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Personality-first guy?


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<Moderation note - moved from another thread to own topic>

 

For sure. Being a "personality-first" person is something you have to cultivate by having a social presence. Trying to use personality to appeal to women, while being insular and not social, is like trying to fish without any line.

 

If you're the "personality-first" kind of guy, do you actually have to be legit "popular" or is just normal good enough? (I am pretty much going to have to become the personality guy. I am definitely not going to be attracting girls as a result of my looks; I am going to have to cultivate other qualities.)

 

I mean as of right now, I have almost no status, and I think that has to be one of the largest factors in my poor social life (both when it comes to having friends and meeting girls). A lot of people don't take me seriously at school. That's the thing. I am hoping I can somewhat repair my reputation, but I don't think it's going to be possible to get higher than a normal status level. Basically, I think with time and if I put myself out there and get involved which is what I plan on doing next year, I can probably get to a point where I go from "very little" status to "okay" status, but there's no way I have any hope of becoming "popular" as Imported described.

 

That is actually going to be my focus for the beginning of next year. Getting more socially established and involved so I have more friends and therefore will lose a lot of the neediness and disparity for a girlfriend, become more confident, and get better at talking to people, which should make me more attractive than I am now and also make it more likely for me to meet girls that I am not random strangers to, either through a common activity or mutual friend (a lot of girls that I went for, didn't really know me and I just went up to them and tried to chat them up, which doesn't really work in a social setting like school. In this kind of setting, it's better to meet girls through mutual friends and common activities).

 

But back to the question, is just being "normal" but not "popular" good enough if you're taking the "personality-first" route?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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It's great to hear that you have developed an interest in expanding your social circle and making friends.

 

There's tons of people who have the average social status in high school that have/had partners. I'd have to personally say higher social status does make it easier but I've seen plenty of couples as well that aren't connected with everybody. When I was in high school, the number of people I spent time with wasn't enormous (excluding people I saw through mutual friends), I was the co-leader of one of the clubs, the best violinist in the orchestra, and was the county's chess champion. I don't consider my high school self someone who had high social status at all but I've had relationships with a decent amount of people. A couple of them, the majority of people I knew were actually jealous of me! The point is: you don't need high social status to get a girlfriend.

 

Why not work on your looks and your characteristics though? It's not impossible to do both and have your future partner be attracted to you physically as well as interested in you as a confident person.

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Well I already dress well and have good hygine, but I still won't be wooing girls with my looks because I am short (5'3.5), different race, and have a baby face. Not that I am going to let that stop me, just saying. I am probably NOT going to be physically attractive to about 95% girls, initially. Initially meaning once they see who I am, they can become attracted to me that way and then start seeing me as somewhat physically attractive because it is possible to start liking someone's physical appearance once you get to know them. But initially physically attracted to me? Nah.

 

That's why I said that I pretty much have to be a personality-first guy.

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