Lack of interest in men and dating as one ages

[irc333]

A friend of mine recently has, I'm not sure how to put it, has reached a point of apathy or perhaps complacency when it comes to dating. He's 50 and his energy isn't what it used to be for dating.

 

In fact, he attributes it to low testosterone levels, which he considers PAR for his age. (Is it or does it vary). He just isn't as "girl crazy" as some of the other 50-something men I know. In fact he's the complete opposite. (Maybe that's a good thing? lol)

 

Anyhow, he's even taken a lesser interest in Meetup events and has been more so hanging out with closer friends (usually men or friends of married couples or puts himself in social situations where there's very little dating opportunities).

 

Though, he has frustrated a couple of women along the way with how he's been lately.

 

I recall him telling me how he met a woman at a gathering one time and wanted to ask her out...eventually. He mentioned her a couple of times, but I said, "So did you ask her out yet?" Well, no...I have been caught up in a lot of stuff around the house lately, home projects, things like that."

 

It was like he was making excuses not to call her. He's been this way with the past couple of women who got sick of waiting on him. With this last one, after the 3rd week he finally called, but by that time she told him she started dating someone. And he's like "Hm, oh well. *shrug*"

 

When he does go to events, he tends to sit off to the side and be unsociable. I recall one time the organizer had tables reserved...he shows up and sits at the bar to eat. Kind of rude, as he didn't join us with the rest of the group. He eventually made his way to us though.

 

Not sure what's gotten into him lately, but I think with the commercials touting "Low T", that's what he's surmising.

 

Any men in their 50s here concur? As you get older do you seem less anxious about following up with women you'd like to date?

[Tayken]

Hmmmm....there are supplements to take for "Low T", and this "friend of yours" can help himself by being more active i.e. finding hobbies that interest him to keep busy with.

 

It's understandable that people lose their mojo, but that shouldn't be the end of the world. Don't for a second think married couples or those that portray themselves to the public as such, are at it everyday.

 

There are those that haven't had sex in months, or even sleep in different rooms. Sometimes it's just a marriage of convenience i.e. staying together for financial reasons

[Disillusioned]

You've led a horse to water, but he's not very thirsty.

 

Tempting as it may be for a man to screw around with his testosterone levels, that's actually pretty dangerous, and the problem may be psychological in origin anyways---i.e., chasing for years with no results, getting burned by women, etc etc.

 

Or it could just be how his brain is wired. I've met other men at asexual meetups who are even more hairy-assed than I am, and they say they have no idea what horniness feels like.

[insert_name]

A man is in his sexual prime in his late teens so it stands to reason that his sexual energy will decline over time.

 

Personally, I have found that in my mid 30s whilst I use pornography a lot, my desire to have any kind of physical interaction with a woman has declined significantly to the point where singledom is not a problem for me at all like it used to be in my 20s. If I never have sex again for the rest of my life it wouldn't bother me.

[FitChick]

He might have been impotent with some women so doesn't want to risk embarrassment. Easily remedied by seeing an endocrinologist who specializes in hormones or an antiaging specialist.

[MidwestUSA]

Does his lack of interest and complacency extend to other activities in his life, or is it strictly related to women and dating? He could simply be depressed. It happens.

 

My husband is 47 and pretty obviously has plenty of T. However, he's thin and quite active. Overweight, inactive men tend to have lower T levels (fat stores estrogen as well), and are at higher risk for depression, diabetes, and ED.

 

 

Didn't you start a thread about this guy before?

[Kid_Charlemange]

Quite the opposite for me. My sex drive is higher than ever at 51.

 

Maybe too much T?

[irc333]

Does his lack of interest and complacency extend to other activities in his life, or is it strictly related to women and dating? He could simply be depressed. It happens.

 

My husband is 47 and pretty obviously has plenty of T. However, he's thin and quite active. Overweight, inactive men tend to have lower T levels (fat stores estrogen as well), and are at higher risk for depression, diabetes, and ED.

