R3d's Issues (1/5): getting dates without ever asking women out?

[R3d]

I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 1 of the series:

 

So this isn't really an "issue"; it's a question. I remember thefooloftheyear saying that he never approached a woman in his life and enigma32 saying that he almost never asks women out yet he has an abundance of dates. How???

 

And how the hell do you get dates without asking women out or approaching? Second man saying this in this thread. It was always ingrained into me that to get dates you have to ask for them and try and try again and again and tough out the rejection (which surprisingly I am pretty good at - with handling rejection). Especially as a man. I thought it was our job and we can't expect to get dates if we don't ask girls out. That's why I am actually making an effort to ask girls out this year. I have already asked out 3 since late August and only intend to ask out more over the course of the year. Though I am thinking about taking some sabbaticals from all this in attempt to self-improve and regain peace of mind.

Edited September 22, 2014 by R3d

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 1 of the series:

 

So this isn't really an "issue"; it's a question. I remember thefooloftheyear saying that he never approached a woman in his life and enigma32 saying that he almost never asks women out yet he has an abundance of dates. How???

 

Sure, it's possible.

 

Haven't you ever been to a club and seen women hit on your handsome friends? I have.

 

That is inconsequential to YOU. If women don't hit on you, then you have to ask them out. Captain Obvious.

 

Also. Don't believe anything you read online, unless you've seen it in real life too.

[BlueIris]

Because I am flipping awesome, that's how.

 

...

 

Women want a guy that has things going for him. Any struggling guy who wants to get women needs to quit the sad brooding crap, get out there, and live his life. Get your life on track, be positive, and be interesting.

 

I tell everyone the same thing. Work on getting a good job. Hit the gym a lot. Be happy. Women react positively to those things.

 

Why, yes, you are! And yes, you're right. It's true for women too. Men like the exact same things- happy, engaged, physically fit, positive women. It's the equation that works all around.

[lollipopspot]

Sure, it's possible.

 

Haven't you ever been to a club and seen women hit on your handsome friends? I have.

 

That is inconsequential to YOU. If women don't hit on you, then you have to ask them out. Captain Obvious.

 

Also. Don't believe anything you read online, unless you've seen it in real life too.

 

He's in high school. I doubt he's going to clubs.

[somedude81]

Because I am flipping awesome, that's how. I don't like to chase women, never did. Nor did I usually have much luck with it. I do much better when I just put myself out there and field whatever options present themselves. I think too many guys decide to try and pursue one woman, and one woman only, and when that doesn't work out for them, they get all pissed off.

 

When my marriage ended last year, I decided to go back to college. I was 34 at the time. I didn't look around my classes and decide what women to hit on. Instead, I focused on my grades. Every day I went to school in a good mood. I'm friendly, I talk to everyone, laugh, make jokes, ect. By the end of the first semester, I had two women doing my work for me. One of them was offering to be FWB if I wanted. She isn't girlfriend material IMO, but she is a very pretty girl. I also had some crazy young girl stalking me around school. She was offering to give me BJ's in the parking lot. These women were around 10 years younger than me.

 

Women want a guy that has things going for him. Any struggling guy who wants to get women needs to quit the sad brooding crap, get out there, and live his life. Get your life on track, be positive, and be interesting.

 

I tell everyone the same thing. Work on getting a good job. Hit the gym a lot. Be happy. Women react positively to those things.

 

Would you consider yourself to be a physically attractive guy?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Why, yes, you are! And yes, you're right. It's true for women too. Men like the exact same things- happy, engaged, physically fit, positive women. It's the equation that works all around.

 

The problem is life becomes a competition to show people how happy and interesting and even positive you are.

 

Facebook is the biggest springboard for this. You log on to Facebook and everybody posts pictures of cool stuff they did, and how happy they are and even positive tidbits about enjoying life to the max or doing something good for the world.

 

And then you're like, "Well, what did I do this weekend? I sat around and watched football. God, what a loser I am."

 

All of a sudden, your life becomes a scramble to fill your open hours by maximizing the time to build your social network, maximize your earning potential, and make yourself into the most interesting person you can.

 

I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY goes through this and it's an exhausting race. It's almost like you're working to have fun.

[normal person]

I don't think I've ever really asked a girl out either. Sure, I have literally "asked" but it wasn't until they made it very clear that they were interested. I only go out with girls who show interest in me. If I like them and they don't show interest in me, I try to make them interested and it works quite a bit. You know why this is an advantageous method? You'll always have a 100% success rate. I always read threads about guys trying all this stuff to try and date women and it always seems a bit absurd to me. They make all these moves and have these expectations but have no idea if the girl is interested to begin with. It's a total crap shoot; asking women out blindly is a fool's game. But the process is so mind-bogglingly simple if she already likes you to begin with.

