SJC2008 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Women seem to call me nice often. I don't like it because nice doesn't equal 'you turn me on'. I know this is a horrible example but I've been going to the strip club a lot as of late, and the last time, a stripper told me I was so nice. I just don't get it. Before she started I told he to tell me when each song is over because I don't want to get taken advantage of. They pull this stunt where a lap dance is x dollars and they'll go 2-3 songs... Maybe I shouldn't get offended my this but they way are culture is "nice" is nothing of value. I don't know why people, women in particular, think I'm so nice. I stand up for myself when I have to. I made the scen of all scenes at my bank once because I was livid about their fees. I call friends on their bull ****, I've had arguments with co-workers/bosses at almost every job I have had. I've argued with customers when I worked retail. Sometimes I think of ways to be more masculine but I'm tired of looking ay myself, it just makes me more insecure. I don't have a deep voice so maybe that's what it is. Anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 You should tell the stripper that you don't like being called "nice", and you'd prefer to be called "bad boy". They are there to serve your wishes after all. Which other women call you nice? My gf says I am nice and so do my friends. But if a woman said it to me on a first date then like you, I would be a bit concerned that she sees me as friend material rather than romantic prospect. It's all about the context. Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 My bf of over 3 years is genuinely the kindest, nicest guy I've ever met and I'm crazy about him. So "nice" isn't necessary something to be concerned about. Also seems PegNosePete has a point, if a stripper calling you "nice" is upsetting you, just tell her to avoid that word or to call you by another nickname or something instead, wouldn't have thought that would be a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Stop being such a p*ssy. There's a difference in worrying about what people think and caring about what people think. Sure my reply probably didnt seem 'nice' but I wasn't trying to be. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Don't you also have a problem with being called 'buddy'? Link to post Share on other sites
Kid_Charlemange Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Maybe I shouldn't get offended my this but they way are culture is "nice" is nothing of value. It's of tremendous value in our culture. And it's a great way to get a lot of friends... especially female friends. To find a romantic partner, however? It's the kiss of death. I know this first hand. Check out a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It was eye-opening. I learned a great deal and have been trying to use those lessons in daily life, especially with women. It hasn't helped me with the ladies -- I got dumped last month in exactly the same way as the five previous times, "You're such a great guy and I'd love to be friends" bit, but it took this one a little while longer, so maybe the lessons are working Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Trust me, being called a "nice" guy airs better than the scenario your presented and other examples. FWIW, nothing wrong with being a nice guy. It does not equate to weak or whimp. I dated a nice guy and I think he had been my greatest love. In a past life I turned down nice guys...NOT because they were nice but no chemistry. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Stop being such a p*ssy. There's a difference in worrying about what people think and caring about what people think. Sure my reply probably didnt seem 'nice' but I wasn't trying to be. You know I prefer the truth over BS any day so I appreciate it. Where have you been? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 All of this is a sign of other, deeper problems. I don't think so. Most of these "incidents' were when I worked at auto shops, mechanis are divas, you can't tell them shyt. Since they're male dominated work places, while not the "norm", arguments are more common place than an office type work environment. The bank had that one coming and I'll leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 It's of tremendous value in our culture. And it's a great way to get a lot of friends... especially female friends. To find a romantic partner, however? It's the kiss of death. I know this first hand. Check out a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It was eye-opening. I learned a great deal and have been trying to use those lessons in daily life, especially with women. It hasn't helped me with the ladies -- I got dumped last month in exactly the same way as the five previous times, "You're such a great guy and I'd love to be friends" bit, but it took this one a little while longer, so maybe the lessons are working I don't wana speak for you but the majority of that could be our people picker. Many people have this problem. My "theory" is that since my looks/demeanor is "nice", I'm automatically discounted. So I'm not even given the chance to show my spine. I've got the book on my PC. It's got some very helpful things in it but it has the same undertone of most dating books that failure is the mans fault, nothing to do with the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Well if you think it's the women's fault not