 

 

Didn't you start a thread about this guy before?

 

I did, but there's a bit of a more of an update. He has been gaining weight, he eats out all the time. I don't think he even uses a microwave to even nuke something. He's all about eating out.

 

I asked him when was the last time he had his blood work done and he hasn't had one recently.

 

He's rather sporadic when it comes to hobbies. He can't stick to one, He'll start something a couple of weeks, then he'd move onto something else. He never sticks to one hobby for past a few weeks.

[MidwestUSA]

I did, but there's a bit of a more of an update. He has been gaining weight, he eats out all the time. I don't think he even uses a microwave to even nuke something. He's all about eating out.

 

I asked him when was the last time he had his blood work done and he hasn't had one recently.

 

He's rather sporadic when it comes to hobbies. He can't stick to one, He'll start something a couple of weeks, then he'd move onto something else. He never sticks to one hobby for past a few weeks.

 

Then his problem isn't specific to women and/or dating. Only he can help himself.

[thefooloftheyear]

Here is what I have observed...I have several friends that age and am in my late 40s...

 

Many of the guys I know that are still married claim they havent slept with their wives in years..Some have wives that are very heavy-assume lost attraction or just dont get along..,,They really dont care about "it" anymore..They wont get divorced, because quite frankly at that age, why bother? They just stay out of each others way for the most part and do their own thing...

 

The ones that have been married and are now divorced, most are bitter and cynical...If they are dating, they really dont want anything to do with a committed relationship, so they do the "round robin" with random women-usually bs'ing them about their level of committment only enough to get them in the sack...When that runs its course, they move on to the next one..Yet, even some of these guys-who can actually date and have relationships, many claim to not want to bother due to a general lack of attraction(sexual) for the opposite sex...So they dont bother..

 

Sometimes I feel like a little kid around these guys..And bear in mind, most of them are good looking, successful, in good shape, business owner types..When I say I feel like a little kid, one time we were all out having dinner at an event we attended....The waitress was a drop dead knockout...When I casually mentioned to them if anyone took notice of how attractive she was, they were all poking fun at me and saying stuff like..."who cares at this point..im more interested in the Poerterhouse" They just dont seem to give a crap any more..

 

Ive had a theory for a while that as men get older, if that fire goes out, then it does seem like there really is no need for them to seek a relationship or make any changes in their lives. And most of these guys really dont care..For women, its different...Women need and crave intimacy, even if they arent particularly horny or regularly sexually active....So for them, its of more importance..

 

My grandfather was banging the tenant upstairs well into his 70's..And that was in the 50's/60's long before viagra and such...Its probably hopeless for me......But for those other guys, they do seem pretty content doing without...

 

TFY

Edited September 28, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[MidwestUSA]

^^^^^^^ You could sorta call it "use it or lose it" (that's how my gyne phrases it). Once the bitterness and cynicism kicks in tho, well, game about over.

 

I prefer to embrace my inner child.

[irc333]

Wow, that IS revealing.

 

Funny, there are some men that age that will still look twice at that hot waitress, because I know horn dogs that are in their 50s.

 

But it's that complacency that's sadly disturbing with the guys you speak of.

 

Here is what I have observed...I have several friends that age and am in my late 40s...

 

Many of the guys I know that are still married claim they havent slept with their wives in years..Some have wives that are very heavy-assume lost attraction or just dont get along..,,They really dont care about "it" anymore..They wont get divorced, because quite frankly at that age, why bother? They just stay out of each others way for the most part and do their own thing...

 

The ones that have been married and are now divorced, most are bitter and cynical...If they are dating, they really dont want anything to do with a committed relationship, so they do the "round robin" with random women-usually bs'ing them about their level of committment only enough to get them in the sack...When that runs its course, they move on to the next one..Yet, even some of these guys-who can actually date and have relationships, many claim to not want to bother due to a general lack of attraction(sexual) for the opposite sex...So they dont bother..

