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R3d's Issues (5/5): Extremely Difficult to Find an Interested Girl


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I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 5 of the series:

 

This isn't actually from the OP of that thread, but from this thread:

 

Not 99%, but I'd say definitely like 70-80% of people (real world) have more dating options than me and probably like 95% for high school. These are just rough guesses. The point I am trying to make is that compared to the average white man, I have much less dating options.

 

I feel like compared to the average white man, the number of dating options will be so low, like finding a girl who is interested in me that I am interested in will literally feel like a diamond. People keep acting as if I will go on tons of dates and that there will be plenty of girls into me, etc, and saying that the problem with being insecure is that I will fall for the first cute girl that shows interest that I get along with. Well I feel like that will be my only choice because otherwise I might go 5-10 years before finding another girl that will overlook my height and race. That's also why I am afraid of getting hurt, because it will hurt me more than the average man because while it will hurt the average man too, at least he will have plenty of other dating options and be able to "play the field", so to speak, so it's not the end of the world for him. Me on the other hand, finding an interested girl is like finding a diamond. I still haven't found one.

 

Also, remember that I have to be interested in her too for it to work. The attraction has to be mutual. I feel like it will be extremely rare to find a girl that is attracted to me that I am attracted to, and if that's true, that's a problem, because I won't be able to select based on other characteristics like everyone else.

 

Especially after considering The Principle of Two Weaknesses and not being designed to date.

 

I know, there's not really anything you can say to answer this question.

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Stop.

 

You need to stop, take a deep breath, and step away from your computer. It's not your height or your ethnicity that's holding you back, it's instead how needy and tightly wound you are now. That is what is repelling women from you.

 

I haven't read all the other responses to your other threads, but so far egnima and xoxo gave you good advice. Is there any way you could talk to a counselor about this.

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JuneJulySeptember
True, but even when I wasn't needy (for 2.5 years between July 2011 and January 2014), no girls flirted with me or showed interest.

 

If you are really still in high school the reality is that you could be a pretty good looking guy and still be unsuccessful.

 

One of my friends in high school was a really good looking guy and he got no women in high school because he had zero social status. He had a couple of random girls interested in him, but then in college, he really took off.

 

It's way too early. You've only begun writing your book.

 

The advice I have for you is vast, but I'd start with saying to concentrate on school and lay a foundation to be pretty successful career wise.

 

Take a lot of chances and ask out a lot of women. Get used to rejection. The sooner you go through all of the stages of handling rejection, the better. Then, come back in 10 years and let me know how you've done!

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Like I said before, I have all that taken care of (the school stuff).

 

Also, I said that I have no problem with rejection (and I am asking girls out). What I have a problem with, is getting led on, but that's another topic, down the page in this forum section.

Edited by R3d
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JuneJulySeptember
Like I said before, I have all that taken care of (the school stuff).

 

Also, I said that I have no problem with rejection. What I have a problem with, is getting led on, but that's another topic, down the page in this forum section.

 

Oh yes, yes.

 

The way to deal with that is this.

 

"No woman likes you until she literally says so or your tongue is in her mouth."

 

Sorry for the vulgarity. Repeat it. Learn it. Scribble it down. Memorize it.

 

I read your posts and I shake my head because I've been through all of the same stuff. The only difference is you're going through the difficult stages a lot earlier than I did and getting them out of the way. Just keep going and you'll be fine. :)

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There are many instances of women disappearing after making out or even having sex (the latter is not applicable because I am saving myself until marriage) like in Kid_Charlamange's case.

 

Sorry, don't know why those two images won't remove. I am on my phone. Sorry about that.

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JuneJulySeptember
There are many instances of women disappearing after making out or even having sex (the latter is not applicable because I am saving myself until marriage) like in Kid_Charlamange's case.����

 

Sorry, don't know why those two images won't remove. I am on my phone. Sorry about that.

 

Well, if that happens, then at least she was attracted to you and you got to kiss her.

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High school is one of the hardest times for a young man when it comes to dating and relationships. I would actually say it's difficult right up until about the mid to late twenties.

 

And when I say difficult, I don't mean difficult for every guy, or even most guys (I would guess that by the time most guys reach 20 or so, the majority have had at least one girlfriend). I just mean that if guys are having a tough time dating, it will tend to be in these younger years (although there are men that continue to have a tough time their whole life).

 

Basically it's a demographic issue - there is a large percentage of young women that prefer slightly older men. The average age gap in marriages is 3.5 years. I'd take a pretty good guess that this gap is even greater with younger women.

 

The best way for you to find love will be to get into situations and meet people that align with your values. You don't want to have sex until marriage? That's great! Now where will you find young women that share those values? Hang out there. Get to know women there.

 

And be patient. I was a slightly late bloomer and didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 22.

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JuneJulySeptember
There are many instances of women disappearing after making out or even having sex (the latter is not applicable because I am saving myself until marriage) like in Kid_Charlamange's case.����

 

Sorry, don't know why those two images won't remove. I am on my phone. Sorry about that.

 

Well, if that happens, then at least she was attracted to you and you got to kiss her.

 

I mean, are you talking about not being able to get women attracted to you or having women attracted to you who will fool around with you but do not want to be in a relationship with you? Two completely different things.

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Well, if that happens, then at least she was attracted to you and you got to kiss her.

 

I mean, are you talking about not being able to get women attracted to you or having women attracted to you who will fool around with you but do not want to be in a relationship with you? Two completely different things.

 

Both. I want a romantic relationship as my posts all imply.

