Online dating profile: do I sound like a creep?

[Eddy Street]

headline: live, love and learn

 

Description:

 

Life is like a series of short stories. We will only ever be works-in-progress, but I'm comfortable with that and I'm optimistic and positive about the future. I have clear long-term goals, one of which is to start a family and create an experience better than my own. I enjoy helping other people, creating or contributing to things of long-term value and learning new things about the world. I'm great with children, I'm artistic (inherited form my parents) and adventurous to a healthy degree. I would describe myself as open-minded, humble and sensitive, my friends and family would say I'm sweet, considerate and mature. My enemies, if I had any, might describe me tenacious, or stubborn, and I'd admit to it all the way.

 

Comedy is my life. I like to be spontaneous and laugh as much as I can. But, that being said, I know what's important in life and I try to keep those proverbial ducks in a row as best as I can. I'm very passionate about my career. I'm a teacher at a local community college and I see my job as being sort of like a stage, it allows me to be creative. Hobby wise, I like to stay in shape. I enjoy hiking, running, riding my bike on the quiet streets at night or with my friends on the numerous trails that stretch along the outskirts of town (my favorites are "Prairie path", lakefront and "Des Plaines river trail"). I enjoy science a lot and I'm a known to be a bit of a nerd, but in a cool way I also enjoy art (museums are a favorite hangout spot of mine), improv (I frequent the IO), writing, creative photography and experimenting with non-traditional foods.

 

Though I'm originally from Europe, Chicago is the city that shaped me and served as the constant companion and backdrop to the drama of my life. Culturally, I'm the best of both worlds, a genuine European cowboy. But despite having spent a great deal of my life here, I feel there is much I don't know about this big home town of mine. I’m looking for a fellow-explorer. Maybe you’re new to this town or maybe you’re like me. Either way, we can go exploring this city together like Lewis and Clark, or maybe you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde.

 

My date? Anybody who is open-minded and positive about life. If that sounds like you and you're intrigued, message me

 

Religious views: Though I was raised Catholic, religion and science as two ways of looking at the same thing, and I chose science.

 

Education: working on my Master's in math, I've spent much of my life in school studying various subjects, don't plan on changing that any time soon.

 

I must add, all of my pictures are of me alone. Two are with my dog. On my first day on the site, I received about 12 photo-likes and one wink. Since then, my profile has gotten almost no views at all. And the women who do view my profile don't do anything. All the women I've e-mailed so far haven't replied (a total of 50). I have gotten a few likes form people, but they're invariably a combination of the wrong age (way too old) and the wrong race. I'm starting to get a bit frustrated.

 

Someone has suggested that my profile is a bit too "heavy", that I sound "incredibly serious" and like the kind of guy who either has extreme ego-issues or extreme insecurities (one person on Yahoo Answers said I sound like the kind of guy who'd be easily driven to suicide, and told me I should be careful because some women like to play games with weak guys).

 

Do I really come across as THAT serious and heavy? Also, does it sound like I'm trying too hard with my huge essay? Should I just copy and paste somebody else's 4 sentences about how they like to laugh and are "easy going" or "down-to-earth"?

 

I'm becoming really frustrated. Please help

Edited July 21, 2014 by Eddy Street

[longjohn]

When I used OLD I tried to keep the main body of my profile fairly light. I'd quickly brush over the big details, where I'm from, how I got here, give an idea what I do for work and fun. I used only things that I actually do, left out crap that I used to do or hardly do anymore. I'd also drop in a few choice one liners here and there relevant to the subject matter. I tried to give the reader an idea of my sense of humor and how I am as a person without hiding behind props such as humor, education or position. I try my best to keep it short, sharp and to the point. That way if a woman see's it and likes it they may just want to know more, without asking them to message to know more. From my personal experience, women generally respect education, confidence, a lean or at least well groomed/maintained body and a fella that knows what he wants and how to go get it. OLD is the walmart of the dating world in many ways. Your profile is just one of thousands that they have to look through.. make it stand out.

 

I used a mixture of pictures e.g relaxed everyday image of myself on the front of the profile, a holiday picture with myself, a more formal picture and a few shots of places I've been. Used to gather/peak additional interest. I avoid pub/club pictures as I tend to want to attract a lady that's past that point in her life. I never used the half pictures where it's obvious another woman was in and was cut out. I also try to give an estimated date on pictures.

 

Having said all that I had tried a big name paid for site a few years back and had a very similar experience as you describe. I got lots of attention early on, plenty of likes and as many nice messages as I sent I got next to no responses. Dating is brutal in many ways don't take it too personally.

