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How can I avoid being a forever alone?


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This is actually a very serious matter which is driving me crazy. I really would appreciate any help I can get.

 

 

I am 20 years old going on 21 and I'm about 6'4, black, 229 lbs and relatively muscular but I just cant get girls. Growing up I had self esteem issues because people used to call me ugly but as I approached my late teens and started it didnt happen as often.

 

I go to college parties and chat with girls and get their numbers and then text and the next day they don't respond... Sometimes I get numbers and starting texting but eventually the girl just stops replying to me altogether or I cant think of a way to get her in bed with me. This happens to me all the time and it's extremely frustrating. I am a virgin.

 

I just don't know to get girls. It bugs the **** out of me. Also, don't get the impression that I'm a shy and insecure guy. I'm actually known to be funny, outgoing, and confident. None of my friends would believe I typed this . Please give me advice. I genuinely want to change my life. I don't know what to do. Should I learn PUA ?

 

I just wanna enjoy myself and sleep with girls at times and feel wanted by girls.. It's really driving me crazy.

 

I really don't know what to do. Sometimes, when I see girls that I've met around town or in school or at work, they pretend that they didnt see me. I just don't get it. I don't ooze desperation. Well I don't think so. I don't nag girls or act clingy. I tried to remain cool, calm and collected around them but still assertive. I must be super ugly, I'm guessing.

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First of all Uglyness is a state of mind.

I was taught that since I was small

I've believed it since I was small

- Yes, Just in the same vein that happiness is a state of mind.

 

Anyway, You sound way ahead of the game in terms of approaching women and getting out there. Some guys have a debilitating fear, and dont get numbers from girls AT ALL. So you are ahead of the curve.

What you want to do is have fun and improve yourself at this time of your life, work on being even more stable.

 

Girls at your age go for the flashy and the outlandish, and really dont know what they want most of the time. so just continue being yourself.

 

Youre even ahead of the curve for virgins, so dont even worry about that right now. If you watch enough porn, you'll know what to do with it when the time comes. Trust me.

 

I see no cause for alarm here, Just remember that no woman is above you, and every woman wants sex... Just like you do... probably even more, and you'll be fine.

Some books I can recommend: Pimp, By Iceberg Slim

On being a man, By david deango

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Maybe you give off the vibe that all you want is to get a girl into bed, or because that is all you seem to want you come across as pushy?

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LoveBohemian
Maybe you give off the vibe that all you want is to get a girl into bed, or because that is all you seem to want you come across as pushy?

 

Agree. It's better to chat to a girl if you genuinely want to get to know her as a person. Women can smell a guy who just wants to get something out of her, be it a phone number, a date, sex. Not sure about you but I hate people trying to get stuff out of me without caring about me as a person, so god knows what it's like for women trying to figure out who's genuine or not. If you get chatting to a girl and happen to have good chemistry then perhaps that's the time to make a move.

 

I'd honestly advise to be happy with in yourself and don't worry about girls (easier said than done I know). You'll come across as being less needy which is attractive. PUA stuff can be dodgy if you ask me, I tried that stuff years ago and became very unauthentic as a person. It might work on some impressionable girls, but it might turn off the one who could be a genuine girlfriend.

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Do you get #s from lots of girls at the same party? If so, they may think you are a player & they are at best 2nd choice.

 

Never let one women see you get a # from another

 

I'm assuming there is alcohol at the parties. Have you tried getting to know women from your classes? They may be more reliable.

 

Are you a member of any clubs or organizations that aren't focused on parties? That may be a good place to meet women.

 

Also texting constantly is annoying, not flattering. Wait at least a day.

 

As for the PUA stuff, most of it is game playing BS. It's kind of like The Rules for women. If you use it as a tool to boost your self esteem with the goal of getting a relationship, OK fine. If all you want is more notches on your bed post, remember you reap what you sow.

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Maybe you give off the vibe that all you want is to get a girl into bed, or because that is all you seem to want you come across as pushy?

 

I try my hardest to not to show my intentions and I doubt that they're apparent but I'm not totally sure. Should I post a copy of my texts?

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Agree. It's better to chat to a girl if you genuinely want to get to know her as a person. Women can smell a guy who just wants to get something out of her, be it a phone number, a date, sex. Not sure about you but I hate people trying to get stuff out of me without caring about me as a person, so god knows what it's like for women trying to figure out who's genuine or not. If you get chatting to a girl and happen to have good chemistry then perhaps that's the time to make a move.