 

The difficult part isn't asking, it's actually being a person women desire. It takes a lot effort, willpower, blood/sweat/tears, and luck. When my friends are consuming mindless stuff like TV and movies, I'm creating, producing, working on my business or doing something constructive for my own life. I'm the most successful 28 year old I know (money doesn't hurt). I can also make people laugh (I watched a ton of comedy as a kid, took improv later on, and wrote for TV) and have an endless amount of fun. I work a lot on my talents (girls love a guy who plays guitar) and image (girls love a guy with abs). I'm always trying to improve myself somehow and be the best person I can be. Otherwise I'd feel like I was wasting my life. There's no secret these days as to what women like. So be that. No one said it'd be easy.

Edited September 22, 2014 by normal person

[R3d]

Very informative. Thanks.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't think I've ever really asked a girl out either. Sure, I have literally "asked" but it wasn't until they made it very clear that they were interested. I only go out with girls who show interest in me. If I like them and they don't show interest in me, I try to make them interested and it works quite a bit. You know why this is an advantageous method? You'll always have a 100% success rate. I always read threads about guys trying all this stuff to try and date women and it always seems a bit absurd to me. They make all these moves and have these expectations but have no idea if the girl is interested to begin with. It's a total crap shoot; asking women out blindly is a fool's game. But the process is so mind-bogglingly simple if she already likes you to begin with.

 

The difficult part isn't asking, it's actually being a person women desire. It takes a lot effort, willpower, blood/sweat/tears, and luck. When my friends are consuming mindless stuff like TV and movies, I'm creating, producing, working on my business or doing something constructive for my own life. I'm the most successful 28 year old I know. I can also make people laugh (I watched a ton of comedy as a kid, took improv later on, and wrote for TV) and have an endless amount of fun. I work a lot on my talents (girls love a guy who plays guitar) and image (girls love a guy with abs). I'm always trying to improve myself somehow and be the best person I can be. Otherwise I'd feel like I was wasting my life. There's no secret these days as to what women like. So be that. No one said it'd be easy.

 

A lot of what you say has truth.

 

The problem is that many guys wait for the signals and never get them.

 

I also spent many years (MANY) trying to figure out what women want and furiously trying to turn myself into that. Trust me. Just being yourself and playing the numbers game is a much better method for most men.

 

I mean, listen to the two guys who have said they get attention from women. One says he is a 34 year old man who gets 20 year olds to do his homework for him and give him blowjobs and the other says he is the most successful 28 year old that he knows.

 

Listen to all of the stuff you say that you have to do to get women.

"It takes a lot effort, willpower, blood/sweat/tears, and luck. When my friends are consuming mindless stuff like TV and movies, I'm creating, producing, working on my business or doing something constructive for my own life. I'm the most successful 28 year old I know."

 

Does it really take all of that to get a normal Jane to enjoy some lifetime with? Jesus, kill me now.

 

That is not really a solid case for being a down to Earth good guy and being successful with women.

Edited September 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[normal person]

 

Listen to all of the stuff you say that you have to do to get women. Does it really take all of that to get a normal Jane? Jesus, kill me now.

 

This thread by default isn't about normalcy. It's about outliers. We're talking about how to get tons of girls to show interest and even throw themselves at you -- which I guess isn't normal for most guys.

 

Despite my screen name, I don't want a normal life. I want the best life. I'm not trying to sound like a douche, but I don't have much interest in "Normal Janes." I don't understand how people can settle for "good enough."

 

I strive for the best things for myself and that includes women. I try and go out with women who are the most compatible with me while at the same time accomplished, driven, beautiful, etc. I've been out with a lot of doctors, Ivy league grads, and some (albeit not too notable) actresses from Broadway and TV. I'm actively trying to get the most out of my life, I seem to gravitate towards girls who do the same and it's reciprocated. I don't think it's elitist, I think it's natural.

 

That is not really a solid case for being a down to Earth good guy and being successful with women.

 

People like that can be successful, but they typically don't have the type of excessive success that we're talking about here. Being "down to Earth" and "good" isn't a substitute for a base effort you still have to put in. It's not mutually exclusive either, I've put in the effort and I'm still overly polite, generous, and down to Earth. I'm not flashy or pompous (don't construe my posts in this thread that way because it's anonymous and I'm saying these things for practical purposes), and I spend more effort trying to blend in than out.

[R3d]

Does this work for short Indian men?

[BlueIris]

The problem is life becomes a competition to show people how happy and interesting and even positive you are.