[mammasita]

You don't sound like a creep at all. Interesting read.

 

I guess it all boils down to your pictures, hard to say without being able to judge.

[hasaquestion]

OP, what are the five things you have had the most fun doing in the past 12 months?

[angel.eyes]

Loved it! Could be a little shorter. Had a couple of typos. But overall, really great. I got a good feel for you.

 

Photos matter. How are yours? How many do you have?

 

Then keep messaging...

[Eddy Street]

Loved it! Could be a little shorter. Had a couple of typos. But overall, really great. I got a good feel for you.

 

Photos matter. How are yours? How many do you have?

 

Then keep messaging...

 

Typos? Sorry, English is not my first language. What are they? I can't find them.

[Eddy Street]

OP, what are the five things you have had the most fun doing in the past 12 months?

 

That's the thing, I can't think of any. I've been depressed. Does it come through in my writing?

[pteromom]

It is a good start. You sound like an interesting person to get to know.

 

The one thing I will say is that you say comedy is your life, but you don't seem light-hearted or funny in your profile at all.

[hasaquestion]

That's the thing, I can't think of any. I've been depressed. Does it come through in my writing?

 

I think it does. The whole thing is too big picture, that's the problem.

 

Here's the thing - going from not knowing someone to being married to someone is a process. Trying to sell people on abstract things, like how loyal you are and how gentle your spirit is and how you treat your enemies, is putting the cart before the horse. Slow down buddy!

 

Anyway, my experience women have active imaginations. Don't tell them things, show them things. A picture of you with your bike says "we can go biking". A picture of you at the beach says "we can go to the beach". Don't use your pictures and profile to tell them about you, use them to give them hints about what they could get if they meet you.

 

The point of the profile is NOT to tell them who you are, its to give them things to ask you, and reasons to want to meet you.

[hasaquestion]

How do you like this? I made up some stuff up (where you're from, what you teach, etc.) for the sake of illustration.

 

Headline:

 

Description: Born in Latvia. Lived in the Chicago for 5 years, so you could call me the F Scott Fitzgerald of Chicago. Math teacher and bike addict. I also like improv comedy and museums. When I get to London, my first stop is going to be the Improv Comedy Museum. Since comnig to the USA I have achieved certified Cowboy status.

 

Religious views: No.

 

Education: Getting a masters degree right now on the side - when I'm not teaching math, I get taught math.

[normal person]

Someone has suggested that my profile is a bit too "heavy", that I sound "incredibly serious"

 

I'd agree. The things like "live, love, learn" and "Life is like a series of short stories. We will only ever be works-in-progress" sound good for an inspirational self-help book or something, but they're a bit too much for an online dating profile. Whenever I see a girl's profile that says something like "I'm looking for the man of my dreams" or "I'm looking for a man the man who will hold my heart" I instantly move on. Things like that give off the impression that you're very fixated on finding love (which I can see that you are), which puts a lot of pressure on any potential person you go out with. Ideally you want to come across very casual about your presence in the online dating world otherwise it broadcasts desperation. Try and sound less philosophical.

 

I have clear long-term goals, one of which is to start a family and create an experience better than my own.

They have a box you can mark for "wants kids someday," don't verbalize it, it also sounds desperate.

 

I enjoy helping other people, creating or contributing to things of long-term value and learning new things about the world. I'm great with children, I'm artistic (inherited form my parents) and adventurous to a healthy degree. I would describe myself as open-minded, humble and sensitive, my friends and family would say I'm sweet, considerate and mature. My enemies, if I had any, might describe me tenacious, or stubborn, and I'd admit to it all the way.

 

Show, don't tell -- All these are great qualities but the reader doesn't really believe you unless you can show them these things. Just saying them is just an empty gesture. How do you help other people? Show me a picture of your art if you're so artistic. How are you adventurous? Did you climb a mountain recently? Go white water rafting? If you can't show the reader that you have a certain quality then merely assuring them that you do is pointless.

 

Comedy is my life. I like to be spontaneous and laugh as much as I can.

Are you sure about that? Because I haven't seen a single joke yet. Once again, saying "I'm funny" isn't the same as actually being funny.

 

 

I'm very passionate about my career.

This sentence sounds stock or like you're writing a resume. You show the reader you're passionate in the next sentence so you don't need this one.

