Come listen to a loser whine and complain

[ForeverLonely]

I'm 24 years old, never had a girlfriend, never even had a kiss. Went through college without even knowing a single girls name. I have no excuse. I'm tall and even fit from having a good diet and lifting weights for years. Maybe I'm just very ugly or look like a total creep. Girls never/rarely respond to me on dating sites. Today i was actually sending a few messages back and forth with a girl, had a smile in my face, then she accused me of wanting to murder her (jokingly?) because i was talking about cool abandoned places i like (stupid topic probably). I said only if i can murder you with hugs and kisses, she said "ew" and that was the end of it. I don't blame her she probably didn't know what a loner i am and how bad that would hurt me. I'm so pathetic and lonely i fantasize about kissing and hugging with girls now more then fantasize about sex. I even fantasize about holding hands.

 

I feel like an old man, never have any fun. Went to one party in the spring and the only girl around was my buddies little sister. Adorable sexy little 18yo blonde and she came over flirting and we talked but of course i can't hit on her. I feel like God just wants to taunt me and torture me. I feel like I'm never going to have a young fun girl, hell there is no chance actually I'm an old man now ffs. That is heartbreaking to me. Girls are so beautiful and perfect its just crushing to know i have never been with one. The years have ticked by. I would be so thrilled with getting an 18/19 year old girlfriend. I know many places (like gardens and stuff) i want to make love in. I just feel like i'm too old and creepy for that now. Girls my age will never do that kind of wild stuff, i know that.

 

When i was younger i was still stuck on the christian idea of finding a good girl who i can trust and totally fall in love with her. Gave up on that dream too. It was probably an idiotic dream in this day and age anyway. I just fail horribly at everything. I'm so lonely. I just want a hug and i can't believe that girl was disgusted by the thought of hugging me.

Edited September 20, 2014 by ForeverLonely

[Mirages]

You might not be as old as you think...

 

You might be one that would loosen up and develop effective confidence in a quasi-work environment. I mean, a volunteer organization, a political campaign,, a job at a hospital, or even a rescue squad. Something tells me you may be a competent fellow; who is more at home with an environment that is both social and has something to do (goal-task).

 

Good luck, don't waste time until you are old, one day you will be, now you are not.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I did not bother with woman until I hit 30.

 

Mainly I knew i was different, so I did not push myself to change my ways.

 

You probably need to find where your mental maturity fits with women of a particular age group.

 

Since you seem to have an odd way of looking at things, it probably throws people off, who don't know you. I speak from personal experience. If peeps don't understand me, its no skin off my back. But when I make a mistake in judgment, I do allow for explaining myself.

 

We all make bad judgement calls. Even when we have our best intentions.

 

Perhaps you may find a quirky mate like yourself who is a gamer or goth. Even though I enjoy differences, I find interesting things that go beyond what I normally do. Once I went down to San Diego for a New Years Goth party at an asylum. Just or the fun of it.

 

Another time I went to a Tool concert in Georgia. It was one of the best experiences I had, as I got to see people that are different than what is around me. Even though Atlanta is a good sized city, the people have manners and are friendly. Totally diff than Chicago or LA.

 

I met two of the nicest girls there in Atlanta, but never bothered to know them.

 

The only reason i brought up such types of ways to meet interesting people outside of your norm, is sometimes being different in a different world seems not so different when you find friends. The main differences with being away from the norm, is you are accepted easier than being part of the norm. Kinda Arse Backwards but it works.

 

Just an idea of sorts, just to make you think a bit about how to be yourself in a different way.

[preraph]

I get why you're still feeling it for teenage girls since your experience level is about that level, but it won't be long until you really will be too old for them. I don't know how big a town you live in, but I suggest you join a local meetup group for something you're interested in, not just a dating group, which you could maybe work up to later. But like if say you were interested in a certain passtime, see if there's a group in your area for that or start one. It's so much easier to have something to say to someone with whom you genuinely share an interest other than just wanting to kiss them or whatever. Its' more natural. It doesn't seem fake. When you share an interest, whether it's music, ghostbusting, or kayaking, you have a common reason to be there and be talking. That's your best bet for finding new friends and new girls.

