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Ladies: Do you not even bother with the locals?


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There's a few women I met, and they do live in good sized cities,too. That simply gave up on dating local men in their area because, "Sigh, I can never find a decent guy where I live! I'm considering moving!"

 

Of course , they never do relocate. LOL They're just "talking", but do you find it rather odd that in a large city that women have a hard time meeting single men?

 

I never really heard of men complaining in the same fashion, as if it doesn't take much for them to have the same criteria, yes?

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I think the answer to this will vary a lot. It'll depend on the woman you're asking and how much effort she's putting into dating, the kind of guy she's seeking, etc. It'll also depend on the demographics of the city. Where I live there are at least 10 single women for every 1 single man, so single women here (myself included!) do frequently expand our search out of town.

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I think the answer to this will vary a lot. It'll depend on the woman you're asking and how much effort she's putting into dating, the kind of guy she's seeking, etc. It'll also depend on the demographics of the city. Where I live there are at least 10 single women for every 1 single man, so single women here (myself included!) do frequently expand our search out of town.

 

I recall meeting a woman at a Meetup event (she was one of those one time only appearances).

 

Apparently, she was probably a couple of hours (or an hour and a half) south of a rather LARGE city in which she works. She said something to the effect that a lot of men in her building (she's nurse) want to date her.

 

They aren't really co-workers, just single men that work in the same hospital building. She said a lot of people in the community recognize her a lot. So apparently familiarity breeds contempt.

 

I find it odd though that she doesn't see this as an advantage by being in a big city, but also has plenty of options right in her area?

 

But to seek it out far beyond her area? Very strange. It's like she's living a double life.

 

I dunno, there's just something inherently odd about someone seeking out people that she'd rather not run into again. Sounds shady.

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I dunno, there's just something inherently odd about someone seeking out people that she'd rather not run into again. Sounds shady.

 

That sounds normal to me. It would be really awkward to date someone, have it go bad, then be stuck seeing them every single day in the building where you work.

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True. My hospital is just the case. There are many successful relationships but even more dramas. I have a staff of 26...about 18 are single women. At times 80% of the conversation is about the latest romantic gossip. There is so much drama that there is usually some staff member in tears. When my boyfriend visits he says it is like being on the set of a soap opera. I sometimes feel like a mother hen shooing some of the guys off the floor.

 

Anyways, I don't find it odd in a bad way if someone goes outside of their circle. I'd be cautious if I met a man that way but only until I knew more about him. I doubt many women have secret motives and certainly few, if any, would be physically dangerous to a healthy male.

 

I have to ask, Eau Claire, you said there are successful relationships that have come from such a situation, yes?

 

Sounds like people aren't willing to take the risk, but that's just how it is when it comes to dating. There's always some risk involved, but people lack the confidence or the maturity to get over it.

 

Funny, where I work people even hire their girlfriends. LOL I know a couple that lives together that come to work together (they aren't married).

 

BUt that's how it is in my small town area, there's little or not options and the only way people meet other people is through work and nowhere else.

 

Anyways, about this nurse, I actually had come across her dating profile on Match.com. That site reveals the actual salary range in which they seek in a mate. I saw she was seeking someone that made a 6-figure salary, no joke. So there's probably where her motive lies. Where she lives, it's difficult, esp. for a woman in her mid 40's to meet a man like this because they are either married to someone much younger than her. LOL

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When I did OLD, I made a point of being sure everyone I was in contact with lived in my small town.

 

No interest in LDR, traveling, moving, etc.

 

 

Pursuing locals was the only reasonable option for me, so I made that work for me.

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Not sure I'm understanding the jist of your post. I think you answered my question in there somewhere.

 

Are you saying online dating was a better option for you for finding "the" relationship, as opposed into real life dating which could only lead to "a" laureateship?

 

That online dating allows you the opportunity to meet a vast quantity of people thus statistically increasing your chances for finding "the" relationship?