 

Sometimes I feel like a little kid around these guys..And bear in mind, most of them are good looking, successful, in good shape, business owner types..When I say I feel like a little kid, one time we were all out having dinner at an event we attended....The waitress was a drop dead knockout...When I casually mentioned to them if anyone took notice of how attractive she was, they were all poking fun at me and saying stuff like..."who cares at this point..im more interested in the Poerterhouse" They just dont seem to give a crap any more..

 

Ive had a theory for a while that as men get older, if that fire goes out, then it does seem like there really is no need for them to seek a relationship or make any changes in their lives. And most of these guys really dont care..For women, its different...Women need and crave intimacy, even if they arent particularly horny or regularly sexually active....So for them, its of more importance..

 

My grandfather was banging the tenant upstairs well into his 70's..And that was in the 50's/60's long before viagra and such...Its probably hopeless for me......But for those other guys, they do seem pretty content doing without...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Wow, that IS revealing.

 

Funny, there are some men that age that will still look twice at that hot waitress, because I know horn dogs that are in their 50s.

 

But it's that complacency that's sadly disturbing with the guys you speak of.

 

 

Why is it "sadly disturbing"????

 

If they dont care and are content, who is anyone to call foul?

 

Its like this...and I dont know anything about you and your history with women..I do know it seems like you "struggle"...but I am just making an assumption based on your post history...Forgive me if I am mistaken..The only reason I bring this up is that maybe your perception is skewed..but I dunno...

 

For most of these guys, they all have kids and busy lives..Most, if not all, have had no problems attacting women in their past and probably had more than their share of marriages/relationships/sex/ etc.. Perhaps its just "run its course" and now they are in sort of a "cruise" mode in life..

 

I will say this much...If I had struggled half as much as what some of the male posters say that they do on this site, quite frankly I would have given up entirely...Id probably just seek a prostitute now and then to take the edge off and throw myself into my career and family life...Id never put up with the endless rejection, drama and dog and pony show...fck that shyt!...

 

Here is a real life scenario...

 

I have a female friend who is also an employee..she is in her late 40s...The guy she is currently with is 57...She is constantly disappointed in his lack of "enthusiasm" and "committment" to the relationship...He has grandkids already, has a younger child by the second wife and has been paying alimony and cs for around 30 years now...How much do you expect from this guy? Im sure he loves her and cares for her, but he's had so much in his past that he just doesnt want to pile on any more...he just wants some peace and to live his life without people constantly tugging on him...I cant blame him one bit..

 

Lets face it ..guys drop off faster than women as they get up there...For the average 55 year old guy, he's lucky if he has 15 "good" years or so...and that is if his health doesnt take a shyt...Why go nuts at that point, if you are reasonably content??

 

I dunno...*shrug*

 

TFY

Edited September 28, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[carhill]

What I've noticed since getting divorced and being in the topical age range is that, absent intimacy, my libido mostly runs at idle, supporting TFOY's observations of some of the men in his social circle. However, when I get an intimacy injection (not sex, but rather intimacy), I notice a marked uptick in libido. Although antithetical to typical male behaviors which are more hormonally driven than intimacy-driven, I find that realization to be heartening. It's nice to know the physical and emotional machines are still operating, even if a bit at odds with typical male behaviors.

 

I'm sure when I'm outta here and around single women more where I'm moving to, things will rev up again. That's usually how life has worked out anyway. Hope she likes fishing

[insert_name]

Why is it "sadly disturbing"????

 

If they dont care and are content, who is anyone to call foul?

 

Its like this...and I dont know anything about you and your history with women..I do know it seems like you "struggle"...but I am just making an assumption based on your post history...Forgive me if I am mistaken..The only reason I bring this up is that maybe your perception is skewed..but I dunno...