 

I'm a teacher at a local community college and I see my job as being sort of like a stage, it allows me to be creative. Hobby wise, I like to stay in shape. I enjoy hiking, running, riding my bike on the quiet streets at night or with my friends on the numerous trails that stretch along the outskirts of town (my favorites are "Prairie path", lakefront and "Des Plaines river trail").

 

This is a good way of showing and not telling.

 

I enjoy science a lot and I'm a known to be a bit of a nerd, but in a cool way

So you're another one of the billion people who likes science. I'm not too moved by this either way. If you tell me why you like science I'll perhaps be a lot more intrigued. Also, I'm sure it might be an unpopular opinion around here, but I'm your age and I think smiley faces and emoticons are a bit effeminate and/or childish. You're a grown man.

 

My overall advice would be to keep it succinct, show don't tell, and do not be desperate. You should present yourself in such a fashion that makes women want to meet you.

 

I know this will sound counter-intuitive, but I would show as little indication that you're actively searching for a women as possible. So...

 

My date? Anybody who is open-minded and positive about life. If that sounds like you and you're intrigued, message me

 

I would delete this, it broadcasts a low value. People subconsciously read it as "I will settle for anyone with a very broad range of qualities. At this point I can't afford to be too discerning and I'll take anything that I can get. Please message me because no ever does (and I know you can't help but wonder why at this point)."

 

People will message you if they want regardless of whether or not you suggest it. You can filter them yourself. Inviting them to message you is subtly desperate. You should make it seem like you have plenty of messages already and you don't really care if you get another one or not.

 

The undertone of your profile is "actively searching for someone." I know it's a dating website where people search for people, but pretend they're the ones searching for you -- you don't search, you get searched for.

 

I hope your pictures are good because that's probably more important than any of this.

[Eddy Street]

It is a good start. You sound like an interesting person to get to know.

 

The one thing I will say is that you say comedy is your life, but you don't seem light-hearted or funny in your profile at all.

 

How can I change that?

[Eddy Street]

I hope your pictures are good because that's probably more important than any of this.

 

Yeah, they're of my by myself and with my dog. I guess to me they're good but I'm a bit biased about myself, despite the strong evidence to the contrary from nearly everyone besides my closest family.

 

I wish I could share them here but last time I tried doing that I got blocked from posting for a few weeks. Where can I get an opinion on them?

[Eddy Street]

Thanks for the replies so far!

Edited July 21, 2014 by Eddy Street

[normal person]

Thanks for the replies so far!

 

I'm pretty sure you can post them in your profile or something. I don't know how much good it'll do, to be honest. As long as you clearly show your face, you look happy, you're not wearing sunglasses, the lighting is decent, there isn't much anyone can tell you. It might turn into a "makeover" thread otherwise.

Edited July 21, 2014 by normal person

[Eddy Street]

I'm pretty sure you can post them in your profile or something. I don't know how much good it'll do, to be honest. As long as you clearly show your face, you look happy, you're not wearing sunglasses, the lighting is decent, there isn't much anyone can tell you. It might turn into a "makeover" thread otherwise.

 

Well, I'm a desperate guy recovering form depression and slowly dumping things that define the "old me". I'm willing to be judged, critiqued and torn apart for the sake of growth... I don't care. I'm going to tear down what I am now and rebuild from scratch anyway.

 

How do I post them on my profile? There's nothing about avatars here.

 

This is a stretch, but can I send you my main pic and have you judge the emotion (or lack thereof) in it?

Edited July 21, 2014 by Eddy Street

[normal person]

Well, I'm a desperate guy recovering form depression and slowly dumping things that define the "old me".

 

That's fine, but the "desperate" subtext would be the first thing I'd remove from your profile.

 

I'm willing to be judged, critiqued and torn apart for the sake of growth... I don't care. I'm going to tear down what I am now and rebuild from scratch anyway.

 

You're likely to get as many different opinions as there are replies. Take the advice you get anywhere with a grain of salt. Get the opinion of someone who knows what they're doing, like a stylist or something. I'm sure there are some good ones in Chicago.

 

How do I post them on my profile? There's nothing about avatars here.

 

This is a stretch, but can I send you my main pic and have you judge the emotion (or lack thereof) in it?

 

Happy is attractive, miserable is unattractive. I trust you can tell the difference in your pictures, you don't need people to "judge emotion." I think you're just splitting hairs at this point. Just be smiling and having fun. If you're that curious go to your "about me" and click "add albums" at the right. Multiple people will tell you what to do with your hair and give some basic suggestions about clothes. I don't know how much good it'll do.

[angel.eyes]

No, you didn't seem depressed to me.

