Vulnerable to getting led on.

[R3d]

This post has been ignored despite my repetitive attempts to draw attention to this post, so I'll just start a new thread:

 

That sucks bro.

 

I am just going to derail this thread a bit and say that reading these stories where the guy is interested in someone and it seems like she is interested too and then BAM, she's not (and I have read thousands of stories like this, some really severe like Kid_Charlamagne's case) kind of make me feel uneasy because girls have never shown any interest in me of any kind. Like all I have had to deal with is simple rejections where the girl didn't seem interested anyway. Basically, no girl has ever flirted with me in real life.

 

This is alarming because as a result of this and other factors, I know that I am prone to falling for the first girl that shows an ounce of interest. Reading these kind of stories make me feel a bit uneasy because it is an indication that more than likely the first girl that dhows interest will just be leading me on and become distant the second I make a move. If even that happens (right now I am worried if I will even get that - see consolidated height discussion thread), it will be heartbreaking because most likely just be a lead on, and due to never having had a girl flirt with me plus being insecure plus being a little desperate plus having an extraordinary tendency and capacity to daydream and fantasize, I will feel heartbroken. The alarming aspect of this is the increased likeliness of me feeling this mild (real heartbreak is a breakup) heartbreak when this happens due to me never having been flirted with, insecurity, inexperience, and desperation.

 

You gotta remember, any girl that flirts with me that I am interested in will feel like finding a diamond because right now (if you see the cobsolidated height discussion thread), it feels as if almost every woman (like approaching 100%) will immediately not be interested due to my height and race and the lack of physical attraction that goes with it. I will still keep looking.

 

It's like being a storekeeper and no one walks into your store and you try doing a bunch of things and still no one shows up. Then 5 years later, one guy walks in and gets your hopes up, but then walks out without buying anything.

 

That's the kind of feeling I anticipate I will feel with the first girl that actually shows interest and probably be leading me on I meet.

 

This is also problematic because I will probably always be the person who likes her more than she likes me and therefore, the women I date (if I get any dates) will always have power over me (I hate this whole power thing in dating, but it does exist so...)

 

Also: reference to Kid_Charlamange's post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-147.html#post5904233

 

Look, I imagine almost everyone gets led on at some point in their life. But, what's making it worse for me here is one, the increased likeliness of it happening, and two, how much it will hurt when it does happen (more so than to the average person). This is all because of my insecurity, desperation, and inexperience. First of all, no girls that I am interested in are even friendly to me (polite at best). So the first girl that I am into even acts friendly around me, I will probably mistake for interest - because of IDI (insecurity, desperation, and inexperience). The reason it will hurt so much more than if I was just a normal guy who got dates every now and then and wasn't so insecure is because of IDI, any girl that shows interest, or I perceive to be showing interest, will feel like a miracle to me right now, while to the average guy, it won't be anything new.

 

Sorry, there were some typing errors in the quoted text because it was done on my phone.

 

EDIT: I am getting a lot of comments about how it's sad that I am spending so much time here. The fact is this is only temporary because right now I am temporarily feeling really low, confused, and frustrated so I appreciate your patience while I try to work through my fears and issues and address them one by one. Then I'll be back to normal only posting occasionally. And I'll feel better because all my issues will be addressed and if need be I can reference these dicussions in the future when I am feeling low again over these same issues.

 

Plus, it's a good platform to let it all out.

 

The other post that is still yet to have received an actual response is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-149.html#post5904924

 

I kindly ask if you can do me a gigantic favor and address and help me work through the issues and answer my questions in these two posts. It will help out a ton, and likely help me get back to feeling okay again.

Edited September 18, 2014 by R3d

[todreaminblue]

you dont have to be insecure, desperate or inexperienced to mistake friendliness for interest.

 

 

Its also known as hope......when you like someone you hope they like you back...

 

love is the greatest unknown, a whisper everyone wants to hear, a hope that everyone wants to be near......

 

if you dont feel unsure

 

 

 

if you dont feel insecure, or a little desperate......or hopeful...then you are living in a bubble...

 

 

everyone who is ready to love another has insecurities.......feels a little desperate and ready to love another...its not such a bad thing.....its part of the ride......love if it isnt arrogant and self assured....is always a little awkward in the beginning....love has a frailty....the capacity to die and to grow.......and all seedlings are frail and awkward when they break through the surface....