 

Meanwhile, maximize your appearance. Being tall is a definite asset. Go to a proper department store and ask to have a sales clerk help you choose an outfit or two to fit you right and bring your appearance up a notch. Maybe get one suit and one upscale casual outfit. Explain to them your interests or what style you think you'd like to aspire to. You can maybe think of a sports or other celebrity whose look you admire or you can say "I want to look hip," "I want to look professional," "I want to look sporty," and let him put some outfits on you. Then go to a good hair salon and do the same thing with the stylist and let them get an interesting cut and style on you. Just having this little makeover will boost your confidence. Not everyone knows how to put together a look and it's way more important to a woman's eye than most men realize. No one wants to think about living with the same knit shirt and jeans the rest of their life. So get stylin. Just getting the proper fit in a suit for dates will make you that much more attractive. And if you're wearing facial hair at all, get rid of it. Most men just don't look good in it and it usually doesn't look very neat or clean.

[c57dood]

People suck.

 

With that out of the way, you know what sucks even more? Young girls. Most of them are boring, shallow, need constant attention and validation and talk endlessly about trivial garbage. But, oh wait, they look great, don't they?

 

Meeting people is an ordeal that the majority of people hate doing. Why? Because they're human and pathetic just like you and I. They may put up a front with flashy clothing or a nice car or some social charm, but deep down inside they're the same wretched, selfish being that you are. They poop and boy does it stink!

 

You need to lose the fantasies about women, because they don't translate to real life. No woman is a magical being that will transform you into some sort of superhero (though some may turn you to stone beware!)

 

So what's the solution? Focus on a job, focus on school or some activity but don't focus on other people. The more people you associate and get close with, the more obligations and liabilities you assume. If you meet even just 1 woman whom you actually like, and I mean actually enjoy her company and have fun together, count yourself lucky.

 

Don't force yourself to meet women, it never works. Let it happen as a side dish, some sort of added bonus to the main event. Women are not what they appear to be.

[somedude81]

Today i was actually sending a few messages back and forth with a girl, had a smile in my face, then she accused me of wanting to murder her (jokingly?) because i was talking about cool abandoned places i like (stupid topic probably). I said only if i can murder you with hugs and kisses, she said "ew" and that was the end of it.

 

Wow dude. You really need to think about what you say before you say it out loud to girls.

 

You need to find a way to socialize more and be able to talk to girls without completely creeping them out.

[TigerLilly78]

I don't know that convo wouldn't have bothered me since i also like abandoned places and the hugs and kisses thing ok maybe a little over the top for a first convo but it just means you are a affectionate person to me anyways but then again im older and have more insight I guess morel of the story there is some one out there who would "get you" you just haven't found her yet..

[ForeverLonely]

Thanks for the advise everyone. Mirages haha you are bang on. I'm useless at sitting around and conversing about random nonsense. I'm an engineer, so ya. I can talk all day about a million topics but fail at small talk or topics which generally interest girls. Maybe i should volunteer at an animal shelter, i love animals.

 

I don't lack confidence really, which is a strange contradiction for someone like me. I actually tend to be on the arrogant and grandeurous side. I am a quite reserved person so i won't/don't act like a douche, luckily. I just don't know what to say or i don't even care enough to even try. The biggest problem is never even having a chance. Litterally never ever meet girls, and i fail online horribly.

 

I cut my own hair and kinda dress like a bum, so maybe that is an idea to fix. I really dislike today's styles though. Most guys who dress nice seem quite effeminate. I know girls like that though, girls really love gay guys i guess because they are effeminate, loose, and fun? Unfortunately i'm just not like that. I like James Dean's style in rebel without a cause. A white t-shirt and jeans is simple enough for me. I know i should make an effort here. It's true. I haven't been in a mall or cloths store in years. My few shirts are starting to wear hole through in the shoulders i have worn them so much. Probably $10 for 2 on sale to begin with. So ya, i fail at fashion.

 

C57 i know western girls tend to be... not ideal partners. Still i know there are plenty of nice girls around. Seems to me like the opposite sex is the best thing this Earth has to offer. Everything else seems so worthless and dull when i think about how great it would feel to be in love with a beautiful girl and all the fun we could have. Our civilizations are in steep decline, i just do not care, i have little ambition. I hate it and want no part of society.... but that is another story.... at least i know enough to not talk politics to girls or then they really run.

