How soon to ask if a woman is single, and best way to do it?

[somedude81]

If a guy meets a woman at an activity or place where he knows that he will see her again; how quickly should he ask if she's single/has a boyfriend, and what is the best way to do it?

 

For example if a guy went to a couple of meetings of a hiking meet up group and the woman was at both meetings. On his third meeting could he ask her if she has a boyfriend, or is that too forward? Or should he not ask at all and try to make a date with her?

[OwMyEyeball]

Just ask her out.

 

If she has a boyfriend that will become apparent pretty quick.

[Snakechammah]

The thing is... if you're savvy and confident, you can ask anything without being awkward.

 

AWKWARD example:

Girl: So we went hiking to the top of the hill and then my brother needed to pee..

Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: Huh? What? (desperado radar alert)

 

SASSY example:

Girl: So we went hiking to the top of the hill and then my brother needed to pee...

Guy: Damn! That happens to everyone. I bet your boyfriend does that too!

Girl: Um... I don't have a boyfriend.

Guy: You're kidding right? Surely he's hidden in your pocket. A girl like you shouldn't be hiking without protection (wink)

Girl: The last guy I went hiking with got eaten by a bear

Guy: !!!

 

The point is the conversation should be fun and indirect. Don't interrogate. And if she does not 'offer' the information by herself, worm one into the conversation as candidly as possible and you'll get your answer.

 

All the best!

[somedude81]

Thanks for the different styles guys.

 

Personally I like Snakechammah's way of fishing out the boyfriend. It's not as obvious and direct.

 

It looks like the way it's done is just to assume she has a boyfriend and let her correct you.

 

I used that method on a girl a few days ago, but I was too specific and all I learned was that an individual guy was not her boyfriend and didn't find out if she had one.

[Leigh 87]

I prefer a guy to just ask.

 

If I am interested I am always thrilled.

 

If I am not single or I am not interested, I will be flattered and graciously decline. If I am not interested I don't say it, I say something like " I am getting over a break up so I am not ready to date new people". I feel uncomfortable stating outright that I am not interested lol.

 

" hey, are you single" is fine. But preferably after a day spent together or after a hang out, not just immediately upon first conversing. " hey. Nice to meet you. So, are you single" lol. That isn't the best way to go about it.

[d0nnivain]

Chat her up then ask about how her BF feels about her participation in whatever activity you are doing.

[No Limit]

A guy I know is interested in me (sadly not mutually) passed me yesterday and just said "Rumor is you have a boyfriend, huh?" and I just replied with "Nah". Obviously that's not the most subtle way, but as long as the girl doesn't go on with "And who told you this rumor?" etc it'll be fine.

[amaysngrace]

Just say "your boyfriend is a lucky guy" like everybody else does

[HeavenOrHell]

These things just normally come up in conversations, not from directly asking, but if they have a partner they'll usually mention him.

[gaius]

Asking her if she has a boyfriend displays a level of intimidation. Just go about your business flirting with her and asking her out as if she doesn't. And even if she says she does flirt with her anyway if you get the vibe she's into it.

[gaius]

Seriously, it's on the level of asking a girl if you can kiss her. A way of asking permission to ask her out. Gross for both parties.

 

If you want to kiss the girl just kiss the girl and same with the boyfriend thing. If she's not into it she'll find a way to get out of it, don't worry.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Seriously, it's on the level of asking a girl if you can kiss her. A way of asking permission to ask her out. Gross for both parties.

 

If you want to kiss the girl just kiss the girl and same with the boyfriend thing. If she's not into it she'll find a way to get out of it, don't worry.

 

I kinda agree but not really. While sure there are technically better ways to ascertain whether a girl is taken or not, outright asking has never incited me to have a better or worse response than "Your bf is a lucky guy" or "You sure your boyfriend won't mind?" or my all time favorite "I can't believe your husband let you out the house alone!"