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There are many instances of women disappearing after making out or even having sex (the latter is not applicable because I am saving myself until marriage) like in Kid_Charlamange's case.����

 

Sorry, don't know why those two images won't remove. I am on my phone. Sorry about that.

 

Kid Charlemange is in his 40s or 50s. (I'm sorry, I can't remember.) You are 16! You can't even compare yourself to him. Please stop trying to adapt adult situations to your high school life. It is not going to be productive for you. :eek:

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JuneJulySeptember
Both. I want a romantic relationship as my posts all imply.

 

I haven't read all of your posts.

 

They are two different things.

 

Not being able to get women to fool around with you means you are unable to spark attraction.

 

Getting women to fool around with you, but not want to date you means you can attract them, but they don't want to date you. This is relatively rare though. The only guys I have known who fall into this camp catch women when they are vulnerable: drunk, in a weak moment (breakup or traumatic event), or drugs.

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High school is one of the hardest times for a young man when it comes to dating and relationships. I would actually say it's difficult right up until about the mid to late twenties.

 

And when I say difficult, I don't mean difficult for every guy, or even most guys (I would guess that by the time most guys reach 20 or so, the majority have had at least one girlfriend). I just mean that if guys are having a tough time dating, it will tend to be in these younger years (although there are men that continue to have a tough time their whole life).

 

Basically it's a demographic issue - there is a large percentage of young women that prefer slightly older men. The average age gap in marriages is 3.5 years. I'd take a pretty good guess that this gap is even greater with younger women.

 

And be patient. I was a slightly late bloomer and didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 22.

 

I agree. OP is getting over wound up over this for someone still in high school. When I was 16 at High school more guys than not had not had a gf. Half the girls had not had a bf, and of the other most seemed to have older (17-21) guys as bfs.

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OP, learn what you can in high school regarding relationships in general and by relationship I mean interpersonal relationships in general, not specifically romantic ones and, then, when your choices for college come up, consider immersing in some other cultures and comparing the social/dating aspects to what you currently experience. By honing your skills in general, you can then capitalize on any opportunities which come your way in environments both your perception and experience indicate to be more compatible.

 

I know, at my high school, which 98% of its graduates went on to college, I was one of the very few who 'stayed home' and went to the local university. The rest of our graduating class was spread around the country and world. A couple of my close male friends, both physics majors, ended up in Japan. Others went to Europe. Others to Ivy League. Etc, etc. Perhaps, ironic, but the two friends who ended up in Japan were 'different', besides being physics nerds; one was black and the other East Indian. Both honors students. Both had the same issues with girls that I did in high school, being 'nerds'. However, they went on to see the world, make their mark in their field and came to know and love women and get married and have families, long ago now.

 

Do what you need to do and let no obstacle deter you. There's plenty of time in your future for girls and young women. Becoming a man is job #1. I wish you well in that pursuit.

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Kid Charlemange is in his 40s or 50s. (I'm sorry, I can't remember.) You are 16! You can't even compare yourself to him. Please stop trying to adapt adult situations to your high school life. It is not going to be productive for you. :eek:

Yes, but I have read thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of similar stories over the past few years (since my first crush), throughout all age ranges, from early teens to middle ages like here. Actually, a more common variation is when girls use guys for attention and play hot and cold games and then drop him or not even bother with the latter and just get him to fall ridiculously hard and then BAM! I think that's supposed to be the girl's version of "pump and dump". I am talking about some version of a girl leading a guy on and then dropping him after a few weeks, or even girls who show interest and then the second you ask them out, they turn cold. I have read tens of thousands of those kind of stories over the past 3.5 years. I haven't even had a girl show interest for heaven's sake.

 

What is alarming is that the girl's who do these kind of things - I am their primary target. I am insecure, desperate, inexperienced, and emotionally weak. Easy. That's why I titled my other thread, "VULNERABLE to getting led on." Sure, everyone runs this risk, but I am at a much larger one than normal, AND it will hurt that much more because remember, finding a girl who is interested that I am interested in is like finding a diamond. I'll probably go 5-10 years between finding girls like that. And if most of them turn out to be lead ons...

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OP,

 

Have you ever wondered if all of these energies you've put into suffering is really misplaced? You're stuck in this sort of warp of self-imposed prison that is (I dare say) a precursor to depression. Instead of focusing on the potential women you can't have because of the things you haven't or can't have, why not work on the latter... things that ARE within your realm of control?

 

High school is a great time to master your attitude and success in life. It's not just about learning, but also figuring what you really want in life and how long you want to take to get there. Prioritizing, timing, and executing are everything.

 

Take a good and realistic look at what your strengths, your shortcomings, and potential challenges are. Keep an open mind. Never generalize.

 

Last notes: The quicker you realize that the world is a much bigger place than it really is, the better. It is not just conquering your high school, but there are many other major cities, myriads upon myriads of people you could potentially meet.

Edited by jonsnuh
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It's because...okay here's this thing. I have had this dream deep down for 4 years (remember this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/492290-wrapping-up-my-self-worth-whether-i-have-girlfriend). Now for the past 7.5 months, it has been feeling like my romantic dreams have been crushed. If it's really true that there will only be one girl with whom there will be mutual interest every 5-10 years (a girl that I am attracted to that overlooks my height and race and accepts my decision to wait until marriage), how am I going to find a compatible SO? I am putting all my energy here because it's feeling like my dream has been crushed after finding out how difficult things are going to be dating-wise for me.

 

I am afraid I will never get to enjoy a romantic sunset with a girl and do all those things that I have dreamed of (in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/494563-most-girls-women-into-kind-stuff) and more (there are MANY reasons I want a romantic relationship - romance is just one of them), because I won't have a girlfriend!

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