 

 

you have to learn to accept your insecurities and understand why you have them..often insecurities in people make them beautiful...humble.....and real.........and then if you think of this fact in your frontal lobe...........you move on regardless of your perceived flaws and inabilities.....everyone is flawed and everyone is awkward when they meet someone they really do like...........some just hide it better...and some just accept that love is always a mixed bag of emotions......and possible rejections....lol.....but definitely worth the price of the lucky dip.............deb

Edited September 18, 2014 by todreaminblue

[R3d]

Honestly, I don't have issues with rejection. The thing is, all my rejections so far have been easy. Never did it seem like the girl was actually interested.

 

So of course, I had no problem moving on. On the other hand, if I had gotten led on or thought the girl was interested and then got turned down, I wonder how much trouble I would have moving on.

 

I haven't really dealt with true rejection yet. Anyone can ask out a girl straightforwardly/very soon that they as a result haven't emotionally invested in much (who didn't show any reason to be interested or were at best somewhat friendly), get rejected, and move on eithout any difficulty. That's the reason why I don't wait more than a few days/maybe a couple weeks anymore usually to ask a girl out - to prevent getting too emotionally invested before I have even gone on a date with her due to my tremendous capacity and tendency to daydream about girls I am interested in (evenwhen I have hardly spoken to them). That's why the first girl I asked out this year left me slightly unhappy for a couple days. Even though she had never indicated that she was interested, I waited like a few months to ask her out and during that time, I on-and-off fantasized over her a lot. Basically, I had a real crush on her. And this is for a girl who never showed interest. Imagine how much I would have daydreamed if she did show interest or was even friendly.

 

That's when a girl you are simply interested in turns into a girl you have a crush on, when you wait too long to take action (both asking out and initially approaching since it also took me a few weeks to grow the balls last year to even say "hi" to her) and start regularly obsessing over them in your free time. So now, I don't let girls I am interested in turn into crushes by avoiding daydreaming as much as I can and asking out early. Or maybe, I just haven't had any real crushes since the beginning of the year. Either way. That's the solution that seems to work for me to minimize the pain of rejection down to almost nothing. Ask out early.

 

This thread is discussing the fear of actually getting led on and flirted with by a girl and then getting rejected. Because that will actually hurt, a lot due to IDI. And there's nothing I can do in this scenario to avoid it or minimize its effects, except for control my emotions...which I suck at (remenber, I am emotionally weak and immature, partly because of IDI).

[clia]

Again, you are vastly overthinking all of this. Likely your posts are getting ignored because you are threadjacking other people's threads. It's good that you started your own.

 

You are sixteen years old and have asked out three girls.

 

It is a normal part of life and the growing up process to be rejected, to be led on, to be heartbroken, to misinterpret signals, to act like a fool, to humiliate yourself, etc. You can't avoid any of that. 99% of the people on this site have been through all of it. It's a learning process. You are trying to figure out all of it before living through it. You remind me a lot of this scene in the movie Good Will Hunting:

 

Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?

 

Will: No.

 

Sean: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.

 

Will: Why thank you.

 

Sean: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.

 

Will: Nope.

 

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared ****less kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my ****ing life apart. You're an orphan right?

 

[Will nods]

 

Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a **** about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some ****in' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

 

Stop trying to figure it all out by watching You Tube videos and reading discussion forums. Live. Ask girls out. Get rejected. Get heartbroken. Get led on. Misinterpret the signals. Live. It's all part of growing up. If you live in fear of what might happen or what could happen, you will paralyze yourself and never get anywhere.

[thefooloftheyear]

Pick up a sport....It will give you some self confidence and tire you out...You have too much time on your hands to be churning al of this crap non stop...Itss nuts, bro...When I was your age, I didnt think about any of this crap...

 

Im serious....do it..

 

TFY

[R3d]

Well I have asked out more than 3. It's just 3 since the beginning of this year. But clia, I haven't actually been led on or any of those things like I said, so I am not complaining about it happening. All of my rejections have been easy to deal with. But I know that I am extremely vulnerable to getting led on and being an idiot because of IDI.

 

Like I said, I have no problem getting rejected. It's the leading on/thinking that a girl is into me and then not that I am afraid of. Yeah 99% of people have been through it all,but they also have way more dating options than me so if one girl or guy leads them on it's not such an issue because they will likely have many other people in the future interested in them, unlike me where finding a girl who is interested is like finding a diamond.

