scooby-philly Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Hey there group. I don't want to make this long-winded. I started posting as I re-entered the dating scene at the end of last year and try also to help with some advice/perspective on other threads. I've found this a great way to either validate or invalidate ideas, thoughts, or concerns. So.... I find myself in a bit of a rut. I had a really bad break up with an ex-fiancee last year. I've been on the dating scene for 8 or 9 months now. I've managed to get to 3 or more dates with 3 women - so it's not like I'm striking out. But the last one really made me stop and want to think. I grew up with parents who weren't emotionally available and didn't model or instill a sense of self-worth in me, any sort of idea of what a healthy relationship looks like, or how to really navigate the complex world we live in. I've moved on from the blaming them/anger stage to a place where I just want to continue moving forward - I've done a lot of improvement on myself the past 4-5 years. I still suffer from occasional bouts of depression, anxiety, and apathy. But, I don't get stuck in them normally but I feel stuck the past 3-4 weeks and it's been impacting my use/want of doing dating ( i use and OLD site) and also I'm fearful that my inner critic is not letting me let things develop naturally and that I may be responding to women expressing interest on the site because they're simply showing interest. My career is going well, but it too can be frustrating at times and again, I usually don't get stuck but I feel like I have been recently. I don't know if I'm looking for any sort of advice in general, other than ideas on what to do to help get me unstuck ( i am doings lots of outdoor activities which I love and I do volunteer with my industry's local professional group) but I'd like to engage more with the dating scene/site but I honestly feel so incompatible now with a lot of the women I come across on the sites - either they don't express interest in me or the ones who do I'm not really interested in them. I know we'll all entitled to periods where we need to do inward. I just want to make sure if this is one of those periods for me, that I do so in a healthy way and also for the right reasons - not out of fear, anxiety or shame. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Nothing like getting a boost from a makeover and a new wardrobe. Also spruce up your space, and host social gatherings like for cocktails, or a casual bbq. Link to post Share on other sites
molimo140 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 I'm a firm believer that the most important thing in life is to be confident in who you are, what you want, and what you believe. It is, after all, the only thing we have when the external falls away. Take some time to do the things that you are passionate about. Fix any of the small things in your life which have been nagging you. You mention that you sometimes feel a bit stuck in your career, is there something you would rather be doing? Not truly loving your job can be a huge weight on your subconscious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scooby-philly Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Thanks to both smackie9 and molimo140 for the comments. Yes - my job/career is good - part of it is just expecting too much to soon and the nature of my work - a lot of it is creative - can be frustrating at times. The unsure nature of what the future holds - honestly that doesn't scare me - if I'm being honest. It scares the part of my brain that's been conditioned by school, business, society, to always have a "plan" and "goals", etc. But I'm usually good in the moment as well. I just started seeing a woman. We met on an activity weekend up the mountains with a adventure club we both belong to. We hit it off, and to be honest, had sex the first night. I'm not one for one-night stands but we had a blast so the next day I made sure I hung around her - a week later we've gone out 1-2 times and also spent the night at her place. I am afraid that she wants to rush things - but I've also learned how to put my foot down. I'm not looking for booty calls but I'm also willing to give something like this a try. I am also a firm believer that our lives/emotions/ so much of who we are and what we do is based off of the little actions. And I'm a firm believer in keeping life balanced. There will be times where we need to focus a little more on work, a little more on family or friends, a little more on ourselves, etc. but it should all even out to a certain extent in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
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