 

 

I'm a nurse who went on Match at 52. I had no issue before that dating nice men but wanted to find 'the' guy for me. I had 3 OLD dates, the third my boyfriend. Perhaps some people are looking for just a relationship...Others are looking for a 'the' relationship. In the real world, I might have a date with a new guy every couple of months. On line I could have met a dozen nice guys in that time frame. My observation is that some people are content to find a partner they are comfortable with...and that is not a bad thing if they are both happy. Others, like myself, have greater expectations. We want that really special person that is just the right fit for us.

 

As for income. I'm financially well off. My health professional girlfriends do not need a man to support them. My guy is a lot wealthier than me but that is irrelevant in my attraction to him. What I care more about is that he was financially responsible. I'd prefer a store clerk who was frugal about what car he purchased than a doctor throwing money at a luxury SUV. Speaking of which, I've had a thousand doctors (only slight exaggeration) ask me out over the past 30 plus years...and zero interest...they are just not my ideal type of man.

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When I did OLD, I made a point of being sure everyone I was in contact with lived in my small town.

 

No interest in LDR, traveling, moving, etc.

 

 

Pursuing locals was the only reasonable option for me, so I made that work for me.

 

 

What is considered "long distance" for you? A half hour drive, a hour? In my case, I live in a more suburban area outside of a major city (that's an hour away). When doing online dating, I think most every single woman I emailed locally (within minutes from me) never responded. Sadly, they are still on the site and active. I think they moved to this area and realized that the pickings are slim, thus them being a permanment fixture on the site.

 

I've even seen them out and about locally, I'd approach them as if I've never seen them before in my life, just to see what kind of reaction I get...to see if they even recognize me. lol

 

Mostly married couples and retirees in my area.

 

As a result, I've exhausted my options of women in my area and am kind of forced to travel a certain distance to do my dating, even if it means driving an hour at times. Of course, there's still that issue of them not looking like their picture or being stood up after driving all that way. lol

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Not crazy about the local area, the guys don't seem to connect.other women don't seem to have a problem though

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What is considered "long distance" for you? A half hour drive, a hour?

 

I'd say 40 minute drive would probably be the max.

 

 

Fortunately, my boyfriend is just 10 minutes from my house and 5 minutes from my work.

 

 

I think 20 minutes away is the longest I've ever lived from someone I was dating.

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I'd say 40 minute drive would probably be the max.

 

 

Fortunately, my boyfriend is just 10 minutes from my house and 5 minutes from my work.

 

 

I think 20 minutes away is the longest I've ever lived from someone I was dating.

 

Is that 20 mins via stop and go, heavy traffic or straight shot? :)

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There's a few women I met, and they do live in good sized cities,too. That simply gave up on dating local men in their area because, "Sigh, I can never find a decent guy where I live! I'm considering moving!"

 

Of course , they never do relocate. LOL They're just "talking", but do you find it rather odd that in a large city that women have a hard time meeting single men?

 

I never really heard of men complaining in the same fashion, as if it doesn't take much for them to have the same criteria, yes?

 

 

Yes because men aren't impossible the way most women can be. We're a lot more realistic than they are as a whole. This is my opinion.

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Yes because men aren't impossible the way most women can be. We're a lot more realistic than they are as a whole. This is my opinion.

 

Agreed. I recall seeing this one woman on an online dating site who actually gave a good write-up about how she's never dated in FIVE years and as a result, had to resort to the online realm. She's very attractive, mid 30s active in her church that goes beyond just attending services (helps at the church daycare), does other volunteer services, and obviously meets men daily at these events.

 

She said she can't meet men at church (at least that kind of men SHE wants) and other venues where she's active.

 

Funny, she's like, "So I'm on here to see what's out there." Yeah, good luck with that. lol If you had a hard time in real life, chances are you are in a world of a challenge with the online catfishers/wierdos.

 

Why she wasted 5 years of her life turning down men that ask her out, I have no idea.

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I recall meeting a woman at a Meetup event (she was one of those one time only appearances).

 

Apparently, she was probably a couple of hours (or an hour and a half) south of a rather LARGE city in which she works. She said something to the effect that a lot of men in her building (she's nurse) want to date her.

 

They aren't really co-workers, just single men that work in the same hospital building. She said a lot of people in the community recognize her a lot. So apparently familiarity breeds contempt.

