Eddy Street Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) I tried to be a bit humorous. I hope it doesn't come across as serious. Life is a series of short stories. I'm trying to add something new to my collection by trying something most would dismiss as "too crazy" and some would go as far as to deem downright reckless or desperate. But, I seem to lack some crucial skill needed to attract the right women at bars, and I'm sick and tired of trying those self-help books titled "how to attract the right women at bars" by Owen Bards, not my idea of a great read and not particularly helpful. I guess here I can be as choosy as I wish. So I will be. You must: 1) Be mainly of British descent. 2) Be a sunglasses model. 3) Be an ex-Rubik's cube champion. 4) Be born and raised in Turkey, but a native French speaker. 5) Have an extensive collection of spoons. 6) Be a ginger or a brunette (no blondes allowed). 7) Be smart (nothing less than a 120 IQ) 8) Be green, hazel or brown-eyed. 9) Be athletic and toned. 10) Be no less than an inch shorter than me and no taller than me. 11) Speak at least 5 languages fluently, preferably some that I do not myself speak, in particular Ainu and Old Persian, Avestan and Sogdian. 12) Be fond of large dog breeds and have a Great Dane named "Dutch". No other name will do. 13) Have a pet monkey named "Morpheus". Again, no other name will do. 14) Live in a townhouse and have a neighbor named Charles and another neighbor named Chars, no other names will do. 15) Have a model of Gliese 851 g hanging from your ceiling above your bed. No other planet will do. 16) Be an expert at making a Plijeskavica, to the point of being considered its originator. 17) Use only organic soap after 8 PM. 18) Make frequent grammatical errors as a creative choice. 19) Use sarcasm to the point that half the people you meet get committed to an asylum. 20) Be so stunning as to appear like a flower, or a bright star. So that I may call you those things. Will add more here... Edited July 24, 2014 by Eddy Street 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Funny, funny, funny......I liked it! I did something very similar and people either loved it or hated it. Anyone who thinks you're serious is too full of themselves IMO anyway. BTW.....I had a prospect for you.....but her monkey is named Neo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 The joke wears pretty thin after about 3 or 4. It might work but it doesn't seem like a very practical profile. It has absolutely no serious information about you, girls won't really know what they're getting into. Just my two cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 The jokes are fine but you might want to have a serious section that actually tells something about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I tried something like this before and only a couple girls got it. Hey but that's 2! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) Thank you, normal person and Eivuwan, for that observation. I got so caught up in the originality (although I'm sure there are others like that out there) that I almost forgot. I will add something serious about myself, here's what I have in mind: I'm an energetic old youth with a passion for helping others. A good friend of mine once suggested I take an online "psychopath test" and I scored close to zero, the site suggesting that I become a teacher or something. Funny thing is, that's actually what I do. I'm mature, considerate and family is of great importance to me. I believe life is about acquiring things that transcend material value, and strong relationships are one such thing. Although I was born on the other side of the pond, Chicago is the city that shaped me and served as the constant companion and backdrop to the drama of my life. Culturally, I'm the best of both worlds. But despite having spent a great deal of my life here, I feel there is much I don't know about this big home town of mine. I’m looking for a fellow-explorer. Maybe you’re new to this town or maybe you’re like me. Either way, we can go exploring this city together like Lewis and Clark, or maybe you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde. Edited July 24, 2014 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 You seem like a cool guy... why are you using a middleman like OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 You seem like a cool guy... why are you using a middleman like OLD? Thanks. The truth is, I had a pretty crappy childhood. And habits acquired at a young age are particularly difficult to break. Link to post Share on other sites
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