 

thefooloftheyear,normally, I won't have this much time. This is just temporary like I said. I am just trying to get closure on all my issues right now.

 

Also, the reason I am theorizing is because that is ALL I CAN DO at this point. I would be going on dates and such if I actually had dates. But right now, all I can do is theorize and prepare for the moment something does happen in order to minimize my chances of ****ing up and missing opportunities, keep doing what I am doing in school, and get other issues taken care of (see the consolidated height discussion thread). Missed opportunities is what I am trying to avoid here. That's why I always ask out girls I am interested in. I don't want to miss any opportunities, ideally.

 

You people keep telling me to experience stuff, but I can't since I am not getting any dates or interest. Otherwise, that's what I would do. But I can't at the moment so I am resorting to theorization here (at the moment). You tell me to "misinterpret the signals". I say, "I am not getting any signals in the first place."

Edited September 19, 2014 by R3d

[clia]

Like I said, I have no problem getting rejected. It's the leading on/thinking that a girl is into me and then not that I am afraid of.

 

All you can really do is try to learn how to read signals, but that isn't foolproof. You are bound to get hurt along the way and there is nothing you can do about it nor anything you can really do to prevent it.

 

Yeah 99% of people have been through it all,but they also have way more dating options than me so if one girl or guy leads them on it's not such an issue because they will likely have many other people in the future interested in them, unlike me where finding a girl who is interested is like finding a diamond.

 

Yeah, sorry but I don't believe for a second that 99% of the people out there have way more dating options than you. I don't even believe that 99% of the people in your high school have way more dating options than you.

 

Also, the reason I am theorizing is because that is ALL I CAN DO at this point.

 

You could go out and socialize. You could read a book. You could play a video game. You could watch a movie. You could teach yourself how to cook. You could learn to paint. There are many things you can do other than trying to imagine every hypothetical that might happen and trying to prepare for it.

 

You people keep telling me to experience stuff, but I can't since I am not getting any dates or interest.

 

What types of girls are you asking out and interested in? Are they above, below, or even with you in the social hierarchy at your high school?

 

You tell me to "misinterpret the signals". I say, "I am not getting any signals in the first place."

 

You keep saying "Rome wasn't built in a day." I didn't say this was all going to happen to you right this minute. My point is that in time you will gain this experience. You are, after all, only 16.

[R3d]

All you can really do is try to learn how to read signals, but that isn't foolproof. You are bound to get hurt along the way and there is nothing you can do about it nor anything you can really do to prevent it.

 

 

I have noticed that the more I anticipate something to be, "Oh no! The world will end," the less bad it actually feels when it happens. The less I anticipate something to turn out like that, the opposite happens.

 

This isn't the first time that I have overly worried over something that may happen in the future. This is a quirk of mine - to over-analyze and worry (obsessively in some cases) about "bad" things that may happen in the long-ahead future. Like in my free time, my brain has already gone as far as to wonder how I will try to avoid divorce and what I will do when if my future wife divorces me (if I manage to get married) or what I will do if I turn out to be a 40-year-old virgin. That's why you see me reading so many threads here and often theorizing hypothetical situations. I am always thinking, "What would I do if I was in this situation?" for every thread I read here.

 

I am a computer. I have this nature to analyze and forecast a lot. That's what I was trying to say in the other thread that dating is a weak spot for me. Because I am a very intellectual, logical, mathematical (I love math), rigid kind of guy - basically like a computer. But that ability has little use in dating. Dating is all about social skills and emotional strength which are two areas that I critically lack in. That said, I am trying to better these two weaknesses and trying to do the best I can. But this is why you see me always overthinking things.

 

It is actually the very reason for my huge capacity to daydream and why I am always so absent-minded in life. This was true before I got into dating. My parents have always been telling me over the years that I realky need to give my brain a rest and stop stressing so much in life. And I have only been into dating again since early 2014, so...

 

Yeah, sorry but I don't believe for a second that 99% of the people out there have way more dating options than you. I don't even believe that 99% of the people in your high school have way more dating options than you.

 

I think you misunderstood that. Not 99%, but I'd say definitely like 70-80% of people (real world) have more dating options than me and probably like 95% for high school. These are just rough guesses. The point I am trying to make is that compared to the average white man, I have much less dating options.