 

Typos? Sorry, English is not my first language. What are they? I can't find them.

 

I was just glancing through quickly, and the following errors immediately jumped out at me. There may be others.

 

Correct the (lack of) capitalization in your headline. Capitalization should be consistent throughout. Profiles should not be e. e. cummings pieces.

 

Fix the run-on sentence. Delete the second "I'm" or convert the following statement into two sentences.

"I'm great with children, I'm artistic (inherited form my parents) and adventurous to a healthy degree."

 

Fix the run-on sentence.

"I would describe myself as open-minded, humble and sensitive, my friends and family would say I'm sweet, considerate and mature."

 

Fix the run-on sentence.

"I'm a teacher at a local community college and I see my job as being sort of like a stage, it allows me to be creative."

 

Hyphenate, or better yet, reword:

"Hobby wise, I like to stay in shape."

 

Fix capitalization errors. Be consistent in naming. This is also part of a run-on sentence. Fix that.

"(my favorites are "Prairie path", lakefront and "Des Plaines river trail")."

 

Delete "a." It should be, "I'm known."

"I enjoy science a lot and I'm a known to be a bit of a nerd, but in a cool way;)"

 

 

Should be "Although I'm..."

"Though I'm originally from Europe, Chicago is the city that shaped me and served as the constant companion and backdrop to the drama of my life."

 

Hometown is one word.

Fellow explorer is two words. No hyphenation. (Out of curiosity, are you German?)

Anyone, not anybody, is preferable.

 

Again, although not though. Also, this is awkward sentence structure. It would be better broken into two sentences.

"Though I was raised Catholic, religion and science as two ways of looking at the same thing, and I chose science."

 

Fix capitalization and the run-on string.

"working on my Master's in math, I've spent much of my life in school studying various subjects, don't plan on changing that any time soon."

 

A couple of general observations:

• You can state everything mentioned a lot more succinctly--in probably half the word count.
  
• You use way too many parentheses. There are more elegant ways to share the same information.
  

[bentleychic]

If I was interested by the pictures at all, I would read all of it.

 

Otherwise, it seems like a lot to read. I prefer a few small paragraphs telling the gist of you and then if I liked what I saw, I'd ask for more about you. JMO

[angel.eyes]

Okay, a few more thoughts...

 

What men vs. women look for and find attractive in a profile differ quite significantly. Ditto for people looking for something casual vs. those looking to date seriously. Understand the differences and you'll be ahead of your competition in the dating pool.

 

 

Second, be clear about who it is you're trying to attract, and speak to that specific audience. If you repel people outside your target audience, even better! That's what my profile did. I didn't get penis pictures that some women complain about. I didn't get a single lewd message. The overwhelming majority of messages I got in my inbox were from guys serious about looking for a long-term relationship. For me that was success.

 

What does success look like for you? Tailor your profile and your photo selection to attract that particular audience. Who cares if some guy on Yahoo found your profile was too "heavy" and unattractive? Are you trying to date him?

[jay1983]

Sounds pretty good to me. Most of the time a girl calls a guy creepy, it's because she didn't find him very attractive, had nothing to do with he said or did.

[preraph]

I wasn't thinking serious and heavy but I was thinking maybe a bit not casual enough and just an iota too much "me, me," but it is a profile, so...I'm probably wrong. I liked the part about religion. Didn't like the part about the lineage. Photo is probably enough. Leave something to talk about later. Oh, and maybe the "open-minded" part is attracting the "too olds" and "not the right race"? This may just be me, but people who describe themselves as positive sometimes puts up a red flag because I've known some people positive to the point of delusional.

[Eddy Street]

I wasn't thinking serious and heavy but I was thinking maybe a bit not casual enough and just an iota too much "me, me," but it is a profile, so...I'm probably wrong. I liked the part about religion. Didn't like the part about the lineage. Photo is probably enough. Leave something to talk about later. Oh, and maybe the "open-minded" part is attracting the "too olds" and "not the right race"? This may just be me, but people who describe themselves as positive sometimes puts up a red flag because I've known some people positive to the point of delusional.

 

Lineage? You mean being raised Catholic? Or inheriting artistic tendencies form parents?

[Eddy Street]

No, you didn't seem depressed to me.

 

 

 

I was just glancing through quickly, and the following errors immediately jumped out at me. There may be others.

 

Ah, some of those are just the result of typing it up quickly, others are due to my lack of writing skills. I have a tendency to create run-ons. If you think these are bad you should see some of my other writing.

[the tank]

Message and photo are way more important than profil.