 

In fact, sometimes I'd rather be asked a simple so, are you single? Because it's a lot more honest. I mean, every woman knows what a guy means when he asks about her boyfriend, so it can be kind of refreshing to just be asked without the ridiculous song and dance.

[somedude81]

I kinda agree but not really. While sure there are technically better ways to ascertain whether a girl is taken or not, outright asking has never incited me to have a better or worse response than "Your bf is a lucky guy" or "You sure your boyfriend won't mind?" or my all time favorite "I can't believe your husband let you out the house alone!"

 

In fact, sometimes I'd rather be asked a simple so, are you single? Because it's a lot more honest. I mean, every woman knows what a guy means when he asks about her boyfriend, so it can be kind of refreshing to just be asked without the ridiculous song and dance.

 

They do?

 

I thought I was being clever to ask if a girl if her boyfriend does X activity with her. But I guess girls just know it's the guy dancing around trying to figure out if she's single.

 

Asking if a girl is single is very direct.

 

There's also the chance she'd lie and say yes. But of course if she lies, it means that she isn't interested.

Edited October 1, 2014 by somedude81

[preraph]

The other way to find out in a natural way is to wait until there's her and someone else there and ask your basic conversation questions when getting to know someone: What do you guys do for a living? Are you married? Kids?

[clia]

I never cared for the back door approach of saying something like "Your bf is a lucky guy" or "You sure your boyfriend won't mind?" It's just so transparent. Yes, we know what you are up to when you ask a question like that. Frankly, sometimes this approach makes it a hell of a lot easier to lie to the guy about whether the boyfriend exists. "Your boyfriend is a lucky guy..." and I could just nod and smile, whether I had a boyfriend or not.

 

I preferred the direct approach. "Are you seeing anyone?" or just asking me out directly. Obviously you can still lie with the direct approach, but I appreciated that the guy wasn't just trying to back door it and showed some courage.

[gaius]

I kinda agree but not really. While sure there are technically better ways to ascertain whether a girl is taken or not, outright asking has never incited me to have a better or worse response than "Your bf is a lucky guy" or "You sure your boyfriend won't mind?" or my all time favorite "I can't believe your husband let you out the house alone!"

 

In fact, sometimes I'd rather be asked a simple so, are you single? Because it's a lot more honest. I mean, every woman knows what a guy means when he asks about her boyfriend, so it can be kind of refreshing to just be asked without the ridiculous song and dance.

Sure, every woman knows it's a guy seeing if it's safe to ask her out or not. So why not just cut out the permission slip and go right for it? Just flirt and ask for the phone number. You know what that means too.

 

I've noticed women always respond better and like it more when you're all unabashedly about it. Even when they end up taken or whatever.

[somedude81]

Out of, "Are you seeing anyone", "Do you have a boyfriend" and "Are you single."

 

Which one is better?

 

Just flirt and ask for the phone number.

 

So far I got phone numbers from two girls who aren't interested in me.

 

Apparently the way I talk to women, me asking for a phone number isn't direct enough for them to figure out I'm interested.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I never cared for the back door approach of saying something like "Your bf is a lucky guy" or "You sure your boyfriend won't mind?" It's just so transparent. Yes, we know what you are up to when you ask a question like that. Frankly, sometimes this approach makes it a hell of a lot easier to lie to the guy about whether the boyfriend exists. "Your boyfriend is a lucky guy..." and I could just nod and smile, whether I had a boyfriend or not.

 

Yes, yes YES! Oh my god I was just going to say exactly that. I can't tell you how many times a guy threw one of those lines at me and I was just like "Yep, he sure is!" or "Thanks, I'll tell him you said that," or simply nod, like you said.

 

Sometimes I wear this antique ring on my ring finger for purely aesthetic reasons, but when I've been approached like that, that same ring miraculously becomes a wedding ring as my hand flies up in the air to proudly display it in answer to the statement that my boyfriend sure is lucky.

 

I too prefer the direct approach.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra

[Lernaean_Hydra]

So why not just cut out the permission slip and go right for it? Just flirt and ask for the phone number. You know what that means too.