 

For most of these guys, they all have kids and busy lives..Most, if not all, have had no problems attacting women in their past and probably had more than their share of marriages/relationships/sex/ etc.. Perhaps its just "run its course" and now they are in sort of a "cruise" mode in life..

 

I will say this much...If I had struggled half as much as what some of the male posters say that they do on this site, quite frankly I would have given up entirely...Id probably just seek a prostitute now and then to take the edge off and throw myself into my career and family life...Id never put up with the endless rejection, drama and dog and pony show...fck that shyt!...

 

Here is a real life scenario...

 

I have a female friend who is also an employee..she is in her late 40s...The guy she is currently with is 57...She is constantly disappointed in his lack of "enthusiasm" and "committment" to the relationship...He has grandkids already, has a younger child by the second wife and has been paying alimony and cs for around 30 years now...How much do you expect from this guy? Im sure he loves her and cares for her, but he's had so much in his past that he just doesnt want to pile on any more...he just wants some peace and to live his life without people constantly tugging on him...I cant blame him one bit..

 

Lets face it ..guys drop off faster than women as they get up there...For the average 55 year old guy, he's lucky if he has 15 "good" years or so...and that is if his health doesnt take a shyt...Why go nuts at that point, if you are reasonably content??

 

I dunno...*shrug*

 

TFY

 

Yeah let's all shame men who don't care about sex, because we can't have that.

 

As you said, if they are happy then there is no issue here. I can imagine women might have a problem with this as a man who has his sex drive under control and can still live a rich and fulfilling life has very little need of them. But there is certainly nothing sad about living life according to choices you choose to make.

[irc333]

Yeah let's all shame men who don't care about sex, because we can't have that.

 

As you said, if they are happy then there is no issue here. I can imagine women might have a problem with this as a man who has his sex drive under control and can still live a rich and fulfilling life has very little need of them. But there is certainly nothing sad about living life according to choices you choose to make.

 

Sorry to use the word "sad" in this case, but in this gentleman's case it's actually irritated women or caused him missed opportunities.

 

He'd always say, "Hey, I met this nice girl at the BBQ the other day". When I would ask if he asked her out yet, he'd always have some excuse for some reason. Like his chores around the house he'd always put off doing anyways to go out and socialize. I'd even ask him a few weeks later, "Hey, that woman you met at the BBQ last month, you ever call her?"

 

Again, more excuses. One woman he was dating got frustrated with him due to his oblivious nature and dumped his arse. He paid very little attention to her.

 

When we brought that subject up, I just said to him, "I take it you weren't all that into her, right?" and he said, "No, I just prefer to slowly get to know someone." Of course, he's so slow that women wind up finding someone else. They get tired of waiting.

[ascendotum]

Sorry to use the word "sad" in this case, but in this gentleman's case it's actually irritated women or caused him missed opportunities.

 

He'd always say, "Hey, I met this nice girl at the BBQ the other day". When I would ask if he asked her out yet, he'd always have some excuse for some reason. Like his chores around the house he'd always put off doing anyways to go out and socialize. I'd even ask him a few weeks later, "Hey, that woman you met at the BBQ last month, you ever call her?"

 

Again, more excuses. One woman he was dating got frustrated with him due to his oblivious nature and dumped his arse. He paid very little attention to her.

 

When we brought that subject up, I just said to him, "I take it you weren't all that into her, right?" and he said, "No, I just prefer to slowly get to know someone." Of course, he's so slow that women wind up finding someone else. They get tired of waiting.

 

For sure low T+ low GH is playing a part in this picture, but is it low from a medical perspective or just from the perspective of his youth. Doctors consider normal = 95% of the population in your age bracket., so unless he is in the bottom 2.5% they'll say he's fine and its just part of getting old. Really for optimal health you want to be in the middle or above. Apart from not being as dick driven I'd say whats also playing a part for guys over 50 is that they are not being as overwhelmed with stimulation from the sex appeal of women around their age bracket. Really from natures perspective, it does not care about middle age men and women attracting each other. They should have already done their bit to propagate the species.