 

I'd honestly advise to be happy with in yourself and don't worry about girls (easier said than done I know). You'll come across as being less needy which is attractive. PUA stuff can be dodgy if you ask me, I tried that stuff years ago and became very unauthentic as a person. It might work on some impressionable girls, but it might turn off the one who could be a genuine girlfriend.

 

I try to get to know girls. I try my best to be fun and interesting and show genuine interest in the girl but it's all to no avail. Do you think I should post some of my convos with them?

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This is something that is very serious to me and it's really consuming my thoughts and mitigating my happiness. In other words I'm really losing my mind. Any input would be appreciated.

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LoveBohemian
This is something that is very serious to me and it's really consuming my thoughts and mitigating my happiness. In other words I'm really losing my mind. Any input would be appreciated.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but perhaps that's the problem? It sounds as if you're taking girls and dating too seriously. Girls will sniff this out very quickly and take a step back.

 

Do yourself a favour a give it a break for a while. Focus on yourself. Do stuff that makes you happy and stop wasting precious energy worrying about the opposite sex.

 

But feel free to post some of your conversations. I'll be happy to take a look.

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Sorry to be blunt, but perhaps that's the problem? It sounds as if you're taking girls and dating too seriously. Girls will sniff this out very quickly and take a step back.

 

Do yourself a favour a give it a break for a while. Focus on yourself. Do stuff that makes you happy and stop wasting precious energy worrying about the opposite sex.

 

But feel free to post some of your conversations. I'll be happy to take a look.

 

Well, I gave up trying to get girls for almost a year now b/c nothing that I was doing worked. I haven't even tried to hang out with a girl since last year b/c nothing ever seems to work. I try to enjoy myself. I'm very physically active. I play basketball, work out, spend a lot of time strengthening my bond with my family, reading books, working hard at the universtiy I'm attending,interning at a bank and hanging out with my guy friends and attending social event every now and then. I really can't see what I'm doing wrong. Unless my looks just repel every girl or something.

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The problem is that he is trying too hard.

I told him to just focus on improving himself

I gave up trying to get girls for almost a year now b/c nothing that I was doing worked. I haven't even tried to hang out with a girl since last year b/c nothing ever seems to work. I try to enjoy myself. I'm very physically active. I play basketball, work out, spend a lot of time strengthening my bond with my family, reading books, working hard at the universtiy I'm attending,interning at a bank and hanging out with my guy friends and attending social event every now and then. I really can't see what I'm doing wrong. Unless my looks just repel every girl or something.

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Basically, I met this jewish girl a while back at a jewish program. I informed her that I'm a black jew, I have some jewish ancestry. She was immediately fascinated by that. She started inviting me to jewish programs at my college. I got her number started talking to her about twice a week.

 

Me: hey fellow jew

Her: lol hey who is this? ( our first text convo I waited a few days to text her after getting her number)

Me: guess

Her: (my name)

Me: indeed haha

Me: this weekend was long did u go home?

Her: I knoooow. Hell yea

Me: ppl who go home are losers I went home too but I'm an exception

Her: lmaooo why??

Me: guess

Her: b/c our home is fun idk lol

Me: u suck , its b/c I'm awesome

Her: ohh ahahaha I am too

 

A few days later she invited me to another event

She initiated convo

 

Her: hey heyyyyy come to the jewish dinner its gonna be great

I ignored it to look mysterious and I replied a day later with something rather vague

 

Me: I was tied up with work. How was it president? ( she's the club's president)

Her: great a lot of ppl came blah blah

Me: there's gonna be a tornado near our school. U worried?

Her: haha like there's even one coming

Me: the tornado didn't hit us. U know why?

Her: haha why?

Me: b/c I'm than man obviously. Didn't u know

Her : hahaha obviously

Me: I think I saw u at a store today

Her: I was at the store. You should have said hi lol haha

Me: we should hang out sometime, jews are awesome

Her: hell yea and we definitely should. Just hit me up

Me: let's get dinner such and such day

Her: cant ( b/c of prior commitments)

Me: okay. When ru free?

Her: Wednesday and Friday afternoons

Me: my bday's tomorrow, 9/11

Her: that's so exciting!! Despite the fact that its 9/11

Her: how would are u turning?