 

Nothing wrong with this either.

 

Out of, "Are you seeing anyone", "Do you have a boyfriend" and "Are you single."

 

Which one is better?

 

So far I got phone numbers from two girls who aren't interested in me.

 

Apparently the way I talk to women, me asking for a phone number isn't direct enough for them to figure out I'm interested.

 

"Are you seeing anyone" is the one I'd prefer out of all of them. Although I've been given the "So what's your deal?" line too which has always worked fine. Asking for a phone number puts girls on the spot and makes for an awkward situation - any woman who's ever been asked for it will understand.

 

It leaves room for too much awkwardness and backpedaling for both parties. Ex:

 

Guy: So can I call you.

Girl: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.

Guy: ...

Girl: ...

 

Here the guy can either sheepishly apologize for his presumptuousness, tell her she has a lucky bf or pretend like his reasons for asking for purely social/platonic but either way, it's still kind of awkward.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra

[clia]

Out of, "Are you seeing anyone", "Do you have a boyfriend" and "Are you single."

 

Which one is better?

 

I honestly don't think there is a catch-all answer for this. It depends on the conversation, where you are, how long you've been talking, etc. There's no black and white. You just have to do what comes naturally as part of the conversation. If it sounds forced, it will be awkward.

 

So far I got phone numbers from two girls who aren't interested in me.

 

Apparently the way I talk to women, me asking for a phone number isn't direct enough for them to figure out I'm interested.

 

When you asked for their phone number was it clear that it was so you could ask them out on a date?

Edited October 1, 2014 by clia

[the tank]

Girls usually will talk about their boyfriend . I never asked a girl about it. You shouldnt bother about it.

 

If you already had a talk with them, instead of asking for the phone number, told them you plan to do x and they could join you. If they agree , go for the phone number

[normal person]

Out of, "Are you seeing anyone", "Do you have a boyfriend" and "Are you single."

 

Which one is better?

 

I wouldn't say any of these. I'm a fan of the indirect approach, something like: "So what does your boyfriend think about you hiking with a bunch of other guys?"

 

If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you. If she doesn't, she'll say she doesn't have one. If she doesn't and she doesn't want you hitting on her further, she might lie and say she does."

 

So far I got phone numbers from two girls who aren't interested in me.

 

Apparently the way I talk to women, me asking for a phone number isn't direct enough for them to figure out I'm interested.

 

It's very direct. If they're acting aloof like they didn't know your intentions, it's probably because it's more polite/less uncomfortable than rejecting you outright.

[sweetjasmine]

I honestly don't think there is a catch-all answer for this. It depends on the conversation, where you are, how long you've been talking, etc. There's no black and white. You just have to do what comes naturally as part of the conversation. If it sounds forced, it will be awkward.

 

Not to mention, different people prefer different things. I've never had anyone ask me straight up, "Do you have a boyfriend?" or anything along those lines. I'd have found it awkward and kind of off-putting. I've had a few "so what does your boyfriend blahblahblah" or "are you blahblahblah because of your other half" situations, and those are kind of annoying, to be honest. It's not clever or sneaky. I mean, who do you think you're fooling? It's pretty obvious that it's the same question.

 

IMO, better to just talk naturally and ask someone out. If they're taken, they'll let you know. Or not.

[Badsingularity]

 

Asking if a girl is single is very direct.

 

Women like direct. It shows strength and confidence.

 

Being non direct shows the opposite.

[gaius]

Out of, "Are you seeing anyone", "Do you have a boyfriend" and "Are you single."

 

Which one is better?

 

So far I got phone numbers from two girls who aren't interested in me.

 

Apparently the way I talk to women, me asking for a phone number isn't direct enough for them to figure out I'm interested.

Are you being sexual with these women at all? Flirting, compliments, excessive eye contact? Anything? Even a lot of eye contact can tip them off. And whatever you do don't be super nice because that can guilt them into giving you a false positive.