 

Your friend eating out a lot is not a problem unless its junk food, then he could easily be nutritionally deficient and effecting his hormone levels. I'm sure being over weight wont help his libido either. If its not a problem for him and he's fairy content, then its not a problem. Yes some women are frustrated by him, but I'm sure he's been frustrated with women in past years too. I'd like to think I'll still be horny when I'm old + that I'll find older women desirable, but if not I'll probably just have meh attitude and and it wont be as frustrating as being young horny and dismissed by sexy girls.

[MidwestUSA]

For every man complacent or uninterested, the pool of women gets larger for those who aren't.

 

There I go, looking at the bright side again. Silly antidepressants!

[Tayken]

For every man complacent or uninterested, the pool of women gets larger for those who aren't.

 

There I go, looking at the bright side again. Silly antidepressants!

 

Yes....but quality will always trump quantity at least in my books, and NO quality is not based on looks or prowess or lack thereof in the bedroom

[thefooloftheyear]

For every man complacent or uninterested, the pool of women gets larger for those who aren't.

 

There I go, looking at the bright side again. Silly antidepressants!

 

Yes....but then you do realize that the pool of good men then is getting smaller for your group....after all you are a woman...

 

 

TFY

[gaius]

I don't know, I've got a while before I hit 40 but the penis is one of the strongest forces I've ever dealt with and I can't imagine mine dulling to the point of what you're talking about irc. You should have seen the message mine just made me send. Maybe those guys are just gay, won't bring themselves to accept it and finally lost the energy to pretend they're into women.

Edited September 29, 2014 by gaius

[MidwestUSA]

Yes....but then you do realize that the pool of good men then is getting smaller for your group....after all you are a woman...

 

 

TFY

 

 

 

I have no need to dip into the pool at the moment, but thanks for thinking of me!

 

 

I do have a crush on the cutest little first grader who keeps coming to my client's door, wanting to play with the girls (client's daughters, that is).

[FitChick]

as men get older, if that fire goes out, then it does seem like there really is no need for them to seek a relationship or make any changes in their lives. And most of these guys really dont care..For women, its different...Women need and crave intimacy.

Actually, no, according to these women and women I know in that same age group.

 

Of course some women of that age go the Susan Sarandon route.

Edited September 29, 2014 by FitChick

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't know, I've got a while before I hit 40 but the penis is one of the strongest forces I've ever dealt with and I can't imagine mine dulling to the point of what you're talking about irc. You should have seen the message mine just made me send. Maybe those guys are just gay, won't bring themselves to accept it and finally lost the energy to pretend they're into women.

 

 

I dont think you get it....

 

Ill make an assumption here, just based on your posts...Forgive me if I am incorrect...

 

You've never been close to being married, dont have a very stressful life/career, have no kids, likely havent had a ton of sexual experience, either...So all of this still might be "fresh"....Therefore, sure, to think of life without is just incomprehensible..Not demeaning you and if I am wrong, apologes in advance..

 

I know some of these guys very well...Its not even really the sex...They are grizzled veterans with women and life..They may still want it, but not enough to turn their lives upside down(divorce), or play games with a bunch of menopausal women that think they are 25 years old..Its become kind of passe...from what I have seen...They just seem A-OK with not getting in the game anymore...

 

If you notice many of the advertisements for ED pills, there is this underlying message that you better do this to keep peace in your life and make your wife/SO happy...Maybe I am reading it wrong..but I dunno..

 

Like stated, I am not in that group.....but I have witnessed it first hand...These guys aint queer...not by a long shot..

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Actually, no, according to these women and women I know in that same age group.

 

Of course some women of that age go the Susan Sarandon route.

 

Havent you been saying for some time that you are seeking a committed relationship and marriage? I think you are making my point? Apologies if I am wrong...

 

FY