Me: 12, I'm getting younger ( I was joking of course I turned 19)

Her: ( a day later) happy birthday!!!! Have and awesome 12th bday

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travelbug1996

She invited you out somewher and you declined? That's probably why she declined. You should have taken the chance when you had it. Stop stroking your own ego too ( Im the man im awesome) that's annoying.

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The problem is that he is trying too hard.

I told him to just focus on improving himself

You said for me to focus on improving myself but I feel like I'm already doing that and nothing is helping me with regards to the opposite sex.

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I definitely think you should have went with her to the dinner. I understand trying not to look desperate or needy but I know when I invite a guy to do something and he declines or just ignores me like you did in this case.. I assume that he's just not that into me, which in turn makes me not that into him anymore. I always have that in the back of my mind the next time he talks to me. Also in your texts, to me you come off as slightly cocky. And to most women that is a huge turn off. Also asking her to guess several times makes things awkward in my opinion. I understand when saying things like "u suck" you were just joking and being funny. But when a guy I barely know says that, it's not cute or funny to me, kind of offputting instead.

 

I do feel like you're trying to hard to be that funny, charming guy. Maybe just start by asking what she did over the weekend, questions about her in general. Favorite color, food, movie etc.. Just getting to know her, make her feel important. Less making jokes and trying to be funny and just let it come natural. She seemed into you and inviting you to go somewhere with her is always a good sign. Next time, make sure you actually go with her, don't play that hard to get. Maybe she didn't reply back to you inviting her to dinner because she was afraid you wouldn't go through with it since you waited until after the Jewish dinner to reply. I would recommend going out with her and showing her that you are reliable and the next time she invites you somewhere you will actually go. Playing hard to get works once you've got them interested and somewhat I don't want to say attached.. but after a few dates once she's already gotten to know you and has the chance to miss you.. That's when the playing hard to get usually works. But they gotta miss you first before it will work.. Otherwise, she's not really going to care if you didn't reply because you are new and she has no emotional attachments to you. Hope this helps some and didn't come off as mean!

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LoveBohemian

Sound advice from Brittany. Just be normal and friendly to begin with, don't try and be cocky and something you're not. It's a turn off. Admittedly some guys can pull off the cocky approach, but it takes a certain type of character. Most guys it just looks unauthentic / trying too hard.

 

Just remember these 4 topics for conversation - Family, Dreams (aspirations), Career/Occupation and Hobbies. The majority of people are passionate about at least one of these things and asking about them demonstrates that you're interested in getting to know somebody as a person.

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I also found your texts to be kind of offputting. I get what you are trying to do, but it didn't work for me at all. Your conversations don't seem very organic; the way you jump from topic to topic they almost seem like you have a list of stuff to discuss that you are following.

 

Me: hey fellow jew

Her: lol hey who is this? ( our first text convo I waited a few days to text her after getting her number)

Me: guess

Her: (my name)

Me: indeed haha

 

I found your opening line to be really awkward. Also, the "guess who just texted you" game is really annoying. I have no idea why so many guys think it's cute.

 

Me: this weekend was long did u go home?

Her: I knoooow. Hell yea

Me: ppl who go home are losers I went home too but I'm an exception

Her: lmaooo why??

Me: guess

Her: b/c our home is fun idk lol

Me: u suck , its b/c I'm awesome

Her: ohh ahahaha I am too

 

Then you insulted her (by indirectly calling her a loser and directly telling her she sucks). The "I'm an exception" and "I'm awesome" stuff seems really forced. That feels like a conversation you had played out in your mind before it happened, and it comes across as really insecure. If you are indeed that exceptional and awesome, let her decide that for herself.

 

Also, as I noted above, the "guess" game is really annoying. And you did it twice in one convo!

 

No comment on all of your run on sentences and lack of punctuation. :rolleyes:

 

A few days later she invited me to another event

She initiated convo

 

Her: hey heyyyyy come to the jewish dinner its gonna be great

I ignored it to look mysterious and I replied a day later with something rather vague

 

Bad move. I understand completely if you don't want to accept a last minute invitation, but you should have at least responded that day if you saw her message. You could've just said "Sorry, I can't make it tonight." Game playing like this is just silly.

 

Me: I was tied up with work. How was it president? ( she's the club's president)

Her: great a lot of ppl came blah blah

Me: there's gonna be a tornado near our school. U worried?

Her: haha like there's even one coming

Me: the tornado didn't hit us. U know why?

Her: haha why?

Me: b/c I'm than man obviously. Didn't u know

Her : hahaha obviously

 

Again with the propping yourself up. I can see what you are trying to do, but in my opinion it isn't working at all.

