Single for too long?

[c57dood]

When I was in my teens and 20's, I dated a lot and had one girlfriend for 2 years. The girl I dated for 2 years wasn't a very good relationship, and it was based primarily on sex.

 

That relationship ended very badly and the whole time I felt "trapped" and it wasn't a good feeling at all. Now, I haven't even been on a date in 10 YEARS, all because I believe that I have a fear of becoming "trapped" and miserable again.

 

I've passed up so much opportunity to date otherwise nice women because of this fear of intimacy, or fear of something I see in relationships. Yet, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, which I often find myself.

 

I'm not an ugly guy, and if I really went out of my way to find someone to date I could, but this fear of getting close to someone is really messed me up.

[Disillusioned]

I too may have been single for too long.

 

I've had exactly 4 gfs, and I dumped all of them.

 

Now I'm feeling kind of schizophrenic about the idea of getting into a relationship if #5 comes along... I've been getting my s. together (taking classes to get a better job, cleaning up my house and property, etc etc), but at the same time I don't think I'll ever be able to believe any woman 100% if she says she loves me.

 

Add to that the fact that I've turned into a self-taught homesteader and general fix-it guy... unless she's godawful talented, a woman will probably feel like a fifth wheel if she gets romantically involved with me.

 

Basically, I've had my heart broken one too many times and never been able to attract the type of woman I want to... the best I can hope for is a simulacrum of a loving relationship.

[Ronni_W]

Now, I haven't even been on a date in 10 YEARS, all because I believe that I have a fear of becoming "trapped" and miserable again.

Are you suggesting to yourself that ALL relationships -- even the ones that are only sex-based -- are like that one, or that YOU haven't gained a single relationship skill in 10 years?

 

Are you still the same person who would allow himself to stay "trapped" in a miserable situation for two (2) years...or even two months???

 

You made specific choices and decisions for yourself back then for whatever your own reason(s)...would you make the exact same choices and decisions for yourself today, at present time, now???

[SadNLonley]

If you can find dates, I say do it. Take it slow. Once you find a girl you really like the intimacy scare will fade. Just let everything happen naturally and not always worry about the future and what will happen. If you cant get past your fear, then end things with the girl and try someone else.

 

I just think when it feels right you cant control it and all things become easier and just happen.

 

Good Luck!!!

[Mysterio]

I feel like sometimes we all make this love stuff way bigger in our minds than it really is. I have not had a GF in two yrs. From 18 to 43 my current age. I have been with 10 women physically.

 

What seems to work for me is not making a major effort for the most part. If I am going to get laid. It will be with a woman that is making the effort to get to know me. No pursuing a woman has ever worked out in my favor. I don't know what it is. I just can't seem to make that right fit when I pursue.

 

Sometimes we have to let women come to us from a male perspective. I am on the fence about a female friend that I fancy. I just am getting a little bit tired of being the only friends routine. At this time. I really feel like I have enough female friends. I want a female in my life that I can have that romantic connection with. Hold hands and at least make out/kiss/snuggle/sex.

 

Once again. I just say that it will happen when you let go of the stringent need to make someone a Romantic partner. I really have to take my own advice as well.

[c57dood]

Are you suggesting to yourself that ALL relationships -- even the ones that are only sex-based -- are like that one, or that YOU haven't gained a single relationship skill in 10 years?

 

Are you still the same person who would allow himself to stay "trapped" in a miserable situation for two (2) years...or even two months???

 

You made specific choices and decisions for yourself back then for whatever your own reason(s)...would you make the exact same choices and decisions for yourself today, at present time, now???

 

I'm not the same person, and I wouldn't put up with any of that today. But because I've been single for so long I've sort of forgotten the flow of relationships, and I'm wary because of this. I liked her because she was pretty and the sex was great, but in hindsight it was not a good situation. She could've gotten pregnant and I hate to think what it would be like if I still had to deal with someone like that still.

 

I guess I just haven't met the right woman yet.