 

We were joking about trolls when i started talking about bridges. It wasn't random. In any case i don't get the fear. I guess girls really feel vulnerable when they are alone. Which is unfortunate because i love walking girls home and stuff like that. I guess naturally as a loner i just don't like groups. Makes my ears ring and my brain can't focus. I wish i could have a first date just sitting on a bench at night in a park, or lying in the grass. I can deal with movies and stuff though, just have to tough it out. I guess i am kinda big and scary like a frankenstein, the tops of most girls heads are about chin level. I didn't thinks girls were intimidated by big guys like other guys might be intimidated by a big guy. Never really though of this. I just figured most girls found tall and muscular guys attractive without feeling threatened. It would make sense though if i am a stranger i guess. So maybe i've got to be mindful of scaring girls. As i said before though, i'm not very good at being bubbly and warm. If i try i end up being creepy. It's just not me unfortunately and i can't fake it. I'm cold on the outside even though i'm warm on the inside. I would never talk to anyone irl about this, never have had any such talks with friends or family. So thanks for this.

Edited September 21, 2014 by ForeverLonely

[GemmaUK]

FL, I think you might be a warmer person than you think.

You love animals.

 

Men who love animals are a big draw for me.

 

 

I actually think your thought of helping out at an animal shelter would be a perfect hobby for you. Plus, it will give you a whole new subject to talk about - one which most people can relate to and have an interest in (providing they like animals too of course).

 

The James Dean look is still a good one. Classic white t-shirts and shirts with blue jeans are a good look - but the white should e crisp white and if you haven't been clothes shopping for years your whites won't be as white as they once were.

Any clothes which are falling apart need to be thrown out.

You definitely need a shopping trip!

 

What kind of hairstyle do you have? Many guys buzz cut their own hair but keeping longer hair in a good flattering shape is more tricky. Plus if you only cut when it really needs to be cut then most of the time you will be walking around with unkempt looking hair.

James Dean had good hair but a look like that required a barber.

 

I'm not so keen on massively noisy places either - unless I am at a gig and there for the music that is...

With dating and OLD though the main priority for women is safety so public places with people around are a must in the initial stages.

Hugs and kisses mentioned so early on is a bit much to be honest. Before you have even met someone neither of you have any idea if you really are or are not attracted.

That you 'want' hugs and kisses also tells me you are a warmer person...but save talk of that until after you meet someone.

A woman isn't going to want to think that a man is going to dive on her with his hands all over her on a first meet.

[Mysterio]

If I were you. I would just go about your business and concentrate on saving your money. Take a Vacation once or twice a year. Take a recreational activity and let the women come to you.

 

If you go down the road of trying to get a GF. You will just be drpressed, because this is an area of your life that you can't controll. Just say to yourself that whatever is coming for you is better than what you are going after.

 

If you are in the pressece of a woman that is being great to you on a regular basis. Ask her out if she is single. I just think that all this search for you is going to burn you out. So even if you meet her. You will be too burnt out to give to her. Or she is going to have to be very patient with you.

 

Live your life and let the universe provide. I really doubt that you will be single the rest of your life. You are 24. Its not like you are going to be single till you end around 90 something.

 

I feel like too much of us are just giving ourselves, to the societal whims of trying to live up to the heard mentality. I am 43. I just believe the Wuniverse will provide. Why bother fighting it. Having a GF/BF/Marriage is something that life provieds. Its not like getting a job.

 

I know that most of my friends that have someone special really did not go out there like a job hunt.

[bene]

I'm so lonely. I just want a hug and i can't believe that girl was disgusted by the thought of hugging me.

 

The girl was not disgusted by the thought of hugging you. She does not know you (and you don't know her), at this point you are just a name and photo on the screen. You can't look at it this way as if she considered your whole personality and found it disgusting. For what it's worth, you don't really know if you would even want to hug and kiss her if you would meet.

 

I would advise you not to get too physical in initial conversation on dating sites. You know that you are not about to murder her but women have to consider their safety in OLD and this kind of jokes can be taken the wrong way.

