I am terrible with women

[jawswashington]

I have never dated or had a girlfriend and I am in my late 20's. This is causing me a lot of anxiety. I didn't have any female friends until about 4 years ago. Now I have many female friends but no girlfriend. One of my female friends even commented that I seem to be good at making female friends but not getting girlfriends. I have only asked out 2 girls in my life and both of them didn't work out. Now my inexperience makes me incredibly insecure and scares me from dating because I am afraid I will be judged by women. This further exacerbates the problem and it's like a vicious cycle. What steps can I take to become better with women?

[lollipopspot]

You have many female friends. Honestly they're in the best position to tell you what's going on. Ask them for very honest opinions about why they think you're struggling.

 

Since we can't see how you present yourself, we'd just be guessing, unless we get a lot more info out of you.

 

Have you asked? What do they say?

[jawswashington]

You have many female friends. Honestly they're in the best position to tell you what's going on. Ask them for very honest opinions about why they think you're struggling.

 

Since we can't see how you present yourself, we'd just be guessing, unless we get a lot more info out of you.

 

Have you asked? What do they say?

Well, the number one problem is that I used to be terribly shy... especially around girls. As you can see, I didn't have female friends before. Also, I was raised in a strict household so that limited my social opportunities. Now I feel like I'm a socially adjusted person for the most part. Another problem is that my group of friends isn't terribly big so I can't meet women through them. I just find it hard to meet new people in general after college. Furthermore, due to my inexperience, I feel like people will judge me so I try to hide it. Therefore, I am incredibly self-conscious and hesitant to ask women out if I do get the chance. I feel like I lack the skills to relate to women on a romantic level when all I've known is to relate to them platonically.

[Mr Scorpio]

You pretty much just blasted right past Lolly's suggestion, OP. If you have a cadre of female friends, you have a great resource for input. Ask them for suggestions on fashion, haircuts, type, approach, etc, etc.

[c57dood]

The way you get better with women is to stop caring about what they think. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. Don't change who you are for any woman. Don't ask women for dating advice, they'll tell you what women look for, but it's really about what YOU look for.

 

People make love and sex out to be a way bigger deal than it really is. You're never going to find fulfillment in another person. Sooner or later they reveal their true colors and you see that they're human; all too human.

[Blaze997]

You have many female friends. Honestly they're in the best position to tell you what's going on. Ask them for very honest opinions about why they think you're struggling.

 

Since we can't see how you present yourself, we'd just be guessing, unless we get a lot more info out of you.

 

Have you asked? What do they say?

 

Even better, just look at what types of guys your female friends date or have sex with. Worry less about what people SAY, and more about what they DO. This will give you much better information.

 

Also, think about what kinds of guys never have trouble finding girlfriends, namely: Athletes, the wealthy, the very good looking, outgoing/funny. The farther you are from them, the more trouble you will have. If you don't have any of these qualities then improve yourself somehow, there's not much else you can do.

[preraph]

So you're progressing, and that's really good. It's not easy. I do think the key is for you to keep trying to expand and deepen your social circle. The more you interact, the more comfortable you will eventually become, and of course the more women you will meet that way.

 

Having no idea what you look like or about your personality other than shy, I can only advise that you become your "best self" in all aspects. Whatever you can envision yourself to be like, you can work to become that. Start with outward things. I see you are pretty eloquent, so communication doesn't sound like a problem except for your shyness. Go to a men's department at a good department store and ask a sales clerk to help you choose an outfit or two. Get out of your comfort zone. Let the clerk know what you do, your basic lifestyle, and what you aspire to image wise, like sporty, hipster, professional, rocker, whatever, to give him an idea where to begin. But let him put together a cohesive outfit to make you feel more confident.

 

Next go to a good barber or hairstylist at a beauty salon and do the same thing. Let them work on you over a couple or three haircuts in case you need to grow some out to recut and style it.

 

This should at least help you become more sure of yourself physically, being well groomed. Be sure your teeth are white and shower every day so you're always ready for anything. Keep making friends, keep socializing and getting invited along to things. Make an effort to circulate at least some at every get-together and ask different people, and not just the girl you think is hot, about themselves. Get a lot of people on your side that way who want to see you happy. It takes work to make people like you. But the real secret is always expressing an interest in them. Then maybe next time their date has a cute friend, they will think of introducing you. Good luck

[d0nnivain]

What steps can I take to become better with women?

 

practice makes perfect. Talk to women when you get the chance.

 

Ask out the ones you find attractive. What's the worse that can happen? She might say no but that's OK. One will say yes if you are polite & approachable.

 

Ask your female friends for pointers & to fix you up. Women love to play matchmaker.