yours, what are you going to do to change them? Oh wait. You can't. But you can change yourself. Your choice... carry on with what you're doing, or try something new. Up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I don't think so. Most of these "incidents' were when I worked at auto shops, mechanis are divas, you can't tell them shyt. Since they're male dominated work places, while not the "norm", arguments are more common place than an office type work environment. The bank had that one coming and I'll leave it at that. Ha, yeah, that's something women will likely never get, the 'ten seconds away from a fist fight' mentality in such arenas. Being 'nice' in such environments is a sure ticket to getting dominated and bullied. Personally, I don't mind being called 'nice'. If women don't find that quality attractive, that's their issue to deal with. Being that way has gotten me far in life. Yeah, I have no problem getting bloody in the ditch but that's not my go-to. Honey is far more effective, IME, than vinegar. Attractive? Opinion varies. That's life! Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Women seem to call me nice often. I don't like it because nice doesn't equal 'you turn me on'. I know this is a horrible example but I've been going to the strip club a lot as of late, and the last time, a stripper told me I was so nice. I just don't get it. Before she started I told he to tell me when each song is over because I don't want to get taken advantage of. They pull this stunt where a lap dance is x dollars and they'll go 2-3 songs... Maybe I shouldn't get offended my this but they way are culture is "nice" is nothing of value. I don't know why people, women in particular, think I'm so nice. I stand up for myself when I have to. I made the scen of all scenes at my bank once because I was livid about their fees. I call friends on their bull ****, I've had arguments with co-workers/bosses at almost every job I have had. I've argued with customers when I worked retail. Sometimes I think of ways to be more masculine but I'm tired of looking ay myself, it just makes me more insecure. I don't have a deep voice so maybe that's what it is. Anyway... Let's use some logic, buddy. A stripper called you "nice". Think of the people who go out to strip clubs (losers, thugs, drug attics), essentially the scum of the earth (no offense). Now, think of the interactions she has on a daily basis while she is at work. She's most likely mistreated daily (and this is only her work life; she probably has some thug at home beating her ass daily), and here comes you, the nice guy who asks a for warning so she doesn't cheat you out of more money, saying please and thank you. She assumed you were nice, because her regulars don't ask for warnings, they just tell her to **** off lol. Next, "nice guy" is such an ambiguous term. It can mean you're a doormat, it can actually mean your just nice, or whatever other connotation women use it for to the label guys. If a woman happens to read this, please, explain to us guys what meaning of "nice guy" is the correct meaning. Please, point it out to let us guys know what you actually mean. Now, there is nothing wrong with being nice to people, period. The only time nice becomes a problem is when you are being mistreated, and still being nice. Next time, while you're getting your dick tease at the strip club, and the hooker says "you're a nice guy" don't tip her. See if she calls you nice anymore. Another tip, stop overanalyzing things. Your voice is fine, and if you just act like a regular guy, I'm pretty sure that your masculinity is fine as well. Edited September 3, 2014 by endlessabyss 1 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 In the OP, you talk about a few incidents where you lost your shyt, and how these incidents somehow prove you're not a nice guy. You almost sound proud of those moments. To me, you sound like a kettle about to explode. Do you feel that way? I think you're interpreting him wrong. I think he is just trying to make the point that he stands up for himself, when need be. Is kirking out on people a way of standing up for yourself? It can be if you're in that mood; I've seen it many times. You can do it calmly as well. Sounds like you're interpreting his examples as if he is a mental wreck, about to go on a mass shooting. Is that the way you're perceiving it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 In the OP, you talk about a few incidents where you lost your shyt, and how these incidents somehow prove you're not a nice guy. You almost sound proud of those moments. To me, you sound like a kettle about to explode. Do you feel that way? Not proud of the moments themselves but proud of standing up for my self. The bank one was pretty embarrassing. I'm not a public scene guy so I think that was a chance occurance. I've do feel angry about some things but I don't feel like a kettle waiting to explode. Working with some arseholes aside, I think there are a cuple reasons for the pattern. One being insecu re/passive, I wait until I'm 100% certain I'm being wronged before I say something but by then I'm worked up. The second is my father was the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
WesternWizard Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 "Nice" is dating-speak for "a wimpy guy who's angry at the world and looks a lot like Woody Allen". Link to post Share on other sites
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