 

Also, keep in mind, the number of dating options can be irrelevant if none of the girls interested in me, I am interested in. I don't care about social status. Actually, it's better if she's a loner like me because then I'll be able to relate to her better, feel more secure with her, and be able to potentially form a stronger bond with each other because we are helping kill each other's loneliness.

 

Looks, however...I do need to be physically attracted to her. However, if I am only somewhat physically attracted to her, I would still date her because you never know: physical attraction can grow as you get to know someone. Honestly, I wish I could snap my fingers and be physically attracted to every girl. That would actually dramatically increase my dating pool and then I could solely focus on personality. But of course, I have no such power. I have said this before, but this is why I don't buy the whole, "If she is so shallow to reject you for something that you can't change, she's not a person worth being with anyway." It's not her fault for not being attracted to me. Physical attraction can't be control. Hell, attraction in general can't be controlled.

 

You could go out and socialize. You could read a book. You could play a video game. You could watch a movie. You could teach yourself how to cook. You could learn to paint. There are many things you can do other than trying to imagine every hypothetical that might happen and trying to prepare for it.

The first one I am already doing. But good points. I actually am going out for astronomical observation tonight.

 

What types of girls are you asking out and interested in? Are they above, below, or even with you in the social hierarchy at your high school?

Well the first girl I asked out this year was an old crush. I had a huge crush on this girl that was a year older than me. Probably moderately higher than me in social status. This was my first crush ever since I got back on the scene in early 2014 and I had an extremely difficult time talking to her. At first, saying "hi" and asking how she was felt like hardest thing in the world. I have made quite a bit of progress in this aspect. But that's only because I was deplorable in the beginning. I awkwardly asked for her number in mid-March 2014 and she shied away. I actually asked for advice and they said that I should have just asked her out and my way of revealing romantic interest (that's a problem in and of itself because it shouldn't be a revelation - she should already have hints that I am interested - and I don't make that mistake anymore) was hamfisted. After that I tried to to talk to a few other girls, asked out or asked for their number for a couple girls, etc. Then in the summer, I found myself daydreaming about my original crush again for some reason and normally, I wouldn't give it a second try, but I decided to make an exception and re-ask her out on the second day of school (I actually confessed that I had a crush on her). I was 99% sure that she would turn me down but I did it in part so I could stop thinking about her and move on. See this is what I mean. If I have the potential to daydream over girls who have shown no interest and are at best acquaintances with me, imagine how bad it will be when one actually shows interest.

 

Once I got that off my chest, the next week I asked out a girl of much higher social status than me. I came into contact with her in my Calculus class and had a few brief interactions with her and found her attractive, so I YOLO'd and asked her out. The difference here is I wasn't emotionally invested in her as I was with my original crush (actually it's pathetic that I emotionally invested that much into my crush when she didn't even show any interest. I keep saying this, but imagine how much I will emotionally invest when a girl I am interested in actually shows interest, or is even friendly.)

 

The next week I completely YOLO'd and went up to this girl (who is moderately higher than me in social status), asked how she was, and then just right away went into telling her that I think she's pretty and asking her out. Yeah, I am not planning to do that again (this was a week and a half ago). I came on way too strong and upfront there. I don't know why I did that. Oh, I did that because she sat at the opposite side of the room in the class and I thought that I wouldn't really be able to talk to her much in the first place since passing periods are so short. But I realized that the best way to conduct these sort of situations is to just take a few days/couple weeks to get noticed and at least be on the radar so while I am still asking out early, it's not so sudden and out-of-the blue.

 

That is what I am doing currently with this girl in my math class that I am going for currently. Subtly getting her to notice me a bit first. Giving her glances, smiling at her (a couple times when she catches my glance), and when she looks at me, I smile and ask her a question, briefly talking to her, things like that. I keep my body language and facial expressions flirtatious when talking to her (I am doing this naturally now). It's easier in this case because she sits near me. I would have been really afraid to do this last year, but the difference is that this year I am not afraid to show interest in girls anymore. I used to worry so much about how to avoid letting a girl think that I am interested in her - not anymore. I haven't really talked to her much yet, partly because I was so caught up here and was feeling like ****. I am taking a little time to get her to notice me, slightly warm up to me, get to a point where I am on her radar and have flirted with her a little bit before I ask her out. As for this girl, I'd estimate she's somewhat higher than me in social status, like she definitely is, but it's not a huge difference. I don't really think about girls' social status levels though. I don't judge on that basis. I am just saying so because you asked.

