she elaborates how meeting at a theme park would be an ideal "first date" for her, as meeting for dinner or drinks to be rather cliche'd or you won't "stand out" amongst the crowed of suitors she intends on dating.

 

She's talking of the local Florida theme parks here and how a seasons pass is cheap. Even quoted prices.

 

When initially contacted her, I made mention that when put into practice, ESP. for online dating, that if you don't particulary care for each other or "click" then your stuck waiting in lines and riding rides with someone you don't like. And that, can be quite unpleasant and suggested it as a 2nd date venture.

 

Agree, disagree?

 

Maybe she's sociable enough to be able to enjoy a day out on an activity date even if she doesn't click with her date.

[MissBee]

I think she's tacky for putting up the price of season passes on her dating profile. But I wouldn't have emailed anyone to challenge what they have to say on their profile.

 

If I don't like it I don't email them. I'm not gonna email them to tell them what I think about their preferences or suggest other things lol.

 

I wouldn't want to go to a theme park on a first date personally, but our first date can be something we discuss together after getting to talking for a while. With the two boyfriends I met online we spoke on the phone several times and they got to know me a bit and planned the date accordingly. First guy we just had dinner at an intimate restaurant and then walked downtown for a bit and then he came up to my apartment and we talked on my balcony overlooking the view, then he went home, and it was a relatively short but nice date. Last bf I met online our date started at 12noon with lunch and ended at 5am with us talking in his car in my driveway.

 

So for me there isn't really a hard and fast rule but I feel the person out by phone and go from there. Because I speak to people on the phone beforehand I tend to also have a lot more comfort with them by time we meet so that even if I'm not attracted to them physically or it is more of a friend vibe than "the spark", we'd still be able to have a good time.

Edited October 13, 2014 by MissBee

[mammasita]

I don't like the idea of a first date being an amusement park. I'm more of the mindset that I'd like a few noncommittal meetings before jumping into something like that. I'd actually prefer to know that I liked the person before going to an amusement park with them.

 

I've been to an amusement park with someone I wasn't quite into before, I remeber being pissed off at all the couples hugged up on eachother in line lol

[GravityMan]

I don't understand why you contacted her. Just to show your disapproval of her preference, or to actually try to make a connection?

 

Do you do this to every woman whose profile you don't like?

 

Came in here to post the bolded. Just bizarre and even rude on his part. He's wasting his time as well as hers.

 

Anyway, I think a theme park is a very cool idea for a first date...but only in cases where you two already know each other a bit prior to dating.

 

I'd stick to something quicker and simpler for those first dates where we're pretty much meeting each other face-to-face for the first time. Perhaps it can organically transition into something more substantial if we really hit it off, or we can go our separate ways quickly if things go awry or if the connection isn't there. Save the theme park idea for a later date.

[irc333]

Came in here to post the bolded. Just bizarre and even rude on his part. He's wasting his time as well as hers.

 

Anyway, I think a theme park is a very cool idea for a first date...but only in cases where you two already know each other a bit prior to dating.

 

I'd stick to something quicker and simpler for those first dates where we're pretty much meeting each other face-to-face for the first time. Perhaps it can organically transition into something more substantial if we really hit it off, or we can go our separate ways quickly if things go awry or if the connection isn't there. Save the theme park idea for a later date.

 

If you think about it, this counters the whole "Let the guy take charge" as most women tend to think the guy takes the lead when planning dates, right?

 

She actually went into a really long "diatribe" in that "First Date" section on POF. Things like "At least try something different than a meal or drinks. Though, if that's that is all you are looking for in life.

 

THen something about how if you keep repetively doing the same kind of "meets" over and over, then you're even judged as boring.

Edited October 14, 2014 by irc333

[LoneIsland]

If you think about it, this counters the whole "Let the guy take charge" as most women tend to think the guy takes the lead when planning dates, right?

 

Wrong. Most women will only go on dates they feel comfortable with. They have in mind what is comfortable and what is not. It is the job of the man to guess which is which. For those who are too impatient with the guessing game, they'd let the women decide. But it is the job of the man to pay regardless of what she decides on. That part never changes.

 

You are probably getting a lot of your ideas from dating books written by playas. They are in a different ball game. They have women queuing up to throw themselves at them. The playas have considerable more freedom of action. Their strategies won't work for you.

[LoneIsland]

I'd stick to something quicker and simpler for those first dates where we're pretty much meeting each other face-to-face for the first time.

 

You are neglecting the purpose of the woman in this case. It is completely possible she's tired of the time wasting and the dating BS going nowhere. So she wanted to spend as much time as possible on the first meeting to assess a viable partner. That way she won't need a second date. Given her age, I reckon she was looking to move fast after the first date.

 

She had her process all worked out, for heavens sake she even had a season ticket to her processing plant. No man should mess with her plans.

Edited October 14, 2014 by LoneIsland

[irc333]

Wrong. Most women will only go on dates they feel comfortable with. They have in mind what is comfortable and what is not. It is the job of the man to guess which is which. For those who are too impatient with the guessing game, they'd let the women decide. But it is the job of the man to pay regardless of what she decides on. That part never changes.

 

You are probably getting a lot of your ideas from dating books written by playas. They are in a different ball game. They have women queuing up to throw themselves at them. The playas have considerable more freedom of

 

action. Their strategies won't work for you.

 

Nope...I've actually heard women say they want a man to take charge on the planning of the date. ..but be mindful of certain things like allergies and her favorite foods.

[LoneIsland]

Nope...I've actually heard women say they want a man to take charge on the planning of the date

 

This is really just another way to say who is responsible for taking the charge of the date and place it on his credit card.

 

If a man has a say on dates, he would surely go for a dinner date at his place every time. But few men succeed in it. The reason is that dates are chosen by women. The man's involvement would be for take-the-charge element.

[guest569]

This is really just another way to say who is responsible for taking the charge of the date and place it on his credit card.

 

If a man has a say on dates, he would surely go for a dinner date at his place every time. But few men succeed in it. The reason is that dates are chosen by women. The man's involvement would be for take-the-charge element.

 

For me, nothing to do with gender.. But I like the man to initiate the first few dates because i dont have the confidence. I want him to show interest by asking me out. Generally the men I have dated put some thought into it and do something he thinks we will both enjoy. After a few dates i will take charge of some too.