 

Facebook is the biggest springboard for this. You log on to Facebook and everybody posts pictures of cool stuff they did, and how happy they are and even positive tidbits about enjoying life to the max or doing something good for the world.

 

And then you're like, "Well, what did I do this weekend? I sat around and watched football. God, what a loser I am."

 

All of a sudden, your life becomes a scramble to fill your open hours by maximizing the time to build your social network, maximize your earning potential, and make yourself into the most interesting person you can.

 

I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY goes through this and it's an exhausting race. It's almost like you're working to have fun.

 

Don't do such things if you view it as a competition, scramble, exhausting or to impress or be seen as something. It's fake then, a pretense, and won't work anyway. Do things for yourself and your own pleasure. Then comparing, competing or impressing becomes unimportant, a non-issue.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is all a bunch of crap that no normal, healthy guy should be going through. I almost never post what I'm doing on Facebook because I'm not trying to compete with a bunch of Facebook addicts who can't take a poop without a status update. I occasionally post something witty, or make a sarcastic comment. That's about it. I live my life because I want to live it, not because I want a bunch of people to see that I'm living it.

 

Facebook is the game in a nutshell. Why do you think it is so popular?

 

It is an easy and efficient way to show people how interesting and successful you are, and how happy you are.

 

I agree with both of you guys. People want to be around those who stand out. Some struggling guys spend the entirety of their 20s and even 30s trying to figure out how to be that guy.

 

I have seen many guys try to re-invent themselves. Why?

 

Because when they were happy being their own selves, no women liked them.

 

Shame on you guys for spreading this kind of propaganda that women will jump all over you if you are just happy and yourself.

[normal person]

A lot of what you say has truth.

 

The problem is that many guys wait for the signals and never get them.

 

No, the problem is that many guys wait for the signals without ever having tried to earn them.

[CrystalCastles]

Does this work for short Indian men?

 

Oh my god, this again? Look, when a girl is attracted to a guy, she doesn't care a fig about whether he is short or not, Indian or not, has a purple nose coming out of the top of his head, green feet, etc. Seriously! Enough of this!

 

My boyfriend is a head shorter than me. Do I care? No! In the spring I was attracted to an Indian guy. Did it matter if he was Indian? No! Its JUST an ethnicity. I don't see how that's a death sentence! You're Indian, I'm Russian, my boyfriend's a Scot, my best friend's a Pole, who flippin' cares! When a woman likes you, its because you're fun to be around, you connect well, you have good chemistry, things in common, conversations flow easy. NOT because of rubbish like being Indian, being short, having a small penis, having a big nose or some other utter nonsense.

[R3d]

I actually am working on things that I can control. I have said so countless times in previous threads, but I'd agree that there are other things that I could be doing that I am not, but I'll get started on those once all of these threads are resolved.

 

EDIT: in response to enigma32.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Oh my god, this again? Look, when a girl is attracted to a guy, she doesn't care a fig about whether he is short or not, Indian or not, has a purple nose coming out of the top of his head, green feet, etc. Seriously! Enough of this!

 

My boyfriend is a head shorter than me. Do I care? No! In the spring I was attracted to an Indian guy. Did it matter if he was Indian? No! Its JUST an ethnicity. I don't see how that's a death sentence! You're Indian, I'm Russian, my boyfriend's a Scot, my best friend's a Pole, who flippin' cares! When a woman likes you, its because you're fun to be around, you connect well, you have good chemistry, things in common, conversations flow easy. NOT because of rubbish like being Indian, being short, having a small penis, having a big nose or some other utter nonsense.

 

Just off the bat I will tell you that almost no women will date a guy who is a full head shorter than them. Even some women who are relatively lenient in most other areas won't do that. If you will, you're probably like <1%.

 

The reality of the world is most people care about stuff like that. I mean, you don't let it hold you back, but you need to be aware of what you are up against.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Don't do such things if you view it as a competition, scramble, exhausting or to impress or be seen as something. It's fake then, a pretense, and won't work anyway. Do things for yourself and your own pleasure. Then comparing, competing or impressing becomes unimportant, a non-issue.

 

Right.

 

And then you're right back where we started. A guy who watches football, plays video games, and eats pizza and potato chips and can't get women being himself.

 

Or at least not without actively going after them.

Edited September 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[CrystalCastles]

Just off the bat I will tell you that almost no women will date a guy who is a full head shorter than them. Even some women who are relatively lenient in most other areas won't do that. If you will, you're probably like <1%.

 

The reality of the world is most people care about stuff like that. I mean, you don't let it hold you back, but you need to be aware of what you are up against.