 

I find it odd though that she doesn't see this as an advantage by being in a big city, but also has plenty of options right in her area?

 

But to seek it out far beyond her area? Very strange. It's like she's living a double life.

 

I dunno, there's just something inherently odd about someone seeking out people that she'd rather not run into again. Sounds shady.

 

I would agree that it is shady only if that person refuses to ever invite you to their area. Then they have something to hide and it likely doesn't matter what.....next!

 

My work situation is similar to that of the gal you describe. I actually work in a place that is crawling with single men and I'm a contractor so we're not exactly colleagues, but do at times assist each other. Sure I get hit on plenty, but now that I'm a wise old 30something no way in hell would I date someone from work ever again. I've tried this before and the results were disasterous, not just because the relationship ended but because usually its the woman that is labeled negatively and gossiped about. I am very happy with my job and future opportunities so I am just not interested in risking any of that again.

 

Even though the pickings are slim, there are other options in my area so I'm certainly keeping those on the radar. I just see no reason why not to expand my search up to 2 hours away for even more options.

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Heck, they aren't even actual co-workers (as you're a only a contractor) and you still wouldn't do it?

 

I see it happen all the time though, but the "difference" between is like...just an example at a 5-story hospital, a nurse on the 5th Floor dating the IT/Computer guy who works in the basement.

 

Good thing you DO have options though.

 

I live in an area where dating co-workers and even marrying them is encouraged.

 

In fact, I know a non-married couple that live together that drive to WORK together every day. Of course they have 2 kids together, too....so perhaps why it works? LOL

 

 

 

 

I would agree that it is shady only if that person refuses to ever invite you to their area. Then they have something to hide and it likely doesn't matter what.....next!

 

My work situation is similar to that of the gal you describe. I actually work in a place that is crawling with single men and I'm a contractor so we're not exactly colleagues, but do at times assist each other. Sure I get hit on plenty, but now that I'm a wise old 30something no way in hell would I date someone from work ever again. I've tried this before and the results were disasterous, not just because the relationship ended but because usually its the woman that is labeled negatively and gossiped about. I am very happy with my job and future opportunities so I am just not interested in risking any of that again.

 

Even though the pickings are slim, there are other options in my area so I'm certainly keeping those on the radar. I just see no reason why not to expand my search up to 2 hours away for even more options.

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I've tried this before and the results were disasterous, not just because the relationship ended but because usually its the woman that is labeled negatively and gossiped about.

 

I read this again, I'm not sure how being gossiped about would be "disastrous", I mean, most would feel apprehension about seeing the person all the time after you've broken up with them, but if the reason is that you're being "gossiped" about...I fail to see how that would be a problem for you.

 

I recall when I was working in a courthouse, these cute admin assistants from other construction offices from around the county wouldshow up dropping off permits applications, though I think they were all married...if they were single I woudln'tve mind asking them out since they "technically" don't work with me. lol

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Also, depends on the job position. If it's a receptionist or some kind of clerical position. Who gives a crap anyway, right? LOL

 

 

I would agree that it is shady only if that person refuses to ever invite you to their area. Then they have something to hide and it likely doesn't matter what.....next!

 

My work situation is similar to that of the gal you describe. I actually work in a place that is crawling with single men and I'm a contractor so we're not exactly colleagues, but do at times assist each other. Sure I get hit on plenty, but now that I'm a wise old 30something no way in hell would I date someone from work ever again. I've tried this before and the results were disasterous, not just because the relationship ended but because usually its the woman that is labeled negatively and gossiped about. I am very happy with my job and future opportunities so I am just not interested in risking any of that again.

 

Even though the pickings are slim, there are other options in my area so I'm certainly keeping those on the radar. I just see no reason why not to expand my search up to 2 hours away for even more options.

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Disillusioned

Women DO move from Los Angeles.

 

TBH I've never known any of them I'd care to pack up and move for... :p

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I try not to date women that I am likely to run into again on a regular basis if things don't work out. That rules out a lot of people for me, but I'm comfortable with that since I live in a major city and the pool is quite large. I'm not having any trouble finding dates.