 

Me: I think I saw u at a store today

Her: I was at the store. You should have said hi lol haha

 

Yeah, if you saw her, you should've said hi. This makes you seem really insecure and afraid.

 

Me: we should hang out sometime, jews are awesome

Her: hell yea and we definitely should. Just hit me up

Me: let's get dinner such and such day

Her: cant ( b/c of prior commitments)

Me: okay. When ru free?

Her: Wednesday and Friday afternoons

 

"Jews are awesome"? Awkward. I get that you met her at a Jewish event, but you are going overboard on the Jew thing.

 

Also, you had your in. When she told you when she was free, you should have asked her out. Why didn't you? Instead, you changed the topic entirely.

 

Me: my bday's tomorrow, 9/11

Her: that's so exciting!! Despite the fact that its 9/11

Her: how would are u turning?

Me: 12, I'm getting younger ( I was joking of course I turned 19)

Her: ( a day later) happy birthday!!!! Have and awesome 12th bday

 

Despite all of the above, she seems to have been into you. Did you ever follow through and ask her out on a date?

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I also found your texts to be kind of offputting. I get what you are trying to do, but it didn't work for me at all. Your conversations don't seem very organic; the way you jump from topic to topic they almost seem like you have a list of stuff to discuss that you are following.

 

 

 

I found your opening line to be really awkward. Also, the "guess who just texted you" game is really annoying. I have no idea why so many guys think it's cute.

 

 

 

Then you insulted her (by indirectly calling her a loser and directly telling her she sucks). The "I'm an exception" and "I'm awesome" stuff seems really forced. That feels like a conversation you had played out in your mind before it happened, and it comes across as really insecure. If you are indeed that exceptional and awesome, let her decide that for herself.

 

Also, as I noted above, the "guess" game is really annoying. And you did it twice in one convo!

 

No comment on all of your run on sentences and lack of punctuation. :rolleyes:

 

 

 

Bad move. I understand completely if you don't want to accept a last minute invitation, but you should have at least responded that day if you saw her message. You could've just said "Sorry, I can't make it tonight." Game playing like this is just silly.

 

 

 

Again with the propping yourself up. I can see what you are trying to do, but in my opinion it isn't working at all.

 

 

 

Yeah, if you saw her, you should've said hi. This makes you seem really insecure and afraid.

 

 

 

"Jews are awesome"? Awkward. I get that you met her at a Jewish event, but you are going overboard on the Jew thing.

 

Also, you had your in. When she told you when she was free, you should have asked her out. Why didn't you? Instead, you changed the topic entirely.

 

 

 

Despite all of the above, she seems to have been into you. Did you ever follow through and ask her out on a date?

 

Wow. I didn't realize how many things I did wrong. The whole cocky/funny thing is actually part of my personality. I'm known to be an extremely funny person, so I figured that I would use that to my advantage. Being funny is actually a talent of mine. Shouldn't I use it? She and I met up for dinner once but she brought friends along. Then I asked her for to meet up some other time and she declined. So, I just forgot about her.

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JungleLover

 

I just don't know to get girls. It bugs the **** out of me. Also, don't get the impression that I'm a shy and insecure guy. I'm actually known to be funny, outgoing, and confident. None of my friends would believe I typed this . Please give me advice. I genuinely want to change my life. I don't know what to do. Should I learn PUA ?

.

 

There are two things you must do:

 

1. Relentlessly be persistent at trying to meet girls,

 

2. Relentlessly striving to improve yourself including having a good career. You do not want to be in any way shape or form, confused with a loser.

 

 

These are very obtainable goals. Your hunger and motivation will determine your success. Do not underestimate the amount of hunger and motivation that will be needed. Definitely do not underestimate the amount of volume of women you will need to approach and the amount of rejection you will receive. The amount of rejection and how it is handled separates the men from the boys. Internalize that for sure!

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You came here for the truth so I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Take everything I tell you in the best way possible.

 

So I'm reading your post and I'm thinking hey this guy seems self aware, very smart, has goals. Why can't he get girls?! Is he really that ugly....no I've seen some butt ugly creatures with chicks so that can't be it. THEN you posted your text!

 

Just some things I noticed:

 

1. Ok, you do NOT under any circumstance tell a woman you are interested in that she sucks! Please do not ever do this. This will dry up any romantic interest in a heartbeat!