 

The thing is that like 90-95% people are higher than me in social status at school (a minor insecurity of mine), so it only makes sense that almost every girl I am interested in will be higher than me in social status, at least somewhat. However, I will keep what you said in mind and try not to go too high up (like with the girl in my math class) and will definitely keep an eye out for girls close to my social status level and see if there are any that I am willing to date.

 

Just going to remind you that my social efforts aren't all geared towards dating. It may seem like it is with my overkill analysis, but as you know, I always do that. Yes, a big chunk is but I am also just in general being more social in school with people and both guys and girls I come in contact with. There are girls I talk to as acquaintances/casual friends in orchestra. I am taking your advice. I have joined two clubs (and thinking about joining a third), started attending school events, etc.

 

But as you know, Rome wasn't build in a day.

Edited September 19, 2014 by R3d

[clia]

I don't really think about girls' social status levels though. I don't judge on that basis. I am just saying so because you asked.

 

The reason I asked is because social status is typically very important in high school -- more than it will ever be at any other point in your life. Even though you may not notice (which I really don't believe), others do. Look around at the couples in your school -- do they typically pair up via social status? When I was in high school they did. The popular girls paired up with the football, basketball and baseball players; the band guys paired up with the band girls; the drama/arts guys paired up with the drama/arts girls; the "nerdy" guys paired up with the "nerdy" girls, etc.

 

I suspected you were going after girls of higher status than you. It's great to aim high and I do not want to discourage you, but if you don't want to go after girls of lower status than you, why would the girls you are going after want to do that (by dating you)? Think about that. What do you have to offer them? Why would they pick you in lieu of a guy in their social circle? I find it hard to believe that there aren't girls of your same social status for you to pursue. I can't help but wonder if the reason why you want white girls is because "getting that" helps with your insecurity about being Indian, like some kind of a social thing. But that's another topic. Are there any dances coming up, like homecoming where you can ask a girl?

 

For you, I think you should continue to try to make friends. Good for for branching out and trying to be more social. You have two (?) more years of high school and friends will help that. You need guys to pal around with, to go places with, to go to football games with, etc. Surely there must be guys similar to you in your school, who want to make new friends, who are lonely, etc. Why not plop yourself down next to one of those guys at lunch and start a conversation?

 

The next week I completely YOLO'd and went up to this girl (who is moderately higher than me in social status), asked how she was, and then just right away went into telling her that I think she's pretty and asking her out.

 

I'm uncomfortable even reading this, including your use of the word YOLO. This sounds so awkward. I'm glad you recognized that this was a bad approach.

 

That is what I am doing currently with this girl in my math class that I am going for currently. Subtly getting her to notice me a bit first. Giving her glances, smiling at her (a couple times when she catches my glance), and when she looks at me, I smile and ask her a question, briefly talking to her, things like that. I keep my body language and facial expressions flirtatious when talking to her (I am doing this naturally now). It's easier in this case because she sits near me.

 

This sounds great. This is definitely the approach you should take. You should also think about girls in orchestra with you.

[R3d]

The reason I asked is because social status is typically very important in high school -- more than it will ever be at any other point in your life. Even though you may not notice (which I really don't believe), others do. Look around at the couples in your school -- do they typically pair up via social status? When I was in high school they did. The popular girls paired up with the football, basketball and baseball players; the band guys paired up with the band girls; the drama/arts guys paired up with the drama/arts girls; the "nerdy" guys paired up with the "nerdy" girls, etc.

No, I do notice. However, I will say, that I am open to dating many different types of girls. If anything though, I would actually like to be with a loner girl because remember:

 

Actually, it's better if she's a loner like me because then I'll be able to relate to her better, feel more secure with her, and be able to potentially form a stronger bond with each other because we are helping kill each other's loneliness.

 

I suspected you were going after girls of higher status than you. It's great to aim high and I do not want to discourage you, but if you don't want to go after girls of lower status than you, why would the girls you are going after want to do that (by dating you)?