 

Girls my age will never do that kind of wild stuff, i know that.

No, you don't. You'd be surprised that people can also be playful in the "old" age of 24 and beyond.

Now I feel really old because I find this youthful black and white thinking almost endearing You are really not old and you won't be for a while. You have time for everything.

[Mysterio]

If I were you. I would just go about your business and concentrate on saving your money. Take a Vacation once or twice a year. Take a recreational activity and let the women come to you.

 

If you go down the road of trying to get a GF. You will just be drpressed, because this is an area of your life that you can't controll. Just say to yourself that whatever is coming for you is better than what you are going after.

 

If you are in the pressece of a woman that is being great to you on a regular basis. Ask her out if she is single. I just think that all this search for you is going to burn you out. So even if you meet her. You will be too burnt out to give to her. Or she is going to have to be very patient with you.

 

Live your life and let the universe provide. I really doubt that you will be single the rest of your life. You are 24. Its not like you are going to be single till you end around 90 something.

 

I feel like too much of us are just giving ourselves, to the societal whims of trying to live up to the heard mentality. I am 43. I just believe the Wuniverse will provide. Why bother fighting it. Having a GF/BF/Marriage is something that life provieds. Its not like getting a job.

 

I know that most of my friends that have someone special really did not go out there like a job hunt.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

C57 i know western girls tend to be... not ideal partners.

 

How would you know this? By your own admission you've never even had a girlfriend. So where do you get this information? Are you reading pick-up artist websites? What makes an "eastern girl" different? In your fantasies, are "eastern girls" more submissive and pliant and dependent upon men?

 

You're implying that "western girls"---that is, women in cultures that have experienced feminist and sexual revolutions, where they can live by themselves and make their own choices---are "not ideal". And you're also implying that "eastern girls" all behave a certain way.

 

I just wanted to point this out because this kind of thinking is incredibly harmful to you and women. (Do you have any Asian female friends? Just ask them what they think about guys hoping for "submissive" Asian women, and ask how much they like it.) Those stereotypes are as broad, wrong and useless as any other kind of racist tripe. You aren't going to get any dates at all if you have such narrow-minded views about how women are.

 

Suggestion: the next time you're interacting with a woman, think of her as a person. Try to learn what she likes and dislikes. Focus on her mood, her attitude, her opinions. Appreciate her as a person, not just a potential thing to bang, and you'll have a much better chance of getting lucky.

[preraph]

I think you may have hit on a part of the problem with your comment about being grandiose. It may be you're so high on the grandiosity scale that you're putting people off. People can always sense when someone thinks they're better than or smarter than everyone else and unless the actions and image match that, in other words, they look and are successful and superior, it is a negative thing. So if you feel like a winner inside but haven't done anything to translate that to being a winner in life and in how you present yourself, it could be your stumbling block.

 

James Dean had some hair and it was very styled and he had a body that could rock whatever he wore, which is why he got away with white t-shirts and jeans in the movies. Trust me, in real life, he put on a jacket before taking a lady out to dinner. Just as a model who can wear a white men's tank top style undershirt and jeans and look amazing and sexy but a girl who's flat or a bit heavy looks hideous in the same outfit, that outfit isn't for most guys.

[Mirages]

I think you may have hit on a part of the problem with your comment about being grandiose. It may be you're so high on the grandiosity scale that you're putting people off. People can always sense when someone thinks they're better than or smarter than everyone else and unless the actions and image match that, in other words, they look and are successful and superior, it is a negative thing. So if you feel like a winner inside but haven't done anything to translate that to being a winner in life and in how you present yourself, it could be your stumbling block.

 

Good point... I was a high performance mind/body as a lad, but did not take myself too seriously. I trust that ForeverL. you are aware that 70% of the competition you have in this endeavor is likely less bright than you, and may be less concrete in their resolve. Frustrating isn't it?

 

I would start by dressing fairly good at all times, new wardrobe, polo shirts, casual button up shirts, tucked in, a little perfume, and groomed hair. It makes a difference, effort out = effort in. A lot of engineers dress and speak like crap, don't ask how I know Improve.