 

2. You are speaking to this woman like she's your frat brother. A woman who wants to be your lady wants to feel special. She wants to be treated kindly.

 

3. You're playing GAMES! She asks you out then you diss her? Do you want a woman or not?! Why the heck would you wait till the event passed to get back in touch? COME ON MAN!

 

Anytime your unsure of how to proceed just flip the scene imagine you asked her out to an event then she played games and ignored you then contacted you after the event. Not nice.

 

You'd be better off just leaving all that game playing in the dust. A smart woman is gonna watch your ACTIONS. You showed her you couldn't be bothered.

 

4. You come across as the guy who thinks he's sooooo hilarious because everybody laughs when you make a joke but romantically when you do that you come off as annoying. Look your not Dave Chapelle so dial those jokes and super funny antics about 90%!

 

5. All that guessing stuff. HELL NO.

 

I HATE when people tell me to guess and when people try to make you read their minds.

 

 

6.The most important thing I noticed is that you are not being your sincere self. It's like two different people posted. On here you posted so genuine and sincere and I'm thinking this guy is great hell I wanna date him! Then you posted the text and it's like some annoying jerk who's full of himself took over.

 

Just be yourself no need to put on this show. And when you text a girl you want to date get to the point and just ask her out. None of this, 'hey fellow Jew guess what'. Just say, 'hey it was great meeting you at such & such would really like to get to know you better would you like to go to dinner when your free'? THAT'S IT! Be your genuine self on the date and leave all of that extra at home! Good luck!

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hasaquestion
This is actually a very serious matter which is driving me crazy. I really would appreciate any help I can get.

 

 

I am 20 years old going on 21 and I'm about 6'4, black, 229 lbs and relatively muscular but I just cant get girls. Growing up I had self esteem issues because people used to call me ugly but as I approached my late teens and started it didnt happen as often.

 

I go to college parties and chat with girls and get their numbers and then text and the next day they don't respond... Sometimes I get numbers and starting texting but eventually the girl just stops replying to me altogether or I cant think of a way to get her in bed with me. This happens to me all the time and it's extremely frustrating. I am a virgin.

 

I just don't know to get girls. It bugs the **** out of me. Also, don't get the impression that I'm a shy and insecure guy. I'm actually known to be funny, outgoing, and confident. None of my friends would believe I typed this . Please give me advice. I genuinely want to change my life. I don't know what to do. Should I learn PUA ?

 

I just wanna enjoy myself and sleep with girls at times and feel wanted by girls.. It's really driving me crazy.

 

I really don't know what to do. Sometimes, when I see girls that I've met around town or in school or at work, they pretend that they didnt see me. I just don't get it. I don't ooze desperation. Well I don't think so. I don't nag girls or act clingy. I tried to remain cool, calm and collected around them but still assertive. I must be super ugly, I'm guessing.

 

Well it sounds like you ARE desperate. You basically said it yourself in your post. That's something people can sense, in body language and body positioning and speaking habits, and through million subconscious cues you cannot consciously coordinate to hide.

 

So first of all... chill the f*** out!

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hasaquestion

Anyway, you've got a lot going for you. So stop thinking you're some kind of lost cause. You're not.

 

IMO you need to lighten up a bit on the "cocky/funny" thing. It's strange to say that because most guys have the opposite problem. But its clearly not working, right? Scoreboard.

 

Girls are used to guys tripping over themselves trying to act "cocky" and "funny". So even if you're just being yourself? They might think its an act anyway.

 

Not saying being that way is bad. But going out on a limb, I'd guess you're giving off a bit of a desperate vibe already, so the perception of you faking the "cocky/funny" thing, however wrong that perception may be, is just amplifying it.

 

I'd tone down the put-down type stuff a bit and go more for "witty" and see how that works out.

 

Remember, part of being a comedian is adjusting to your audience.

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Dude you're 21!! Enjoy your life. Travel, party and have fun. You should be focussing on what you want to do with the rest of your life. Like a career, not "can I get a girls".

 

It sounds to me your desperate. Maybe that's the problem. Girls can tell when I guy acts desperate. Either way; chill out!! Enjoy your life. I'm in my 40s and let me tell you I wish I was in my 20s again. If I can go back in time I wouldn't be wishing I gotten more girls. I would wish I did better in college and traveled more. Ugh.....you have no idea how great you have it.

 

Stop trying so hard and don't give. If one girls turns you down, so what. Its not the end of the world.

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