 

It's not that I don't want to go for girls of lower status than me. Remember, status isn't the independent variable here when deciding which girls to go for, like I said in my earlier post. Physical attraction is, however I am trying to let it not be too much of a factor. Like I am not just going to go for a cheerleader because of that, but ideally, I do want to be reasonably attracted to her. And just know that I am not going too high. Yeah...I am not asking out a cheerleader lol. They aren't really my type anyway. But the girls that I am attracted to tend to be not much, but somewhat to moderately higher than me in social status.

 

Think about that. What do you have to offer them? Why would they pick you in lieu of a guy in their social circle? I find it hard to believe that there aren't girls of your same social status for you to pursue.

 

Frankly, I am not even sure if social status is really that defined - that there is such a crystal clear hierarchy in my school. I do know that my town is known for generally being filled with preppy people that think they are better than everyone else.

 

But really, there are probably a few girls at my social status level, and I am sorry but I am not physically attracted to most of them. It has nothing to do with status for me. It's the attraction aspect. A girl could have the lowest social status level in the world, but if I am attracted to her and based on interacting with her on a superficial level, seems like a nice person, I'd definitely be interested in dating her.

 

I am happy to be their [the girls I am not attracted to] friend though and like I said, I do talk to girls that I am not attracted to that are in the same setting as me platonically. Definitely. That's also an important part of getting comfortable with girls. Knowing how to just be platonic with them.

 

Also, remember that I don't share classes with a lot of these girls.

 

Basically what I am saying is that almost all of the girls I am attracted to are above me in social status at least somewhat, which makes sense because that's true for about 90-95% of the girls in general at my school.

 

Also, just know that I keep physical attraction completely subjective. I don't care if others think she's not "hot". I only care if I do. I have had friends tell me that they think my crush is nothing special, and that didn't change my opinion at all (not even in middle school which is statistically supposed to be the highest level of friend influence). I am a firm believer of being completely independent in who you choose to be interested in and date and won't let anyone sway me (exception: if there is actually a legit problem with the girl like she's known to be a cheater - that I don't know about and my friends tell me). That's why I cringe when I hear about girls dumping their boyfriend not because she's not satisfied in the relationship, but because her friends told her to.

 

And again, physical attraction is not be all end all. For me, it's more of a baseline prerequisite that I want to be at least a little physically attracted to a girl in order for it to be possible for me to be interested in her romantically. If there's a girl who is somewhat attractive to me but has a nice, sweet, and modest personality vs a girl who is a cheerleader model that seems like the type that's unnecessarily dramatic, bitchy, or materialistic, then I am definitely going for the former. I actually avoid going for the latter. Usually, I tend to go for girls who are reasonably attractive and seem nice and moderate. That's basically my last major crush - reasonably attractive, and seems smart (both based on her enrollment in quite a few AP classes and the vibe I was getting from her based on superficial conversations I had), mature, reasonably confident, and tranquil, but also very polite. Those are the the kind of girls I tend to go for.

 

I can't help but wonder if the reason why you want white girls is because "getting that" helps with your insecurity about being Indian, like some kind of a social thing.

 

You have got it backwards. Again, it's an attraction thing. Just like girls prefer tall guys over short guys, I prefer white girls. This was true long before recognizing my insecurity over being Indian, like ever since I was was capable of romantic and sexual attraction. That said:

 

And honestly, if an Indian girl was into me, I'd give her a chance and go on a first date or two anyway, because you never know. She may be Americanized just like me and physical attraction can grow or already be there in some cases.

 

If an Indian girl was into me and I felt that there was some physical attraction or potential for me to become attracted to her, I'd ask her out.

 

For you, I think you should continue to try to make friends. Good for for branching out and trying to be more social. You have two (?) more years of high school and friends will help that. You need guys to pal around with, to go places with, to go to football games with, etc. Surely there must be guys similar to you in your school, who want to make new friends, who are lonely, etc. Why not plop yourself down next to one of those guys at lunch and start a conversation?

 

Yes, there's this guy who moved here this year and I have been talking to him and some other people at there at lunch and becoming friends with them. Lunch has been getting better recently.

 

I have also started to attend soccer games (even though I had no one to go with, just for the hell of it, and my old buddy from elementary school that I still talk to plays and he is god at soccer) and joined two clubs (and am having some luck there too socially). I might ask some of the people at lunch if they want to go to a game. That's a thought.

Edited September 21, 2014 by R3d