 

So if a man is gorgeous, highly intelligent, has a good future with a solid career, but is short, women won't date him? I must be living on a different planet than everyone else. On my planet, it would make no sense to pass up a good catch, short or not.

 

:confused:

[jay1983]

The problem is life becomes a competition to show people how happy and interesting and even positive you are.

 

Facebook is the biggest springboard for this. You log on to Facebook and everybody posts pictures of cool stuff they did, and how happy they are and even positive tidbits about enjoying life to the max or doing something good for the world.

 

And then you're like, "Well, what did I do this weekend? I sat around and watched football. God, what a loser I am."

 

All of a sudden, your life becomes a scramble to fill your open hours by maximizing the time to build your social network, maximize your earning potential, and make yourself into the most interesting person you can.

 

I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY goes through this and it's an exhausting race. It's almost like you're working to have fun.

 

My cowboys kicked ass today, turned around a 21 point lead against the Rams! That's what I post with a pic me and my fellow cowboy fans all hanging out, jerseyed up sippin on shiner bock.

 

That's how I do it!

[jay1983]

Oh my god, this again? Look, when a girl is attracted to a guy, she doesn't care a fig about whether he is short or not, Indian or not, has a purple nose coming out of the top of his head, green feet, etc. Seriously! Enough of this!

 

My boyfriend is a head shorter than me. Do I care? No! In the spring I was attracted to an Indian guy. Did it matter if he was Indian? No! Its JUST an ethnicity. I don't see how that's a death sentence! You're Indian, I'm Russian, my boyfriend's a Scot, my best friend's a Pole, who flippin' cares! When a woman likes you, its because you're fun to be around, you connect well, you have good chemistry, things in common, conversations flow easy. NOT because of rubbish like being Indian, being short, having a small penis, having a big nose or some other utter nonsense.

 

Some women. Crystal I honestly think you'll be married in few years, along with other women like you. They're off the market, so the good women left are limited.

[CrystalCastles]

Some women. Crystal I honestly think you'll be married in few years, along with other women like you. They're off the market, so the good women left are limited.

 

Ah, don't think like that! Plenty of good women still out there. Not to mention, good women tend to be picky- they want good men. So it takes a while to find a partner.

[jay1983]

I recently took a cooking class and met a few new women there. If I didn't have a GF already, there was a cute young girl in that class I could have dated. The male to female ratio in a cooking class is skewed greatly in favor of a single guy looking to meet some ladies.

.

 

Hmm.... I might have to google that. Lol

[JuneJulySeptember]

So if a man is gorgeous, highly intelligent, has a good future with a solid career, but is short, women won't date him? I must be living on a different planet than everyone else. On my planet, it would make no sense to pass up a good catch, short or not.

 

:confused:

 

If he was a head shorter, it'd be tough yes.

 

That is what you said. Anyway, now he's gorgeous? Of course, any really handsome guy can get women, short or not. That's not anybody here who is having trouble dating.

 

If there are 50,000 women in your town, and only 1% will date you because of your height, that still leaves 500 women for you to have sex with.

 

Sure, you should keep in mind what you have against you. That doesn't mean you should focus on it, and that's what many people around here seem to do. I would much rather focus on my strengths than my weaknesses.

 

Why can't that same guy get off his behind every now and then and hit the gym? Why can't he pick up some other hobbies in addition to football and video games? Those things wouldn't change you as a person, they just open up more opportunities to meet and connect with new people.

 

I recently took a cooking class and met a few new women there. If I didn't have a GF already, there was a cute young girl in that class I could have dated. The male to female ratio in a cooking class is skewed greatly in favor of a single guy looking to meet some ladies.

 

You're changing the story.

 

You said that you don't hit on women and they all come to you by you just living your life and being happy and suggest that all men can have that deal.

 

If only 500 out of 50,000 will date you, well then you have some serious work to do, don't you?. What is the name of the thread?

 

Stop making it seem like guys who get rejected by women are uninteresting terrible slobs who never try and that if they just got themselves out there and smiled a lot, women would flock to them.

 

Even if that is the case for you, you know it doesn't work like that for most men. Women reject men. It happens. A lot. I've been rejected by women who I totally clicked with who were traditionally unattractive. It's part of the deal. You deal with it and you keep trucking.

Edited September 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[sillyanswer]

So this isn't really an "issue"; it's a question. I remember thefooloftheyear saying that he never approached a woman in his life and enigma32 saying that he almost never asks women out yet he has an abundance of dates. How???

 

Not sure about those two posters, but when I was your age all the girls I dated (which wasn't many) I met through parties hosted by friends or friends of friends (or, occasionally, by me).