 

As a general rule, I don't date women that I am in activity-based Meetup groups with, coworkers, customers, or women who are in my direct industry. I would also not date someone in my same building as I live in a high rise and often see my neighbors. All of my reasoning comes from bad experiences with dating a woman who fits one (or more!) of the above categories. I once had to move from a building after a relationship with the building manager went unbelievably sour ...

 

But like I said, the pool of available dating opportunities here is huge so it's not like I am limiting myself enough that I won't find a date. There are enough options that it's easier just to date outside of those groups for me. Your situation may be different based on where you are living.

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I live in the country and had my name damaged by a few bullying morons.

Went through a lot of change throughout these 2 years and well, became hot in looks. A rare combination of sport and nerd.

It made the local guys take looks at me, but none dare to do much more than that without being drunk it seems. I guess the thought of dating someone you once shared gossip viciously about doesn't seem that appealing, at least it doesn't for me at all. And the rest are future drunks watching soccer at home all day it seems, not my type either.

 

So yeah, I am turning my attention elsewhere. Luckily I can hold up with "That's it, can't find a decent male! Gonna move out of this hole in the middle of nowhere!", 'cause I'm moving to a large city 70 miles away for my school. Said school is already about 3 times as large as my current one, so I daresay I'll have more opportunities there. Maybe.

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I try not to date women that I am likely to run into again on a regular basis if things don't work out. That rules out a lot of people for me, but I'm comfortable with that since I live in a major city and the pool is quite large. I'm not having any trouble finding dates.

 

As a general rule, I don't date women that I am in activity-based Meetup groups.

 

I have to say do, with that list, dude, you're quite limiting your options to bars and nightclubs. That's pretty much it, because what YOU'VE just listed is actually the most common way people meet, date, and get married.

 

I suppose I'm biased because well, like yourself, I have NO options outside that "list" you just presented. In fact, Meetup was my salvation (to put it dramatically, lol) when it came to actual social life as it was the fact that my friends marrying, getting knocked up, etc, etc...the husbands simply had no time to hang out with a single man.

 

 

Man, you probably wouldn't even bother with our Meetups. lol. They are all coupling up. Not in a BAD way mind you, our organizer doesn't necessarily poo-poo the idea. She's actually happy for some of them that do.

 

In fact, she's married a man in her Meetup right now, BUT HE wasn't initially IN the Meetup....SHE met him on Match.com....she said, "Hey, come to the Meetup I'm hosting!"

 

One thing lead to another and "Viola!" Wedlock! ;-)

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But like I said, the pool of available dating opportunities here is huge so it's not like I am limiting myself enough that I won't find a date. There are enough options that it's easier just to date outside of those groups for me. Your situation may be different based on where you are living.

 

Right, otherwise we're pretty much forced to date people that we do sometimes bump into.

 

To be honest, take no offense, I ask that people need to get over that neurosis. (not labeling you or anything, perhaps "Hang up" is a better word).

 

It makes me believe that people are just making excuses to be chronically single up into their 30's and 40's and even beyond.

 

Funny thing, some of the women in our Meetup in our town, are kind of going to other Meetups to seek out men a little further out of our suburbia into the BIG CITY Meetups. Where options at those those places are plenty.

 

I think what's also motivating them is the people in our local Meetup are of the AARP card carrying age and they are all in their early to mid 40's. lol

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Glinda.Good

Funny, she's like, "So I'm on here to see what's out there." Yeah, good luck with that. lol If you had a hard time in real life, chances are you are in a world of a challenge with the online catfishers/wierdos.

 

If people were not having a hard time in real life, there would probably be no such thing as online dating.

 

Why she wasted 5 years of her life turning down men that ask her out, I have no idea.

 

Who says the 5 years were "wasted"?

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People from small towns don't care about bumping into exes because they are so used to it. Where I live, anywhere you go you might see someone you dated. It's no big deal.

 

Most people prefer to date local and than act like adults when it ends.

 

Sounds like there's no options of men in your town. That's why these women venture further out.

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